Future Queens of England (54 page)

Uwe picked up the paper, “I’ve got one more paper here.  King of Queens,” he read relishing every letter. 

“Fuck me.”

“Oh, so it is true,” Uwe said, “well, sorry to disappoint you, but you’re not my type,” he teased.

“This is like a bad dream.”

Uwe put the newspapers back into his bag carefully.  “I don’t see why.  You’re a hero!”

“But they said that I am gay.  Everyone will think I am gay.”

Uwe laughed.  “Anyone that knows you, will know that you’re not gay.  What are you worrying about?  Anyway, didn’t you pretend to be gay to trick women into sleeping with you? 

Tony nodded, “Technically yes, but … ”

“Well then, I guess this is karma.”  He patted Tony’s leg.  “You shouldn’t focus on that, you should just think about the positive.  You risked a lot to save the guy who sentenced you to gay school, you could have been killed by those animals.”  They both sat in silence for a moment as they contemplated this.  “That speaks volumes about you, Tony. 
Compassion is the basis of morality and you showed the world what you’re made of.” 

There was a gentl
e
knock at the door, “Can I come in?” a soft voice spoke.

“Louise?” Tony said with a quiver.

The door pushed open, “Hi Tony,” she said as she stood there in the doorway. 

The nurse pushed past her to enter the room, “Aha, you’re awake, Mr Horwood.  I have another of your fiancées here to visit.”  She tutted and trundled a machine on castors over to Tony’s bedside.  The nurse took out her thermometer and shoved it roughly into Tony’s ear.  “I’m just going to lift the immediate family restrictions.  I’ve been single for three years and you have more fiancés and fiancées than I’ve had hot dinners, if another of your so called lovers visits then it’ll send me into a spiral of depression.” 

He rolled his eyes at the nurse, then winked at Louise who hung in the doorway awkwardly.  “This isn’t the reunion that I had in mind,” he said to her with a half-smile. 

She returned his beam, “Since when does anything go as you planned it?”

The nurse switched on the machine and placed a clip onto the end of Tony’s finger.  “I just need to take your pulse.  How are you feeling?” she said hurriedly.

“Strangely happy.”

The nurse took the reading of Tony’s pulse and scribbled it onto the clipboard at the end of his bed, before replying, “That’ll be the after effects of the general.  It’ll wear off soon.”  She finished her checks and replaced the clipboard on the end of his bed.  “Don’t forget to fill out the menu to say what you want for lunch.  Anyway, I’ll leave you three lovebirds to it.”  She stomped out of the room and continued her rounds.

The three of them exchanged looks for a moment without speaking a word before Uwe realised that he’d become the third wheel. 

“Okay, it’s time I made a move … even though I’ve only just got here.”  He put his bag over his shoulder.  He looked at Tony and smiled gently, “Every parting gives a foretaste of death, every reunion a hint of the resurrection.  I guess I will leave you two to it,” he stood up and left, his words ringing in the air.
 

“So … ,” Louise started, “Homo Protectus.”

“Yes, apparently so.”

She sat on the edge of Tony’s bed and fidgeted with her hands, “I owe you a thank you.”

“For what?”

“It’s my fault that you’re in here.  If you hadn’t told the Head that you were the Phantom, then you wouldn’t have been in town that night.  And if you hadn’t been in town that night, then you wouldn’t be here now.”

Tony tried his best to shrug, “That’s a lot of ‘ifs’ and anyway if I could go back in time I wouldn’t do things differently.”

She looked him in the eye, “You didn’t return my calls.”

“No, I couldn’t.  It was too complicated.”

“Or my texts.”

“It didn’t seem right to communicate via text messaging.  As I said, I was planning a fitting reunion and I couldn’t face you wearing the electronic tag.”  Tony wrinkled his nose and leant forward he tried to move his fingers closer to his face to scratch his itch.

“Can I help you with that?”  She delicately lifted her hand and gently scratched the end of his nose with her painted nails.  “How’s that?”

Tony smiled submissively, “Ahhhh, that’s the spot!”

“You’re just a helpless little mite, aren’t you,” she said playfully.  “With both your arms in plaster I could do anything that I wanted to you, couldn’t I?”

Tony’s pupils dilated, “Err, yeah.  Probably.”

“I could do this,” she reached over and pulled his ear gently.  “Or this,” she said, running her finger around his mouth in circle.  “Or this … ,” she whispered, bending forward and bringing her lips closer to his.

Tony closed his eyes and gave in to the moment.

Their lips touched, she kissed him once, then playfully bit his bottom lip.  Tony passively laid there and enjoyed the feeling.  He concentrated hard to commit every single sensation to memory.

“In fact, I could do anything at all to you, and there’s nothing you could do to stop me,” she whispered sensuously.

Tony opened his eyes slowly and met her intense gaze. 

She kissed him again and spoke quietly, “Is that nice?”

Suddenly, Tony’s expression changed, “Arrgggh,” he screamed in agony.

Startled, Louise jumped off the bed, “What is it?  What is it?”

“C.c.c….catheter,” he squealed, lifting his knees in pain.  “Get the nurse!”

Louise pressed the emergency button and moments later the nurse ran back into the room.

“What’s wrong?” she said hurriedly, trying to ascertain the emergency.

“Down there,” he said breathlessly, “the catheter!”

The nurse pulled back the covers to reveal the source of the problem, “Aha, it looks like we didn’t account for any change in size.  It’s certainly more impressive in this state, than when it’s sleeping.  I’ll soon sort this.”  She trotted out of the room quickly.

