Authors: Mercedes Keyes
“
She does not blame you
for what happened. She blames herself! She needs you to come to
her. She needs to hear you say that you still love her, she needs-..."
"I cannot – oh Go-o-od!! - I cannot stand to see – what they did to her
!!" He bellowed, covering his eyes with his fist. "Knowing, that I am the reason!!" Breathing hard, he wiped
his hand over his face and covered his mouth. "I swore to protect her!
Once upon a time her mother trusted me with her. And, because of
me, they almost killed her! They almost killed my wife!!
Do you understand!!"
Josey stood starting to shake. "Please son, don't do this, I beg you
don't."
With a clenched jaw, he stood seething, trying to gain control of
himself, pounding his head he ground out, "I cannot - get the picture -
out - of - my - head. It won't go away! They - they cut her hair away
like she - and beat her - as if she were a dog!
A god – damn anima-a-al
!
" He raged is if driven by a madness that refused to release him.
Josey closed her eyes from his thunderous voice, afraid that her
son and his sanity were teetering on the brink of a black whole. "Joseph, please." She whimpered with visions of his father before her, telling her he was going to war.
He did not return. She searched her son’s eyes, he was staring off
vacantly, then back at her. There was an evil, sinister look about him, a
smile that sent shivers down her spine.
"Want to know what I did mother? Want to know what your
Joseph did? I grabbed them by the hair...dead or alive, and I scalped
them! Those that lived, I thrilled at their screams. S
creams for mercy! There is no such thing, I did not listen, I
could not hear, because they are
animals
!! And like the animals they are, I killed them as if they were!
!"
"Please...oh my God!"
He walked up to her, one hand at her back, the other before her
face as he imported information as if an instructor.
"Did you know, that if you removed a human's heart fast enough,
you can feel it beat one more time before it quivers and stops...did you know
that?"
Josey covered her ears screeching, "Joseph ... please, no more
!"
"Mother, why do you cry? What use are hearts to men who have no clue of how to
use them? They are without heart mother, no need of heart - so -
I removed it."
Josey stood shivering; praying to her God, wondering how such a
thing could happen to her son, "Joseph, oh Joseph,
what has happened to you?"
"The
white man - has happened to me." He ground harshly.
"Do you hate us all, Joseph? A man’s skin color,
that
does not paint him evil and worthy of death. Certainly not the form
of death you've inflected upon those whom you killed? All white men,
are not evil, Joseph. Your grandfather, Jordan; he is not evil, and yet
his blood flows through your veins."
"That was my father's doing."
She gasped. He stood glaring down at her with angry eyes.
"You will not - stand here and speak against my –
father -
nor
your
own!
Are you saying that you hate me too, your own mother?
I am white!"
They stood staring at each other with only their breathing
breaking the silence. A tear of anger rolled down Josey's cheek. Red
Crow reached up and caught it. "There is no hate in my heart towards you, my mother. Nor, is there any for my grandfather." He told her softly,
caressing the moisture from her tear. His eyes met hers for her to see his
own pooling and then spilling the tears.
"We are dying mother. They are killing us ... tribe by tribe,
village by village; if we do not fight back; if we do not kill back. What will there be left of us? Help me mother, what do I do? We've learned their words, and read
their books. They do not care. We've changed our garb, and many of
my brothers in Georgia live as white people do, o
wning slaves
. They
are not impressed. Nothing we do will impress upon them that we
are men; that we are human; that this land, first, belongs to us. There is no fairness, no justice, no reasoning, no bargaining, and no compromise. Why? Because among them there are no humans. They left their England, because England had no use
for such animals. How else do you explain what they do here?
No man running for justice, equality and a better life,
would deny another of those things. These things, these vile beasts that invade us, they are
not men. Yet, they claim that we are not. Why? Because our shade of
skin is dark by the sun? Because our texture of hair, is different from
their own. Our language, they do not understand, so this makes
us, animals?"
Josey stood quietly listening. Her son had calmed down now. She
could see his mind working, thinking.
"Joseph."
His eyes came back to gaze into hers in answer to his name. "There is
bad, in all men. No man is without sin, no man."
He crumbled and started crying, holding onto her. "What are we
to do, mother, what — are we to do?"
She held on tight,
stroking his hair wondering the same. "We must leave son, we must gather our things as you said and-..."
He
r voice snapped him out of it, pulling himself from her, he turned away wiping his face, ashamed.
"No. That was before ... it is too late for me."
"What are you talking about Joseph? It is never too late."
"It is for me." He turned to look back at her. "I will fight with my
brothers. I will die with my brothers. Take my wife, my Gold Raven to her family, to Webster Fields, which is where her heart is, where she wishes to be. There
is where she belongs. Tell her...tell her... I am sorry... sorry that I
ruined her life. Tell her... I will always love her. That when I die ... my
last thought will be - how much I love her."
Josey knew she was going to lose her son, the thought made her
wish to scream in agony. If he left to fight, he would never return.
She would never see him again. Helpless without a way, she shouted
angrily out.
"You tell her your
damn
self!!"
Greeneye tried to talk to him, but he slipped into a cruel manner that no one could possibly penetrate before he lashed out at them. He was like a mighty wounded beast, licking his wounds until his next
battle.
