Glitch (17 page)

He shrugged, finally coming to sit down again. “It’s okay. I didn’t realize it would all be so new to you. But we can learn together.”

“Right.” I took his hand, then frowned. “Your pulse seems accelerated. How is your heart monitor not going off?”

“I disabled it.” He grinned proudly. “I recorded a small section of normal activity and set it on a loop. I can do yours, too, but I need to borrow some equipment.”

“When you say
borrow
…” I said. “Won’t they know it’s missing?”

“I’d take it back the next day. I’ll get it tomorrow.”

I nodded, knowing it might be dangerous, but still, to have my adrenaline levels and heart rate not constantly monitored would help me escape detection during my more intense glitches. At the same time, I hated the idea of Max putting himself in danger for me.

“I’ll think about it. Don’t do anything in the meantime.” I looked hard into his eyes to make sure he agreed.

He nodded reluctantly. “Well, maybe next week.”

“I’ve been thinking about everything you told me last time,” I said, changing the subject. “There have to be others like us. Maybe even in the Academy or riding on the train with us or at the Market. We have to figure out who they are, so we can help them like you helped me. It’s made all the difference to know I’m not alone.”

“But, Zoe,” he said, his expression losing some of its brightness. “I don’t need anybody else. It’s fine with just you and me. With just us, the secret stays smaller, easier to keep. We can watch out for each other without anyone noticing. The more people you involve, the easier it is for someone to make a mistake, for us to get caught.”

“But Max, if there are kids like us, just imagine how scared they are. Being alone is the worst part of glitching. You know that. The fear was so bad that I thought about reporting myself and letting them fix me.…” I paused after I said it. That seemed like a lifetime ago. So much had happened. It was hard to imagine I could ever have wanted to destroy my ability to feel, to be
myself
, whatever the risk.

I froze.

“What? What is it?” Max asked.

“I think I remember something,” I whispered. Realization slowly dawned. “I think I was caught. They found out.” I stopped still and shut my eyes tight, trying to hold on to the wisp of memory. “There was someone there. A boy.” I bit my lip trying to concentrate, to make out the features of the shadowy image I could almost remember. I reached and reached with the fingertips of my mind.

“Adrien!” I finally exploded, making out the features. “That new boy, Adrien. He was there!”

Max looked instantly angry. “He must have turned you in.”

“I think he was there when I was caught, or maybe he was working with the officials. Or something,” I finished lamely. I shut my eyes again, hoping to find out more, to attach the face with some setting, but I couldn’t.

“How can you be remembering anything if you had the disrupter plugged in your port?” Max asked.

“I … I don’t know,” I said, looking up at him. “It shouldn’t be possible. Unless…” I paused.

“Unless?”

“Well,” I said slowly, working it out as I went. “What if memory isn’t only kept in one place? I mean, our powers can’t be the only unusual thing our minds can do. What if memory resonates in other parts of the brain?”

“Whatever it means, you need to stay away from that Adrien guy.” Max looked tense, even angry. “If he’s connected to all of this, then he’s dangerous. These people, the Uppers, are capable of doing some terrifying stuff. They could have been testing on you, removing your memories, even creating false memories. This Adrien kid is probably a Monitor, like you thought. But he could be something worse.”

I nodded and pulled away from the embrace. “And let’s watch for other glitchers, too—to see if there are any others like us.”

“Zoe—”

“Fine,
I’ll
keep a watch,” I said, feeling frustrated at his reluctance, but then softened my tone. “I know you just want me to be safe. I’ll be careful. And you be careful, too. Promise me?”

“I promise,” he said. We were quiet a moment. He tilted his head, his gaze intense. “You are so beautiful.”

I paused and looked at him, his sandy blond hair tussled and bright brown eyes so earnest. “You are also very well formed.”

He pulled me close again. “Maybe once we get your heart monitor fixed,” he said, “then you’ll really be able to relax and let yourself feel the way I do.”

“Maybe,” I laughed as I stood up to go.