Tony winced in pain and Louise did her very best to avert her gaze.

The nurse returned with a spoon, “This never fails.”  She lift
ed
the spoon up to Louise, “Do you want to do this, or shall I?”

Louise pulled her hands close to her chest, “It’s alright, you do it!”

The nurse nodded and with expert precision smacked the cold, hard spoon onto the end of Tony’s penis and with an air of satisfaction said, “There we go, problem solved.”  She brushed her hands together several times and pulled back the bed sheets.  “Okay, try not to get too excited again, but just in case I’ll leave the spoon here as a reminder.”  She placed it carefully on the cabinet next to the bed, then left the room.

They sat in silence for the longest time, the spoon reflected the artificial light onto the wall.  Louise didn’t know where to look, she stared at the floor, but then caught sight of Tony’s bulging drainage bag.  Suddenly, Louise started laughing. 

Tony frowned, “What are you laughing at?”

“I’m laughing at this whole situation.”

Tony’s frown relaxed a little, “Yes, I suppose it is ridiculous.”

“You know what?”  Louise said, “I’m going to keep this spoon, I think this’ll come in handy in the future.”  She scooped it up and put it in her handbag, she patted the bag and gave a crooked smile to Tony.

A knock at the door interrupted them.  “Come in!” Tony called with a chuckle.

The door was pushed open slowly, it creaked, and then the figure appeared.

“Oh,” Tony said with a growl, “what do you want?”

The Head made his way sheepishly into the room.  “Now, now, there’s no need to be like that.  I come here offering an olive branch.  May I?” he said gesturing to the chair in the corner.

Tony nodded and the Head sat down slowly. 

“Should I go?” Louise said nervously.

“No, no,” the Head muttered quickly, “this concerns you too.”  He took a deep breath and looked at Tony, “Look, I’ll just come right out and say this.”  He coughed and closed his eyes.  “I’m sorry.  I made a mistake.”

“A mistake?”

The Head shifted uncomfortably in his chair, “Okay, okay.  I made several mistakes and I am here to apologise.”

“Okay, I’m listening.”

“Well, as you know I reacted badly to all that business with the Phantom and I may have been a little rash with my decision to dismiss Louise, but I took care of all that and as you know I quashed that decision and Louise was reinstated.” 

“That’s old news, why are you here now?” Tony said, losing his patience.

The Head gulped, “Ah, well, yes, erm.  It seems that a letter has surfaced which reveals the true identity of the Phantom.”

Tony narrowed his eyes, “I’m the Phantom!  We’ve already been through this.”  He looked at Louise nervously.

The Head fumbled with his tie and then looked at Tony.  “We both know that you’re not the Phantom and I never believed that you were the Phantom.”

“So why did you let me go then?”  Tony asked irritably.

“As you know, I didn’t want to lose face over the firing and rehiring of Louise, so I kicked you out of the school based on your confession.” 

“I’m losing patience here, will you get to the point or get out?” Tony growled.

The Head’s voice quivered, “I received a letter saying that if I didn’t re-admit you back into the school, then they’d go public with the truth.  And now that you’re a national hero I can’t afford for the press to find out about the treatment that you’ve been subject too.  If this letter surfaces then it’ll be the end of the school, it’ll cause a scandal.”

Louise spoke up, “What does the letter say?”

The Head reached into his lapel pocket and removed an envelope.  He carefully took the letter out and unfolded it.  He coughed and placed it awkwardly in Tony’s hand. 

Dear Head,

I cannot stand by and watch this miscarriage of justice.  Because of my harmless artwork you tried to punish a good woman and when that backfired you kicked out a good man, rather than lose face.  I would suggest that you right these wrongs immediately.  If you don’t, then I will contact the press and spill the beans and reveal every little detail.  By the end of the week the press will have hung you out to dry. 

Aside from the travesty that has taken place, I can’t have Tony taking the credit for my art.  If you’d only asked Tony to prove he was the Phantom by asking him to draw me, then it would have been obvious that it wasn’t him.  I mean, have you seen his art work?  I’ve seen chimpanzees with more talent.  Anyway, I digress, the real identity of the Phantom, is I, Bruce Stringwell.  And I’ll save you the bother of having me kicked out, because I’ve already quit.  By the time you read this I’ll be on a plane to Mykonos.  I don’t care about graduating, I only came to the school to learn some skills to maximise my ability to get some first class cock and bum fun and now I’m about to put those skills into practise. 

What was it all about?  I hear you ask.  Well, it’s simple, it was just a little outpouring for my sexual frustration, but hopefully that’ll be a thing of the past when I get to my little gay paradise. 

And, just in case you believe that you can talk your way out of this, I took the precaution of burning a forty foot phantom into the school playing fields last night.  If you try and claim that Tony was responsible for that, then good luck, not only was he unconscious in hospital with two broken arms, but he is still wearing an electronic tag which tracks his every move.  So, do the right thing and see that Tony’s name is cleared. 

Yours sincerely,

Bruce Stringwell  a.k.a. The Phantom

“Hmmm,” Tony said, “that is interesting reading.  So, what’s your suggestion?”

The Head stiffened, “Here is my proposal.  You keep all this business quiet and I will contact the magistrate and tell him that I made a mistake.  I will ask that you are immediately reinstated at the school, where you will graduate.  Since you saved him from a vicious assault, I am sure he will be more than happy to agree to this.  In addition, you can move out of the shared accommodation and you’ll get your own room.  I will also see to it that Louise receives a generous pay rise.”