Authors: Kelee Morris
“I thought Dr. Stewart’s protégées were much younger than you, Mrs. Nelson.”
I smiled pleasantly, refusing to be intimidated by this man. “I’m not a protégée, Dr. Crusher. I’m a translator.”
“A translator who imagines herself to be some kind of radical feminist.”
“Or maybe a goddess. If you would excuse us.” Nina and I stepped past him and out the door.
Our team was all smiles when we met them in the hallway, but it was Ashland who stepped forward and gave me an unexpected hug. “You were magnificent,” he pronounced.
~*~
The rest of the day was a blur of speakers, conversations, challenges, and congratulations. Ashland said little to me, and I appreciated that. Today, I felt more like his colleague than his lover. I knew that would change later tonight.
As the seminars wound down, we all returned to our rooms to change. I slipped on another new outfit—a low-cut top and skirt that I had bought for our celebration dinner tonight. We all agreed that we didn’t want to sit around a fancy dinner table. We wanted to cut loose, so Marilyn had reserved a back room for us at a rowdy Mexican restaurant that was supposed to be the best in Madison. We rendezvoused downstairs at seven, wrapped in winter coats to brave the cold Wisconsin spring for the walk across campus.
Ashland took the lead, crossing the windswept quad with long, buoyant steps. The rest of us fell in behind him. Nina and I brought up the rear. We watched as Elena slipped up beside Ashland and took his arm. “Be careful tonight,” Nina whispered to me.
“Why?”
“A desperate rival is a dangerous rival.”
There were pitchers of margaritas and cheap beer waiting for us on long tables. I watched Elena out of the corner of my eye as she pulled off her coat. She was wearing a dress that looked even shorter than the one she wore the night before. I didn’t care. I knew Ashland was mine.
The night devolved into a drunken revelry. We ate enchiladas drenched in mole sauce, fish tacos, and succulent fajitas. The waitress turned up the canned mariachi music and we danced between the tables. Elena hung close to Ashland. At one point I saw her trying to drag him onto our improvised dance floor but he shook his head firmly. Finally, she grabbed Daniel instead. He clearly enjoyed the attention of a beautiful woman. Elena was drunk but still completely in control of her body as she moved her hips sensually to the music.
I took advantage of Ashland’s brief solitude to sit down next to him. “What happened to my knight in shining armor today?” I said.
“A goddess doesn’t need a knight. She just needs to embrace her own power, which you did.”
I raised my margarita glass. “Here’s to knights and goddesses,” I toasted.
Ashland smiled and touched his glass to mine.
“Is it wrong of me to hope that Elena takes someone else back to her room tonight?” Ashland asked.
“Yes. She needs to stop thinking that finding the right man is going to make her happy.”
“I don’t know,” Ashland said, offering me a sly smile, “the right woman did it for me.”
“Are you really happy, Ashland, even if I don’t give you everything you want?”
“You’ve given me so much more than I ever imagined was possible for me. For that, my beautiful goddess, I am eternally grateful.”
~*~
It was after midnight when our group stumbled back to the hotel. Not surprisingly, Elena could barely hold herself upright. Daniel wrapped an arm around her, helping her along.
Those of us who were on the eighth floor got off the elevator and said one last goodnight. Then we went to our perspective rooms and shut our doors.
I immediately crossed my room and opened the connecting door. Ashland was already standing there waiting for me. “Nice of you to stop by,” he said and literally swept me off my feet. He carried me back into his room and laid me on the bed. “I thought you would enjoy a change of scenery.” I looked around; his room was identical to mine except for the painting on the wall, which featured a campus scene.
Ashland stood over me, a sly smile on his face. “Close your eyes. Don’t you dare open them.”
“Hold on,” I said. I unclasped my Magoa necklace and set it on the bedside table. “Just in case things get too wild.”
“We can only hope. Now do as I’ve asked.”
Relaxing back onto the bed, I closed my eyes. I could hear him slip off his shoes and pull his shirt from his pants. Then came the erotic sound of metal on metal as he unzipped his fly.
“What are you planning to do, Dr. Stewart?”
“You don’t need to worry about that. All you need to do is receive.”
The bed shook. I felt my black skirt slowly being lifted. I wiggled a little, unable to bear waiting. “Don’t peek,” he scolded me. “I want you to use your other senses fully.”
I felt him carefully peel my hose off. They were already saturated just from the thought of what he might do. With all the pressure from the last three months lifted, my body felt even more open to him. “Please,” I begged softly. “I need you.”