*

A few days later I sat by Max at our customary cafeteria spot at the end of table 13. I had clicked on my projector to go over the day’s notes when I noticed Max’s face suddenly pale. His mouth dropped open.

“What?” I said, for a split second not bothering to mask my concern. I quickly made my face blank, looking around slowly to see if anyone had seen me.

His eyes swiveled over to mine. “Zoe,” he whispered. “They just called for you over the Link. You are to report to the diagnostic center on Sublevel Two immediately.”

I felt my eyes widen and my mouth go dry. I’d known in the back of my mind the Chancellor would call me in soon for another checkup, but I thought I’d have more time, or that I’d be connected to the Link when it happened.

But I was glitching all the time now. There wasn’t much chance that I’d suddenly reconnect to the Link in the time it took to walk from here to the diagnostic center.

This was it.

This was the day they’d be able to see my anomalous self, lit up like a spotlight in the diagnostic readouts.

I thought I’d have longer. More time. I felt sick to my stomach but stood up calmly and gathered my tablet, swinging the case over my shoulder. I remembered to breathe and tried to stay calm so my heart monitor wouldn’t announce my terror to the entire room. I didn’t look at Max again. I didn’t think I could manage to keep my composure if I did.

I moved out of the room with even strides. Only a few people glanced up as I passed by. I walked mechanically through the exit and into the narrow hallway. It was empty at this hour because everyone was either in the lunch hall or in class. I walked toward the elevator but my hand paused, shaking, as I reached out to swipe my wrist over the sensor to call the elevator.

I felt a sudden overwhelming sadness as I realized I was voluntarily going to what almost assuredly would be my own destruction. I’d been a fool to even think escape was possible. If they didn’t deactivate me after this diagnostic, it would at least be the end of the life I had discovered, the person I’d become, my conversations with Max, everything that mattered to me now.

Oh no.
Max.
My stomach lurched. If they read my memory chip, they’d find out about him, too. And it would be all my fault. Just like in the dreams with Markan. I yanked my arm back from the elevator panel like it was about to bite me.

I spun and started walking in the opposite direction, away from the elevator. A plan was loosely forming in my mind as I turned down a side hallway. Maybe I did have a choice in all this, and I chose to run. Even if it meant certain deactivation, I had to at least
try.
I’d get on the subway and go to the city. I didn’t know how long I’d make it before they found me, but I couldn’t go without a fight this time.

Just as I was about to walk through the doorway to the last hallway leading down to the subway, I heard sudden footsteps directly behind me. Before I could turn around to look, a drive was roughly inserted into the access port at the back of my neck.

“You!” I managed to say before I went numb under the control of the drive.

“I’M CRACKIN’ SORRY
to do this to you, but we don’t have much time. If you started screaming or your heart monitor went off, they’d catch us both. I couldn’t risk it.” He spoke in a rush.

I could only stare numbly at Adrien, the last person in the Community I could trust. He dropped his hand after the drive was secure. My mouth, along with the rest of my body, was completely frozen in place.

“Look, I’m uploading a new program that’ll reconnect you back into the Link. The program will give you control over when you connect and when you glitch, so you can be connected whenever you want or need to.” He was talking so fast, I could barely keep up. “Just whisper the access code—Beta Ten Gamma Link,” he said, reaching around and gently lifting my ponytail off the back of my neck. Something sparked in me at his touch.

“Beta Ten Gamma Link, ’kay?” he whispered. “Your voice will be the only one it recognizes—it’ll set itself the first time you say it. Then you can go for your diagnostic and the equipment won’t find anything anomalous. I promise. Once you’re done, just say the code words and you’ll disconnect again. They don’t usually scan memory chips at these kind of diagnostics, so we’ll have to hope for the best.”

I had a thousand questions screaming to get out, but my mouth wouldn’t open, my vocal cords wouldn’t make a sound. It was a horrible feeling. And then too, there was something about Adrien … some memory teasing at the edge of my mind.

Adrien ran his hand through the back of his hair. He looked upset. “I can’t imagine what you must be thinking right now but, please—” He leaned in, his intense aquamarine eyes searching my blank face. For a few silent seconds, his face opened and his eyes bored into mine like he expected something from me, some recognition or sign—of what I had no idea.

