French Kids Eat Everything (33 page)

This rule about scheduling meals may be hard for North Americans to accept. Scheduling meals sounds authoritarian. It sounds overly strict. It sounds, to be frank, kind of mean. What could be crueler than denying food to a hungry child? But the point is that French children don't usually feel that hungry between mealtimes because they eat so well
at
mealtimes. And some scientific research does show that children will regulate food intake at meals accordingly, depending on what they are fed, and when mealtimes are scheduled.

In my experience, French kids' stomachs have been trained to expect food at certain times; in between, they have been trained to happily sit and wait. Yes, I am saying that French children eat less often but also feel hungry less often. If it seems contradictory, remember that French kids don't really get that hungry because they eat reasonably sized portions at regular times with a balanced menu at each meal. And they eat high-satiety foods, so they feel satisfied for a long time.

One final point: Scheduling meals does not mean that there is a “one size fits all” approach to eating. Rather, implementing this rule means thinking about what schedule best suits your family, given your goals. Maybe your goal is to have your children eat more of the healthy food you serve at dinnertime rather than filling up on snack food. Or maybe your goal is to stop your children's demands (and your concessions) for fast-food “treats.” Or maybe (like us, at the moment) your goal is to make sure everyone eats a good breakfast rather than a midmorning snack. If a schedule will help you to meet your goals, then use one.

Rule #3 Tips on Meal Scheduling and Choice

• Decide on a set time for at least one sit-down family meal per day (like dinner). Set the table (this is a good chore to assign!), and keep mealtime as structured as possible.

• Make sure there is always one thing on the table your child likes. Other than this, kids eat what adults eat. This means no substitutes. It also means an end to being a short-order cook. Yes, this does mean that your children may leave the table hungry now and then (but they won't starve). The French believe that they'll simply eat more at their next meal.

• Take a look at your schedule, including kids' extracurricular activities. Is your busy lifestyle preventing you from eating proper meals? Being able to manage one's schedule in order to make sufficient time for healthy eating is an important skill to teach your children.

• Offer choice within appropriate boundaries. For older children, set up weekly menus like a “food contract.” Or offer menu options for the week. Once decided, the menu is fixed.

• Don't force children to finish everything on their plates. Serve smaller portions and allow them to ask for more if they want. Children who retain a sense of control over eating are healthier eaters as adults.

French Food Rule #4:

Food is social
.

Eat family meals together at the table, with no distractions
.

The French believe that eating is innately social. The family meal is a daily ritual that cements the bonds of French families. Now, the fact that food is social doesn't only mean that you need to eat together. It also means interacting, learning, and sharing ideas. Family meals are moments during which French children learn about the world (through hearing the stories their parents tell) and where they learn important social skills (how to argue without offending someone, how to ask good questions, how to wait your turn to speak). This is why conversation is so important at French meals.

Eating together also means that food choices are not solely a matter of individual preference. Specifically, parents expect that children will learn to be comfortable with eating a variety of foods. This is crucial, French parents believe, for instilling a healthy relationship with food in young children (starting with babies). Expressing individual food preferences is bad manners in France. So, from an early age, French children sit down with their parents to eat, and everyone eats the same thing, which has an important effect on kids' tastes. This is partly true because most French adults tend to eat healthy meals, with “real” (rather than processed) food. It is also true because children are more likely to try a new food if an adult tries it first.

Now, eating together doesn't mean eating
anything
together. If we want children to learn to like and eat healthy foods, they need repeated, positive, and early experiences with those foods, as well as lots of chances to watch others consuming those foods. Kids do as we do, rather than as we say. So model healthy eating and positive food attitudes yourself.

Rule #4 Tips on Eating Together

• Eating is more than an essential physical act. It should also be a shared social event, in which children experience a sense of pleasure, discovery, and well-being.

• No TV, radio, phones, or other electronic devices: mealtime is family time.

• Meals are moments during which children get your undivided attention. How much misbehavior at the table is simply attention-seeking?

• Conversation can capture your children's attention, keep them at the table, and put them in a positive frame of mind for eating. As soon as my children sit down, I sit with them and start talking.

• Create rituals. One of our favorites is asking each person in turn to tell a story about his or her day.

• Ask grandparents (or other elders) to get involved. They often have the time and skills and are only too willing to share.

• Older children who like to eat well have a magical influence on my children. Invite them to dinner, and see if positive peer pressure works!

• Prime the pump: include a little something that your children like with the meal.

French Food Rule #5:

Eat vegetables of all colors of the rainbow
.

Don't eat the same main dish more than once per week
.

Kids all over the world—and the French are no exception—naturally prefer sweet or salty, calorie-rich foods. The problem today is that our culture supplies a glut of these foods, and our eating habits and parenting routines aren't designed to cope. So adults need to guide children in developing healthy eating routines in and outside the home.

This is where variety comes in. We all know that eating a variety of whole foods is important. But how do you get your kids to do so? The French answer is: nutritional literacy. Children, in their view, should learn the basics that set them up for life: how to read, how to do basic math, and how to eat. So teaching children to like eating a variety of foods, and to be open to trying new foods, is one of the most important parenting tasks. And early childhood is the critical phase for learning to eat well, especially before the age of two, when children are more likely to be open to trying new things. (Don't worry if you're starting later: I started when my children were five and two, and the French approach has still worked for us. But if you're starting earlier, so much the better.)

