Authors: Anya Monroe
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
We're halfway across the bridge when I feel it. It's as though life's breath is being sucked out of me, leaving me panting. A life force I didn't realize I carried in my chest until it was gone. I look at my hands, they seem brighter than before, and I pull up the sleeves on my coat, slowing my pace. The shimmering color is there, but it's as though something has been taken from me.
And then we see it.
A strange cloudy light coming toward us, crossing over the steel bridge. It's rolling forward steadily and Charlie's radio is going nuts with it buzzing and screeching.
Lukas is coming toward me, I know it.
"It's Lukas! He found me." I exclaim, stopping as I realize that whatever it is, it's pummeling toward us.
"Holy shit, it's a car!" Colton screams, freaking out.
"A car, really?" Charlie asks, stopping in disbelief. It looks like a rolling yellow mass to me.
And then there's a crash.
The car meets the side of the bridge, crushing the railing, the hood crumbling on impact.
And suddenly the sound on the radio silences.
The signal stops.
And so does the visceral part of my heart that ties my heartbeats to my soul.
"No!" I scream, racing ahead with Colton and Charlie right next to me. "Not like this. Not now!"
The front of the car is on fire and smashed, but the rest of the body looks fine, but it's hard to tell from my streaming tears. When we reach the car I try to see in the windows, see anything, but it is hard to tell what has happened, what is happening
still
.
And then the last person I ever expected to see opens a car door, unscathed and as flawless as ever.
Perfection.
"What? Why are you...?" I shake my head not understanding. The puzzle pieces are all broken, the ones I never seem to find, and I just need them to fall back into place where they belong.
"Perfection?" Charlie asks, his voice faltering, hopeful. I swing my head back and forth and see a look cross his face I don't understand,
delight?
"Charles, help! The Nobleman is ... is ... I don't know what. He isn't lit up!" She shrieks and now I'm shrieking too as I run to the car and fling open the door. Huddled in the back, Basil screams, clutching Hana tight. She meets my eyes and I meet hers and none of this is happening the way I expected.
Nothing ever happens the way I expect.
And then.
Then I look at the person in front of me, a ghost, a shell, a boy lost, but the one I need to find. My Lukas.
Lukas without his light, without his glory. The boy I held weeks ago in my arms when I touched his body and brought him back to life.
The same boy is broken before me now, but something's different. Something has changed and I feel it past my heart, past my core; I feel it all the way to my soul.
"Lukas!" I whisper. "Lukas. Lukas, Lukas." As if the more I say his name the faster he will wake.
Nothing happens.
At the same time everything's happening.
"Let me get him." Charlie moves my frozen frame away and he reaches inside for his long lost brother. I can't help but wonder why my first reaction is stop, drop, and roll away while others react with think, help, and move. Move forward.
Colton helps Charlie lift Lukas out and they lay him on the grey concrete road. They go back to the car, helping Basil and Hana get out, lying Hana side-by-side with Lukas.
"They're both breathing, but not much else," Charlie says, quietly.
Perfection and Basil gather blankets and lift their heads gently, making pillows for them.
I stand still, doing nothing.
I am my mother's daughter.
"Lucy. Help them," Colton orders me. "I know you can."
And he does. Colton knows me. He watched me heal Timid under the cedar tree and he kept my secret safe, yet he also knows when to speak. Like right now. He pushes me out of my paralysis, urging me forward. I nod my head and drive away my tears with my hands.
And then I'm on my knees.
I fling off my coat, my sweatshirt, my T-shirt; leaving my arms exposed in my tank top. Looking at the two lying here before me, I know I must choose who to help first.
I press my hands against Hana's chest. Her little body moves up and down, but everything else listless. But I can sense that it isn't her heart that's having the trouble.
It's her mind.
So I press my hands against her head, run my fingers through her shiny black hair. I press my hand behind her neck, at the base of her skull. I intuitively know where to put my fingers and I lean into that. Just like I've known so many times before the answers to questions or the right moves to play, the path on the road to take -- I know this too. All I have to do is go with my gut.
I press my hands on her forehead, gently at first, and then with more pressure. My body relaxes, there is no fear of doing this right or wrong. I just am.
Then it happens, her little brown eyes open slowly, fluttering like a brand new butterfly. She smiles up at me, as sweetly as she ever has, and it feels as though a dagger is driven through my heart with the knowledge that the choices Lukas and I made … our cowardice, our fear … is why she has suffered.
I am ashamed.
Basil comes to my rescue, she has words for her sister. Words that I don't. A history with her I don't share.
