Glass Hearts (10 page)

We pull up to the rehab facility and everyone sits up straight, looking out the front window. The property is secluded, hidden from the road by mature trees and surrounded by a wooden ranch style fence that says A Hope for Tomorrow at the driveway entrance. It’s so peaceful out here.

“We’re here,” I announce, taking in the place that gave me my life back. There’s nothing fancy about it, but there’s a well-maintained house, a horse stable and an old wood working shed. I scoffed the first time I came here, but I ended up riding a horse almost every day to clear my mind. “Have you ever ridden a horse before?” I ask, turning to Alex.

She shakes her head. “I’d really like to someday, though.”

The car stops in front of the old wrap around porch and I watch Nolan as he grimaces. “I don’t know if I can do this,” he says, shaking his head.

“Yes, you can,” I say sternly. Alex opens her door and we both slide out her side of the car. I open Nolan’s door for him, and he exits hesitantly. I instruct Alex and the cab driver to wait for me outside as I walk Nolan in. This is something I need to do myself. I need to have one last moment with my brother before he starts his journey.

As soon as we are inside the door, he turns to me. “I don’t think I can fucking do this. I already feel sick as hell and look at this place. What is there to do here?”

I grab both of his shoulders, forcing him to look at me. “You need to do this. You’ll feel so much better when you’re done.”

I watch as he crouches down, wrapping his fingers through his hair. “I can’t fucking do this right now. I can’t.”

“I know you were young when Jenna was still with us, but do you remember the way her dimples would appear when she smiled? Do you remember the way her eyes would brighten when we let her play with our toys? She had so much life, Nolan, and she was taken from us way too soon. Now, you have the chance to live, to have what she can’t. We owe our lives to her. It could have very easily been one of us in that car with mom that day, but it was her,” I say, kneeling down in front of him. “Do it for her.”

He completely breaks down in front of me, letting his back fall against the wall. I haven’t seen my brother cry like this since we were kids. The big brother in me wishes I could do this for him. I wish he had more of a support system to help him through, but I remember how I did it with no one, and I feel hope that he will come out with a similar result.

“Are you ready?” I ask, reaching my hand out to him.

His body continues to shake as he waves my hand away, getting up on his own. He’s a mess, but to me this is a good sign. I was the same way the day I walked into rehab. I couldn’t stop wondering where my life went so wrong. I finally decided to let it go so that I could make my future right. I owed it to myself.

I help Nolan check in and give him one last hug before walking out of the house. Alex is sitting on the front steps staring at the miles and miles of country land. I wonder what she’s thinking about as I sit down next to her.

“Hi,” she whispers, grabbing my hand.

“Are you ready to go?” I ask, glancing toward the cab driver who’s smoking a cigarette behind the car.

“Yeah, although I have to admit I could sit out here for hours,” she says, bumping my shoulder with hers.

I stand, offering her my hand. “Come on. We’ll come back and visit in a couple weeks.” Nolan will be here for at least thirty days if all goes well.

When we step into the cab, she immediately wraps her thin arms around my neck; she knows that I need some comfort right now. I lean in to kiss her lips before settling my head against the back of the seat. I let the motion of the car against the bumpy road relax me before drifting to sleep.

“Hey, we’re here.” I open my eyes to see we’re parked in front of the apartment building. The streets are full of people, and the sounds of sirens and horns fill the air.

I miss the country already.

I stretch my legs before paying the cab driver and stepping out of the car. I can’t believe I slept the whole way home, but then again, it has been an exhausting couple of days. I have to work tonight, but I wish I didn’t. I want to stay home, curled up on the couch with Alex.

“You want me to make you something to eat before you have to leave for work?” Alex asks, looking up at me.

“You’re going to cook for me?” I tease. Usually I’m the one who does the cooking.

“I was going to try,” she smiles. I can’t look at her pretty face and not touch her.

I pull her into my body and kiss the spot right below her ear. “We could just go eat in the bedroom,” I say against her neck.

“Aren’t you hungry?” she whimpers, curving her body into mine.

I grind my hips into her. “You have no idea.” I hear a catcall directed toward us and decide it’s time to move inside. It’s so easy to get carried away with this girl standing in front of me. She makes me feel like we’re the only people in the world.

I buzz us in, practically pulling her up the stairs with me. “Dane, slow down,” she laughs. There are moments I wish I had superhero powers so I could teleport us to our bed. Actually, it doesn’t even have to be the bed; any private place will work.

I don’t know what her trick is, but I can’t help myself around her. She brings out a passion in me that I didn’t know existed before I met her. Sex was always a physical thing for me. It was a release, a way to feel good. With Alex, I feel it everywhere. She touches a place inside of me that I never knew existed. When we’re together, our bodies speak silent words, expressing everything we feel right there and then. I think that’s the difference between sex and making love; the ability to feel more than just the touch of skin against skin. Alex is the first girl I’ve ever made love to.

I press her up against the wall and work my lips down her neck and along the exposed part of her collarbone as I reach my hand under her shirt. She arches into me and tangles her fingers in my hair as I gently run my hand along her flat stomach. I won’t admit this to her, but I decided to grow my hair a little longer just for this reason. The pull on my scalp makes my skin tingle, sending a fire down my whole body. “Let’s go inside. Now,” I growl as I continue to move my lips along her smooth skin.

She wraps her legs around my waist and I use my arms to pull her closer. I walk us into the apartment and quickly close the door, never letting our lips break contact. I’m so lost in her body; I’m not sure I could tell you my name right now if you asked. I gently lay her on the bed as my eyes drink in her body. I love this girl so much that she could completely let herself go and I would still think she was the sexiest woman in the whole world.

