Frigid Affair (15 page)

Chapter 18

Anyone who doesn’t
believe the world works in mysterious ways has never lived a day in my shoes. Robbed from a life we both deserved, there was now something to hold on to. I wanted to believe that, because without hope there was nothing left. Regression was a bitch, and I for one was tired of dwelling in it.

After staying up half the night reconnecting with Jensen, I woke up in the master bedroom wrapped in a down comforter. I knew I was completely naked underneath the covers and thinking about how I’d gotten that way sent chills throughout my body. I turned over to see him sleeping only to discover he wasn’t there. I gathered the blanket and walked toward the bedroom door, opening it to see if I could spot him. He had Christopher on the couch and was attempting to change his diaper.

I wanted to laugh when I saw him holding up the fabric in the air to see if there was a right or wrong way to manage it. I didn’t want to think how he’d end up attaching it to the rambunctious child. “It looks like you could use some help.” As soon as Christopher heard me he rolled off the sofa and came running in my direction, stark naked. Jensen shook his head and watched the little guy grab onto the blanket and attempt to climb up it. I crouched down to be eye level with him. “You need to go get dressed, buddy.”

“No.” Being defiant was a game to him. He stopped what he was doing and ran in another direction, hiding behind the large kitchen island.

I shrugged when I looked over at Jensen again, paying no mind to what he must be thinking about the things we’d done just hours before. “This could go on for hours. He hates being clothed.”

“Does he take after his mother?” He asked with sarcasm.

“A girl can’t tell all her secrets at once.”

All of the sudden his ornery grimace became more serious. “I meant what I said last night. I know we’re still strangers in the big picture of things. Maybe we’re the most messed up image of what a family should be, but that’s what we are. When I’m around you, and we’re not arguing about the could have beens, nothing else matters. I want us to try to stay together, before we make the decision to do this apart.”

I wasn’t in any condition to argue with him, having no clothes on and our past actions so fresh in my mind. “Okay.” I had to admit that the idea of having someone in my life was exciting. For a long time I assumed my vagina would grow cobwebs and forget how to work. Not only did I have a man who wanted to be with me, but he was downright handsome and kind. I thought back to the first time we met and how he’d acted when he thought I was injured. He genuinely cared for me. He wanted me to live. It gave me a sense of security. Jensen wasn’t perfect, but I knew he’d do whatever it took to protect me and Christopher. This was the type of guy my parents would have been proud to have at the dinner table. He was also the opposite of what I would have gone for in my previous life. Instead of giving him a straight answer I decided to make it like a game. “Tonight I’m going to cook one of my father’s favorite meals for you. Did you happen to bring groceries up here with you, or have you been using what was in the cabinets?”

“I brought a ton of canned goods. I picked up twenty pounds of chicken, ten of pork, and fifteen pounds of beef. I had no idea how much I would need for six months, so I let them tell me when I went to the butcher. By the way, it’s pretty darn expensive.”

“That’s why most Alaskans hunt for their meat. Do you think the snow will stop today?”

“I’m not real sure. The satellite has been out since you got here. I can’t get a signal to check the weather from my phone.”

“I’m going to need some venison from my cabin. If we can’t get it there won’t be a fancy dinner.”

He checked on the still hiding child, walking around and spotting him before he took off down the hall toward Jensen’s bedroom. I giggled and then heard him starting to speak. “If we can’t get there, I’ll prepare something. I know I said I bought lots of soup, but I used to cook during my shifts at the fire department. My grandmother was Italian, so I can pretty much make anything with a sauce.”

“I usually eat spaghetti out of a can and call that my Italian meal for the week.”

He shook his head. “Yeah, I’m definitely cooking tonight.” I watched as he broke the distance between us, walking me backwards into the bedroom. He didn’t stop until I felt the mattress forcing me to fall back on it. Jensen hovered over me, his strong arms flexed on either side of my shoulders. With his eyes fixed on mine, he lowered his mouth and brushed his lips over my cheek. His voice was soft as it spoke in my ear. “I never expected this, Amantha. When I woke up this morning and saw you lying beside me I felt like the luckiest man alive. Not a day has gone by where I didn’t think of you. To be here, and know what we made together, to be able to be a part of it, well it’s like a dream come true. Thank you for being his mother. You could have aborted and never told me about it, but you didn’t. I’m forever in your debt.”

