Glitch (20 page)

“I would never do anything to put us in danger,” I said, wiping my eyes. “I just thought he might be able to help us.”

“Us,” he said, more gently now. “There’s an
us
?”

I blinked, confused. “Yes, of course.”

“What I mean is, I want there to be an us. I want us to be together. You know,
together.
You getting hurt again—” He shook his head and swallowed before looking back into my eyes. “It made me realize I never want to live without you. I can’t.” He took my hand. “When we’re old enough, I’m sure I can use my powers to arrange for us to be marital partners.”

“Marital partners?” I asked, stunned. “You mean staying here and getting the adult V-chip installed? But we’d never glitch again!”

“Zoe, relax.” He waved a hand. “I’ll find a way around the hardware and the system.”

“Even if we could uncover a way around the chip,” I said, slow horror gripping me at the ramifications of staying in the Community forever, “being marital partners would mean they’d create children for us.”

I thought of the little girl who’d danced on the platform and imagined her growing colder and less human every time a new V-chip was installed. Just the thought made me feel like throwing up. I thought I’d saved her that day on the train platform. But had I? She would still grow up and forget what it had ever felt like to
feel.

“I don’t want to procreate,” Max laughed, not seeming to sense my dark mood or thoughts. “I just want you. For myself.” He leaned in and his voice got suddenly low.

“Don’t you understand? I want to spend my life with you. I want you to be there when I go to bed at night and when I wake up in the morning.”

“Oh.” I thought about it. I didn’t know how Max thought we could stay in the Community our whole lives and somehow be safe. But then, the way he talked about it—waking up next to someone every morning. Not being alone. Ever again. I slowly smiled.

I still felt a nagging sense of worry about Max’s confidence. It seemed too simple, even reckless. On the other hand, it gave me a flush of happiness to be wanted. My own parents didn’t even want me. Not really. I was just part of their Community duty. They didn’t miss me when I was gone or care that I’d been hurt. Max
wanted
to be family with me. Being family had to mean even more connection than just being a friend.

“Yes, I’d like that,” I finally said. “I’d like to be family with you.”

“Good.” He grinned and let out a big breath I hadn’t noticed he was holding. He pulled me closer, his lips immediately on mine. He held me tight and then swung his legs up onto the bed to lie down beside me.

“I want to be the one to protect you,” he said into my ear. His hands moved down from my neck to tuck themselves securely around my waist. “You know I can protect you, right?”

“I never said you couldn’t.” I separated from him and propped myself up on my elbow. His blond hair was mussed and I smiled and reached over to smooth it down.

He grinned, his dimples catching in the light.

“So do you have notes and homework for me?” I asked, feeling an uncomfortable blush in my cheeks at the way he was looking at me. “Or was that just an excuse to come over?”

“Yes, I brought notes,” he laughed. “I already synced my tablet to yours while you were sleeping.”

“Well let’s do some homework so if anyone walks in we won’t look anomalous.”

“You shouldn’t be studying right now. You need to rest. I just had to see you and let you know I can take care of you.” For a moment he stared beyond me at the wall. “I’m making sure of it.”

“What?” I sat up in alarm. Something about the way he said it filled me with dread. “What do you mean, Max? How are you making sure of it?”

He smiled and waved a hand, the intense look disappearing from his face. “It’s nothing. Don’t be afraid. I’m always careful. Everything’s going to get better. You’ll see.”

I WAS WALKING
DOWN
the hall when someone stopped suddenly in front of me. I ran right into them, my tablet case clunking to the ground in my surprise at the impact. I bent down, trying not to let my irritation show or betray any other anomalous response, but then I looked up and saw it was Adrien. My eyes widened just a fraction before I made my face blank again. He’d dropped his tablet case too with the impact and he stooped to the ground at the same time, too.

I’d had a twinge in my stomach all day at the thought of seeing Adrien again, but now that he was here in front of me, I didn’t know what question to ask first.

“I have a way to get into your house unnoticed,” he whispered, turning his head toward mine but keeping it facing the ground. “I’ll meet you in your bedroom at eight tomorrow.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but he didn’t give me the chance.

