From My Heart (20 page)

The cat was out of the bag.

Bryn knew I was addicted to pain pills.

And the worst of it all? Bryn broke up with my ass shortly after Tyler spilled the damn beans. I couldn’t say I blamed her. I was no good for her. She was all too many sorts of perfect and I was a million shades of fucked up insanity. But Tyler on the other hand, I wanted to hurt him for blurting out my secret to her when I was planning on telling her that night anyway.

If I wanted to keep her in the band and as a close friend, I really had to try this time. I mean
really
try to quit abusing pain killers. It couldn’t be quit cold turkey for a week and then go straight back to downing the pills. I wasn’t going to do that to myself anymore. If Bryn wasn’t my girlfriend, then I at least wanted her as my friend and bandmate. Something was better than nothing.

Over the next two weeks, I slowly weaned myself down. And I stuck with it. That was the toughest challenge. What also killed me was seeing Bryn so damn sad whenever we were in the same room. My headaches worsened because of the weaning, but I had to force myself to suffer through the pain. It was going to be worth it and ever so slowly I would be free of this addiction. It still hurt like a bitch though.

We were headed towards Illinois where we were playing in Chicago for a night and I was secretly dreading it. Playing here last year with Bryn brought back too many bad memories. Especially the one where while I was partying with the boys she was out on a date with Damon Charming. He was alright, don’t get me wrong, but he was the guy that would fuck a woman one time and leave her. I didn’t think in the time that I’d known him and the members of Ignite the Flames, he’d ever settled down with someone. That wasn’t the kind of guy I wanted to see Bryn with; she was so sweet and innocent, but growing out of her shell pretty quickly.

“Okay boys,” Luke announced. “And the beautiful ladies sitting on my other side.” He pointed to Gina, Bethany and Bryn, who were huddled up close on the couch. “I’ve decided that tonight—being that we’re playing in the windy city—we need to get out and party our asses off afterwards.”

“Sounds great, buddy.” Vince high–fived Luke. “Been way too long. I need a damn woman to keep me some company for a change. No offense to you three or anything.”

I watched Bryn giggle and roll her eyes. Her green eyes were a bright shade of green, and they looked full of life. She seemed happy. And that’s all I cared about. We had played on stage just as well as when we were together. Our harmonies were still spot on and the crowd never would have known the shit we’d been dealing with the past few weeks. But as soon as we got off stage she would shut me out and only pay attention to her friends and the guys.

Give her time,
I told myself, then I could try and talk to her again. I couldn’t imagine my life without this girl in it anymore. Shed left that much of a mark on me in such a short time.

“None taken.” Bryn smirked. She briefly looked my way and her smirk faded.

“We’ll have to go back up to the Sears tower again,” Raptor suggested. “And maybe this time you won’t be such a damn chicken, Pelton.”

I held my hands up in defense. “I wasn’t a chicken. What are you talking about? I just…didn’t want to look down.”

“Because he was afraid the floor would collapse,” Bryn interjected, not looking in my direction or even regarding my presence.

“Shit, I remember that. He was clinging onto you for dear life, B,” Luke added, and everyone besides me started cracking up. Now that I looked back on that day, it was something I could laugh about, but I was usually afraid of heights. I only went up to the top because of Bryn and how excited she was about it.

“Alright, alright, is this ‘let’s pick on Cale’ day or something?” I teased.

“Only if you don’t fight back,” Bryn replied, turning away from me and whispering something to Gina and Bethany.

“Oh em gee that sounds awesome, let’s do it!” Gina shouted. “Okay boys, first us girls are going to get lunch and have some girly time and
then
we’ll come party our asses off with you after the show.”

“Well what about us?” Raptor asked.

“What about you?” Gina retorted. “I said ‘girly’ time, and last time I checked you are most definitely not a girl.”

“Okay, we didn’t need to hear that detail!” Vince said to Gina and she shook her head laughing.

The bus came to a halt as we parked in a parking lot in the east side of Chicago. I wanted to head to the navy pier before the show and clear my head a little bit. Today I had only taken one pill, which was a far cry from my daily dosage of ten times that amount.

We stood outside after getting off the bus, the guys going their own way and the girls going off to lunch.

