Giving In (The Sandy Cove Series Book 1) (23 page)

Before he came outside the hospital to see me, I
knew I had to try to talk to Dr. Goldberg. Just being there made me
panic and I’m pretty sure I did a good job of hiding it. I haven’t
spoken to Dr. Goldberg, or at least needed to speak with him in a
few weeks. Cruz was there to talk to me, to listen, but in this
particular situation, he’s unavailable to help me under the
circumstances, I had no choice but to call Dr. Goldberg. He
instructed me to repeat my mantra, so I did. I’m not sure, but I
think Cruz bought the whole Willow being on the phone story.

So when he gets back, we will go to the dock and
talk. That’s what’s going to happen. I tried to call him to tell
him how my interview was but his voicemail just keeps coming on.
Come to think of it, the bus ride should have only taken him two
hours to get home. There must be delays. It did wind up raining
last night, so maybe that’s what the problem is.

My interview went great, in spite of it being
done at such an accelerated speed. They need someone, and they need
someone… yesterday. They said they would get back to me by week’s
end. That’s two days. My whole future could be planned in two
days.

I walk down to the dock to relax and read and
wait to hear from Cruz. I hear Max call my name.

“Harlow! You down there?” I see him hang over
the top deck, and I turn in my chair to wave to him. He disappears
and runs down to meet me. He looks frazzled.

“Max, what’s wrong?”

“Have you heard from Cruz since you’ve been
back?”

“No, why? Is something wrong?” My stomach drops
from the tone of his voice.

“His Captain called. He’s been trying to get a
hold of him for a few hours now, but he says his phone is going
straight to voicemail.”

“Max, why weren’t his parents there?”

He runs a hand through his mohawk and sighs.

“Harlow, ask Cruz. I gotta run to Jax for a
sound check, so as soon as you hear from him, call me. I’ll leave
him a note at the house just in case.”

Ask Cruz. The words run through my head. Did he
get in an argument with them, or are they away on a vacation or
something like that? I could ask Bella or Tony, but maybe it’s best
if I just ask Cruz myself.

My mind goes to everything that could possibly
be going on and why Cruz hasn’t called or what has happened. I
don’t think I can stand it, so I’m going to call Bella. I have to
be cautious when asking so I don’t upset them and make them
worry.

I call the hospital and ask for Bella Cruz’s
room. They connect me and Bella picks up on the second ring.

“Hello?”

“Bella, hi this is Harlow Hannum.”

“Harlow, hi sweetie. How are things? Did your
interview go well?”

I can hear the little stirring and cooing sounds
of baby Matteo close to my ear.

“Great, actually, but I should be asking how you
guys are.”

“We are doing great. Matteo’s feeding well and
we can go home tomorrow. Did Raph make it home ok?”

Shit!

“Well, that’s really why I’m calling. I haven’t
heard from him and he told me he would be home early afternoon and
it’s almost five, so I’m a little worried.”

“You’re just a little worried?” Her tone isn’t
accusatory, but it’s questionable.

“Yes, I am. Actually, I’m a lot worried. He
always picks up when I call and usually gets back to me through
text within a minute and now it’s going straight to voicemail.”

“Harlow, maybe his bus is running late and he
forgot to charge his phone or something like that. He’s a big boy,
I’m sure he’s fine. The man has fought in wars, so don’t worry too
much.”

“I’ll try, it’s just, well I’m just… Well, it’s
just not like him not to answer or at least try to contact me.”

“Give me your number and if by some chance he
calls me or Tony, I’ll tell him how worried you are and for him to
call you.”

I give her my number and say, “Thank you.”

“And Harlow, just so you know, and if I’m
crossing a line here, I’m sorry, but he cares a lot about you and
worries for you as well, so thank you, for feeling the same about
him.”

“Thank you, Bella. Take care of that new little
man, and I’m so glad I got a chance to meet you and Tony.”

“Me too, Harlow and hopefully we’ll see a lot
more of you sooner than later.”

The line goes dead, and I stare at the
phone.

My phone starts to buzz. I fumble with it,
hoping it’s Cruz, praying that it’s him, telling me he’s ok, but
it’s a number I don’t recognize.

“Cruz?” But it’s not.

“Miss Hannum, this is Greg Landberg from Grayson
Elders School District.”

Great, I guess he’s calling to tell me they
hired someone more qualified.

“Mr. Landberg, so nice to hear from you. What do
I owe the pleasure of this call?”

He laughs, but in a friendly way.

“Well, the pleasure is all mine, believe me,
Miss Hannum. We would like to offer you the position of seventh
grade English teacher for this coming year at Grayson Elders Middle
School.”

No, he did not just offer me a job. I pinch
myself. I mean I just pinched my arm.

“Mr. Landberg, I… I don’t know what to say.”

“Well, we were hoping you’d say yes, and that
you can report for duty by next Wednesday, so you can get
acclimated with the school and the curriculum for the coming
year.”

Here is my future. I have a job, and it’s all I
ever wanted. This is happening so fast.

“Mr. Landberg, thank you so very much and I
accept. I can be there next week. Just tell me what time and
where.”

“We were so very impressed by your interview and
we know that you will be a wonderful asset to our school. My
secretary will send you more information and a copy of the contract
for you to look over. You already submitted to us all the necessary
paperwork on background checks and so forth, so that’s taken care
of.”

I thank him for the opportunity, and that I will
see him then. I try to dial Cruz again, but it still goes straight
to voicemail. Wait till he hears. Wait till he finds out he got a
job as well. Wait till I get my hands on him for making me worry
the way I am.

I run up to the house to tell the girls. Willow
is going to teach sixth grade Spanish at the school, so we will be
together.