"I thought I'd lost you Hana-Banana, I thought you were gone." Basil kisses her sister’s forehead before turning to me, and throwing her arms around my neck the same way she did when we first met.
"Thank you, Lucy. For everything. I can't freaking believe it! I didn't know what I would have done without her...." And then she's holding Hana in her arms.
I turn away because Lukas is still here, waiting for me.
I've been waiting for him, too.
I press my hands against his face, his cheeks and his lips and his neck and his heart. I search inside myself for strength, finding it buried deep inside and it breathes out of my hands and into his pores.
A glimmering cascade of emerald light fills the sky around us, as though we're in a bubble, a sea of green. A cocoon of our very own and everyone around us fades away. I lie my body next to his, pulling him towards me, searching his face like he's searched my heart and I know my love for him is still there, deep inside.
"Lukas. It's me, Lucy. It's all going to be okay. We're together and I'll never leave your side again."
And I mean it, because without me his body is too broken to survive another round of this. He needs me in ways I don't need him.
"Lukas. Open your eyes. Look at me. You were lost somewhere out there, but now you are found. I found you."
I press my lips against his lips and his lips connect with mine and Lukas is awake.
He is alive.
He's alive and full of his golden light, filling our luminescent cocoon.
Through our kiss his tears wash over his cheeks, falling onto my skin. His tears are my tears. It's as though this has always been the way it was going to end, the way it was going to begin.
"Lucy," he says, breathlessly. "Forgive me. It was the only way. You have to forgive me."
I pull back, because his words don't match the words streaming through my mind. I'm thinking forever and he is speaking forgiveness.
"Forgive you for what?" I ask in a whisper, not wanting our rainbow of color to evaporate. Because if we break from this magic moment, we'll be back to a bridge in the middle of the night with worried boys and shivering girls.
Wait.
Girls.
"Perfection." He says her name at the same time I say her name, crashing my world just like the car.
Lukas
Her lips touch mine and she is back.
We are back, together.
The time we were apart feels like an eternity. All I can think is her lips are like honey and her hands hold my face and I must whisper the words that are all over my heart. The words that need to be said because I never want to hurt her.
"Lucy," I say, my breath against her neck. "Forgive me. It was the only way. You have to forgive me."
And Lucy pulls away, giving me a chance to see her emerald eyes for the first time in what feels like forever.
"Perfection," we say at the same time and I see tears in her eyes where there should only be joy.
It only takes a moment for me to know that everything might not be okay, not for Lucy, not for me. Because I have run through the scenarios about how Perfection is going to feel when she finds out the truth, but I haven't spent the same amount of time thinking through how Lucy will feel.
And she only has an inkling right now, she doesn't know the extent of how much happened in the days were weren't together.
She stands, and in an instant the cocoon we were bathed in is gone and we're surrounded by a group of people, standing in the middle of a bridge. Looking around, I stop, seeing a face I've known longer than the others.
Charles.
"Lukas, you're alive. Oh God that was...." He shakes his head, and then he's hugging me. His arms wrap around my body and it's as though my brother is back from the dead. My brother. Here. Lucy did it, she brought him to me.
"I never thought I'd really see you again," I say through muffled words, choked up in a way I never allow myself to be.
Arguing pulls us apart, and cuts our reunion short. A tall guy I don't know is in between Lucy and Perfection, trying to keep the peace, but it's not working.
"What are you doing here? This is not a place for you. This is my ... I never wanted...." Lucy stammers at Perfection.
"I had no choice. I had to come. The Nobleman and I are mates. We were Bound yesterday. It is done." Perfection's words are ice and they send a shiver down the spine of everyone standing there, cutting us with the sharp, cold words. Words that are true. She says them with such confidence, such ease, as though slicing Lucy's heart in two is an easy thing to do.
"Why? I thought we...?" Lucy's voice catches as she turns to me. In an instant I literally watch her heart shatter against the pavement. I did this to her.
"Lucy," I say, walking towards her. "It isn't like that. It isn't like us." And it's true, but Perfection being the one who told her the truth makes me the coward.
"But what she said, is it true? Are you her mate?" Lucy asks, this time with a steadier voice. Basil steps toward Lucy as though protecting her from me. I'm the one hurting her.
"Yes. But...."
It doesn't matter. She doesn't care about the “buts,” or the “whys,” or the “how comes.” She cares about us and the one thing I asked of her.
To have faith in me, faith because trust is too much sometimes. She gave me her faith and I let it break.
She runs away from the car we drove, the car that's smashed in a railing, a crash I caused. Because my mind was twisted with lies and deceit and I couldn't keep it straight anymore. I caused my light to leave, because I was sick inside.