“I’ll answer any questions tomorrow,” he whispered quickly, then stood up. I sat another moment watching after him, dumbfounded. His tall, lanky body quickly disappeared around a corner. I finally realized I might attract attention if I kept crouching on the ground like this, so I got up and turned toward the lunchroom.

I had to work hard to hide the excitement and nerves bubbling in my chest.
Finally
, I might get some answers. Adrien knew things. He might be dangerous, and I’d have to be on my guard, but I was desperate for answers. Whether he was a glitcher or not, I wasn’t sure, but he definitely was not Linked. And he had access to some advanced tech. I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d know a way for us to live undetected or avoid the adult V-chip. It was a hope so precious and fragile I almost didn’t dare let myself think it.

*

“You’ve been talking about him nonstop since we got here,” Max said at our tutoring session that night.

I turned and looked at him. “So?”

“So maybe I’m tired of hearing about him! And he’s gonna meet you in your bedroom? Is that even safe? We don’t need him, and it’s not worth the risk. I told you
I
could protect you.”

I waved his words away with a swipe of my hand. “This isn’t about protection. It’s about figuring out what he knows. He’s got to be like us. I want to know what he knows and get him on our side.”

“The only people who need to be on our side,” Max stood up, his face flushed, “are
us.
”

I stopped pacing finally, seeing Max’s face and sensing he was quietly fuming.

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked.

“What’s wrong with me?” he echoed incredulously. “What’s wrong with me is that all I can think about all day and all night long is
you
, but you are obviously spending all your time and energy thinking about
him.
”

I threw my hands up in the air. “Of course I’m thinking about him! I have this feeling like he knows things that could be useful to us—”

“I don’t care!” Max said suddenly, almost shouting. I was taken aback and finally stopped talking. I’d been so caught up in my own thoughts I hadn’t realized just how angry he was getting.

“Don’t you understand?” he said, pulling me to him. “I want you to be thinking about me.” His eyes were burning intensely as he put his hand behind my neck, pulling my mouth to his.

“Kissing,” he said, still embracing me tight. “It’s called kissing. I’ve been learning all kinds of things that people used to share with each other in the Old World.”

“How have you been learning things?” I said in surprise. “Where?”

“I snuck into a visiting official’s room and looked through his stuff. He had data on his text tablets that was nothing like I’d ever seen.”

“Max! How could you do that? It’s reckless.”

“It’s not reckless, not with my powers. I made myself look like the official and walked right into the room. Anyway, do you want to hear about what I found out, or not?” He grabbed both of my hands in his tightly.

I pursed my lips in disapproval but nodded reluctantly.

“This,” he leaned in immediately, lips on mine, then pulled back, “is called kissing. And I found out what marital partners in the Old World did, and it wasn’t just sitting around waiting for the Center to mix their DNA together in a test tube.”

“Wait, you mean like the passions?” I said, alarmed. “Like the history archives talk about? The animal flaw that brought down humans in the Old World?”

“Yes, but they aren’t like that. I was trying to tell you the other night.”

“But why did an official even have any of that on his tablet?” I asked, confused.

“That’s the biggest lie of all,” Max said. “You won’t believe this, but the Uppers, the officials, all the people in charge…” He paused. “None of them are even Linked, Zoe. They’re all free.”

I felt like the wind had been knocked out of my stomach.

“That’s not possible,” I whispered. “They say being Linked gave us all a better life, a peaceful life. It’s in all of our history texts. It’s in our Community Creed!” I paused, thoughts swirling. “If it truly is a better life, then they’d be Linked themselves. And if they could
feel
, they wouldn’t do this to us. Turn us into drones. They couldn’t…”

Max eyed me intently. “They could, and they do. They’ve done it for two hundred years or more now. Keeping all the rest of us as drones while they let themselves do and feel anything they want.”

“But if they can feel, they know how much it is to lose! It’s—” I choked out, my mind stumbling on each thought as it rose up. “It’s inhuman!”

