Authors: Anya Monroe
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Lucy turns back, and I push out more light, wanting to help everyone here the only way I know how. Restore their energy, restore their faith. Restore her faith in me.
I swear there's a glimmer of warmth in her eyes when she looks at me. Maybe it's my imagination, maybe I see what I want to see.
Charles is in-step with her. When did we stop being brothers and start fighting for the same girl? I thought there was something that passed between those two when Lucy told me about when they met, about holding his hand. I knew that he'd taken a sliver of her heart with him when she left to join The Light, but I won't let that happen again.
This time I'm taking her back to The Light, and her heart will only belong to me.
Lucy
Finally I reach the place I want to be. Charlie's eyes bore into me, but I wave my hand at him, telling him to stay quiet. We've ridden far ahead of the rest of the group, and he's the only one by my side now.
I pull Lucky to a stop. No one else is here yet; they've slowed down their pace and stopped for a break, but will be able to follow the trail. The last few miles I galloped as fast as I could. Everyone's grown confused and anxious about where I'm taking us, but I'm not.
I'm home.
I get off of Lucky, my legs wobble as they find their footing. I swallow my tears, choked up to see the place where I spent sixteen years of my life. How can the home that confined me also comfort me?
I walk toward the place I've been visiting in my dreams, knowing the tears that streak my cheeks are no longer for Lukas. These tears mourn the life I never had, the life I couldn't have even if I tried.
I stand a few yards from the apple tree, scared to walk any further, scared of what I might find. In a childish way I believe Mom found her way back here, that she's lying next to Dad, that her final resting place is next to the people she gave her life to.
But that's what I hope, not what I fear.
I fear if I walk any closer to the tree I'll see a shadow of myself under the branches, too. Branches that have lost all their blossoms, branches that are bare, exposed. Nothing left to glean from the boughs. They are empty. In this moment, I know this is where I belong. So much of me has died, so much of me is gone.
My innocence.
My faith.
My ability to trust.
My understanding of what was, and what is, and what's to come.
Here is nothing left.
I brush the tears away. Charlie's by my side, having quietly joined me.
"Lucy, is this your home?"
And if anyone was to speak to me right now, it's him.
"Yes, this is where I grew up. This was everything of the world I knew."
"You were here, when I came?"
The cowboy on his horse, the horse I rode on here today. The boy who represents freedom, who represents choice. The boy who represents sunsets and believes the dark must exist for me to understand my light.
The boy who was here the night it all ended, the day it all began.
"It was me you picked up on your radio. I was the signal. I just didn't know it yet." My words echo through the valley, echo in my heart.
I just didn't know it yet.
Maybe it has always been Charlie.
He whispers in my ear, "I always knew."
He pulls me close to himself; he pulls me close to his heart. He stands the same height as me, and we look into one another's eyes, perfectly square. Equals. He's only lived his life a year longer than mine, but it feels like he's lived a life so much wider than mine will ever be. But maybe I've been through the depths, and together we could come out somewhere in the middle.
He kisses me and breaks the dam that's built in my heart. He kisses me in a way that lets me fall apart all over again, yet also build me up at the same time. It's a kiss of someone who knows what they want.
Charlie wants me.
The hooves of the other horses tell us they draw near. I hear the beating of Charlie's heart and I hear the beating of my own and I'm scared for all the things I want.
I'm scared of the girl I want to be.
Because I don't know if I have it in me to be that person.
I pull away from Charlie, knowing that this is one of the moments people talk about in the stories I've read. The moment where you realize you're on the brink of everything. The moment where you realize you have the chance to start your life again.
I'm suddenly all about second chances. For Lukas. For me. For life.
I smile and wave my hands to the rest of our little tribe. They get off their horses, walking toward us. I'm sure they're relieved to see that we've stopped. Relieved that there's a house here, that my face reveals a smile. I put them through Hell today, and I know it.
When they reach me, completely exhausted and apprehensive, I hold out my hands. My bright green, emerald hands that glimmer and heal. We line up, all ten of us holding hands, bound together in a way that the Vessels and Humblemen will never be.
Because we have all made a choice. One way or another we've all chosen to be here, right now, in this moment. This motley crew of people has decided to do this next part with me.
This next part, together.
Lukas
Lucy looks like magic, her light so bright. It's hard to remember her from before she let her light begin to shine. It seems like it’s always been a part of her, and I suppose it always was.
She just didn't know it yet.
We're standing in a line, all ten of us. Ten people connected by one girl. One girl standing before a tree.
One girl who changed everything.
One girl with tears in her eyes, holding out her hands, and we all clasp our fingers together, tight.
I stand at the end of the line, next to Hana. I want to stand next to Lucy, but if I touch her hand it will make this moment about me, or about us, and right now, this moment is about her. We stand silent, as though we're waiting for her to give us orders.
She speaks quietly and straight ahead, not letting her eyes off the tree before us.
"This was my family." She points to the bodies under the tree. "But things change. People change. I've decided to start over. To lay to rest all the parts of me that aren't helping me move forward. I can't let anything, or anyone, hold me back. Not anymore.