“You have me as long as you want me,” he whispered. I could feel his warm breath on my engorged clitoris. I reached down to stroke his hair. “No. Don’t touch me. I want as little as possible to distract you.”
I tried to relax, but my whole body was wound up in a knot that only he could untie. His lips gently brushed my vulva, and then his tongue touched the very tip of my clit. I shuddered uncontrollably as it sent heat lightening down my spine.
I felt a finger slip inside me, reaching back and up, touching that place he knew so well. Even with my eyes closed I couldn’t mistake his tongue. It knew so perfectly how to satisfy me. “Mmmm,” I moaned. I arched my back, wishing I had Ashland’s brass headboard to hold on to instead of the plain wooden one the hotel offered.
I felt like everything that happened since that night many years ago when I first dreamed of the goddess symbol had led to this moment. All my barriers had crumbled. My quest was over. My search for physical gratification had opened up a deep, untapped well. I couldn’t deny who I was and how I felt about the man who was kneeling at the foot of the bed.
“Ashland?”
He paused just long enough to respond. “Yes?”
“I love you.”
The words released me, sending me soaring. Already I was coming. My impending orgasm was like a stone rolling downhill, rushing blindly towards a deep abyss, powerful and uncontrolled. Almost there… almost over the edge.
The knock came loud and sharp. The boulder stopped abruptly.
Another sharp rap, more insistent this time.
I opened my eyes and looked at Ashland, whose head had popped up from between my legs. “Who…?” I asked.
“Ash,” came Elena’s loud, slurred, but still sexy voice. “I need to talk to you.”
“Shit,” I said quietly, sitting up.
“Ash, please,” she demanded. We remained silent. A sober person would have assumed that no one was in the room, but Elena was far from sober. “Ash, I need to tell you something,” she continued, her voice louder and choked with tears. “I need you to know how much I love you.”
I motioned for Ashland to come up next to me. “This could damage her career,” I whispered in his ear. “You need to let her in.”
He frowned but then nodded in agreement. I slipped out of bed, made certain I had gathered up my clothes, and hurried to our adjoining doors. I turned back to watch Ashland quickly pull on his pajamas.
You’ll be all right,
I mouthed to him, then closed the doors behind me.
Safe in my own room, I cleaned myself up in the bathroom and put back on the clothes I had been wearing. I paused to listen through the thin walls. I could hear Elena crying, her voice still loud. “Ash, please, just give me a chance.”
Deciding that he probably needed help, I grabbed my key card and went out into the hallway to knock on his door. A few seconds later he opened it, a look of relief on his face. “Is everything okay?” I asked innocently.
“Come on in,” he replied, opening the door wide. Elena was standing in the middle of the room wearing black silk pajamas, the top unbuttoned so far that I could see her nipples at the edge of the fabric. Despite her red, tear-stained face, she looked amazing. Most men would have been thrilled to have her in their room late at night, but Ashland just looked exasperated.
I walked over to Elena and tried to put an arm around her. “Let me take you back to your room.”
“No,” she said, pulling away. She turned to Ashland. “Why don’t you want me? You’ve slept with half the girls in the department. What’s wrong with me?”
“Elena,” he said, “you are a perfectly lovely young woman. It’s me who’s changed. I’m not that man anymore.”
“Bullshit,” she shouted. “I know you’re lying. Who are you fucking? Is it Nina again?”
“Come on,” I said, trying to lead her to the door. “We can talk about this in the morning.”
“I need to know now,” she demanded. She stumbled away from me. “I love you so much, Ash.”
She crossed to him, trying to put her arms around his neck, but he took a step sideways. She tumbled onto the unmade bed instead, the one Ashland and I had vacated just minutes earlier. She sprawled face down, crying.
“I know there’s someone else,” she said into the pillow. “I won’t leave until you tell me who she is.”
Ashland turned to me, his eyes pleading. I had to be firmer with her. “We’re going to bed now, Elena,” I said, taking her by the arm.
She jerked away. “Leave us alone, Julia,” she sobbed.
“This has gone far enough,” Ashland said. “You need to leave now.”
He moved determinedly towards her. She scooted to the head of the bed, just as determined to stay there.
In retrospect, I should have told him to leave. With Ashland gone, she might have calmed down. I might have been able to talk to her. But I didn’t think quickly enough. Ashland was a man who was used to taking charge, so he reached out a hand for her. She turned her body away from him, towards the nightstand.
I saw it a second before she did, glimmering in the bluish glow of the clock radio.
My Magoa necklace.
Elena’s eyes locked on it as if it was an archeological treasure she had just dug up, a Rosetta Stone that explained everything she wanted to know.
