Authors: Michael Lewis
When he saw
that you and I had hooked up I guess he got jealous. He probably figured since
I was with a dude it should have been him. Now he’s really trying to cause
problems cause he wanted both me and you at one time or another.”
“Your temper
is scary Jazz. You need to tone all that fighting down. You have to do things
differently.”
“So now
you’re going to lecture me? I know I shoulda handled the shit better, I know, I
know. I hate that you saw me acting like that again. You jumped back 2 feet
when I tried to kiss you. You don’t ever have to be scared of me OK? Now come
here baby. Man, Zeke I love you so much…. Real talk!”
Just as I
finally got my kiss, there was a loud knock on the door.
“I wonder who
that is.” Zeke said.
“Ain’t nobody
but the Police.”
“The Police!”
“Yeah, I know
that knock.”
I opened the
door.
“Jazz
Hardaway?” The officer asked.
“You are
under arrest for ……”
“Yeah I know,
I know. Let’s get this over with.”
“I’m sorry
Zeke. I’ll fix this, don’t worry.”
Zeke came
outside as they walked me to the car. The disappointment on his face made me
feel so bad once again. His man was once again helpless in his eyes. I knew I’d
let him down. I asked Zeke to come over to me. The officer let him through.
“Zeke I am
sorry. I will do better. I promise I will. I know I let you down, but I’m gonna
make it OK.”
Zeke gave me
a hug before they put me in the car. Marcus then showed his true colors.
“I want to
press charges. He tried to kill me because I told his dad he was dating him.”
He said pointing to Zeke.
“I’ll be out
in a few hours.” I said to Zeke.
“It’s going
to take more than a few hours to get out with a charge of Attempted Murder, and
that’s if the judge sets bail.” The officer remarked.
The officer
shoved me in the car and started up. I realized it was much more serious than I
thought. What the hell was I going to do?
Nadiah
I readily
confessed everything. After I told the police everything that happened and how
I felt after having the baby, they sent me to a psychiatrist for a mental evaluation.
I’ll admit that I did embellish a lot of the things I told them, figuring they
would diagnose me as Manic Depressive. With that diagnosis, I hoped the judge
would have a different opinion of me since I’d come off as the classic abuser
in court. About a week after all the testing I had a hearing with the doctor,
some other health people, the judge and the lawyers.
“After our
evaluation we all came to the same conclusion. We initially considered Bipolar
Disorder but the symptoms are inconsistent with Bipolar Disorder. The symptoms
you reported are more in line with Schizophrenic Delusional Psychosis. We feel
that a mental health facility would be more effective in treating you and
managing your mental state.” The Psychiatrist stated.
“We have met
with the prosecution and they have agreed to drop the charges if you will agree
to submit yourself to the Sunny Brook Inpatient Mental Health Program for an
initial period of 3 months. Your progress will be evaluated and if your illness
is well managed you will be able to return home. You will have to start
medication but your doses will be adjusted for continual maintenance of your
condition.” My lawyer carefully explained.
“So
basically, you all are saying I am crazy and I need to be committed for 3 months.
I am not crazy.”
“No Ms. Allen
crazy is such an ugly term. They have identified an issue that needs to be
attended to in order to make you all better and they feel that Sunny Brook is
the place for that.”
“Stop talking
to me like I am remedial! You are my lawyer and you agreed to this? Do you
think I am crazy?”
“We don’t use
the term “crazy” it is so pejorative. We think you will benefit from the
wonderful program that Sunny Brook is able to offer you. What you need is
treatment not punishment.” My lawyer said softly while smiling at me like I was
a loon.
I didn’t
appreciate being spoken to in that condescending manner. I had two choices. I
could either articulate my feelings to convey my extreme irritation over the
mob they’d assembled against me. Or I could go off like a straight hood bitch.
I chose door number two. I snatched the long legal folder my lawyer always
carried in his hand and slapped him across his balding, gray haired head with
it. The doctor came toward me with his hands outstretched like I needed a hug.
