I slide my hands over his chest. “If it’s anything like what you do to me, then you can’t walk away either, so maybe we should dance.”
His hand slides down my spine to my ass, and he holds me against him as we sway in slow circles around the dance floor. I press my cheek against his chest and wrap my arms around him and pretend last night didn’t happen—pretend he didn’t break my trust and all is right with the world.
“Ray.” I whisper his name.
He tips my head back, firm fingers under my chin, then he leans down and slants his mouth over mine. His kiss is possessive, demanding, leaving no one in the bar in any doubt that I belong to him.
And he belongs to me.
The band segues into Beyonce’s “Drunk in Love.” I finally try to pull away, but Ray holds me tight. His heart beats steadily, his hips sway gently to the music, and his arms are firm around me. Who was I kidding when I told Jess it was over? I’ll never get over Ray. He is the missing part of me. Hard to my soft. Dark to my light. Rough to my smooth. Heart of my heart.
“So quiet.” He nuzzles my neck. “What are you thinking?”
“I think we should go talk.” I rock up and brush my lips over his. Ray groans softly and cups my nape with his hand, and moments later we are caught in a passionate kiss that I feel through my heart and deep into my soul.
The band switches gear to an Anthrax cover. I mentally take back my comments about their improvement. Musically, they are better, but they don’t have a clue about putting together a set. The dance floor clears, and Ray excuses himself to take a call. By the time I get back to the table, Doctor Death has joined the party along with Shayla and a few other Redemption fighters I don’t know. I suffer through five minutes of good-natured abuse about taming the Predator, and then Doctor Death pulls me to the side.
“Did you think about what I told you about Ray?”
I give a casual shrug. “I know his secret.” Not entirely true. I have made a reasonably intelligent guess that he’s some kind of special agent, maybe black ops or FBI or even, if the rumor is true, CIA. And I’ve watched enough TV to know that if I’m right, he can’t reveal his secret to me without putting me in danger. Which, although kinda frightening, is also kinda cool. My Ray. A spy.
“So you know it can never work.” He pulls me into his arms as if in sympathy, except when you’re consoling someone, you don’t cop a feel of their ass.
“Hey! This ass is taken.” I slap his hand and pull away.
“Hands off.”
But they aren’t my words. They are Ray’s words, and he is bearing down on us in a rage like I’ve never seen before. Face taut, muscles quivering, danger oozes from his pores and people scatter, clearing his path.
“Christ.” Rampage looks up at Doctor Death. “Do you never learn?” He slides out of the booth and motions for Blade Saw to join him. “I’m guessing there’s gonna be trouble.”
“What the fuck?” Ray growls, keeping his voice low. “I thought I told you to stay away from her.” He tosses a chair out of the way and shoves Doctor Death in the chest. Black-shirted bouncers head in our direction, and I tug on Ray’s arm.
“Ray…it’s okay. I had it under control.”
Doctor Death staggers back, but moments later he pulls himself up, going head-to-head with Ray. They are instantly swarmed by bouncers, and within minutes they are both outside on the patio.
“I’m leaving.” Doctor Death holds up his hands palms forward in a gesture of surrender. “Not causing any trouble. If I was out of line, I apologize. Just calm down.”
“Calm down?” Ray hits him with a left hook. Doctor Death dodges the blow only to meet Ray’s right. His head snaps to the side and blood trickles from his nose.
“Predator. Stand down,” Rampage shouts. “He apologized.”
But Ray doesn’t stop. He is kicking and punching without mercy. If Doctor Death wasn’t a fighter too, he would, no doubt, be unconscious on the ground, but he manages to hold his own, albeit in a totally defensive mode. Still, he is clearly suffering, and when Ray raises his hand for a hammer fist, I can’t take anymore.
“STOP.” My voice rises to a shriek, and I take a step toward them. Rampage grabs my hand and pulls me back.
“You, go over there. You’ll just get hurt.”
“If I go over there, Doctor Death will be Doctor Dead.” I step forward and grab Ray’s arm. “Please. Stop. He’s down. He apologized. He’s not a threat.”
“Get back.” Ray sweeps his arm back to free himself from my grip, and the force of his swing sends me flying into some empty patio tables. I hit the ground hard.
“Sia!” Ray looks down at me aghast, his opponent forgotten.