She turned to stare at me. If it had been anyone else, I might have found an excuse. I had given it to Ashland to admire or the clasp had broken. But Elena was already convinced that Ashland had another lover. All she needed was a name. Now she had one.
“Elena…” I started. What could I say? She was to be Ashland’s next lover. She was everything he looked for in a girlfriend—young, beautiful, intelligent. But then a middle aged, married woman whom she thought of as a friend had stolen him out from under her.
And now she hated me for it.
Elena thrashed out of the bed. Neither of us tried to stop her as she blundered to the door. We heard her bare feet scampering down the hallway to the elevator. We continued to stand frozen in the middle of the room, watching one another, as we listened to the elevator ascend.
“Should we go after her?” Ashland finally asked.
“That would only make it worse. I’ll call Nina and ask her to go talk to her.”
I went back to my room to get my cell phone. It took her a few moments to answer, but when I explained what had happened, she left her room immediately.
We sat on the bed, our arms wrapped around one another, waiting for her to call us back. “I’m sorry,” Ashland said.
“I knew the risks. I made the choice to be with you.”
“And if you had it to do over again?”
“I don’t know, because I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
We waited almost an hour, talking over the possible scenarios. Elena could tell Matt, maybe anonymously. She could tell other people in the department, or she could threaten to do it if we didn’t end the affair. I knew that no matter what she did, my life was going to change again.
Finally, my phone rang. “She’s asleep,” Nina said, her voice spent. Elena had been practically hysterical, she related. Nina tried to talk her out of doing anything stupid, to herself or to us.
After I hung up, Ashland and I crawled into bed and held one another. “Perhaps you’re safe,” he offered.
“It doesn’t matter. We’ll be in this situation again sooner or later.”
“What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know.”
We both drifted off to sleep, but I awoke later. It was still dark. I wasn’t sure how long I had slept. I stared up at the ceiling. There was no light coming through the curtains, but still, I could sense my spider lurking in the corner. It was waiting, but for what?
Nina and I idled in her Honda outside a depressing little strip mall on the edge of Madison. Next to a dry cleaner was a small Korean floral shop. An oversized sign in the window declared, “Happy wife, happy life.” I watched as a burly, blue-collar type left clutching a dozen roses in his calloused hand.
“Did you reach your husband?” Nina asked.
“Yes. Everything seems fine. At least he didn’t say anything.”
“Would he?”
“I don’t know. I think so. I think I could at least tell in his voice if he knew.”
“Elena isn’t a bad person. She might not do anything.”
When Nina had gone to check on Elena the next morning, she had already checked out. Nobody had heard from her and she wasn’t answering her phone.
I spotted Ashland pulling into the parking lot. As he parked next to us, it was comforting to see his face as calm and composed as always. I climbed out of Nina’s car and, without evening thinking about it, gave him a hug, lingering in his strong arms.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” he said as he reluctantly released me. “I received an important phone call just before I left the hotel.”
I turned to Nina. She was already pulling my suitcase out of the car. “Thank you for everything.”
Nina smiled at us. “Good luck on your journey.”
~*~
Out on the interstate, Ashland reached over and took my hand, holding it firmly as he steered the car effortlessly. “What was the phone call about?” I asked.
“I’ll tell you all about it when we get to our destination.”
“You’re being very mysterious again, Dr. Stewart. You didn’t do something weird like build a re-creation of Magoa in the middle of Wisconsin?”
“That would be a theme park with a lot of thrills and surprises.”
I laughed and squeezed his hand. “We’d definitely have to invite Dr. Crusher to take the first ride.”
~*~
Ashland took us down a different interstate heading back to Chicago, past thick groves of trees and billboards decrying “tax and spend liberals.” We talked about the conference and the reaction to Magoa, but mostly our conversation centered on Elena and what would happen next. I could sense a hint of buoyancy behind Ashland’s concerned words. I thought I knew why. Now that our affair was likely to be thrown unceremoniously into the cold light of day, it offered him the opportunity to change our relationship. He was going to ask me to marry him. I was sure of it. But it had been less than 12 hours since I admitted to him and to myself that I loved him. Life was already too complicated. I had no desire to take that step, at least not yet.
At about ten o’clock, Ashland announced, “Next exit.” I checked for signs indicating what to expect, but there seemed to be no services or anything else out here.
We left the interstate for a two-lane country road that wound past dairy farms and through a state forest. Tall pine trees turned day to twilight. We both rolled down our windows so we could listen to the sounds of frogs bellowing their mating calls as we passed a lake awash in bright green lily pads.
