Get It Done When You're Depressed (6 page)

Wouldn’t it be nice on your depressed days if you had someone behind you saying,
Get up out of that bed, soldier! Get dressed and look good and get in your car! I said
get in your car!
What do you think this is, Club Med? You have work to do, and I expect you to do it! And
enjoy
doing it! Now drive to work, or whatever else you need to do, and get on with your day! Enough of this time-wasting behavior! Get on with it! Hup! Hup!

It might be that a good kick in the pants from your drill-sergeant self can help you get going. Think you don’t have an inner drill sergeant? You do. This strong voice
is
inside of you, even on your darkest days. You can talk to yourself this way and still be kind to yourself. You can say,
Get up! Get out of that bed! Get going! Don’t listen to what’s going on in your head. Put on some nice clothes! That’s right, nice clothes, not those old sweats. You’re going out. You’re going to look like you care even if you don’t!

You need a drill sergeant when …

You have just as much vocal power as depression does. You just need to know when you need to use it.

I work by myself and often feel that being alone with my depression is an impossible situation. I wish I had someone to just tell me what to do and how to do it! I know I could work for others, but in reality, I do better alone. When I’m not depressed, I’m happy about working alone. When I’m depressed, I need something to get me going. Often “me” is all I need because I can be two people. I can yell at myself when I’m feeling down. This is the “real me” talking to the “sick me.”
You will work for six hours today, Alex! You will wash your face and get out that door! Get to it. Move!
My brain responds to this, for some reason. I certainly wouldn’t like it from a real person, but I can take it from myself. It’s like clearing a really messy path so I can walk through it.
Walk! March!
—this is the real me.

I cry a lot when I’m depressed. I sometimes wake up crying for no reason. It’s terrible. I lie in bed wondering why I should even get up. I now know these are the days when I need to channel my inner drill sergeant.
Okay, Julie. Get up.
And I get out of bed.
Get going, Julie. Put on your clothes, choose some earrings, and look nice.
I don’t want to do any of this because it truly seems absolutely pointless.
Come on, Julie! Enough! You’re not going to let this depression ruin your day. You
will
get up and get out of the house! Move!
It works, even on the really bad days. It’s like a routine now. That inner voice has to take over to get me moving. I’m not sure when I figured out to do this. I do know that for many years, I often didn’t make it out of bed, but now I always do. Always.

Being strong with yourself can help you find that burst of energy you need to get started on something. Once you get moving, it’s best not to stop, or else it’s easy to collapse back onto the couch. It’s so important to maintain momentum.

If such inner coaching is done in a proactive and forceful way without being too harsh, it can be used to ward off or fight against the urge to just surrender or give up. Listening to that inner dialogue can be an antidote to the powerlessness depression often causes. And your own inner tough talk can be easier to hear because you know it’s from a desire to get better; you know it’s not criticism, as you could perceive it if it came from someone else.

It’s important to note that this drill sergeant voice is never negative. It doesn’t help at all if you get on yourself for being worthless and a failure. Your inner drill sergeant can be loud, strong, aggressive, and practical, but he or she is never mean. You can see this persona as a friend who truly wants you to do well, a guide on the days depression won’t really let you get on with your life.

Here are some other thoughts to consider:

Remember:
On the days when you need extra help to get out of bed or do anything productive, call up your inner drill sergeant. He or she exists to help you get things done, so listen up!

Have you ever noticed how depression makes you feel like you’re floating through the day with no purpose? When your life feels out of control and without structure, it’s natural to feel like you’ll never get your depression under control. And then you have even more trouble getting things done. Like a child, you’ll probably respond to chaos with more chaos in your mind.

Children are easily distracted by all that goes on around them. Having structured meal times, play times, television times, and bedtimes can create a calm and balanced child as opposed to the cranky and difficult child who flounders with little to no structure. Having the same kind of structure in place can work for you, too.

For most of your childhood and adolescence, the structure of your daily life was probably decided for you. In high school, you were probably given a bit more leeway, but the structure was still pretty intense. Then when you were thrown out into the real world, whether in a job or at college, all the structure you were probably used to others establishing for you, especially your parents, simply went away. This transition can be hard for anyone, but when you add depression to the mix, the situation can get out of control. It’s not surprising, then, that so many people can become depressed and overwhelmed on their first jobs or at a new school. As an adult who has depression, you may still struggle as much as someone fresh out of high school.

When you’re depressed, it always helps to know in advance what your day will look like. One of the best ways to do this is to have a plan in place on all days so you know what to do when the depression shows up. You have enough to worry about when you’re in a down mood; knowing what your day will look like removes one more pressure that can lead to less productivity.

Do you recognize in yourself any of the following signs indicating you need more structure?

Even one planned event a day can make a difference. Knowing that you have to be at a certain place at a certain time makes it easier for you to get things done before and after the event.

I wish I lived in a commune or military barracks or in some setup where I’d be told what to do and when. Making those choices for myself doesn’t work lately. I want a structure decided for me. I know it would help if I worked outside the home, but I don’t. It’s my choice to stay home with my kids, but when they’re in school, I can literally walk around my house for hours. I pick up one thing and then turn on the TV and then call my husband and then watch more TV and then think of how I’m wasting my time … it just doesn’t stop. I have plenty of friends to see, but their lives seem so much more structured than mine.

I’ve decided to make a change and apply for a part-time job. I thought staying home would be good for me, but it was the wrong decision. My kids will be fine if they have to go to day care a few hours in the afternoons. I think this is much better than having a depressed mother walking around the house for hours just waiting for them to get home.

One of my biggest problems with not being able to work in an office setting (where my depression gets worse due to stress) is that writing is the least structured of any career I can think of! But I so long for structure.

And I think life is more structured when you have others to take care of, but because I don’t have children, I also don’t have that structure. I’m now working on planning my days by taking classes and making sure I have something to do in the late afternoon, so I know I have to stop working at a specific time.

There are so many days when I feel like I’m floating. On these days, I get nothing done. The night is rarely a problem for me because that’s when I see the people who work during the day, but the daytime can be a huge problem if it’s unstructured.