I lift each of her legs, slowly slipping off her shoes. I run my hand up her right leg while holding her ankle with my other hand. I watch her chest move up and down as her breathing picks up. I love that I do this to her. Knowing I have this affect on her while all our clothes are still on makes my chest want to explode. When I reach the button of her jeans, I undo them with one hand and slowly slide them down her legs. She tries to grab at my hair again, but I pull back quickly, smiling down at her.

“Dane, I need you. Now,” she breathes, tilting her head back. I can’t help myself as I hold my weight up with my arms and stare down at her, being careful not to touch my body to hers. I know it drives her fucking crazy, and I want her to want me so bad that when I finally bury myself inside her she can’t stop screaming my name. I slide my lips down the smooth, soft skin of her neck. She’s wiggling under me, begging to be touched, but I take my time, tasting and nibbling. “I want to take my time tasting you,” I whisper in her ear. I feel her shiver when my warm breath hits her skin.

I trail my chin down her chest and between her breasts, stopping to lift her shirt and kiss the sensitive skin below her belly button. She moans as she grabs a handful of my hair again. It’s taking all my control not to sink myself into her beautiful body. I want to make love to all of her, to show her she means something to me, to show her that I’m hers, always and forever. I want to show this girl my soul by kissing and worshipping her. I want to show her the parts of me that only she can understand. She’s everything to me, and I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to her.

She sits up on her elbows when I pull back to remove my clothes. Her eyes slide up and down my body before locking with mine. She’s begging me to touch her, and my fingers ache from my attempt to take things slow.

“Sit up,” I command.

I reach for the hem of her shirt to pull it over her head. She’s wearing nothing, but the dark blue panty set that drives me completely crazy.

I wrap my hands around her thin waist and pull her up so that she’s standing with her body pressed against mine. Her heart is beating against my chest and I can feel the emotion passing between us. We brought each other hope and love, and I feel it more and more every day. She covers my chest in soft kisses, looking up into my eyes before going in for each one. When she runs her fingertips up my back, I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I can’t take it anymore as I splay my hands on her back and quickly discard her bra. It’s one of the last pieces of clothing between us. God, I want her so fucking bad.

I step back and watch as she runs her hands up her stomach and over her breasts. My hands are trembling, screaming at me to give in as she teases me. “What’s the matter?” she asks, running her teeth over her bottom lip. It’s my breaking point as I press my body against hers, leaning in to run my tongue along her lips. I feel her smile against me and I respond by grabbing her lower lip between my teeth and getting a little nibble for myself. Two can play this game.

I lift her by placing my hands under her ass, then shift us back onto the bed. She grinds into me and I rip her panties off, burying two of my fingers deep inside of her. She’s so wet and ready for me. Her eyes close and her head tilts back as I make small circles with my thumb, drawing her closer and closer to screaming my name.

When she’s close I move my hand, making her eyes open. “Dane, what are you doing?” she pants. I don’t respond as I move between her legs and slowly sink into her body. We both moan at the sensation of our bodies coming together. It only takes a few slow movements before I feel her walls clench around me and she screams my name. I keep thrusting as I watch her smile and bite her lower lip. She fits me perfectly, and the way our bodies work together is lyrical. She tries to roll me over and take control, but I don’t let her. I need to do this today. I need to show her my heart beats for her and that I live my life for her.

She’s so fucking beautiful lying under me, moaning my name; it doesn’t take long before her body’s spiraling out of control again. This time, we unravel together before I collapse into her arms. We’re both covered in sweat, trying to even out our breathing. I hesitantly break contact and move to her side, cradling her body against mine. It’s not long before I hear her breathing slow and realize she’s fallen asleep in my arms.

I lay there for several minutes, content to bury my nose in her hair and run my fingers along her soft skin. If someone had told me months ago that I could make love to a woman, then be content to lie in bed and cuddle her, I would have called them crazy.

I have my first actual job interview today at Loft 10. Dane isn’t thrilled about having me work there, but right now it’s the only thing I can find, and I need it. Besides, I wouldn’t mind working with him and Jay; I think it’ll be fun. It sounds like I’ll be working the weekend shifts with Dane, which will be perfect once school starts because we’ll still have our weeknights to spend together.

I throw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before heading out the door; I don’t want to look too desperate, and I know the staff wears jeans to work every day so at least I’ll blend in.

Dane has already left for work, so I decide to walk and enjoy the warm summer air. Things have been really good between us the last few days, and we’re finally settling into life without the drama. Nolan called once a couple of days ago and said withdrawals were the worst thing he has ever experienced in his life, but I think he’s starting to see life on the other side. Through him, I’m getting a glimpse at the younger version of Dane. I understand him better and realize how little control he had after the drugs got a hold of him. Nolan has Dane, but Dane had no one. Sometimes I don’t think Dane realizes how much strength he has, and other times I wonder what he’s hiding under it. He deserves everything that life can give him; he deserves my best.

I shuffle past men and women wearing business suits and carrying briefcases and realize that I’ll never be one of them. I was never meant to fit in the “whose house is bigger” crowd, but I tried for a long time to pretend I did. I know what will make me happy, and I’m working hard to make it happen. I registered for Art classes in the fall, and I have plans to enter more art shows. In the meantime, I’m looking for my stepping-stone into adulthood. It’s going to take lots of hard work, but I want to look back at my life fifty years from now and smile. I want to leave a name for myself using my paintbrush, not my bank account.