“Hey, I’ll catch up with you in a sec,” I said to them as I watched Bryn slowly trail behind Gina and Bethany, who were giggling about something. I lightly touched her arm and she turned around, a surprised look across her face.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” I asked. She looked back to Gina and Bethany and then behind me where the guys were standing on the corner messing around with each other.

“Yeah that’s fine,” she whispered as she stuffed her hands into her coat pockets and we made way for oncoming pedestrians. Once we were out of the way, she said, “What is it?”

I wanted so badly to run my hands through her long black hair. Having her this close to me, I wanted to link our hands and fingers together and hold her until someone had to pull me away.

“Are we good?”

“Of course we are, Cale. I’m still here, aren’t I?” she replied, no sign of a smile. “Why would you ask me that?”

“I just can’t lose you as my friend. That’s all,” I admitted. “You’re one of my best friends and for some reason you saw something in me when we were dating.”

Bryn took a deep breath and sighed. “I still see something in you, Cale. I love you. I never stopped! I want you to get completely clean and focus on yourself instead of me, and breaking up was the way to do it. I’m starting to accept it and you should too. I meant it when I told you I would do whatever it takes to help you, and I’ll always keep my word.”

Hands still in her pockets, I pulled her into a hug. I wrapped my arms tightly around her as we stood there for a long time. I gently kissed her hair and murmured, “Thank you. I just needed to hear that. That’s all. I still love you too, more than I think you’ll ever know.”

“Just be patient, okay?” Bryn asked. It was such a simple request, but it was killing me to try. I didn’t want to be patient. I wanted her to be mine again, but if that took putting in the effort to get clean, so be it. I’d do it all.

I simply nodded, placing another kiss on her forehead and separating myself from her. “You know I’m not a patient kind of person, B. But I’ll try.”

“Thank you,” she replied, smiling back at me. “I better catch up to them or else they’ll make me pay for their lunches.”

“Oh I’m sure they will.” I chuckled, walking the opposite way. “See you at the show.”

“See ya!” She waved, before the three girls linked arms and walked down the sidewalk.

“Aww do I see a reconciliation on our hands?” Tyler teased me as I joined the guys at the sidewalk corner. I shot him a dirty look and gave him the finger. Our faces were looking a lot better after we had out fist fight two weeks ago; we’d been back to our usual feuding best friend selves for the past couple of days.

“Hell no. Why, are you going to try to swoon her?” I joked, punching his shoulder. From the way he tensed up, I’m sure he wanted to say that he was.

“Nah. I still consider her your girl, Pelton. I learned my lesson the last time, and plus I don’t think my face can take any more damage.” Tyler chuckled, pointing to the fading bruises on his face.

The five of us headed down to a pizza place on Indianapolis Ave., and my stomach was growling something fierce. My laugh of the afternoon was when Vince tried to hit on the waitress that handed us our food. Her breasts were practically spilling out of her tiny white top and she wore black short shorts that barely covered her ass. We all got an eyeful, but it was Vince of all people who was eyeing her up and down. I swore I even saw a bit of drool.

“Is that all I can get for you, gentlemen?” she asked sweetly as she took our empty plates and held them in her hands.

“Do you have a pen by chance?” Vince asked as he stood from his seat.

“Yes, of course,” she replied, pulling out a pen from her pocket and handing it to Vince. “Was that all?”

Vince bent down and scribbled something onto a napkin. “Here,” he responded. “Here’s the directions to our concert tonight. Bring some of your friends along because we’ll be living it up in the city afterwards. And there’s my number,” he added, slipping the napkin into her hand and kissing her softly on the cheek.

“Now I know where you’re from!” she said louder, but careful not to disturb the rest of the customers that were eating. She flipped her red haired ponytail and batted her eyelashes. “You play in Everlasting, right?”

We all nodded and Vince winked.

“The one and only.” He chuckled, studying the waitress’s name tag. “And
you
must be Annabelle.”

“Read my name tag, huh?” She smirked, cocking her head to the side. She didn’t seem fazed by the fact that we just ate pizza in her restaurant. But being Chicago, she probably had seen other more famous people on a daily basis and was hit on twice that amount. “I might come check you out. I get off at 7 and my apartment’s not too far from here. Have a good day, guys.” And she spun around and tended to her next customer that was sitting a few tables over from us.