“Don’t thank me yet. I’m sure you’ll get tired of us.”

“That’s not possible. You see, I’ve been searching for a new start for the past four years, and now I know why I never found it.”

“Why?” I asked even though I knew the answer.

“Because you were right here the whole time.”

I traced my fingers over his lips as I spoke. “What if you decide you hate me?”

“I suppose the makeup sex will get even better. I don’t know about you, but there’s nothing left for me anywhere else. Sure, I have siblings, but they have their own lives. They’re all settled. None of them want their broken brother hanging around moping. That’s just it. It’s how I know. When I’m with you I forget it all. I don’t hurt. Christopher is my new reason for living, but you’re the icing on the cake.”

I giggled. “Icing? You make me sound appetizing.”

“Darlin’, I could spend the whole damn day between your legs and it still wouldn’t be enough to get my fix.”

“Be careful with your words, Jensen. I might have to fall in love with you.” I meant it as a joke, but I could tell from his expression I wasn’t too far from the truth.

He fell onto the bed next to me and stared at the ceiling while rubbing his hands over his face. Little feet let me know our naked child was somewhere in the room with us, hopefully not peeing in a corner.

“That word haunts me.”

I leaned on my elbow and faced him. “It’s only natural to assume it could happen. We made a child together. There are much more crazy things that have happened Don’t you think?”

He finally turned to face me. “Amantha, I’m not afraid of loving you. I’m afraid of losing you if it happens.”

It made sense. He’d loved Alice with his whole heart and she’d ripped him to shreds, leaving him half the man he once was. It was only natural for him to assume if he opened his heart he’d get burned again. I didn’t know how to reassure him, since we were building something off of uncertainties to begin with. “I can’t promise you forever, but I guarantee right now. I think if we just go with it instead of worrying about society’s rules it will be better for us. I’ve never been one to follow the rules anyway. Besides, who says we can’t do this in the wrong order? I happen to like sleeping with you. Now that I’m over the bitchiness, I can appreciate what’s right in front of me. I’m tired of being alone, Jensen. I’m not saying I’m here because you are the only man who came looking. I don’t really know how this all came to be, but I wouldn’t trade it.” Just as I said it I heard a stream of liquid hitting something solid. I rolled my eyes and turned to see Christopher holding his little package and peeing his own puddle in the middle of hardwood floor.

Jensen sat up and went to tend to him. “I’ve got this. Why don’t you go take a shower and meet us in the kitchen. We’re having pancakes instead of slop for breakfast this morning.”

I shook my head and watched him crouched down to scold Christopher. “Hey, little guy. You can’t pee on the floor.” He took him by the hand. “Come on. I’m going to show you where the big boys pee.” When they left the room I remained in the same position. I’d have to clean up the soiled spot at some point, but what was more important was formally introducing my son to the only man he’d call Daddy.

Chapter 19

I have to admit
, it was hard to adjust to family life again. I’d been a one woman show for quite a while before Christopher came along, and I guess since I didn’t have a choice with him it was easier to change my daily routines to cater to him. Living in the same house as Jensen was difficult, not because he’d done things wrong, but more because I knew if I fell in love with the idea it was possible for it all to be taken away.

I hated dwelling on what couldn’t be changed, but in the back of my mind it was always a distant concern. I made it a point to agree with Jensen, even when I knew he was wrong, because I feared he’d change his mind and want to get as far away from me as possible.

After the winter storm passed, and I didn’t have any real reason to stay with him except his personal request, I knew it was going to challenge us as individuals. Jensen was right about having things in common, even aside from our tragic losses. We’d both come from the same area and visited local places. We experienced harsh Pennsylvania winters, and all the activities spring and summer would provide for. We’d both spent vacations with our family on the sandy beaches of the ocean, and were brought up in a Christian environment. Despite being forced out of our comfortable confines, we’d both held onto the same morals.

As the days turned into weeks, Jensen bonded with Christopher. It became easier for me to stop worrying who he’d love the most, and realize how important it was for him to have both his parents close. It was obvious from the very beginning how much Jensen loved his son. He was like his light at the end of a very dark never-ending tunnel. As long as he had him his light would never dim again.