By the fourth week following the incident, Hope was up and
about. She knew little of the things going on around her, other than
her mother-in-law being down and depressed, often catching snippets
of her crying from her room. They spoke of the time when they
would start packing to leave, or some other safe topic, both afraid of the things taking place around them. For that reason, they dwelled
within the village on borrowed time. Hope finally decided to venture out of doors. This had taken her a while, being that she was ashamed
of someone seeing her. A habit had developed of her hiding away
when someone came to visit, going into a room until they left. Josey
would end up searching her out, often finding her sitting with crossed legs by the door on the floor, where she would lean and listen for the
visitor's departure.
"They're gone now." Josey would softly inform her. Hope
nodded, as a quiet answer that she knew. "Why do you continue to
hide?"
"Look at me."
"You've healed up well. Your face is back to normal-..."
"I have a scar on my cheek." Hope reminded her.
"Which does nothing to detract from your pretty face."
"I have no hair."
"You have plenty of hair, growing back bit by bit. To be honest
with you, I look at you..." She started saying, coming further into
the room and settling on the floor next to Hope, "...and I
think, you're even prettier."
"Oh stop Josey." Hope's face dropped.
"No, it's true. Your hair has grown enough to wave and lay
around your face in a way that brings out the best in your features. I
know you don't like it, but it is very becoming. As it gets longer, it will
start to curl and surround your face, if you give yourself a good look,
I think you'll like what you see."
Hope looked up quietly.
"I feel ugly."
"Not true. Look what I made you."
Josey held up a beaded headband for her, with feathers attached to two leather strips that would dangle above her shoulder. "Here,
follow me." She rose, expecting Hope to follow. Reluctantly, she did.
In Josey's room, at her vanity and mirror, she stood behind Hope
who sat looking at herself. "What do you think?" She asked.
"I like the headband. It is very nice."
"Well give it a try, why don't you wrap up in a shawl and go for a
little walk. Go breathe some fresh cool air. I think it will invigorate
you."
"I can't, look at my head."
"Honey, your hair has grown enough where the scars no longer
show. Right now, your hair is laying in a way that reminds me of feathers, all over your head. Like... that of a Gold Raven, yes, l
ook at yourself."
Hope turned and looked. Moving her face from one side to the other looking at short tufts of hair and how it laid around her head.
She reached up and touched it. It was shiny, gold and full of waves,
and as Josey said... it reminded her too of feathers, feathers that were scattered, out of order, alive to bend as they would. She smiled a bit, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, unsure.
"Maybe, I'll just stay to the woods around here, maybe, as far as
the stream."
"I for one think that's a good idea."
She stood and followed Josey as she retrieved a big shawl wrap to
place around her shoulders, wearing her new head band, she lead
Hope to the door. "Now, go." Swallowing nervously, Hope looked
outside and taking a deep breath, stepped out and slowly started
walking, with Josey watching her from the door. As far as Josey was
concerned, the short hair fit her features, making her eyes huge,
beautiful, her lips fuller, and her face clearer. With a sigh, she
backed up and closed the door.
Wearing a soft doeskin dress, high top moccasins and the shawl
around her shoulders, Hope strolled slowly and carefully. Hesitant,
and holding her breath, fearing someone would suddenly appear.
In no
time at all, she found herself strolling along the bank of the stream,
not far from the house. She bent over and picked up a long stick,
using it to swat at leaves, and swing at small pebbles, then touching
the edges of the stream, making little water splashes. Fall was all
around, with leaves dropping everywhere; layering the ground with
colors of orange, gold and brown, piled so that the grass was no
longer seen.
She looked up hearing the cry of a crow as it flew from one tree
to another. Looking for something, it made its call again. She stood
staring, and thought to herself,
'Here I am. See me... I'm right here.'
Shyly her hand went up as if capturing its attention. "Hey... here I
am." She said aloud, feeling melancholy and alone, she brought the
hand back in a gesture to still her pounding heart. Looking down at
the ground, she knelt, looking up at the crow as it sat watching. Soon
it lost interest and flew away. She turned from it, looking out at the
stream, unaware of the eyes watching her.
With a sigh, she pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged
them there, enjoying the cool breeze that blew over her. She closed
her eyes and sat, slightly swaying, rocking as if moved by the winds that blew
around her until she laid the side of her head there. She sat under quiet
surveillance a while before she felt him there, felt his eyes on her.
Swallowing nervously, her head rose and she began to look around.
Turning where she sat, finally their eyes met. He was maybe thirty feet
from her, propped up against a tree with one knee up and a hand on
it, the other leg stretched out before him, the other hand on his thigh.
Both were frozen, unable to move and staring at each other.
Hope swallowed, wanting to make some gesture to reach out to him;
however her fear stayed her hand.
She kept biting into her lip, biting back words she wished to say. She was afraid to risk the first move, but if he called out to her, she
would go to him. She wanted so badly to feel his arms around her
again. To hear his voice and the warm breath of his mouth next to
her ear, whispering, I love you. This time, she would not hesitate to
tell him the same.
More time passed and neither said a word. Tears came to Hopes
eyes as she turned and looked the other way. Unable to bear what she
thought was obvious, that he did not want her anymore; she came to
her feet and ran back towards the house as fast as she could.
Slowly, he exhaled, allowing himself to breathe again. He stayed
put, never shifted his position as he stared at the spot where she had
been. If he waited another moment, perhaps then his heart would
stop its pounding in his chest.