French Kids Eat Everything (34 page)

French Food Rule #7:

Limit snacks, ideally one per day (two maximum), and not within one hour of meals
.

In between meals, it's okay to feel hungry
.

At meals, eat until you're satisfied rather than full
.

One of the food rules that the French are most fervent about is the “no snacking” rule. The official French Food Guide advice is that adults should eat three times per day, period. And children should eat four times per day, period. This is how North American children used to eat in the 1970s, when most of today's parents were born. Today, in contrast, American kids eat nearly three snacks per day, and one in five children eats up to six snacks per day.

Now, there is no scientific consensus on how often you should eat per day. Some experts advise three meals per day. Some advise more. Scientists still debate whether it is better to graze (several small meals throughout the day) or eat “three square meals per day.” And there is no consensus about the timing of meals and the distribution of calories across those meals (Is it better to have a big lunch? A big dinner?). Basically, science doesn't provide definitive answers on snacking. The French compromise is to schedule three meals and one big snack per day. This gives kids the benefits of snacking while minimizing the potentially negative effects. These benefits are psychological as well as physical: if parents allow kids to eat whenever they want, French parents believe, they fail to learn self-control, and risk filling up on unhealthy foods.

The French are also cautious about grazing. Unscheduled, any-time-you-like grazing only works for people who have a keen sense of their own feelings of hunger and fullness. Helping your children to develop this sense probably means minimizing their snacks—both in volume and in the amounts consumed. The “no unscheduled snacking” rule also helps teach your kids to avoid eating for emotional reasons (like boredom). Plus, your children will eat better at mealtimes because they will have better appetites. And remember, scheduling snacks is not about deprivation, but rather about moderation.

Kids tend to self-regulate the total calories they eat over the course of a day. So if they don't eat a lot at breakfast, they'll have a bigger midmorning snack. Or if they eat lots at after-school snack, they won't have a big dinner. The goal of scheduling (or reducing) snacks is to have most food consumption happen at mealtimes—when the foods are likely to be healthier.

Rule #7 Tips on Snacking

• Teach your children the difference between feeling
satisfied
and feeling
full
. Encourage them to stop eating when comfortably full (but not stuffed). Most young children have a natural “fullness feeling” to which they are sensitive, so don't push them to override and suppress this.

• To encourage children to tune into their body, ask them: “Tell me when you are feeling half full? Nearly full?” Encourage them to stop at that point, pause for a minute or two, and then ask whether they'd like more.

• Think of snacks like mini-meals: they should be mostly made of healthy, unprocessed foods, just like at (say) dinnertime. Snack only at the table.

• Create a snacking rule that suits your family: for example, children never have to ask to reach for a piece of fruit, but they do have to ask permission for anything else.

• If your child doesn't eat much at one meal, advance the timing of the next meal rather than giving an extra snack.

• Water, for the French, is like a food group. Drink water at snacktime. Teach your children to distinguish between feelings of thirst and feelings of hunger.

• Keep a family food diary for a week, and track what your children are eating, and how much. Take a look at the results. Should you rebalance snacks and meals? Should you eat more of some foods, and a little less of others?

French Food Rule #8:

Take your time, for both cooking and eating
.

Slow food is happy food
.

French parents train their children to be “mindful eaters.” This is basic psychology for the French, who teach kids to learn how to link the “feed me” messages from our stomachs with the decision-making “controls” in our heads, so that kids (like adults) only eat until they are satisfied (not necessarily full).

French kids are also taught all of the commonsense things we know (but often forget): eat slowly; pay attention to what you are eating (which means don't do anything else, like watch TV, drive, or read); serve smaller portions. Even if they don't learn these things at home, they learn them at school, where these rules are applied every day in the
cantine
. These, I realized, were the things I really needed to teach my children.

American kids, in contrast, get used to super-sized portions at an early age. They live in a culture of overeating, of food as fuel, of eating-on-the-go, which creates a vicious cycle in which impulsive eating of calorie-rich but unsatisfying foods propels people into further eating in order to satisfy their cravings. And ever-increasing serving sizes in restaurants and bigger containers at the supermarket also encourage us to overeat. The result, as nutritionists warn, is that children's “physiological basis for eating is becoming deregulated” in many countries.

An easy way to correct this is to eat more slowly. That way, your brain has time to catch up with your stomach. As soon as my children sit down at the table, I sit down with them and start a conversation or a story. This captures their attention (so they are more likely to want to stay sitting at the table) and usually puts them in a better mood (so they are more open to eating). Plus, it relaxes me too—which is really important after a long day at work. After having children, dinnertime used to be the highest-stress part of my day; now, my new goal is to make it a moment of relaxation. (I admit we don't always achieve this goal, but it's one worth having!)

Rule #8 Tips on Creating a Happy, Relaxed, Eating Atmosphere

• Children are naturally slow eaters. Slow down your eating to their pace, just as you slow down your walking pace.

• Encourage (and model) food choices based on maintaining good health and pleasure, rather than focusing on fears of being overweight. Being positive about food will have better results in the long run.

• Praise those who eat well rather than punishing those who don't.

• Don't create a negative emotional setting (pressure, demands to hurry, criticism, tension).

• Make the table festive. Use an “every day” tablecloth, and get the kids to help decorate it. Use your imagination!

• Don't be anxious: don't hover, don't worry, don't get irritated, remain calm. (I have a hard time with this one.) Relax and enjoy and your kids will too.