As for our relationship, I’d like to say we took our time, but who am I kidding? I couldn’t resist the things I knew he could do to me. I think in our first week back together we screwed more than I had in my whole life. We were like rabbits, humping whenever we got the opportunity. Before I’d always wanted to rest when it was naptime for Christopher, but now I was hunting down the handsome man who I’d been sharing a bed with.

When the weather was clear Jensen would venture out to chop wood and cleared a pathway for Ava to maneuver around. Once the satellite came back in, Christopher found a bunch of shows and characters to keep him occupied.

I kept up with the beautiful house we were living in, frequently checking on my cabin, but never really missing it. I think in many ways it represented a dormant time in my life. I’d always known from the moment I’d given birth that I’d have to leave, and now with time slipping away from me I knew a big decision was going to have to be made.

Since we were lower on the mountain I utilized the internet service at the house, researching properties closer to town. I contacted a realtor and set up a meeting for them to come check out the cabin to see if I’d be able to get a good amount of money for it, if I decided to sell.

I had money in the bank to live comfortably, but my priorities were different than before. I wondered if investing most of it in a new forever home would be the right decision. Christopher would need room to grow. He’d be in school and make friends he would probably want to bring over. I didn’t want him missing out because of my own selfish ways.

On most nights Jensen and I talked about a future. We tiptoed around the past as much as we could without making it awkward for either of us.

The next time Eve called to check on Jensen he told her how we’d come down from the cabin and been staying with him. Of course, she wanted to speak to me right away, assuming she’d been the one to set up us.

I remember sitting on Jensen’s lap when the call came in, and him handing me the phone quickly. He stuck his lips against my ear and tickled my lobe with his tongue while I answered the call.

“Hi, Eve.”

“It’s so good to hear your voice, love. I’m guessing things are going good for you. You don’t know how happy I am you two were able to connect. I knew from the first time I saw him on that computer screen you’d be smitten over each other.”

I smiled, while still being teased by Jensen. “Yeah, he’s pretty great.”

“How’s the baby? I suppose he’s growing up quick. I can’t wait to see him, but I’m not sure we’re going to make it to the house this year. Bob needs to have a double hip replacement and it’s just going to be too much. How is the house holding up? Jensen says it’s still good as new.”

“It is. Everything is going well.”

“So, are you excited about this new relationship, hun? Does Christopher like him?”

I don’t know what made me say it. Maybe it was the fact that I was so head over heels for him, or maybe it was because he was kissing on my neck, but the truth slipped out before I could catch myself. “Well, he is the child’s father, so yeah, he’s crazy about him.”

I watched as Jensen pulled away, suddenly realizing what I’d just done.

The line was quiet. “I’m sorry, love. I’m not sure I heard you right. Has Jensen offered to care for the boy as his own?”

I’d never felt like Eve was a threat, so I decided it was best for all of us if I just told her the truth. “No. Jensen is the man who saved me from the fire.”

I watched him get up and walk out of the room, knowing I was never going to hear the end of it when my conversation ended. “Are you telling me the same man you thought stole from me is living in my house right now? You have to get away from him, Amantha.”

“No. You’re wrong. Jensen wasn’t a part of those men. He came to town for a different reason.”

“Amantha, I need to go. Bob is calling me. I’ll call you back later on tonight. I need to hear all about this.”

“Okay, Eve. That sounds good. I have a lot to tell you.”

As soon as I hung up I sought out Jensen. He was upstairs in Christopher’s room pushing a toy car toward him. “We talked about telling Bob and Eve. I thought we agreed it was better if they didn’t know.”

“I trust them. They’ve been good to me. Besides, I don’t want people thinking you’re his step-father when you helped me make him. It’s not right.”

“What if you’re wrong about them? I could go to jail.”

“She’s calling me back tonight. I’ll explain everything. It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

“I hope you’re right, Amantha. I really do.”

He didn’t talk to me for a few hours. I understood why he was upset with me. I shouldn’t have said anything to Eve without talking to him about it first.

It wasn’t until dinner that he finally settled down. We were sitting across from one another, Christopher between us. He had a tray full of green beans and was holding one in his hand.

“I’m sorry about earlier.”

“It’s water under the bridge. I’m probably making a big deal out of nothing.”