French parents believe that children's tastes are very adaptable; taste is acquired rather than innate, and can be learned (and taught). Adults' job is to help children grow out of juvenile tastes and to help them develop their tastes to mature. From the French point of view, neophobia is a stage of development through which children should move fairly quickly. If you cater to children's limited food preferences, the French believe, children get “stuck” developmentally. This is where Rule #5 comes in.

Rule #5 Tips on Eating a Variety of Healthy Foods

• Make variety fun! Try “taste training” with your children. Encourage them to move beyond judging food by its color or appearance—and use their other senses to assess foods. The “stuff sack” is one game played in French schools: place a “mystery food” in a bag, and allow children to feel it, then guess what it is. The results will often surprise adults as well as kids. Or try taste-testing blindfolded. Adults participate too!

• Create your own Family Food Rule for variety: We won't eat the same thing more than ___________ every __________. For example, we try not to eat the same dish more than once per week.

• Build variety on top of what kids already like. If they enjoy one type of cheese, try others. If they like pasta, serve it tossed with broccoli one day, spinach leaves the next.

• North America's multiethnic melting pot makes a wonderful variety of cuisine easily available to us (which isn't always the case in France). Why not try a new type of cuisine as a family? Mildly spiced Indian food, Chinese food, and Thai food are usual kid favorites.

• Introduce variations on your children's favorite dishes. Try pasta with olive oil one time, canola oil the next, and butter the next. Or try store-bought grated cheese, then grate your own Parmesan with your child. Sprinkle a bit of parsley on cooked carrots one night, and a bit of dill the next. The options are endless, and all of them help teach your children that variety is okay.

• Don't disguise or hide variety: make “healthy” foods obvious and appealing. Try making little “happy face” plates (I often do this with two tomatoes for eyes, half a grape for a nose, an apple slice for the mouth, grated carrots for the hair) to serve at the start of a meal.

• What do you do if your child resists variety on the plate (e.g. if he or she is fussy about multiple foods, or about foods touching)? Encourage your child, gently, to grow out of this habit. Try combining two ingredients they like. Or let them do it themselves, using this method: at a moment when your child is calm and ready to eat (hungry, but not too hungry), place two complementary foods in two separate bowls in front of them (e.g. yogurt and jam, or pasta and cheese). Give them a third, empty bowl, and encourage them to mix the ingredients themselves. You might want to model the same mixing exercise yourself with your own bowls and see if they follow your lead.

French Food Rule #6:

For picky eaters: You don't have to
like
it, but you do have to
taste
it
.

For fussy eaters: You don't have to
like
it, but you do have to
eat
it
.

A lot of parenting advice in North America sets up a division of labor between parents and kids. According to this view, parents decide when to eat and what is served; kids decide whether and how much to eat. The French view on this would be mildly skeptical. Their view (and one that is backed up by scientific research) is that children need to be firmly encouraged to try new things. Most children have to taste (rather than simply see) new foods to begin liking them. Research shows that it will take them up to a dozen or more tastes before they consent to eat something new. This is normal: don't rush to make assumptions about your child's food preferences after only a few tries. Many parents often give up after only a few attempts. And don't be surprised if children “like” something one day but then refuse it the next. It's all part of the learning process.

Rule #6 Tips for Trying New Foods

The goal is for your children to be curious and comfortable with trying new foods, and to be able to politely decline eating them. Staying calm around new foods is a skill they should be learning, as well as the ability to experiment with tasting and eventually eating them.

• Start early. Many babies and toddlers are very open to new tastes. Take advantage of this, before neophobia (fear of new foods) sets in at age two or three.

• Children shouldn't be forced to eat (or, even worse, to clean their plates) but simply to taste the things that are served.

• “Taste this, you'll like it” works better than “Eat this, it's good for you.”

• If your children don't like something, encourage them to believe that they eventually will. “Oh, you don't like it?” I'll say to my children. “That's okay. You just haven't tasted it enough times yet. You'll like it when you grow up.”

• Don't serve the new food in isolation. Serve it as part of an enjoyable meal. Make sure there is at least one thing that your child likes on the table.

• When encouraging children to try new foods, serve small portions of new things. This may work better than larger portions.

• Don't offer new foods unless you are in a sufficiently relaxed mood, and sufficiently attentive and available, to make the experience pleasant for both you and your child.

• Try simple textures. We often introduce new foods in purees or soups, even for our older daughter. Children get used to the taste and can then move on to the “real” texture of the food.

• Some children truly have more sensitive taste buds. Be patient with your child's progress; it may take over a dozen tastes before a child will eat something new.

• Try an indirect, low-pressure way of offering a new food. Place a little plate with a small portion of the new food on the table, near but not directly in front of your child. Taste a piece or two, with clear enjoyment. Then leave it. Chances are, your child will pick up a piece and try it. If not, remove anything your child has not eaten after a short while, without a fuss. Above all, don't substitute with anything else.

• When trying to introduce a new food to toddlers, don't present new foods in too many different ways. Finding the right balance between novelty and familiarity will reassure your toddler. For example, if you have successfully introduced a new food, serve it the same way once or twice more. But then try serving it a different way, so that you don't get “stuck” with only one rigid recipe.