Future Queens of England (35 page)

Finally Tony cracked.  “Okay, I'll tell you.  It was daubed on a toilet seat lid in the men's bogs at the gay bar.”

She rested her pen on the notepad, “At the ga
y
bar in town?”

“Yes,” he said monosyllabically.

“What were you doing in the toilets there?” she asked him with an accusatory tone.

Tony's face coloured, “I was taking a piss.  What else would I be doing?”

“Yes, yes.  Of course,” she said with an air of relief.  She picked up her pen again and wrote down these details.  “That's very useful Tony.  Very useful indeed.”  She smiled at Tony weakly.

“What's up Louise?  Is something the matter,” Tony said reaching out and touching her arm.

  She looked at Tony and blinked repeatedly as she tried to stop herself getting emotional.  “I must find the person responsible for this and put a stop to it.  I really have to find out who is doing this or else my job is on the line.  The Head is fuming about all the graffiti going up around the school and the painting of a massive phantom on the hockey pitch was the final straw for him.”  Her voice wobbled and she leant towards Tony.  “How on earth am I going to find the person responsible for this by myself?”

He put both of his arms around her awkwardly and pulled her closer.  “I'll help you,” he said with resolve.  “I promise that I'll get this person for you.”  She smirked to herself devilishly as he embraced her tightly.

Chapter
Eighteen

“I can't believe that we're through to the quarter finals now,” Hugh squealed ecstatically as his breath swirled in the cold winter air.

“Well, believe it Hugh.  We're on the road to victory!” Tony bellowed as he waved his hockey stick above his head like a maniac.

“Come on, let's get washed and changed and then we can go out and celebrate tonight,” Giles said jumping excitedly from foot to foot.

As they entered the changing room their cheers and laughter echoed off the tiled walls.  Tony made his way over to his kit bag and slung it over his shoulder.  He waited until he thought no one was looking and then tried to make his escape back up to the privacy of their dormitory.  Just as he placed his hand on the door handle and pulled, an arm reached out and stopped him.

“Where are you going, Tony?” the hard Teutonic voice said.

Tony flinched, “Christ Uwe, what are you doing sneaking up on me like that?”  He released the door.  “W
hat
do you want?”

“I thought that we could put in some extra dance practise before we go out tonight,” he said.

Tony sighed, “Uwe, we've already spent five hours this week practising our routines.” 

“
Ü
bung macht den Meister
,” Uwe replied.

“What?  Speak English man.”

“I said, practise makes perfect, Tony,” he said with irritation at having to translate.

“Yeah I know that, but as well as the dancing we've been putting in extra time at hockey training.    Not to mention my running or gym sessions.” 

Uwe patted Tony's stomach, “And don't you look all the better for it.”

“Ergh, don't touch me,” Tony said squirming, but then quickly smirked to himself and slid his own hand up the front of his hockey shirt.  He felt the individual muscles on his stomach and glowed with pride. 

Uwe grinned, “You have every right to look pleased with yourself, Tony.  But just imagine how good you'll feel tomorrow morning after you've pushed some birds at the club.”  The words left Uwe's lips with an unnatural flow.

“It's pulled, not pushed,” Tony corrected.  “Pulled some birds.”

“
Danke sehr.
  How are those birds going to resist you tonight after they see your new moves?”

He realised that Uwe was buttering him up, “I've got the moves sorted already Uwe,” he said resolutely.

“But don't you want to practise our routine just once more before we go to the club?  This routine is so complex.  If we can get this right just think of how much it will impress those girls that you are so fond of once they see your moves.  They will be all over you like a rash,” Uwe said in a rich tone as he tried to tempt Tony.

“Well, I guess I can spare half an hour,” Tony said.  “But that's all.”

“Deal!” Uwe said making no attempt to disguise how pleased he was with himself.  “So are you coming in for a quick shower before we practise?”

Tony shifted on his feet nervously, “I'll go up to our room and have one there if it's okay with you.”  He reached for the door and pulled it open quickly.

Uwe shook his head, “You don't have to worry Tony.”

“I know that, but it just makes me uncomfortable, that's all,” Tony muttered quietly without making eye contact with Uwe.  “I keep forgetting and thinking that we're all the same, but we're not are we?  I'm different or you lot are different,” he paused momentarily.  “How do I know that one of your lot isn't a wolf in sheep's clothing?”

“Tony, we have to share the same toilet with you.  Let me assure you that anyone who has had the misfortune of using the toilet directly after you could never find you attractive.  In fact it's making me nauseous just thinking about it,” Uwe groaned, his nostrils flaring.  “I could never stick part of me into something that manufactures that much of a stink.” 

“Oh, that's good to hear...I think?” Tony said wondering whether he should be relieved or offended.  “Look I'll meet you in twenty minutes in the dance studio,” he said as he slipped out of the door and into the corridor.

The music was blasting out, Tony was grinning wildly and toying with his collar.  The coloured lights flashed as red and green laser beams danced across the wall.

“Tony,” Gareth said, “you know I have never seen you happier than you look right now.”

Tony laughed out loud, “I know.  Who would have thought it?  There is nowhere else I'd want to be than here tonight.”

“Aw, with us you mean?”  Giles said, his voice all gooey.