But when he takes a step toward me, I hold up a hand. “I don’t know you. Just leave me alone.”
Hammer Fist and Blade Saw run to help Doctor Death, and Jess and Rampage help me up. Staggering to my feet, I grab Jess’s hand. “Let’s go.”
She glances back over her shoulder to where Ray is still standing. I can feel his eyes burning into me, willing me to turn around.
“Are you sure?”
“I’ve never been more certain.”
Undress me
Jess drops me off at home. A storm hits just as I wave good-bye. Thunder booms overhead and lightning sheets the sky. How perfect.
My apartment door is unlocked and light streams from underneath. The stolen “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door handle is Tag’s way of letting me know he’s decided to crash at my place, a necessity after I almost had a heart attack the first time I walked into the dark apartment and found him on my couch.
“Got a pic from Rampage.” He holds up his phone with a picture of me and Ray on the dance floor. “Didn’t think you’d be home tonight.”
With a sigh, I dump my stuff and join Tag on the couch. “Doctor Death squeezed my ass. Ray went ballistic. He totally overreacted. I thought he was going to kill him. So I left. I couldn’t deal.”
“I guess not. You okay?”
A ball of emotion rises in my chest, and my throat tightens. “I don’t know what to do. It feels so right when we’re together. He can be so gentle and passionate, and he has this dry sense of humor that cracks me up. He just…gets me. Sometimes he knows what I want before I do. But every time I think I know him, I find out something that makes me second-guess myself. I just wanted to be able trust someone, but he has so many secrets. And the violence… Even though I love the fights, sometimes I think he isn’t in control. He knocked me down tonight. I know he didn’t mean to do it, but it happened.”
Tag’s face softens in sympathy. “He’s crazy about you, Sia. He pulled all sorts of strings and called in all sorts of favors to find Luke. That guy has connections like you wouldn’t believe. And he did it for you. It should have been me in that alley making sure justice was done. But Ray wouldn’t let me near him. He said he didn’t want me to mess up my police career. And that was for you as much as it was for me, because he thought you’d blame yourself if I did.”
“He was right.”
“My police work is all about catching guys like Luke and putting them in jail,” Tag says. “It’s about me finding justice and getting over the guilt of not being there to protect you. But Ray was there for you and only you.”
“Tag…” My voice wavers. “It’s not your fault. You warned me about Luke. You did everything you could do. You can’t feel guilty for my choices, and you can’t feel guilty that there are people like Luke walking the streets. You’re a good person. The best. Why do you think Jess has stuck it out for so long?”
“Lack of a better option?” He turns away and his shoulders heave.
“She has an option. Right now. And she’s still waiting for you to get your head out of your ass.”
“Seems to be a family trait,” he says, leaning back against the cushions. “I’ve got this sister who’s in love with this guy, but she says she can’t be with him because she doesn’t trust him. So she keeps pushing him away. She doesn’t realize you can’t trust someone if you don’t let them close enough to see what kind of person they really are.”
“So, what happens to this sister of yours?”
Tag shrugs. “Don’t know. She’s got her head stuck up her ass pretty damn far and it’s a long way down.”
“Very sweet. But very crude.”
“That’s me.” Tag grins. “That’s what keeps the ladies coming back.”
With a snort, I grab the remote and flip through the channels. Tag likes sports, sports, and more sports. He doesn’t know other channels exist. Just for fun, I stop at the Discovery Channel. They are doing a special on apes. We watch as the dominant ape tosses a lesser ape across the jungle floor and steals his woman. Ape shenanigans ensue.
“Would you go crazy if someone pinched your woman’s ass?” My cheeks heat as the apes get it on. Even though I’m a grown-up, I still get embarrassed watching sex of any sort with Tag or my parents.
“I might. Depends on the situation. And after a fight, when the adrenaline is still pumping through your body and all your instincts are heightened, some things you just can’t let slide, especially anything to do with your girl.”
“I’m his girl.”
Tag holds up the phone. “Yes, you are.”
“Are you okay with that?”
He twists his lips to the side and sighs. “Aside from the fact that he has a secret job he won’t share and he scared you tonight, sure. After what he did for you with Luke, I’d say he’s a good guy. The best.”
My lips quiver with a smile. “So that’s a no.”
He laces his fingers together and rests them behind his head, settling in for hours of hogging my TV. His feet go back up on the coffee table. I glare. They come down.