“No, you’re right. I shouldn’t have done it without talking to you. We’re just, well we’re happy, and I don’t want to keep secrets from those who helped us along the way.”

He smiled. “We are happy, aren’t we.” It wasn’t a question. He was simply agreeing with me.

I nodded. “I am. It’s been a long time coming.”

“Yeah, it certainly has.”

“Earlier Eve mentioned them not being able to come this year. She said Bob has to have surgery on his knees. I was thinking maybe we could ask her if we’d be able to rent this place instead of having to leave. Christopher is still little. It would give us time to sell my cabin and look for something close to town. We wouldn’t be pressed to move.”

“I like that idea. It’s nice here. It’s a little big for my taste, but I’m not complaining. I just don’t have the money to pay for it.”

“I do.”

“Amantha, I can’t ask you to pay for our home. It’s my job.”

“There you go again with your old fashioned rules. Who says I can’t take care of us for the time being? I know when we move you’ll find a new job.”

“I’ll make it up to you,” he exclaimed.  “After everything you’ve given me, I promise I will. I’m going to be there for this family.”

I smiled. We were an extraordinary story, so why not appreciate what had come out of so little? “I know.”

He reached his hand across the table and took mine. “I’m not going anywhere. I said this before, and I’ll say it again, the two of you are my life. I’ll do whatever I have to so you always know that.”

“I feel the same.” My reply was loaded with more than just reassurance. I was falling in love with him, more and more each day. How could I not? He was the father to my child. He’d thrown himself into our life without a single complaint. He’d proven over and over again how much we meant to him, and he’d vowed to stand by us no matter what. Jensen was the whole package, and I wasn’t about to let him get away. Conjuring up the courage to say those three words had been a struggle. Once I said them there were no take backs. Once they came out I’d be admitting this was where I belonged, and our intertwined pasts had brought us to this very point. Telling Jensen I loved him was like saying my family died for my happiness. It might not make sense to others, but it’s how it felt for me and Jensen too. We’d talked about how loaded the word was for each of us, and we’d vowed not to use it unless we were completely sure.

Even though he hadn’t said it to me, I believed in my heart that it was there, lingering. Maybe we weren’t at the same point, but both headed in the same direction.

I’d been in denial for far too long, determined to keep my emotions from leading me to a place I knew could destroy me later. But the time had come. I wanted him to hear it. He needed to know he wasn’t just the father to my child. In our weeks we’d been living together he’d become my future. “There’s something I want to say to you. I just need you to promise you won’t freak out.”

“I do. I swear.”

“Jensen, I…”

The sound of a motor caught both of our attention. Jensen held up his finger for me to wait and headed toward the front of the house. I remained next to Christopher to keep him from trying to climb out of his chair.

In a matter of minutes I heard chatter at the door, and then words I never could have anticipated.

Jensen Weatherly, you’re wanted for questioning in the arson and theft located at this property on December eighteenth two-thousand and …”

While he was being informed of the crimes committed, I rushed over and lifted Christopher out of his chair and made a beeline toward the front of the house. This couldn’t be happening. He was being falsely accused. Eve had promised to hear me out. “Wait, you’ve got it all wrong. He wasn’t involved.”

Two officers stood with annoyed faces glaring at me. “Ma’am, we wouldn’t have come out all this way if it wasn’t serious. This man is wanted for questioning in a case involving breaking an entering, arson and grand theft. He’s facing a lot of time if he’s guilty.”

“No. I was there that night. He saved me from the fire.”

Jensen’s eyes widened. “Amantha, don’t say anymore. I’ll figure this out. It’s going to be okay.”

Christopher flailed in my arms, screaming for his daddy to hold him. He didn’t understand why these men were taking his father away. “This is a mistake. You can’t do this.”

“We’re taking him down the station. You’re welcome to come down and contact a lawyer if you feel the need.”

Jensen stared at me, his eyes filling with pain and anguish. I didn’t know what to do. My heart was steady beating out of my chest as I watched him being escorted to the back of the police SUV.

Warm tears fell down my cheeks, while I contemplated how I should handle this. My future was being taken away from me, and without a solid lead on the men responsible, it was possible Jensen would be charged and sent to prison without the chance of being released.

This was a catastrophe and entirely my fault.