I was especially irritated with him because he was the cause of all this. I
simply grabbed him by his rubbery, chicken neck and squeezed. Seconds later two
men came in and put me in a straightjacket and took me out of the room.
“Get that
crazy bitch on some meds, Stat!” I heard an officer say to the doctor before
the door closed.
“Crazy bitch?
I’ll show you a crazy bitch! I got something for your ass you little fat
fucker!”
I knew all
too well they just said 3 months to keep me calm. Once I got to that place,
they were going to try to keep me there indefinitely. Had I been as crazy as
they assumed I would have gone peacefully and not said a word.
I had not
been back to the house Alton and I shared since the night he put me out.
Somehow the jail had that as my current address. In actuality, I had been using
my mother’s address instead. When it was time to take me to Sunny Brook, they
took me to Alton’s by mistake. I tried to tell them that I didn’t live there.
They shushed me and said, “You may not know it, but this is where you lived.
It’ll be okay we won’t let the boogeyman get you.”
“Did that
idiot just say the boogeyman? What do I look like? The goddamn Gerber baby?”
My words
stopped cold when I looked out the window of the van and saw that woman walking
out of the front door of my house.
“What in THE
hell?” I shouted as I began to make my way to the front of the van.
“Ma’am wait.”
“Get off me!”
“Alton what
in the hell is this?”
Alton stood
in the middle of the driveway with his mouth open shocked to see me.
“What are you
doing here Nadiah?”
“No, what the
hell is she doing here?”
“You lost the
privilege to question me. Hey guys you made a mistake. This is my ex-wife. She
does not live here.”
“So this is
why you wanted to expedite things. You couldn’t wait to get that bitch in my
house! How do you like living in my shadow bitch? You like my leftovers, Fido?”
“Nadiah
that’s enough!” Alton shouted.
“Move! I want
to talk to that bitch right there.”
“Nadiah, no
more! You got it? No more!”
“What? Alton,
Be quiet.”
“Nadiah, you
won’t disrespect me, Rachel, or my house. You don’t want me to deal with you
the way you deserve. Get your ass back in the van and go on where you are
supposed to be.”
“You ain’t
gonna do shit. You never will be anything but a punk ass, no balls having, weak
doormat. Take your insignificant ass somewhere.”
Alton turned
his back to me and walked away.
“Go inside
baby.” He said to Rachel.
“Yeah, that’s
a good dog, do like your master says. Sit Ubu, sit.” I said to her.
“Will you
ever stop being such an evil shrew?” Alton said as he walked toward the house.
“I’m not
finished talking to you comeback here.”
“You are
finished! Now fuck off!”
“I said come
here.”
Alton turned
around swiftly and took a couple of steps toward me, then stopped in his
tracks.
“Nadiah why
are you such a bitch?” He asked rhetorically.
He turned
around to go inside as if I was going to stand there idly after he’d called me
a bitch. I had to beat his ass one time for the road since he wanted to show
off in front of his new bitch. I rushed him from behind and jumped on his back.
I clawed at his face in a rage.
At that point
the two orderlies were running up the driveway to get me. Alton flipped me off
of his back and I landed in the grass.
“Nadiah get
your ass in the van I’m warning you.”
“Fuck you!
You were acting like the holy saint while you have been fucking with that bitch
the whole time.”
I charged at
him again with my fist drawn. Alton reached out with his long arm and grabbed
me by my throat cutting off my breath. He lifted me in the air and started
talking.
“Nadiah, I
begged you to leave me alone. I forgave you after you tried to kill me, but you
keep fucking with me!” He said as his voice lowered to an eerie gravelly growl
and hot, angry tears poured from his eyes.
He lifted me
into the air with his large hands wrapped around my throat and threw me about
10 feet across the yard. Alton then did something I didn’t expect. As I walked
toward him he was also coming toward me!
“Nadiah, I
meant what I said! NO MORE!!!!!” He said as he cried.
When he
reached me Alton grabbed both sides of my head with both hands.
“I swear the
only way I won’t kill you, is that God strikes me down before you take your
last breath. No More! You hear me? No fucking more!” He said as he pushed me to
the ground.