“So what happened to your pictures?” He nods at the blank wall. “And all the art supplies you had strewn all over you dining table last time I was here. I thought you were painting again.”
My stomach clenches. “I thought it would be better to focus on things that made money, so I could help out Mom and Dad. I figured I shouldn’t have opened that door and things were good the way they were.”
“Like I said. Head. Ass.”
“You might want to tone down the language. One day you might slip at Sunday dinner and you’ll have Mom washing out your mouth with a bar of soap.”
Tag sighs. “I’m wondering if they really need us to help them out. Now I see you standing on your own two feet, learning to fight at the gym, doing so well at the tattoo parlor, and taming the Predator, I’ve started thinking I might be a bit overprotective of the people I love. Every time I offered Dad the money, he wouldn’t take it. He said they don’t need a big house anymore, and they would rather downsize and spend some time traveling. I didn’t believe him. I thought he was just being proud—just like I didn’t believe you could look after yourself. Did you know they’ve never cashed one of my checks, and those envelopes you’ve given Mom are stashed in the letter holder?”
No, I didn’t know. Just as I didn’t know Ray had so totally won Tag over. With my emotions all over the place, I can’t sit with Tag and watch football, so I pace up and down my covered balcony with a bag of potato chips. Have I really been pushing Ray away? Can I trust him despite his secrets? He is everything I have stayed away from. Everything I have feared. And yet he is everything I’ve always wanted.
I love him.
“Sia.”
Hands trembling, I look down. Ray is on the back lawn one story below me, rain drops sliding down his face like tears.
“Sia.” His voice breaks on my name, and he just stands there looking up at me, his leather jacket glistening in the rain, as if he wants to say something but the words won’t come.
My lungs tighten so hard, I can barely breathe. How many times have I pushed him away only to have him come back? He never gives up on me, despite all my hang-ups. Even when he thought he would have to leave to keep me safe, he found a way back. And if that isn’t a statement about how much he cares, if that isn’t the essence of trust, I don’t know what is.
“Talk to me.” His chest heaves.
“Go,” Tag says from behind me. “If a man like Ray stands in your backyard in the rain calling your name, he’s got something damn important to say. Plus, I’ve suddenly thought of somewhere I need to be. If you need me to come back…just call.”
Best. Brother. Ever. I give him a kiss on the cheek, grab a towel, race down the stairs, and push open the back door.
Ray stalks toward me, pausing under the overhang.
“You want to come in?” I hold out the towel, but he makes no move to take it. Instead, he stares at me, panting as if he just ran a great distance, water droplets clinging to his skin.
“You walked away.”
“You scared me,” I say. “Watching you fight for sport is one thing, but violence against someone who puts up his hands for mercy, beating a man when he’s down…those aren’t things I can handle.”
“You don’t walk away.” Ray’s voice rises above the patter of the rain. “You don’t leave me. Something’s wrong, you talk to me.” He rips the towel from my hand and tosses it on the ground. “You don’t leave.”
My body trembles, but I stand my ground. “And you don’t lose control.”
“I can’t help it around you. When you walked away from me last night and tonight…” His voice breaks. “When I saw the pain in your face…I realized I could lose you, just as easily as I lost everything else beautiful in my life. Just because of who I am. It almost killed me. I’ve never wanted anything in my life as much as I want you. You are the light in my darkness, Sia. I’m lost without you.”
A million thoughts race through my mind, but the only one that lingers is the way I feel when I’m with him: safe and protected, cherished and cared for. He makes me laugh. He makes me feel normal in a way I never thought I’d feel again. And Tag thinks I should give him a chance.
“You want to come inside?”
Tag is gone when we reach my apartment. Ray walks in and pulls up short when he sees the bare walls. “Where’s your artwork?”
“I put it all away.”
His jaw tightens. “Because of me.”
“No, because I thought opening the door to the past wasn’t the right thing for me.”
Ray strokes my cheek. “How can you move forward if you don’t deal with the past?”
“I don’t need to move forward. I’m happy where I am.”
“Where are you, beautiful girl?” he whispers. “Not here with me.”