"Go on, brother. You can't let her go that easy," Charles says. I nod, knowing he's right. "We should grab this gear in the car, but you go ahead." He doesn't ask any questions or ask me to explain, he just says the right thing.
I start running after Lucy, she's a few yards ahead, with brilliant green light around her arms, flashing farther and farther away.
I will catch up to her. There is no other choice.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
I don't want anyone following me. I want to leave and hide and never come out. All I ever wanted was someone who I could count on. Lukas was that person, my person. And he chose someone else. I was away for one day before he let that girl into his arms. Arms that I thought were intended to hold me.
"Lucy, stop!" He calls my name, but I don't look back. I don't ever want to look back. I want to keep running away.
I'm tired, but not from the long day of riding. Bringing Hana and Lukas back from the dead has worn me out in ways I don't understand. The campfire burns brightly through the trees and I force my legs to continue, one in front of the other until I get to Junie, collapsing on her.
"Lucy, honey, what's wrong?" She's up, taking in my tear-streaked face and my shaking limbs as I fall apart in her arms.
"He ... he ... chose someone ... else ... he didn't wait for me...." I get the words out, but I don't know if she can understand them.
"Honey, come on, let's get you in bed. Duke, set up the other tent for the boys and we can go in where Timid is sleeping. Come on." She pulls her arms around me, and leads me away from the way I came.
"Lucy! Come back." Lukas has made it to our site, no one's with him, but I don't even turn to look at him. I know he's here, and not just by his words, but because the entire campfire is lit in his gorgeous light.
"Let her go, for now," Duke says to him, and I'm thankful for his ability to read the situation. Girl goes after guy. Guy hurts girl. Girl runs. It isn't a new story. It's been told since the beginning of time.
Only, this is the very first time I've had this scene played out in my life. Lukas was my very first ... everything.
Friend. Kiss. Love.
Junie has laid out sleeping bags for us girls, anticipating Basil and Hana to be coming back with us. My heart melts at her belief in me being able to find my friends. She believed in me all along.
Timid is curled in a ball, sleeping hard. Junie and I stepping in the tent doesn't jar her awake in the slightest. I lie down and suddenly the weight of the day hits me like a tidal wave. My hands shake, overworked and exhausted. Junie holds my hands still in hers.
"Shh ... it's okay. It's okay." She holds on until my breathing slows and my heart slows and my hands stop shaking.
"Have you ever been in love?" I whisper.
"Just once."
"What happened to him?" I ask. Not wanting to be alone in these feelings.
"He died. He got sick, it happened fast. He didn't suffer."
"I'm so sorry, Junie. I wish I'd been there to help...." I look at my hands, the hands that can heal.
"It's alright, Lucy. He left this world knowing we loved each other completely. It was enough love for a lifetime."
"That's what I thought I had, too." I shut my eyes, wanting to be consumed. I let the light within me fill the cracks of my heart. And I dream.
I dream of my apple tree and watch as the people I've known, the people I've loved, are washed in the beauty of the pure white blossoms. In my dream, I walk up to that tree in the white gown I wore at The Light and I lie down between Mom and Dad, wanting to be with them forever. The flowers from overhead fall on my face and I look into the branches, seeing the shiny red fruit hanging heavily above me. I reach my hand up, higher and higher into the bough and take a piece of fruit.
But the moment it's in my hand, it turns black, rotten and decayed.
The fruit is ruined, just like my plan.
Lukas
When the rest of the group from the car comes back to the campfire, Basil gets Hana into a tent, the same one Lucy went into, and helps her to bed before coming back to the fire.
I can't let my eyes reach Perfection, who stands still, arms crossed; yet perfectly poised. Basil and the girl Junie, who was with Lucy when I got here, whisper quietly. Probably about me. They look like they're already friends. Both with stark black hair, sharp eyes, and an edge to them I never see in any Vessel. They're a reminder that I'm far from the only world I've ever known.
Duke and a guy named Colton sit at the fire, leaving Charles and me alone.
"I know we have years to catch up on, but before we can even start, that was quite a scene and umm ... I think everyone's a little confused about what's going on. We expected, like, a happy reunion and this ... this is really intense." Charles looks around the camp as he finishes, and I see what he means. Everyone eyes Perfection and me nervously, not knowing the whole story, but wanting to understand.
"I need to talk to Lucy first," I say. She's the one who's hurt, she deserves to know everything first.
"No way, man." Junie flat out refuses me. "I mean, you look amazing. Like Man-God amazing, in all your lit-up glory, but she doesn't want to talk to you."