French Food Rule #9:

Eat mostly real, homemade food, and save treats for special occasions. (Hint: Anything processed is not “real” food.)

Ellyn Satter, one of America's best-known writers about children and food, argues that parents should help their children become “competent eaters.” This is another way of thinking about the French Food Rules: they develop competence. But the French also emphasize the importance of pleasure (not unrestrained pleasure, not gluttony, but rather simple, sensual enjoyment) and balance, both nutritional and psychological. Eating too much, or too little, is a sign that something is out of balance. Gaining too much pleasure from food, or too little, is also a sign that something is out of balance. Eating only “super-healthy” food, or only junk food, is also a sign of imbalance.

By practicing moderation, and by following routines and rules that they know will help them eat a nutritious, balanced diet, the French are free to focus on enjoying themselves. Note that this does
not
mean that the French deprive themselves of treats. On the contrary, they believe that allowing moderate consumption of treats helps everyone (not just children) develop a healthy, balanced attitude toward food.

Rule #9 Tips on Eating “Real Food”

• Only eat fast food on days starting with F. (For a while, my husband succeeded with this variation: “Only eat fast food on days starting with Z.” But that only worked until Sophie learned how to spell the days of the week in both languages.)

• Fill your kids up with real food before they are served treats. For example, serve fresh fruit after the main course and before sweetened desserts.

• Try just a dot of butter, rather than ketchup, on vegetables. Fat is an essential nutrient (everyone needs it in small quantities), and the French believe that butter (in moderation) is best! Plus, kids have fun watching it melt!

• Limit junk, fast, and “fake” foods to a once-per-week treat.

• The average French household spends one-quarter of its food budget (excluding desserts) on vegetables. What would your weekly menus look like if you did that?

• If your children like a food that you consider unhealthy, don't try to talk them out of liking it. Instead, tell them: “That's for kids. You'll grow out of liking that as you grow up.”

French Food Rule #10:

Eating is joyful, not stressful
.

Treat the food rules as habits or routines rather than strict regulations; it's fine to relax them once in a while
.

A “food rule” sounds a bit ominous to North American ears. It implies exerting control over someone (or something). But the French don't view it that way. They view rules as the basis for good habits and routines. The goal of “food rules” is not to police children's eating. Rather, the goal is to help your children acquire healthy food beliefs and eating habits for themselves.

In fact, some research has shown that overly controlling (“authoritarian”) parenting styles can backfire. Forcing children to clean their plate, for example, can disrupt children's own internal cues and responsiveness to feelings of hunger and fullness—literally teaching them how to overeat. Forcing them to eat their vegetables may actually increase dislike of those vegetables and reduce their willingness to accept new foods; studies have shown that children of strictly controlling parents actually eat fewer vegetables and more high-fat foods. And strictly serving only healthy, low-fat foods can create preferences for high-fat foods. Studies of adolescent girls, in particular, suggest that parental pressure is associated with the emergence of unhealthy eating behaviors—precisely the results that worried parents
don't
want.

A simple way to check whether you're on the right track or not is to ask yourself whether what you're doing will create long-term anxiety for your children. French parents believe that healthy eating habits can be achieved without anxiety. Food is a source of pleasure rather than worry. This comes as a surprise to many Americans. For us, eating is often anxiety-ridden: after all, eating can make you sick or make you healthy. So we tend to focus on nutrition and vitamins, and take a quasi-medical view of food. For the French, eating is about enjoyment: food is one of life's shared pleasures. They don't count calories (certainly not for their children), but rather have an intuitive sense of a balanced, reasonable diet.

Yes, this seems contradictory (and somehow unfair). We worry more, and we eat less well. The French worry less, and eat much better. But if you remember the “food is fun” principle, it all makes sense. This philosophy also applies to the food rules: don't worry if they get bent or broken once in a while. Think of them as routines that your family usually (but perhaps not always) follows, and you'll be on the right track, because nobody is perfect,
n'est-ce pas
?

The simplicity of these recipes may surprise you. Most French families don't eat Cordon Bleu cooking every night and don't spend hours slaving over the stove. Ordinary French families make dishes that are tasty and healthy while still being simple to make, which I very much appreciate as a full-time working mom with no help at home. So these recipes are quick and easy, with an average of four main ingredients per dish.

There is another advantage to simple recipes: they awaken children's interest in food without overpowering their taste buds. So when making meals for their children, French families don't overseason. They typically use just a small number of seasonings, like butter, fresh herbs, and lemon juice. The natural tastes of foods are the focus. In fact, this is one of the central principles of French cuisine: the preservation of natural flavors and textures.

There is also a practical reason for this simplicity: because most children eat their largest meal of the day at school, and a majority of French mothers work outside the home and have relatively little time to cook in the evenings, they choose recipes that are quick to prepare and that are light rather than heavy. The classic sauces that made French cuisine famous, for example, are rather rich and time-intensive, so they aren't suitable for everyday evening meals. In its use of fresh ingredients, and its simplicity, French family cooking is closer to
nouvelle cuisine
than the heavy, sauce-rich
haute cuisine
for which French chefs gained a global reputation in the past.

The French are also minimalist when it comes to equipment. You won't need any fancy utensils or machines. Steaming is the cooking method of choice for vegetables, either with a pressure-cooker (
cocotte-minute
) or a simple steamer that is placed inside an ordinary pot. A handheld blender (“wand”) to puree soups and vegetables is convenient, but a countertop blender will work just as well. I still swear by the BabyCook, which steams and blends in one unit. Every French family we knew had one.