“Well, girls I think this calls for a
celebration. A night out tonight for one last hurrah before we have
to head back next week,” Willow says. She’ll head back with me on
Monday so we can prepare for Wednesday. Only four more days here.
I’ll have to say goodbye to Sandy Cove, among other things.

That reality sets in. I only have a few days
left here. My time is being cut short at the shore, but my dream is
coming true. I’ll be a teacher, and I’ll be happy… Finally…
Maybe.

***

Can someone please tell me how much worse the
past six hours can get? First, I get on the wrong bus and wind up
in bumble-fuck who the hell knows where and why? Because I fell
asleep on the damn bus, and I’m at least three hours away from
home, not stopping anytime soon mind you. Then I lost my phone. I
lost my fucking phone in the bus terminal. How could I be so
stupid? Where is my freaking head? Lack of sleep, thoughts of the
girl I need to get home to so I can tell her how I feel about her.
That’s where it is. This whole bus ride I’ve been trying to figure
out what to say to her, how to tell her. I wrote it down on the
back of a paper towel from the men’s room in the bus terminal. I
don’t know how to write shit, I can’t even form the right words to
express myself half the time. I fight. I fuck. I work hard. I’ve
never had to tell a girl I think about her all the time. When she’s
not around, I miss her, and I look forward to seeing her every
morning. When I’m at work, she’s on my mind. How her scent stays
with me all day after she’s been near me. All those things I never
really even realized I was thinking of until now. It just seemed
like second nature to me to think about her. We spend so much time
together, I’d have to say that’s normal.

Right?

I think I’ve read what I wrote a hundred times
on this trip, and I have more crossed off and written over than I
care to share. The old lady next to me smells like moth balls and
scotch. The rain hasn’t stopped. I can’t find a working pay phone
anywhere to call Harlow.

But what if she’s not even caring that I said
I’d be home in the early afternoon. Maybe she could care less.
Maybe she met up with her ex, and he took her to some country club
for dinner, buying her diamonds and is sweeping her off her feet
and crap like that.

What if I tell her I want her and it turns out
she doesn’t want me. Then what?

I’m scared, and I don’t want to be.

In my mind, I’m just as scared as I was in Iraq
and that was scared shitless. I remember we had to convoy from
Kuwait to a base in Iraq. It was a mile long. We didn’t have
armored vehicles like the military does now, and all the roadside
bombs that were set up were destroying ours. The sick feeling in
the pit of my stomach now is like the feeling I had that day. Not
knowing what the outcome is going to be, but I’ve taken rejection
my whole life, and I’ve dealt, so what the hell. Just get me off
this bus, so I can see if a bomb is going to go off or not.

The houses are dark, but the cars are still
here when the cab drops me off. I go inside, and I see a note from
Max telling me they’re all at Jax. I smell like that old lady who
sat next to me on the bus, and I’m in desperate need of a
shower.

You know what? Fuck it. I’ll run the twelve
blocks to Jax. I already stink so what’s the sense of even
bothering with a shower.

I run as fast as my legs can take me. It’s dark
and there are plenty of people hanging outside on the sidewalks
near all the local hangouts. I push my way through, my heart
racing. Although I’m running, my knees are shaking. The crumbled up
paper towel with all my thoughts is in my pocket. I get to Jax. I’m
sweating, panting, nervous as all hell. I say hi to the bouncer and
make my way in. I swim through the crowd, searching for her, that
mane of strawberry blonde that I just want to run my hands through.
I feel a pull on my arm, and as I look down to see whose hand is on
me I realize it’s that girl I took home a few weeks ago. The one
Harlow ran into after she left my room.

“Hey, Cruz. Long time no see. Where you off to
so quickly?”

I really don’t have time for this. I didn’t want
to talk to her when she was naked and wanton in my bed, and I
certainly don’t want to talk to her now.

“I’m kind of in a hurry, so I’ll see you
around.”

But she doesn’t let go, only tugs my arm
stronger.

“I don’t get what’s got you in such a rush, but
if you stick around, I can certainly make staying worth your
while.”

I take her hand, which is now squeezing my
bicep, off of me. I don’t want to be mean, but I need to be
blunt.

“Listen, I’m here for a girl, not just ‘some
girl’, but ‘the girl’. You and I had a fun night, one night, but
that’s as far as I wanted it to go.”

If I didn’t know better, I’d think her eyes
turned a shade of black, rage sending a clear path my way. I walk
away from her, not looking back, but I can feel her burning a hole
right through me with her stare.

I go towards the stage, not seeing a soul I know
until I see Max and his band enter the stage. I yell for him, and
he hops down.

“Where the hell have you been? We kept calling
and calling and you were nowhere to be found. You gave us a
freaking heart attack, man.”

I grab his shoulders. “Who did I give a heart
attack to?” Hoping with all I have that he gives me the answer I
want.

But he doesn’t.

He looks over my shoulder and shakes his
head.

“What are you looking at?” He points, and I turn
my head just in time to see the roadside bomb go off.

No. God, no.

She’s with him. Close, with his arm around her
waist.

Knox.

“That’s not a good scene, Cruz,” Max snaps at
me.

“That’s why I’m here, to make it better.”

I leave Max and go to her. Bomb or no bomb, I
have to know. I have to let her know that this is more than
friendship.

I stalk over to them. His eyes catch mine and
his smirk tells me he knows I came for her. His cocky grin, his
name-brand shirt, his perfect gelled-up hair.

No games, just her.

I didn’t come here to get into a pissing match
with him, I came for her. The only one that matters.

I tap her shoulder. She turns around, with tears
in her eyes, and suddenly my heart hurts.

Why is she crying?

She takes one look at me and goes to say
something, “Cruz, where have you…”