Glitch (16 page)

“I seem to project a mental field that affects anyone around me,” Max cut in.

“But it looked exactly like her! How were you able to control such detail?”

“I’m not projecting an image—I’m literally affecting what and who
you
see. I make it so that you expect to see the Chancellor and boom, that’s what you see. To myself in the mirror, I look the same. But to everyone else, even the mirror would reflect who I wanted them to see.”

“Crackin’ hell,” I whispered in awe.

“What?” Max asked.

“Nothing.” I frowned, not knowing where the strange phrase had come from. I shook my head. There were bigger things to focus on here.

“So,” I said slowly, trying to puzzle it out. “You, what, think of the person you want the people in your … your projected area to see? And then, it just happens? Do you feel anything?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I guess I kind of hear this high-pitched buzzing noise in my ears. And then I
will
it to happen and it just does. It wasn’t as easy at the beginning. I’ve been practicing.”

“I can barely believe this,” I whispered, still in shock. “Do you have the dreams, too?”

His eyes widened and he smiled. “Yeah, I do. I mean, at least that’s one good part of all this.”

“Good part?” I asked, confused. “You think the dreams are
good
?”

He looked uncertain. “Are we talking about two different things again?”

“My dreams are terrifying. Aren’t yours?”

He smiled, a slow grin that edged across his face. “I’ve had a couple of the bad dreams. But for the most part, it’s the other kind.”

“Other kind?”

“You know,” he said. “The good-feeling kind. Pleasurable.”

Pleasurable.
I’d only heard the word used to talk about the destruction of the world. “I’m not sure I know what you mean. Pleasure is wrong.”

“No!” His eyes opened wide. “Pleasure is wonderful. Really. I’m surprised you haven’t found it out on your own. I thought for sure anyone glitching would discover it right away like I did. Can I look at your genitalia?”

“What?” My voice hitched up an octave.

“Aren’t you curious? I could try to show you what I mean.” He moved closer so that our legs were touching. He leaned down and put a hand on my knee. “I’ve thought about you for so long.”

“You have?” I looked down at his hand on my knee in confusion.

“Do you even know how beautiful you are?” he whispered. He moved his hand from my knee to my hair; pushing away a stray strand and then reaching back to undo the clip keeping the rest in place. My hair tumbled around my face and he leaned in and inhaled. His face was so close to mine, it made my breathing erratic.

“Do you ever think about me?” He pulled me close and slid his hands down my back.

I frowned. “Maybe.”

I focused on the pressure of his hands. They moved farther down. It felt kind of nice. But it also felt weird. Then he squeezed and I jerked away quickly, scooting out of the chair and over to the wall.

“What’s wrong?”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “This is all new to me, and too fast. I don’t want to do any more of that right now.”

“Oh.” He seemed surprised. He sat back.

I was starting to get irritated. “You just told me that you glitch, too, and that you have all these powers. I want to talk about
that.
”

“But don’t you want to know about the pleasure?”

“Maybe later,” I said uncertainly.

He nodded. “Later, then. I guess it can all be kind of confusing at first.”

I nodded and let out a small laugh. It sounded strange in the tiny room and I put a hand to my mouth in fearful reflex. Max was grinning at me, though. He understood. I could laugh in front of him. I could finally share all the things I’d been feeling. I grinned back, feeling warm inside.

“So, show me what you can do,” he said.

I blinked a few times and frowned. “It always just kind of happens,” I said after a moment. “I don’t know if I can
make
it happen.”

He shrugged. “That’s odd. I’m able to control mine.”

I frowned deeper. It was always something I’d been so afraid of happening. It was too dangerous, too conspicuous. I’d never thought about trying to do it on purpose.

“Okay,” I said slowly. “I’ll try.”

I looked at the pillow placed neatly at the top of his bunk. It was small and light. It should be easy. I stared at it, willing it to move.

Nothing. Not even a twitch. I reached my arms out, trying to focus my thoughts and energy through the extension of my fingers. Max shifted awkwardly in his seat while I concentrated, gritting my teeth and staring at the pillow for another five minutes. I finally gave up, a sheen of sweat glistening on my brow.