Not
anymore
. And yet somehow my arms have found their way around him and I’m holding him tight. Ray draws in a shuddering breath and strokes my hair. He’s silent. But I can feel the emotion rippling through his body. I squeeze him hard, breathing in his familiar scent, committing everything to memory: the feel of his body hard and unyielding against mine, the steady thud of his heart in his chest, the rasp of this breath, and the certainty I trust him as I trust myself.
And then I let him go.
Ray exhales a gasp, as if I’ve punched him. But before he can speak, I hold out my hand. “Come.”
He follows me to the bedroom and I turn to face him. Myriad emotions play across his face but settle on confusion when I clasp his hands and put them on my hips.
“Undress me.”
Ray’s gaze burns into me, but when I raise my arms, he lifts my tank top over my head, his broad, warm palms sweeping up my body in a caress that takes my breath away. Swallowing hard, I drop my arms. “Keep going.”
He reaches around me and flicks the catch on my bra with strong, steady hands, sliding it down over my arms and tossing it on the bed with my tank top. When I nod, he unfastens my skirt and then kneels, reverent, as he slides it down over my hips.
For the first time since Luke, I feel no fear.
I touch him then, my hand on his head, steadying myself as I step out of my skirt. Ray lifts my right foot after the skirt is gone and brushes a kiss, whisper soft, over each of my toes.
Biting my lip to hold back my smile, I push his head back enough for him to meet my gaze. “Panties.”
Still kneeling, he slides his index fingers beneath the elastic waistband and eases them gently over my hips. But with each tug, he kisses me. First my stomach. Then my mound. A feathered kiss over my clit. And then the tiniest lick along my folds. By the time he has my panties off, I’m wet, and from the gleam in his eyes, he knows it.
He kneels and looks up at me, curious, expectant, wanting. But beneath his calm demeanor, I can sense the predator in him pacing, need rippling beneath his skin. I know this predator. And I know I can hold him back just a little bit longer.
“Everything.” I touch the piercing in my nipple, giving it a final good-bye tweak, and Ray sucks in a sharp breath. But he doesn’t speak. He understands this game that isn’t a game. He gave me a gift, and in return I am giving him everything.
He stands and cradles my breast in his palm, caressing my tender flesh with the pad of his thumb. I close my eyes and breathe in the scent of his cologne and leather, the essence of him. Ever so gently, he peppers kisses across the crescent of my breast, and then he draws my nipple into his mouth. Warm and wet, his lips tease, every suck making my sex throb. When my nipple is a taut, hard peak, he carefully unfastens the little silver ring and slides it out.
“Oh.” Whether my gasp is from pain or pleasure or a lightness I’ve never felt before, I don’t know, but the sudden rush of heat between my thighs makes me stagger. Ray is there to catch me. His hands grip my hips and he holds me firm. Then he walks me a step back and seats me at the edge of the bed. The intensity of his gaze melts me inside. In this moment, he is utterly and completely mine.
And I am his.
Lying back on the cool silk comforter, I raise my arms and cross my wrists over my head. “Hands.”
Ray is quick to comply. He ties my wrists with a scarf from my dresser. Then he returns to the foot of the bed and drops to his knees between my thighs.
There is no rush of blood in my ears, no prickles on my skin. I feel nothing but the slow, steady beat of my heart and a warmth that suffuses my soul. “One more,” I whisper, bending my head to watch him. Ray looks up and smiles.
He licks his lips before he starts, and then he trails kisses down my stomach and over my mound. His lips are soft, like butterfly wings, but his body is tense, muscles bunching beneath his shirt, and if I imagine hard enough, I can see the Predator’s tail flick. I have pushed my predator far. Soon I will set him free.
Skirting over my piercing, he glides his tongue along my slit, then flicks inside. My body tightens and my breath comes in pants. But he doesn’t stop. Over and over again, he teases me, his tongue circling my clit and then sliding through my folds until my wetness trickles from me, and I am moaning his name. Only then does he attend to my throbbing clit, licking and sucking until I am writhing on the soft covers. His fingers find the piercing and he gently works it free, then he nips my clit ever so lightly and I climax, screaming his name as he draws away the little barbell.
I am free.
Ray strips off his clothes as I sink into the bed, and then he lies down beside me and brushes his lips over mine. His kiss comes from the heart, deep and steady, grounding me from the maelstrom of emotion swirling through my body.
“I’m yours,” I whisper. “Keep me safe.”
“I love you, Sia. You will always be safe with me. I promise.”