Giving In (The Sandy Cove Series Book 1) (21 page)

My mind works in a mysterious way. I could care
less if she pulled away from me right this second. I just needed,
for some ungodly reason, to kiss her. I have never had a feeling or
a desire to do something like that in my whole life.

What’s happening to me? I’m the guy who picks
them up, fucks them till their knees shake and sends them home.
Sometimes not really kissing them. But in this strange and fucked
up universe, this woman makes me do things, feel things, that
aren’t me.

As my body tends to get closer to hers, I feel
her hardened nipples against my shirt, I smell her sugary vanilla
scent. I wrap a strand of her soft hair around my hand as it leaves
her cheek, and I snake it upwards into it. I deepen the kiss by
parting her lips with my wanting tongue, and she lets me in. She
fucking lets me in.

I feel like I’m falling, like I’m on one of
those free fall roller coasters on the boardwalk. My stomach
tightens and rises and falls with each stroke of her tongue against
mine. Sinking deeper and submitting into the force. The force I
call Harlow.

She breaks away from me, and it’s the last thing
I want her to do. I could go on kissing her like this for God knows
how long, and the thought of fucking her doesn’t even enter my
brain. It’s nothing but mush right now, so kissing her just
overcompensates for that longing if it ever came to that.

She steps away from me, bringing the outside of
her hand to her mouth, holding it there. I drop my arms to my side
and close my eyes, hoping she doesn’t run, that I didn’t scare
her.

Oh, God did I just do something stupid?

“Why did you do that?” She asks me in a small
voice.

“I wanted to thank you for coming here and for
being with me through this. You didn’t have to. I’m not the nicest
person to you sometimes, and I’m… Well I feel bad for that, and I’m
sorry. So… Thank you.”

Now I wait for a slap, or one of her infamous
knee-to-ball contacts, but she doesn’t. She smiles and that same
drop I felt a few minutes ago, like being on the roller coaster
returns, and it’s not a bad feeling, just a confusing one.

She picks up the canvas bag she’s been lugging
around all day and flings it on her shoulder.

“I got a job interview tomorrow for a permanent
position for this coming school year, so I have to go.”

Wow, she skipped right over the part about our
minute’s long make-out session in front of this hospital, but
ok.

“Well, that’s great. I’m really happy for you.
But, don’t you have anything to say about what just happened?”

She shakes her head no.

“Listen, no big deal, you um, well you just
experienced a great thing. A new baby came into the world. I’m sure
you’re full of emotions, but I was wondering if you could take me
to the bus station. I need to get home and I’m sure you want to
stay, so you need your car.”

She wants me to take her to the bus station?
What the hell is going on in that big brain of hers?

“You are not going back to Sandy Cove on a bus,
Turnip. Take my car, and I’ll take the bus back tomorrow, besides,
I have a shift tomorrow night so I have to get back before three. I
would normally call out, but I’m pretty sure I have a good chance
at a position on the force, so I’ll have to look good. Calling out
sick won’t make it look that way.”

“Are you sure?” She asks, unsure of my
request.

“Yes, I’m sure. Want to come up and say goodbye
to Bella and Tony?”

She smiles. “Sure.”

We make our way up to Bella’s room and we
explain about Harlow’s interview. Baby Matteo is in Bella’s arms
and again she asks Harlow if she would like to hold him, and again
she declines the offer. She strokes his little hand and gently lays
a kiss on his knitted hat covered head.

“Goodbye little man. You are a very lucky little
boy to be surrounded by so many people who love you.” As she goes
to move from the bed, Bella stills her hand.

“Harlow, thank you for being here for my
brother-in-law. I know he’s glad you were here. Please come back
and visit us any time.”

She nods. “I will and it was such a pleasure to
meet all of you, truly it was and congratulations.”

Harlow makes her way to the door, and I follow
her out. I need to grab my overnight bag from the car.

We walk in silence down the hall, into the
elevator and all I want to do at this moment is take her in my arms
and kiss her again, but it’s not going to happen. I’m turning into
the world’s biggest pussy. First, I get all mushy from holding a
stupid baby. Now, not only once, but twice, I want to kiss this
girl who I, sometimes, can hardly stand.

