Gold Raven (80 page)

Day after day, his recollections fell on him until he was
mad with the recalling of it all. They haunted his dreams, the vision of
the broken and limping gold raven, and then, his Gold Raven; first
the bird, and then, his wife. What came to him, dared him to sleep, for
in the instant that he tried, he saw her face cut, battered, swollen and bruised. He saw her back, bloody and raw, scarred for the rest of her
life, her hair, shorn off as if she were an animal.

Some of the braves offered him drink, which they knew was
forbidden in the village, hoping to entice him so that the ban on drink
might be lifted; promising him that it would drown the pain of all that
he had suffered. Furious, Red Crow had thrown the white man's evil
drink from him. The pain of his wrongs was his to bear, and bear
them he would. His wife, lay suffering, with no escape from what had been done to her, neither would he seek escape. Until the day he died, he would live with it, because all took place because of him and he
would not run from it.

In the end, he escaped to his private cave, growing cold within
because the season was changing. There, he struggled with his
nightmares alone. He would not go and visit her again, as far as he
knew, she hated him. Now, there was truly good cause. He kept
seeing her mother's smiling face. He could remember so long ago,
when they first visited their village.

She had held on tight to her baby
daughter, frightened to let her go. So afraid of what harm could
come to her, with tears in her eyes she had explained,
"I can't... she's
all I have. I can't-..."
He remembered walking up to her, holding out
his hands and proudly declaring,
"I will watch over her. I am to be a great
chief like my father one day! A strong warrior... she will be safe with me."
And
finally trusting him, she’d handed her over.

Red Crow rolled forward and roared out his anguish as loud sobs, filled with agony, flooded the cave, echoing through the valley below. His
deep voice reverberating in the cold empty cave as he turned himself inside
out with his crying hurting his throat, as he saw the trusting eyes of
Amber Swann.

"Hope? Oh honey, why are you crying? You have to stop
this, aaah Hope." Josey stated as she was cleaning around her bed
thinking Hope slept. She glanced down at her and saw the tears
rolling and soaking her pillow.

She dropped to her knees beside the bed where Hope's head lay; s
troking her forehead gently as she maintained the position on her stomach with her back still too tender for any other position, filled as it was with scabs and
bruises.

"I wish I ha
d died. Why didn't I die?" She whimpered low, as her eyes flickered to Josey and then away, keeping still,
the left side of her face was also tender.

"Nooo, you don't mean that."

"I do. It's all my fault, I do stupid things. I don't know when to
shut up."

"You hush that talk now! Do you hear me? It most certainly is not
your fault! I won't hear anymore of that! No man, white or otherwise,
has a right to do to you what they did! No right to do what they're
doing to black men and women, Indians or any other!"

"But, they do have a right, because they do it, there is no one to stop
them. I should have known better."

"Hope! The wrong is with them!"

"I killed my baby."

"
They
- killed - your - baby!"

"But it's because of everything that
I
did; that gave
them
the opportunity to. I shouldn't have gotten so angry, so mad, I knew to
turn back, but, I am so stupid, I do not even listen to myself, to my own mind! Now my baby is
dead, because I am so stupid! This is what I deserve for saying that I
don't want it! I - I wanted it – Josey – I didn’t – I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean it! I want it back, please…"

"Shhh, shhh, I know you didn’t mean it. Oooh honey you're breaking my heart. I know
you wanted that baby. But you can't bring it back. I know you hurt, but there will be more babies." Josey encouraged fighting with her
own tears as she took a linen and dabbed at Hope's eyes. Hope shook her head into the pillow.
"There won't be. He can't - he can't stand - to look at me. I'm
ugly, scarred and horrible now!"

"That is the most absurd thing I've ever heard! You most certainly
aren't. You are just as beautiful today, as ever. Scarred, yes, hurting
, yes, changed, yes. Ugly? Not, ever."

"Scarred and ugly, for the rest of my life."

"Hope..." Josey felt lost.

"It's true, that is why he hasn't come to see me."

"He's been to see you Hope. You were sleeping, resting when he
came."

"I've been awake on and off for over a week, not once in all that
time, it really is over now, the one thing that I knew was that he
loved me. Now, I don't even have that." Hope turned her face away
and carefully laid on her injured side not caring about the discomfort. Josey leaned back on her heels quiet and thinking.

"Where is he? I want to know where he is!"

"I don't know, Woman of the People. He has gone into the
caves above the hills. No one has seen him in sometime." Greeneye
replied to Josey's inquiry of her son.

"Well when you see him again, you tell him that his wife needs
him! She needs to know he still loves her! We may be able to heal her
scars, but he must come and heal her heart. His absence is destroying her. She's blaming herself for everything. Thinking that she's ugly and
he cannot stand the sight of her. And he's off somewhere, blaming
himself for everything, thinking she should never forgive him and
won't! Here I stand between them, knowing they each need the other,
but am powerless to bring them together. I can't stand this! I can't take another moment of it!" She blasted trying to get it off of her
chest and then left Greeneye's dwelling directly, frustrated and tense.