Tony frowned.  “Fuck off!” he growled defensively.  “I'm talking about the pussy potential at this gay bar,” he said calming down as his eyes scanned the room.

“You know you really need to curtail your foul language,” Gareth said firmly.

“You what?” Tony laughed.  “Give me one good reason,” he said with defiance as he threw the last of his drink down his neck.

Gareth thought carefully for a moment.  Tony was getting far too cocksure as of late and needed to reel it in.  “Well, for one, Louise hates swearing.”

“Yeah, and what's your point?”

“My point is that you've been spending quite a lot of time with her recently haven't you?” Gareth pointed out, “and I reckon you're in with a chance with her.”

Tony stopped jiggling about to the music and immediately turned to face Gareth.  “What makes you say that?” he enquired, his curiosity piqued.

“Oh Tony, I guess you'll never understand the way a woman's mind works, will you,” he patronised.  He turned away from Tony and took a sip from his drink.

Tony put his hand on Gareth's shoulder, “Whoa there!  Tell me more!” he demanded.

Gareth shrugged, “Oh, but you're not interested in Louise are you Tony.  Not when you can have your pick of the girls here tonight by masquerading as a homosexual.”  He waved Tony off, “No, you carry on.”  He turned away from Tony again.

Tony pulled at Gareth's shoulder once more, “Please Gareth, tell me what you mean, please!”

“Oh don't beg Tony, it doesn't become you,” he said haughtily.

“Look, I'm sorry that I am such an arse, it's just the testosterone oozing through my veins,” he said, trying to explain away his behaviour. 

Gareth winked at Hugh, “Okay Tony, I'll explain.  So you've been spending some time with Louise lately haven't you?”

“Yes, she asked me to help her track down the Phantom.”

Gareth pulled an expression like he was thinking hard, “Hmmm, yes.  Because you're the obvious choice aren't you.”

“What do you mean?” 

“I'm saying, why pick you?  A part time postman and a full time hooligan.”

Tony frowned again as he thought about this, “But I'm neither anymore.”  He stopped abruptly, this was the first time he'd really admitted the effect that the past few months had had on him.  He looked at Gareth, “I'm not the same person any more, am I?”

Gareth tilted his head to one side, “Well, I must admit you certainly look different and you act differently, at least most of the time, with the occasional lapse.  But can a leopard ever really change its spots?  Are you not just a product of your environment, who'll slip back into your old ways once you get back to your normal life?”

Tony scowled, how could he argue this?  He'd always been so proud of being a man's man, a beer drinker who likes his football, a real Jack the lad.  Now what?  After just a few months could he really disregard all that he once was?  Should he now declare himself a metrosexual, albeit in the loosest sense?  He shuddered at the thought, a strange emotion that he hadn't felt before overtook him, he didn't know what it was but it felt wrong.

Gareth clicked his fingers in front of Tony's face, “Hey, are you still with us Tony?”

Tony flinched and shook himself, he pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind.  This wasn't something he was ready to think about.  “What were we talking about?” he asked, his voice a little shaken.

“We were talking about three things, weren't we?”  Gareth held his right hand up in front of Tony and extended his thumb.  “One, we were talking about how you need to stop swearing so much.  Two,” he said holding up his index finger, “how Louise needed a Sherlock Holmes figure and out of everyone at the school she decided to pick you, and three,” he held up his middle finger, “about  how you've changed.”

Tony decided to completely ignore the latter.  “Well, I guess Louise thought I'd be good at finding the culprit.”

Gareth squealed with laughter, “Oh Tony, you're so naïve.  Do you really think that she needs your help?  She has an ulterior motive.”

Tony looked totally baffled, “And what would that be?”

Gareth looked smug and made Tony wait a few moments before answering, “She likes you Tony, but she's not sure if you're boyfriend material.  She's using this Phantom business as an excuse to spend some more time with you, to work you out.”

“Really?”

Gareth nodded, “Really!”  He put his hands on his hips, “Look.  Does she ask you a lot of questions when you're searching for clues?”

“Yes, now you mention it she does,” Tony said, “but don't all women?”

“Yes, but are these questions about the Phantom?” Gareth probed knowingly.

“No.  In fact she hardly ever talks about the Phantom,” Tony said as it finally started to dawn on him.

Gareth nodded, “Uh-huh.  So what sort of things does she ask you about?”

“Favourite films, food, books...” Tony trailed off.  “Oh for fuck's sake, that sneaky cow.”  He leant against the wall gob-smacked.  “I can't believe it.”

Gareth patted Tony on the shoulder, “She likes you Tony and you've unwittingly been sitting an examination to check out your feasibility.  Don't be too hard on yourself, your judgement is completely clouded by hormones and women are very complicated creatures.”

Tony scratched his head, “But why didn't she just ask me out?”

Uwe leant over, “That is the difference between men and women.  Men just jump in, controlled by their hormones.  Basically men have one criterion that has to be met, i.e. would I sleep with her?  But women have a longer check list.” 

“A lot, lot longer,” Hugh agreed nodding his head frantically.

“In fact it is more like a flow chart and 'would I sleep with him?' is way down the list,” Uwe added sagely.

“How come you lot are such bloody experts on women?”  Tony said with bewilderment.

“I didn't think we were.  I thought that this stuff was just common sense,” Gareth said matter-of-factly.  “Should we continue our original conversation Tony?”