Finally, Ashland slowed the car to a crawl until he located a narrow dirt road that disappeared into the deep brown and green of the forest. “You’re not planning to keep me prisoner here, are you?” I asked.
His eyes sparkled in response. “Tempting, but no. I know you have to get back to your family.”
“What is this place?”
“TJ left it to me. He bought it years ago. It was his private retreat. I’m not sure if he ever brought Martin or anyone else here. He never told me about it.”
Ashland inched down the rutted road. The trees lining it felt as if they were about to reach out and touch us. I thought of Brother Ferreira, pushing through jungles and up a mountain, believing that God was leading him, unaware that his expectations would be upended.
We reached a large, well-groomed, grassy area fronting a stately log cabin. It featured a wide porch where a single wooden rocking chair waited empty and silent. “It’s beautiful,” I said.
Ashland pulled the car to the end of the road and turned off the engine. “I came up over Christmas break to check it out. At first I wondered why he chose to leave it to me. I couldn’t imagine ever making it out here.”
“I think he knew you needed a place to escape that didn’t involve young women or remote digs.”
We climbed out of the car. Our footsteps crunched on the gravel as we approached the house. Ashland unlocked the door and led me inside. The large front room was rustic and thoughtfully decorated. A fireplace featured a stone hearth. But the focal point was the black grand piano that occupied a good portion of the room. “You might have to take up piano,” I said.
Ashland turned and took me in his arms. “I don’t want to add one more thing to my life that doesn’t involve you.”
We stood there kissing, enjoying the simple, sensual pleasure of our lips. “This is where you realized you were in love with me,” I finally said.
He nodded. “And it seemed like the perfect spot to offer you a proposition.”
I sucked my breath in. “Ashland—”
“I received a phone call this morning from my Chinese colleagues.”
“About Magoa?”
He nodded. “The North Korean leadership did an about-face. They heard about the reaction to Magoa at the conference and decided that having what could be one of the most important archeological discoveries in the world within their borders would be a propaganda coup. They know having me there will give it the highest profile, so they’re reluctantly allowing two members of our team back into the country.”
My heart was twisted into an irreducible knot. In only a few seconds, I had been wrenched from an impending marriage proposal and instead faced the prospect of losing Ashland to Magoa.
Ashland could see the tears in my eyes before I even realized they were there. He took both my hands in his. “I want you to come with me.”
“Ashland, that’s crazy. What about Nina?”
“The North Koreans found out that she has an uncle in the South Korean security services. They’ve made it clear she’s not welcome.”
“Have you told her?”
“Not yet. I didn’t want anyone to try to talk me out of this.”
“Then I have to be the one to do it. I’m not qualified. If Nina can’t go, you should be taking one of your other students.” Before I could even think about it, I added, “You should take Elena.”
“I don’t want Elena. I want you.”
“She’s your top student. I don’t want you to compromise your professional integrity because of me.”
“By having you there I’m acknowledging that there’s more to Magoa than cold, scientific facts. I don’t pretend to understand it, but I know you have a special connection to that place.”
I smiled, despite my best effort not to. “If Dr. Crusher could hear you now.”
“I don’t give a damn about Dr. Crusher. I only care about Magoa and you. I understand that this is a big decision. I understand that you have to consider your family. I’m asking you to spend the summer at the Magoa site. It will help you decide if archeology is the right career for you, and…” he paused, weighing the words he was about to say. “It will help you decide if I’m the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.”
~*~
We made love in the cabin’s big, four-poster bed. He was slow and gentle, just how I wanted him to be. But we couldn’t linger. I had to return to my family, to learn what bombshell would be thrown in my lap next.
When we arrived back in town, we shared one last furtive kiss before I retrieved my car from campus parking and drove slowly home. Everything seemed normal as I pulled into the driveway. But then, what was I expecting, a large “A” on our front door?
I entered through the kitchen. It was quiet. The dishes were put away. I was amazed at how clean the house was. Did my family really live here? I stood unmoving, my feet planted to the linoleum, tense and uncertain. Everything seemed so normal, just like the thousands of other times I had stepped into the house over the last 17 years.
And then I saw her through the kitchen doorway. She was standing in the dining room, silently watching me. Even in the dim light, I could see her face streaked with red, the hurt and cold anger in her eyes unmistakable. I had betrayed everything she had believed about me. She would never see her mother the same way again.
“How could you?” she choked out, her voice breaking. “How could you do this to us?”
And then Lily turned and ran up the stairs.