“I’ve been glitching longer than you,” Max said. “I’m sure it will get easier the longer you try.”

“Maybe,” I said, still frowning at the pillow. I felt frustrated that it hadn’t worked. Max had seemed excited about his power, and I was disappointed I couldn’t show him mine.

“So what about when you disappeared? What happened? Where’d you go?” He leaned back on the desk so his back was against the wall.

I told him everything I remembered, and it was a relief to tell the story to someone other than the Chancellor.

“Nothing feels different, but I know something must have happened to me, to my body. And why didn’t the diagnostics pick up anything anomalous when I returned?”

“I snuck a peek at some of your records after you returned and everything tested normal,” Max said. “I’ve seen other things though. They can do whatever they want and then lie about it.”

“How do you know that?”

He smiled and raised an eyebrow. “When you look like the Chancellor or other instructors you’d be surprised at the things you can see and overhear. At what people will tell you straight to your face.”

“Max!” I said. “That’s so dangerous! What if they caught you?”

He laughed. “I’m careful. I don’t really go walking around as the Chancellor. I usually try to be someone inconspicuous. Someone no one notices or bothers to be careful around. Besides, no one knows what I can do. They don’t even suspect. No one knows but you.”

The thought made me feel warm and cold at the same time. He trusted me with his secret. But at the same time, it was another burden to carry and keep safe. Then again, maybe everyone other than the Link drones had secrets.

“So what have you found out?” I asked. “If they’re lying to us, what are they trying to hide?”

“I don’t know all of it yet. But it’s a lot, Zoe.”

Prickles ran up and down my arms. And it wasn’t just fear now, there was something else bubbling to a boil inside me—anger. I was so happy to have someone like me to talk to, but what about everybody else? What about all the people who would never get to experience these beautiful senses and emotions? Was the life the Uppers forced us to live as unthinking, unfeeling drones, really all that different a fate from being deactivated altogether?

What if— An idea sparked inside me like a flash of fire. What if, with more information, we could find a way to save others, to let everyone feel the things Max and I were feeling now?

“Max, we have to find out.” I grabbed his hand. “Just think about it—all of those kids in the Academy with us, Linked and never knowing anything different.” The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. “What they’re doing to us all is wrong!”

Max lifted his shoulders with a shrug, but he didn’t let go of my hand. “It’s not like we can change things. The Community is too big. I’ve been listening for a while and this thing is global. We don’t stand a chance against something so powerful.”

“But then why do you risk so much to find out information?” My anger turned to a tingling excitement. I stood up, pulling my hand out of his as I did, and paced in the small space. “It’s because you want to know, you
need
to know. Well, I need to know too. Maybe everybody needs to know.”

I thought about my brother and the empty look on his face during SSD. Just telling him about the lies wouldn’t be enough. He wouldn’t understand, not while he was still under the control of the Link.

“We need more than information,” I said with more certainty. “What if we could
do
something about it?” My mind was spinning with the possibilities. I’d thought escape was the only answer, but what if there was another way? A way for everyone to be safe. “Maybe the Uppers and officials work so hard to control information because they know if enough people knew the truth, they’d lose their grip on us.”

Max laughed. “All we need to
do
—” He pulled me lightly down beside him again, his thigh side by side with mine. “—is survive and learn how to work the system. I want to help you survive, too. Whatever happened to you on the Surface—it’s even more reason not to take risks. But we can still stay safe and find a way to have a happy life. You and me together.”

“A happy life?” I asked, incredulous.

“Don’t you see? We’ve been given these gifts and we need to enjoy them. We can’t risk losing it. We’re special. Different from everybody else.”

“But what if other people at the Academy are glitching?” The excitement rose up again. “If enough people started glitching, then we’d be able to unite together and find a way to change things.”

“Zoe, you can’t—” He stopped suddenly, cocking his head sideways. “Wait. I just heard the front door. One of my parents is home.” He pulled me to my feet. “We can talk more later. I arranged another home tutor session in two days.”