As were leaving, Vince had a satisfied look on his face. “Damn, I think I’m in love.”

I cackled and put an arm around his shoulders. “Vince Armstrong in love? I think that’s a first!”

He nudged me so hard I felt a sharp pain shoot into my side. He gave me a look that said
don’t mess with me fucker
. Coming from Vince, that didn’t mean a whole lot. “It can happen! I mean look at you. I can’t go after Bryn like I told you I would because you’d beat the shit out of me like you did Tyler.”

Vince knows me all too well.

***

“Bitch.”

“Excuse me?” I turned around to find Kallie standing in the corridor outside of the Everlasting dressing room. Her fiery red hair was in tight curls and she had a scowl on her face that you could see for miles. I had seen her around Cale one too many times since word got out we were broken up, and just the thought of her being within feet of him made me sick. Regardless of if we were still together or not, she used guys left and right. In my opinion he was too much of a great guy to be treated that way. “What’d you just call me?”

“You really have him wrapped around your little finger, even after you break up with him.” Kallie snickered. “What a shame. But you weren’t good enough for him anyway.”

My fists were starting to tighten. I was ready to fight her on the spot. I didn’t care anymore. This girl tried to make my life a living hell and for a long time I stood back and just took it, thinking just maybe she’d change. I was far from wrong. And the split from Cale made it worse.

“Nothing to say, Queen B? That’s what people call you out there, right? That’s pretty funny because it’s far from the truth,” Kallie spat. “I’ve watched you this whole tour follow Cale around, follow Tyler, and follow your slutty girlfriends, all like a lost puppy. It’s disgusting to watch, really. For someone that can play better than the guys in
my
band, you don’t even know who you are.”

“And who are you to judge me? You sleep with any man with a dick. So what does that make you?” I saw a look of death in her eyes, and I knew she was going to fight me after that.

Bring it on, bitch.

Her tiny fists curled up in a similar manner to mine as she stepped closer.

“That’s some comeback, Schaefler. You can’t even call me a slut to my face. You’re a lot weaker than I thought,” Kallie growled. This was the last straw. I was ready to strike her. I looked around as she egged me on. “Oh nope. Cale is nowhere to be found. Last I saw him he was back outside with a bottle of pills in his hand.”

Was she serious right now?

“I don’t believe you,” I spat, pushing her away from me. “He’s weaning himself off of his pain killers. He was almost out of them.” At least that’s what he told me. I had complete faith in him

“Look, I don’t care about his petty little problems that he has. I’m just warning you, once again, that now that you two are in splitsville, he’ll be in my bed soon enough,” Kallie said with a sinister tone. She unclenched her fists as she pushed me back so hard I hit the wall full force. “Not even fighting back? This is just too funny.”

WHACK!

I punched Kallie square in the nose with so much power I thought I heard it crack. She stumbled back, bringing her hand to her nose as she screamed, “You low life piece of shit!” Then she lunged for me, grabbing hold of my shirt so we landed on the ground together. I tried to get up because I really didn’t want anyone to see what was going down, but before I could fully stand up her fingers tugged on my hair, sending me back down harder this time. I landed on my knee, which was killing me. I wanted to scream from the pain, but if this girl wanted to fight me, I’d be damned if I backed down now.

She still had a hold of my hair while I was laying punch after punch on her face and neck. Every time she tugged, and I felt like my hair was all about to fall out.

“I’m the lowlife now, huh?” I said to her as I left a huge scratch on her arm in attempt to get out of her grasp. “Then let’s take it back outside.”

For one split second she had let go of me and I used that moment to get up as fast as I could, despite the pain in my knee. I also got a good look at Kallie’s face, which looked pretty tragic thanks to my fist. Kallie followed suit, her hands in fists again as she tried to throw a punch and it connected with my mouth. I could feel the blood on my tongue as she hit me again almost in the same spot.

As I was clenching onto her shirt and giving her one last push, I heard someone yell, “Get the fuck away from each other!” At the top of their lungs.

Cale and Tyler were there in seconds, pulling Kallie and I away from one another. Cale pinned me against the wall as Tyler struggled with a screaming Kallie who was calling me every name in the book.