Max suddenly pulled his shirt up over his head. His chest was wide and muscled, with a light tufting of blond hairs. The metal of the circular heart monitor in the center of his chest glinted in the light.

“It’s horrible, I know. But forget all that, Zoe. The only thing we can do is try to forget it all and enjoy ourselves as much as we can.” He reached for my waist and grabbed the bottom of my shirt.

“Wait, Max, I don’t know—”

His voice was low and breathy with excitement. “We deserve this, you and me. We can make up right now for everything they stole from people.”

He started a trail of sizzling kisses down my neck. My face flushed. My mind raced even as my body reacted in ways I didn’t understand. Everything was happening too fast. He was so intense, holding and kissing me like he wanted to devour me.

Everything with Max was hot and cold. We’d just been arguing a moment ago, and then now he had suddenly changed again. He was reckless and wild, but he was also someone who cared for me so much. Who wanted to be my family. Wasn’t that what I wanted, too? I let myself kiss him back in my confusion.

He put his hands on my pants and began unhooking them.

“Stop,” I said, yanking away and moving to the far wall. The word was out of my mouth before I knew what I was saying.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Max’s wide chest heaved as he stared at me in confusion. He started to move toward me but I held up a hand.

“Wait, this is too fast. I don’t even understand what’s happening!”

“Why not?” Max’s voice was suddenly hard. “You don’t want
me.
Is that it?”

“That’s not what I said. Of course I want you. I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” I said, feeling the stinging at the back of my eyes. Everything was wrong. Max usually made me feel safe and secure but right now I just wanted to be anywhere but here with him.

“I came here because I thought you were going to help me figure out a plan. Not this.”

Max raised his voice too. “The other day, you said you wanted to be together with me. Well this is what togetherness is, what humans are
supposed
to do. Maybe you aren’t as free from the Link as you think you are.”

His voice kept getting louder and louder. “There’s a whole other world out there, and the Uppers, who’ve never been Linked one day of their lives, know all about it. Because it’s what’s normal. Because they’re not brain-gone freaks.”

“Fine,” I interrupted him. “I guess I’m not normal then.” The moisture in my eyes brimmed over. Broken. He was saying I was broken. I was too broken to stay Linked, and now I was too broken to even glitch properly.

“I guess I don’t want to be normal. I don’t want to be together with you, either.” I yanked his bedroom door open. I walked so fast I was almost running toward the front door.

“Wait, Zoe.” He caught up to me and grabbed my arm hard.

“Let go of me!” I wrenched my arm away. I tasted salt between my lips and realized water was streaming copiously from my eyes now.

“Zoe, stop, I feel bad.” He sounded like he meant it. “This isn’t going how I thought it would. Just wait.”

I wiped my eyes with my palms and looked up at him. He seemed sincere but I was still too upset. I couldn’t even completely say why. I just wanted to go to my family quarters, where things made sense. Where my parents would be sitting at the square table with their perfectly portioned food. Logical. Orderly.

“I’ll see you at school tomorrow, Maximin.” I didn’t look at him. I left through the door, managing only barely to keep my footsteps calm and even as I walked to the subway.

I avoided Max the next day, staying intentionally Linked so I could ignore him. It wasn’t so much that I was angry with him—it was just that all the emotion I’d felt when we’d become so upset with each other was the most intense thing I’d felt in my life, even more than fear. It hurt still to think about his words, which got stuck in my head like a worming virus.
Brain-gone freak.
I didn’t know what
freak
meant but I didn’t like the sound of it and the way his voice had sounded when he’d said it—so harsh and ugly.

And he was wrong. I wasn’t a drone anymore. I just didn’t feel the things he’d wanted me to feel, and now I was sure I had lost him. I didn’t know where I fit now. Not with the drones, and not with him. I was alone again. I looked around the cafeteria and saw Adrien sitting near the wall. The sight of him calmed me. At least I’d get answers tonight.

Max nudged my foot under the table. He’d been doing it throughout lunch, but this time I finally looked at him.

“Study at your unit tonight?” he asked, his voice soft.

I gave a quick nod and then rose to put my tray away.