I held on to his arm, suddenly afraid of leaving him, of having to go back out into a world where I couldn’t be myself. Where I had to walk around constantly fearful someone was going to discover my secrets. Where I’d suffer the sick feeling of walking side by side with people who were so abused and used, but didn’t even know they were victims.

Max reached out to open the door, then stopped and turned to me, wrapping his arms around me tight. I leaned my head into his chest, surprised by how good it felt to be held. He was right—touching did feel good. It made me feel so overwhelmingly safe.

We stood like that, holding each other tightly until the click of his parent’s shoes sounded in the hallway. He let me go and I quickly tucked my mussed hair back into its clip.

“Greetings, Mother. This is Zoel Q-24.”

“Greetings, Maximin. Greetings, Zoel,” his mother said, her face blank and emotionless. “Was the tutoring session productive?”

“Yes.” Max turned to me. “I’ll see you in two days for follow-up?”

His mother continued by and he turned back to me and winked. I grabbed my tablet case and headed out the door, my mind spinning. More secrets, piling up on other secrets. I was both thrilled and afraid. But at least now I had someone to help me bear them. The memory of how safe I’d felt in Max’s arms made me smile long after I’d turned the lights out that night. I wasn’t alone anymore.

*

The next day at school, I was constantly aware of Max. I couldn’t stop sneaking looks at him across the hall or the classroom or at the lunchroom table. He never looked anomalous once. I wondered if he could give me tips. He’d told me he was mostly disconnected from the Link these days, but from what I could see, he hid it perfectly.

At lunch, we went through our normal tutoring ritual—though now I wondered if he’d actually needed the tutoring in the first place. He only seemed to be watching me, not the texts or notes. And then there was the way he would touch me whenever possible. He’d put his hand casually in contact with mine on the table, or he’d press our legs together underneath the table.

“Can I try something?” he said when I went over to his housing unit two afternoons later. He shut his bedroom door, even though his mother and father would not be home for at least another hour.

“What?”

“I want to touch your lips with mine.”

“Why?”

“Because I think it will feel really good. For both of us. We can stop if you don’t like it.”

“Okay…”

He pulled me close eagerly and smashed his lips against mine roughly. I felt his tongue moving to open my lips. It felt wet and when I opened my mouth like he seemed to want, our teeth clicked against each other awkwardly.

I stood stiffly with my eyes open, watching his face and trying to measure how I was feeling, trying to understand what pleasure
felt
like. I thought about pulling away, but he’d been so glowing and excited about trying and he’d seemed so sure I would like it, too. He sucked on one of my lips for a second, which mainly just felt strange, but maybe nice. I wasn’t sure.

He pulled away, smiling. “Did you feel it?” His lips were wet and his face was flushed.

I didn’t want to dampen his excitement. “Um. Maybe.”

He broke into a giant grin. It was like his whole face lit up, and I suddenly noticed how well formed he was. His face was square with a wide, strong jaw. He seemed to exude strength. I reached up tentatively and touched his short blond hair at the crown of his forehead. He closed his eyes and sighed, putting his hand over mine and pressing it to his face.

He leaned down, burying his face in my neck. “You’re all I can think about. Your lips. Your body. Your legs, your back.” He cupped my hips and pulled me into his, nuzzling his face at the base of my neck.

I laughed and pulled away. “There’s so many things I want to talk about and we don’t have much time.”

He sighed, hands still grasping me around the waist and pulling me tight to the front of his body. He let out a low groan. “But all I want to do is
this.
I finally have you here with me and I don’t want to stop. I’ve dreamed of this for so long.”

I took his hand. “Maybe later.”

He brightened and ran both his hands through his short blond hair several times, then squeezed his eyes shut.

“Okay,” he said. “Slowing down.” He moved away from the door where we were standing and walked around the room, jumping up and down a few times and stretching out his muscles. “Slowing down, slowing down.”

I laughed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know this would be so hard for you.”