We make it to my car. Harlow gets in and starts
the engine. I grab my bag and lean down into the window.

“Now text me when you get in. You may hit some
traffic on the turnpike this time of day.”

She smiles. “Yes Dad, I’ll be ok.”

“Smart ass.” She rolls up the window and starts
to pull away and then I remember something I wanted to tell her so
I yell out her name.

“Harlow!” She stops, rolls the window back down
and peeks out.

“Yea?”

“Good luck tomorrow, Turnip.”

Then she pulls away, and I’m stuck with all
these emotions playing around in my head. She’s so guarded; such a
tough nut to crack. That damn wall she has built up around herself
is alarming. I mean, did that kiss mean nothing to her, ‘cause she
sure as hell acted like it didn’t.

No time to think about it now.

Who the hell am I kidding?

I go back up to the maternity floor when I hear
loud voices coming from the nurse’s desk.

Fuck! Rae’s here. She found them. Tony is
yelling at her. Jorge is trying to calm him down, and I can’t
believe this woman has the balls to show up here. This is what I’ve
been afraid of all damn day.

“Rae, what the hell are you doing here?”

The small, fragile woman, who, in fact, is my
crack-head mother turns at the sound of my voice. I haven’t seen
her druggie ass in over a year. She’s missing teeth. Her skin is
ashen, and she must not weigh more than ninety pounds. Her clothes
are ragged and mismatched.

“Now, now Raphael, is that any way to talk to
your mother. I’m here to see my first grandchild. I have every
right to, tell them Jorge.” She turns to Jorge, and he shakes his
head at her.

“Now come on, Rae, don’t make a scene. This is a
happy day for all of us. If Antonio and Bella want you to see the
baby, they will let you know. Why don’t you go home and we will be
in touch.”

He gently takes her arm and steers her in the
direction of the elevators. She pulls away swiftly.

“Get the fuck off me, Jorge. These are my boys,
not yours, and that new little baby in there is my grandchild as
much as it is yours, so let me see him.”

Tony is not as gentle or understanding as Jorge
is.

“No way, Rae, maybe if you clean up a little
we’ll let you, but until then, stay away from my family and
me.”

She stumbles and slurs her words as she tries to
talk. “You all thought you could keep it a secret from me. Well,
people in the neighborhood talk, so fuck you all for trying to keep
me away.”

Her arms flail around and she almost falls,
slurring her words. Just the sound of her scratchy, smoked-out
voice sends shivers down my spine.

“Fuck you all, every one of you. Mother fuckers.
You have no right to keep me from the baby, you bastards. No-good,
unworthy bastards. I should have gotten rid of you myself with a
wire hanger. Fuck the day you both were ever born.”

Before Tony and I could react, security comes
down the hall and seizes her and carries her off in the elevators.
The whole time she curses and fights them, struggling in their
arms. Before long, the doors close on the scene I prayed would not
have taken place here today.

My first thought: thank God Harlow did not see
this. She thinks my mother is some saint. Some June Cleaver who
dotes on her sons. The perfect wife and mother. I shouldn’t have
lied to her, but when it comes to any type of situation with a
girl, it’s what I do best. I made Porter and Max swear to secrecy,
they can never tell Harlow or the other girls in the house what my
mother is really like. The epitome of embarrassment.

Jorge doesn’t look as worried as Tony and I do,
and we agree not to tell Marcella or Bella that Rae was here. This
is supposed to be a happy time and bringing Rae into the mix will
only cause tension and worry.

We go back into Bella’s room. The nurses took
the baby down to the nursery to clean him up and do some other shit
I’m not sure of. Marcella and Jorge decide to go down to the
cafeteria, so I stay with my brother and Bella.

The waiting doesn’t take long. I can see Bella’s
smirk as soon as her parents leave the room, and I know without a
shadow of a doubt what route the line of questioning is going to
go.

She sits up in her bed, sipping on a cup of tea.
The news is on the lowest volume possible, Tony texts his friends
pictures of Matteo, and I see the passive look on my sister-in-laws
face.