"I'm guessing we all have wounded parts of our past, and right now, if you'd like, you can start over with me by laying them down." She looks at us and smiles softly. "I mean, figuratively, or literally, or whatever."
This is Lucy's way of forgiving me because she looks at me when she says the last part.
Colton surprises me by making the first move, and he pulls a piece of paper from his pocket. He crumbles it up, and throws it toward the tree. His offering.
Junie and Lucy look at him like they know what that paper was. "I gotta let Reagan go, man."
"I'll lay a wounded piece down, too. I mean, figuratively," Basil says. You can tell by the tears in her eyes that something has been heavy on her chest.
"Me too," says Duke, then Junie.
"Me too," Perfection says, breaking away from the line. She slips off the band I placed on her finger. With her back at us, she throws it toward the tree. I watch her shoulders lift, then fall deeply. It was the last thing I ever expected her to do.
"You're right, Lucy. I don't want to be held back either." She doesn't look at Lucy when she says this, she looks straight at Charles. Removing her ring wasn't a peace offering for me; it was a signal to Charles that she was no longer Bound to anyone.
Timid and Hana don't speak, and I wouldn't expect them to. But Hana walks forward anyway and unties the strings of her blue apron, forever dressed as helper-Vessel. She tosses it in the air, and we watch as it slowly falls on the ground.
Timid, her voice strong and clear, says, "I want to go forward, too. With you, Lucy." She's crying, as though she needs to be forgiven of something I don't completely understand. We are a tangled web.
That leaves Charles and me.
I want to throw my ring off too, but that seems small and pointless now. Before I can do or say something, Charlie steps forward and takes a radio from his coat pocket. He pulls the back off of it, removing some sort of battery and then throws the device in the air.
"I'm not going on their treasure hunt anymore." He steps back in line, taking Lucy's hand. It cuts deep, seeing their fingers entwined.
I want to do something grand, to captivate Lucy. So she knows how much she means to me. But that seems false, I shouldn't need to do a romantic gesture to prove my devotion. I am hers. She is mine. We were made for one another.
Why can't she see that?
All eyes are turned to me, I'm the only one left.
Words will have to be enough. It's petty to wish I had something tangible to express my dedication anyway.
"I want to start over, move forward," I say. And I mean it as best as I can. I lay down the parts of myself that don't feel good enough, or not man enough. The parts of me that are insecure, the parts that feel unlovable and unknown. The parts I've allowed other people to own. I lay down the wounded pats, the damaged parts. The parts that are broken.
I want all those parts inside of me to heal.
"Does anyone have a lighter?" Lucy asks. I know someone here must, since there was a campfire last night, but I jump forward before anyone else can answer.
"I do," I say.
"I need to light something on fire," she says.
"Anything, for you."
"That tree." She points to the tree before us and I know now what she meant all along. We are burning to the ground the things that have held us back.
I walk to the tree, not wanting to look down. I don't want to see the people in Lucy's life that she's letting go of. That is for her alone, not me.
I close my eyes tightly and hold my hands high to the sky, letting my light burn to the point that it breaks. In the way I know can do more damage than good because right now that's exactly what we want. We want to destroy the things we have buried under this apple tree.
I reach my hands out, letting the branches catch fire, and then as quickly as it was a part of me, it's gone. The fire is away from me, fully encapsulating the tree in flames.
"Lukas!" Lucy runs to me, scared, and I understand why. It scares me, too. Being capable of so much. So much I don't understand.
Lucy grabs my hand, in awe, in wonder. Her touch allows all those things I don't understand to become clear.
She makes everything make sense.
Behind us I hear Hana sing,
"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine."
It sounds magical in the otherwise silent landscape of woods and grass. We watch the tree as it's swallowed in flames, and Lucy and I stand together, hands held tight.
A rainbow of color surrounds us, the kaleidoscope that happens when she touches me and when I touch her. It's impossible to believe that there isn't a reason for our two lives to be joined.
Together, we are The Light.
***
THE END of BOOK TWO
***
READY FOR THE FINAL INSTALLMENT OF THE SHINE ON TRILOGY?
CHAPTER ONE OF
GLOW
:
Lucy
I stand motionless until all that’s left is ash. What remained of my family is now gone, powdery dust climbs toward the sky from the blackened ground. There is no fantastical phoenix rising from the charred apple tree. Nothing is coming back to give me a second chance at a family. The only people I have left in this world are the ones behind me. I’m no longer willing to hold tight to the past.
It only gets in the way.
I let go of Lukas’ hand. As I do, our cocoon of rainbow light fades. He held on to me, steadied me, while we watched the tree become engulfed in flames, and I’m grateful for that. But I’m not going to give in to him any longer just because he’s the person next to me. The person who has held the spot closest to my heart.
He lost that privilege when he let Perfection’s lips cover his. When he let her hand touch his face, and when he brought her here.
My center of gravity is now solely mine. I don’t share it with anyone.
“Lucy...” Lukas starts. I hold up my hand, stopping him before he can fully begin. My heart twisting as I stop the person who gave me my first real start at life.
I turn, not wanting to address him alone; we’re all equal in this now. The eight other people who’ve followed me to this vacant place deserve to understand why we’re here as much as he does.