He studied me for what felt like the longest time and then chuckled. I didn’t think me getting into a fight with this girl was funny by any means. “Dressing room, now,” he ordered, pulling me along with him as Tyler made sure Kallie went back to the Angels from Hell dressing room.

Once we were inside, he slammed the door shut behind him.

“What was that shit about, Bryn? Were you trying to get yourself put into the hospital?” Cale interrogated me as he walked back and forth, his hands shaking as he ran them furiously through his hair. I wanted to say he was one to talk about me getting into a fight since two weeks ago he and Tyler were brawling in the parking lot. I didn’t see what the big difference was.

“She deserved what she got,” I muttered, looking at the closest mirror so I could study my mouth. My lip was partially swollen and the bleeding was subsiding, but I still looked horrible. I had blood on my clothes and my hair looked like I had just gotten out of bed.

“Doesn’t matter, Bryn. You shouldn’t have let her get to you. You’re better than that.” He was trying his best to help me, but I wasn’t in the mood for his lecturing.

“Where’s the pills you had outside?” I blurted in the middle of his sentence. “She said she saw you with a brand spankin’ new bottle. I was quick to jump to your defense, so please tell me it’s not true.”

“It was an empty one I was going to be throwing away, Bryn,” Cale replied abruptly. “Still doesn’t explain why you both bloodied each other up.”

I was still fuming over the Kallie fight, but Cale was just downright pissing me off. I felt like he was taking her side and maybe what she had said about him ending up in her bed was true.

I hoped to Hell not.

“Okay, so now you’re taking that girl’s side? Are you effin’ kidding me?” I shrieked. “You didn’t hear her practically degrading me, telling me that I’m no good for you, you deserved better. Oh yeah,
and
she made it very clear you were going to sleep with her. So now ask me why we fought.” I was beyond livid now. What else could go wrong tonight?

“I’m not taking her side, Bryn. Dammit, I’m just trying to figure out why you did it. Because last I checked, you were definitely not a fighter,” Cale said. Didn’t matter if he meant to say that to hurt me or not; I was offended.  He was basically saying I didn’t fight for us, in his own secretive way. When he saw the look on my face he quickly tried to take back what he said. “I mean…I didn’t mean it like that. I meant I never would have pictured you to be in a fist fight, that’s all. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“I think you’re just trying to sway the topic away from yourself because you don’t want to admit that you took more pills,” I retorted. I really, really wanted to believe him when he said he was weaning himself off of them, but after keeping that secret from me for as long as he did, who knew if he was really telling the truth.

“Fuck this,” he said loudly, walking towards the door then pointing a finger at me. “You act like you have
no
secrets of your own, Bryn? I’m pretty sure you do, but of course you have to be Miss Perfect all the time.”

I cocked my eyebrow at him. Now he was just acting like an asshole. But he was right. I did have a secret to tell him, and I was sure all Hell would break loose once more on my account. Inching closer to him, I lifted up my hand and slapped him hard on the cheek. I shook my hand afterwards because it stung.

“You know what, Cale Pelton? I do have a secret,” I said sweetly, reaching for the door and opening it so everyone in the corridor could hear us. “And I don’t give a crap if this whole place hears me now!” I inhaled and yelled at the top of my lungs, eyes locked on Cale’s bloodshot eyes “I KISSED TYLER DONAHUE.”

Cale’s mouth tensed up, as did the rest of his body. A couple of people passing by stopped to see what the big scene was about. Cale was paying no attention to them, his body still as we continued to stare each other down.

“What? Nothing to say?” I instigated. I used a towel that was sitting on one of the chairs in the room to quickly wipe myself off the best I could, and then stood up on my tip toes so I was eye level with Cale.

I was waiting for him to make the first move. To say
something
. This wasn’t like him to not react at all.

“What is going on between you two?” Luke asked, standing in the doorway. I didn’t bother to glance his way. “Brittle Souls just got off stage, we better get ready.” Breaking the stare, I planted my feet onto the ground again and whipped past Cale. I needed to find a quick change of clothes and fast. “Do you need help cleaning up, Bryn?”