"I missed a few things, you know, while I was locked up in that cult-prison," Basil says. "But I take it you two were head over heels in love, and then when she left you changed your mind and married this girl in a hot minute," she points to Perfection. "But Lucy didn't expect that and now she's pissed?" Basil and Junie really are two peas in a pod, both ready to pounce on me.
"I already told you we aren't married.
We Are Bound."
Perfection bites back at Basil, rolling her eyes.
"Is it true?" Charlie asks, stepping away from me. "Did you really marry Perfection?" There's sharpness to his voice I can't place. Has he loved Perfection, after all these years?
"Married. Bound, whatever. Yes." There is a round of disappointed groans. Disappointed in me. "But it wasn't because I wanted to be with Perfection...." I look at her and see wounded eye. I'm causing her a public humiliation because I didn't have the guts to speak with her sooner.
"Keep going. This story isn't sounding better by the way." Colton's words grill into me, hot and charred. "It sounds worse."
"I'm sorry, Perfection," I begin slowly. "I really am ... I had to get off the Refuge, the Council threatened me that I'd have to stay for two more months if I didn't get Bound. I didn't want to hurt you, but I didn't have a choice. Lucy would have been a wreck if I didn't come looking for her for over two months. She would have thought the worst case-scenario had happened."
"So I meant nothing to you? I'm just a stupid girl who was a means to an end?" Perfection asks, her lips quivering, glistening tears streaking her face. "I thought you chose me."
"I did make the choice, technically."
"Because you were forced into it," she finishes harshly, each syllable pounding home the fact. I used her.
She turns from me, and addresses my brother, "Excuse me, Charles, can you help me get a place to sleep. I don't think I can go in Lucy's tent, and I need to get away. From him." Charles jumps up to help her, leading her to the other tent.
I run my hands through my hair, feeling broken, but better to have all of that off of my chest. I never wanted to hurt Perfection, and I truly hope that eventually she'll understand. Once she realizes I'm meant to be with Lucy, for the future of The Light, she'll come around.
Basil and Junie sit down around the fire with Duke and Colton. Basil fits in with them easily, but that's because she has spent her life in the wild. They understand one another in ways I never will.
"I'm sorry for dragging all of you into this," I say, feeling alone. Always alone.
"I'll talk to Lucy for you in the morning, okay? I think once she understands why you did what you did she'll come around. It's that other girl I'd be worried about. She seems pretty high maintenance, which doesn't exactly bode well here," Junie says, looking around the forest.
"Thanks." And I meant it.
"Hey, can we talk?" Charles says coming up to me.
"Of course." We step away from the campfire for privacy. "I still can't believe I'm really here ... with you."
"I know. Lucy told us that you thought we left you ... on purpose, and I want you to know that's not what happened."
"It's okay. Integrity told me everything. What really happened. That's part of why we need to get back to The Light as soon as we can. Lucy and I have a chance to lead the original believers," I explain.
"Wait up, you're not seriously considering going back there are you? No way am I letting Lucy go." Charlie shakes his head at me, his eyebrow cocked high in disbelief.
I'm still half a foot taller than him, and shining brightly, but he's still stronger than me in other ways. He's confidant, self-assured. He knows himself.
I try to be like him when I answer, "Yes, I am going back. I'm the prophet, and Lucy is too. Besides, since when do you get to decide what Lucy does?"
"Since you married some chick after she said you were basically her soul-mate, Lukas." Charles's voice rises with each word. "She freaking sat in the living room and told our parents about your undying love. Then you show up here, betraying her like this? She sacrificed everything for you, she left The Light looking for help, walked in the wild where she could have been killed
, for you
. And this is how you repay her?" Charles yells in my face.
I throw my hands up, so misunderstood, so unconsidered in all of this. He can't even see the incredible weight of the entire fold of people that's on my shoulders. The sacrifices I've made. I never wanted to be with Perfection, I did it all for Lucy.
"I didn't have a choice. I needed to come here, and this was the only way."
"There's always a choice, Lukas. You just made one you'll regret." His eyes are dark and unwavering, they meet mine head one. "I've held back from Lucy even though I want her. I've held back because she said she was yours. Yours. I respected the line she drew in the sand, but that line is gone now, because of you. I'm going after her, she deserves someone willing to fight," Charles says, looking me straight in the eyes, ready for battle.
My light strengthens at his threat to take Lucy. I never expected my reunion with my brother to end so loudly, to begin with so much pain.
"You won't win," I say steadily.
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because deep down she believes in The Light."