Greeneye stood quiet even after her departure; he felt his hands were
tied as well.

Four days later they left for the meeting of tribes; Greeneye, Red
Crow, Gray Wolf and Cobenche and four of the tribal elders. At the
meeting, Red Crow sat without comment to the arguments being
given back and forth between the tribes. The Shawnee, the Arapaho,
the Sequoyah and the Chickasaw argued wanting to wage all out war
and attack the Georgia militia and surrounding forts. Yet, from each
tribe, some felt it suicidal to do so, their argument being the armies
and militia had become more alert and watchful due to many attacks
on them. Mentioned as well were their many cannons and rifles which
had longer range than their arrows. Many argued the reasons they
should fight anyway, but in the end, the discussion was at a draw.
Half were wanting to fight and the other half wanting to keep the peace.

At the end of the meeting when all chiefs were to stand and give their last announcements, Red Crow's had been that he would join those who wanted to fight. It no longer mattered to him if it was
suicidal. He had nothing more to live for. Greeneye closed his eyes
hearing his friend agreeing to join those wishing to fight. Next, he
announced that he was stepping down as Chief to his people and that from that day forward, Greeneye would stand as their chief.

With the meeting coming to a close, those of the small remnant
tribe of the Cherokee returned to their village. Greeneye felt heavy of heart, knowing that if Red Crow left to go fight as his father had, then just as his father had returned dead, so would he.

Chapter Thirty

The next morning after their
return Red Crow lay in his tepee
alone upon his bed of fur, partially covered. Time now seemed to
drag on with him giving thought to maybe testing the powers of the white man's fiery brew but something in him would not let him go to that extent so he restrained himself. It was before the break of dawn
and there he was wide awake, with his hands behind his head thinking about his wife.

"Red Crow." A soft voice called out to him. "I hope you're there,
because I wish to enter. Are you there?" The voice of his mother repeated softly.
He lay holding his breath, hoping that she would go away. He
didn't want any company right now, least of all his mother.

"Red Crow!?"

He swallowed, staring at the flap.

"Damn you!" She pulled at it to enter, but it was tied from within. "So you are there, let me in right this minute!" She demanded.

He lay making a face, rolling his eyes, still unmoving. The next thing
he knew, a knife stabbed through the hide and she forced herself
through.

"What in hell!" He shouted, sitting up.

She entered. "I, in hell!" She announced, standing within, her
hands on her hips. "We're going to talk and now! So you might as
well get up. Be assured, I won't be going anywhere until we do and I find the common sense you once had, see what's left of it and maybe,
I can get you to use it again."

His only response was a non-commenting grunt as he lay in
bed and turned his back to her, wishing she would go away and leave
him alone.

"Joseph Avery
, I am talking to you!"

He whimpered. "Mother, please...go home. I don't care to hear
it."

"Oh but you're going to hear it! Now get up from that bed!"

Remaining as he was, he
gave no indication that he was about to. Fed up
with being ignored, she walked to his bed and yanked the covers
from him despite his nudity.

That,
moved him.

"
Mother please
!" He bellowed in shock, bolting up to cover
himself.

"You may be a man to the world, a mighty fierce chief, but you're still my son! When I request a word with you, show me that respect, and do it!"

"My cover...please." He stood with his hands
covering his private area.

Tossing it to him, she continued. "I have something to say to you,
and I'll have my say here and now."

"Is it possible for you to let me at the very least don my loin
cloth?"

"Be quick about it." She instructed turning her back. While she
waited, he mumbled behind her, "It is obvious he could not wait to run and tell you, could he!? It'll do no good, I've committed myself. I'm going, so-..."

She swung around just as he adjusted himself.

"Committed!? You should be committed!-..."

"Sure, why not-..."

"You hush, I came to you... this argument is mine!"

"Oh...silly me, little boy that I am, sorry mother, you go right
ahead."

"Joseph Avery! You do try my patience! What is wrong with you?
You speak of commitments! What about the commitment you made
to your wife?! She needs you now, more than ever - more than
anyone! Are you going to abandon her, forcing her to continue
believing that you don't want her anymore?!"

"She is better off without me! All that I have brought her –
echm - well, you can see with your own eyes. What she needs now
is her family; her father, her mother and her dear brother, Mike!"
He spat, feeling bitter anger towards him, even though Mike had done
nothing to him. His anger was truly at himself. "From the very
beginning, I have been nothing to her, I am even less now!"

"My son, do me this favor, open your ears and listen to me.
Your wife, Golden Hope O'Brien, loves you.”