“Freaking say what you’re thinking Bella for
Christ’s sake.”

She gives me the innocent doe eyes, and I know
she’s a crock of shit.

“Moi? Whatever are you talking about
brother-in-law?” She winks at Tony as he glances up from his
phone.

“You know I can persuade some of those pretty
nurses out there to withhold any kind of pain medication from you,
so you better watch it.”

Tony laughs and Bella bats her eyelashes in a
comical sort of way.

“Is that so? You’re not a stud-muffin everywhere
you go, you know.”

But I do know that I am. True statement.

“Whatever. Just give me any of those chicks out
there and a supply closet, and I’ll show you a stud-muffin as you
like to call it.”

“Oh, yea, well what I call it is bullshit!”
Bella gets a bit loud. The woman can have a temper. Tony calls her
passionate.

Gross, but whatever.

“Care to explain mother of one?”

She shimmies up a bit in her bed. Tony flies to
her side to raise her up, and fluffs her pillows to make her more
comfortable.

He kisses the top of her head gently.

“Thank you, my love.” Her throat clears and the
look in her eyes means she’s all business now.

Her index finger pointed at me, her foot tapping
under the blanket and lips pursed.

“First of all, I talk to you once a week, maybe
twice, same with your brother. When you first went to the shore it
was all about banging the chicks, partying, who won at beer pong,
whatever.” She’s flustered, and I think it’s hysterical.

“But as the weeks went on, every phone call
began with something about that girl and ended with something about
that girl. You told us so much about her and her life. I feel like
when she walked in here today, I’ve known her for a thousand
years.”

Now I think she’s stretching the truth a
bit.

“And if you think I’m stretching the truth a bit
then you’re the damn liar. How would I know she wears black rimmed
reading glasses, and that she has freckles only on the bridge of
her nose and they flow a bit outwards on her cheeks? Her life goal
was to become a teacher? How do I know she’s shy, but when she
speaks to you she makes you feel like you’re the most important
person in the room?”

I shrug. “Fuck if I know.”

Tony slaps the back of my head.

“Watch your mouth, she’s a mom now, none of that
language around her.”

“Raph, I know these things because you told them
to me. Maybe you said it without knowing you actually did, but you
did. She stood in that doorway before you introduced us and I saw a
light in your eyes that I’ve only seen once and I’ve known you
since you were five.”

I know the instance she’s talking about.

“When you came back from your last tour and saw
us waiting for you when you got off that plane. That same look
appeared when that girl was in the closest range to you. Then, by
the grace of God, that look stayed with you, now it’s gone because
she just left.”

Bella must still be on those pain meds because
I’m pretty certain my facial expressions have not changed since I
got here.

“You have problems, lady. She’s just a friend.
We hated each other at the beginning of the summer, but we’ve
developed a friendship and things between us have changed.”

“You’re darn tootin’ things have changed. That
girl who just walked out of here changed you!”

I get up from my chair, scratch the stubble on
my face and look out the window at the dreariness that is down
below. I have been the same damn way for the past twenty four years
and I’m not about to change. This is who I am. I’m someone who
doesn’t allow people to change me. The only person who has ever
changed me was my mother, and I think I’ve come to accept the fact
that it was a good change. It made me strong, built my defenses up.
It made me less weak, and gave me the mindset that I’m the only
person I can count on. Well, that’s a lie. I’ll always have Tony
and Bella, and now I have Matteo.

“I’m going to go grab a coffee. Anyone want
one?”

Antonio looks at me confused.

“Since when do you drink coffee?”

“Oh, he didn’t tell you that part, did he?”
Bella chimes in.

She crosses her arms over her lap and gives Tony
her ‘I know something you don’t know’ look.

Frustrating woman.

“Well, he drinks coffee with Harlow every
morning on the dock of the house they are renting. It’s just them,
and they talk about all sorts of things, like she’s rich, he’s not,
but she doesn’t know that. She doesn’t know about Rae and where he
lives. He told her he’s from Cherry Hill.”

“What the fuck, Raphael? Why are you lying to
her? Your life; our lives are what they are. If she’s your friend
and you care about her then why lie?”