As he stood
over me I tried to get away from him but he kneeled down and grabbed me. Alton
grabbed my hair with his left hand and drew his right fist back.
“Alton, No!
No! No! Don’t do it!” I heard Rachel scream.
I shut my
eyes tightly. When I opened them, Rachel was standing behind Alton, straining
to hold his massive arm with both of hers. She was literally swinging on his
arm with her feet off the ground. The muscles in his arm twitched and every
vein he had was visible as he grappled with his conscience.
“Alton,
please don’t do it. Don’t let her be the cause of you getting in trouble. I
love you Alton, don’t let that happen.”
“Oh shut up
Little Bible Betty!” I thought to myself, but I didn’t dare say it!
I could see
the wheels turning in his head. Ultimately, he dropped his arm and his head.
Rachel knelt down and held him as he sobbed in her arms. I’ve never seen
another human being as mad as he was as he stood over me. He didn’t want to
hurt me for anything in the world, but I had pushed him to that point. It made
me crazy that she was the one consoling my man. After seeing all of the passion
in his eyes, albeit angry passion, I knew I’d made a terrible mistake. I vowed
then that I was going to get my man back by any means necessary.
Rachel
That
insane woman knows no limits I swear. She pushed and pushed and pushed until
poor Alton almost killed her. When I finally got him in the house he sat in a
daze for an hour. When he did make another sound it was him crying.
“Alton,
what’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry
Rachel. I’m sorry you saw me lose control like that.”
“You and I
both know there is evil all over that woman. The evil spirit has consumed
her.”
“I never wanted
to hurt her. I’ve been nothing but good to her.”
“It’s that
evil spirit in her. If she doesn’t get a grip it’s going to eventually
obliterate her. Elias has that same spirit in him. I swear looking at her was
like looking a female version of him. I do have a confession to make.”
“What’s that
baby?”
“I had to
really debate whether or not to let you go and let her suffer the consequences.
I thought maybe if you just beat the hell out of her one good time she’d learn
a lesson. I saw your face and knew if you started, no one would have been able
to stop you. Besides, I wasn’t going to risk you going to prison. What would I
do?”
“The thing
that bothers me is that I had every intention of beating her to death with my
bare hands. I’ve never had thoughts like that about anyone.”
“Alton you
are human. A person can be pushed only so damn far. Even a mild mannered person
can be pushed to kill someone.”
“Rachel, I am
glad you stepped in.”
“I am willing
to bet she is gonna try to get you back.”
“There is no
chance in hell I’ll get back with her. Right now I don’t ever want to see her
again.”
No one could
fault Alton for his actions. I’d only met Nadiah a few times, and each time she
was out of control. One can only imagine what hell Alton went through with that
woman for seven and a half years. It was finally time for Alton to see the good
side of love. I was determined to show him nothing but that side.
About 6:00
P.M. we suddenly remembered that we’d been invited to his mother’s house for
dinner.
“After all
the drama I totally forgot. Maybe we’d better go. I don’t want to start off
making your mother think I am trying to keep you away from the family or
anything.”
“She wouldn’t
think that way at all.”
We dressed in
a hurry since we were already over an hour late. Of course I was paranoid about
everything from my hair, to my dress, to whether or not I would mess up and say
the wrong thing. Alton did his best to reassure me that all I needed to do was
be myself.
On the way
out the door Alton stopped to give me a kiss. I felt an energy go through me
that I’d never felt before.
“Did you feel
that Rachel?”
“That funny
feeling, like a burst of energy?”
“Yeah, I
thought it was just me.”
“No, I felt
it too.”
“I think that
means our souls connected.”
“Whatever it
was, I liked it.”
“Okay let’s
go because if I look at you another second in that dress we won’t make it to
mother’s.”
We made it to
his parent’s house about 20 minutes later.
“Hi Ma, sorry
we were running late.”
“Oh that’s
okay. I just put the bread in the oven anyway. Alton I am glad you had the
sense to chase this girl down. Nadiah just don’t know how close she was to
making me shove that broom stick up her……”