I shook my head slowly and gave Luke a long hug. “No, I’ll be good,” I said, nearly on the verge of tears. “Just going to change really quickly since Kallie ruined my clothes.”

“Okay, B,” Luke replied, giving me a friendly kiss on the cheek. “All of us heard what you just said. We’ve always got your back, Bryn. Just know that.”

A small smile formed on my lips. “Thanks, Luke.” And I ran towards the bus to quickly change, not before I heard glass shattering in our dressing room.

***

After coming back inside where everyone was standing around on the side of the stage, there was an awkward silence. Gina and Bethany walked over to me and Gina said, “You really kissed him?”

“Yes,” I replied. “I did. It was twice, but do I have feelings for Tyler? No. He’s just another adoptive brother to me, that’s why I told Cale.”

They looked from each other back over to me. “I don’t think he’s doing so hot,” Bethany whispered. “Luke said he threw a bottle of Jack across the room after you left and he looked like he was about to break down right then and there.”

“He’s putting on an act right now.” Gina pointed towards him, where he was goofing off with Raptor, Vince and Luke. Tyler was out warming up on the drums from what I could hear. “Completely obvious. Let’s just hope he doesn’t pull anything stupid on stage tonight.” I hoped so too. With everything that’d been going on lately, I had to watch his back and crossed my fingers we made it through the set in one piece.

I strapped on my guitar just as Tyler came back and switched out drumsticks. “You told him, huh?”

I shrugged as I played a couple of chords to warm up my fingers. “I had no choice, Tyler. He wanted to keep a secret from me, and I wasn’t going to do that to him regardless of whether we’re together or not.”

“No, I understand. I was expecting another blast to the face because that’s what he does best when he’s pissed off, but I don’t know this time.” Tyler sighed. “But let’s just play a good set and enjoy tonight. How is your face feeling?”

“Kind of hurts like a bitch. My hand doesn’t sting anymore though.” I chuckled, and Cale immediately turned into our direction. He narrowed his eyes towards me and moved to Tyler.

“So are you making a move on her now that everything is out in the open?” Cale placed his hands around his mouth and shouted. “I mean you kissed her, might as well see what else you can get.”

“Mother fucker,” Tyler muttered under his breath. He gave me an apologetic smile and dashed towards Cale. “Listen, you dumbass. You wonder why you lost her in the first place. Because you can’t keep that mouth shut. If you really wanted to keep Bryn so badly because you supposedly love her, you would’ve fought for her. She’s been by your side this whole time, and she’s trying to help you. That’s how you repay her? You’re disgusting, dude.” Giving Cale a hard push, I could see Cale wanted to fight back. Badly. But getting into yet another fight just before show time would just create more tension that we really didn’t need.

Cale gave Tyler a hard push back in return. “Let’s just get on stage. We’ll talk about this later,” he said to everyone.

The lights dimmed, awaiting our arrival on stage. Tyler went out first to start the drum beat and Vince and I followed, then Luke and Cale. I put on a smile for the crowd and played as if I didn’t just get into a fight with Kallie Cooper, or my ex-boyfriend minutes before being up here. The fans didn’t come here to see all of that, they came to see us play our songs and I’d be damned if I didn’t do that.

“Thanks for coming out tonight, you guys know how to rock!” Cale growled, pumping his fist into the air. “This next song we’re about to play is one we started playing on our last tour, and is dedicated to those guys that want to beat the living shit out of someone, whether it be their best friend, or anyone for that matter. This is ‘You’re Going Down’ by The Sick Puppies.” As soon as Cale said those words, Vince, who was standing about a foot away from me, and I shared an ‘Oh shit’ look. I didn’t bother to look back and see Tyler’s reaction as Luke launched into the bass line.

I sang my harmonies like always, keeping my eyes glued to the crowd. Cale’s voice started to crack towards the end and I stopped to stare at him. He ran to the side of the stage to grab a drink of water and he was back at it again.

Luckily we made it through the set in one piece like I had secretly wished earlier. After the ‘beating up best friends’ comment I was on edge, a sick feeling in my stomach that something was going to go down after the show, more than likely at the club we were going to afterwards. I put my guitar away and high fived everyone, narrowly missing a rough looking Kallie. As soon as I passed her without a word, I cracked up.