He stepped back in the next moment, his face hardening back into a blank mask so that he looked just like every other grayed-out Academy student.

“Just go back up to the diagnostic center. Everything will be all right. And be careful of the godlam’d cameras.
Please
, be careful.”

He pulled back and reached around to the back of my neck, his fingers a whisper on my skin. Then he yanked out the drive and I stumbled with the sudden use of my limbs and fell into the wall.

“Wait!” I said in a loud whisper, looking around me after I’d gotten my balance back. But he was already gone. I stood still for a moment, turning back and forth between the hallway he’d left through and the doorway leading to the subway platform.

My mind raced. If I tried to escape I knew it was doomed. I would be free and myself until the end, but it would all be over, and soon. Or I could trust Adrien, the boy who might be a Monitor.

“Beta Ten Gamma Link,” I whispered and was immediately jolted back into the Link. The familiar three rising tones of the Link sounded. I instinctively paused my step while the three tones finished. The colors immediately seeped out from the hallways around me.
The Community Link is peace. In the time of the Old World
— I took a deep breath and made my way back to the elevator tube.

*

I passed by Chancellor Bright’s office on my way to the diagnostic center.

“Subject Zoel,” she said.

I stopped and stepped into her office.

“Yes?”

“Why are you late to your diagnostic appointment? We called for you fifteen minutes ago.”

“I required use of the bathroom facilities,” I said. I was amazed. I was Linked, but it was like the sliding door remained half open. I still had access to my own thoughts. I could still keep my own secrets. She stared at me through narrowed eyes, but I didn’t blink or look away despite the scared tension gathering in my chest. I focused on my breathing to keep my heart from racing.

Embrace the Link
, I thought.
Let the gray spread.…

“May I continue?”

“Yes,” she said, finally glancing back down at the tablet on her desk.

I turned and tried to let the Link numb me as I kept walking down the hallway. The diagnostic center was at the end on the right.

Gray standing partitions sliced the large room into a maze of smaller cubicles. The Link laid schematics of the room over my vision. The hallway lining the left side of the room was exactly twenty paces long. Doorways led into other rooms—the surgery rooms for student hardware installation and updates.

“Subject Zoel Q-24 reporting.”

The small ash-blond woman at a desk near the door looked up. She glanced back down to her small projected tablet screen, tapping the screen a few times.

“B-11.” She sounded blank and disinterested. Just like I would sound again if Adrien had tricked me after all and made me deliver myself to my doom.

I went six paces down the hallway and turned left into the small area marked B-11. I sat down on the intimidating diagnostic table. The table had a padded oval cutout near the top for when subjects lay facedown for neck-port access. All equipment was installed in the concrete walls on huge metal arms that could be pulled over to reach either side of the diagnostic table.

Attached to each arm was a different instrument: a piercing bright light, imaging screen, chest-port plug-in, the hardwired neck-access cable, and other measuring and surgical equipment. The whole thing looked like a giant robotic spider buried in the wall, its spindly legs reaching sinisterly outward to surround the operating table.

I rubbed my neck uncomfortably, thinking about the drive Adrien had put in there only minutes before. I hated the sensation of being immobilized. The thought of the cold metal hardware that lined the walls being forcibly inserted into my body made me squeamish. I needed to go gray again and let the Link take over, but my anxiety was unfortunately keeping me sharp.

I tried logic. I should be used to this. Every test had been run thrice over after my disappearance, not to mention that I’d been subjected to the diagnostic table ever since I was a kid. It was only since glitching that I’d started feeling how
unnatural
it all was. In spite of my efforts to stay calm, my chest stayed tight with anxiety.

The technician entered the cubical and drew the curtain closed behind him. He was the same technician who usually worked on me.

I automatically lay down on my stomach and fit my face through the oval. The technician pulled some of the equipment arms over my prone body, and then he leaned over me.

“Zoe,” he whispered in my ear, “it’s me, Max.”