Good Night, Sleep Tight Workbook (8 page)
Read Good Night, Sleep Tight Workbook Online
Authors: Kim West
Tags: #Family & Relationships, #Life Stages, #Infants & Toddlers, #Parenting, #General
On the fourth night don’t feed her at all. Remember she has had three nights to get used to receiving fewer calories at night. Usually parents will move their seat away from the crib on the fourth night of the Shuffle, but we’re going to modify it for this night-weaning. So on the fourth night when she wakes up, sit next to her crib for an additional night. Comfort her from your chair as you did at bedtime. Don’t pick her up unless she’s hysterical, and then hold her only briefly. If you breastfeed exclusively, it may help to put Dad on night-duty: Since he can’t nurse, your baby might adjust to the no-night-feeding routine more quickly.
Important Note:
Let’s say you’ve decided that you’ll feed your baby the first time she wakes after midnight. If you find yourself sitting with her and doing the Shuffle from 11:00 p.m. until midnight while she fusses, don’t pick her up and feed her a minute after the clock strikes 12:00. Wait until she goes back to sleep and then wakes up again—even if she only dozes for half an hour. You don’t want to send the message that crying for an hour will yield a feeding.
Let’s say you’ve decided that you’ll feed your baby the first time she wakes after midnight. If you find yourself sitting with her and doing the Shuffle from 11:00 p.m. until midnight while she fusses, don’t pick her up and feed her a minute after the clock strikes 12:00. Wait until she goes back to sleep and then wakes up again—even if she only dozes for half an hour. You don’t want to send the message that crying for an hour will yield a feeding.
You can simply stop offering your baby a breast or a bottle when she wakes at night. Go to her cribside as outlined in the Shuffle. Just make sure you and your partner are on the same page in this decision. If Mom has been breastfeeding, consider having Dad handle all middle-of-the-night wake-ups, since your child knows that he can’t give in and nurse her.
WITHOUT
ELIMINATING THEM ALL TOGETHER:
Let’s say you and your pediatrician think your baby still needs to eat at night, or you want to merely reduce nighttime feedings but aren’t ready to cut them out altogether; follow the first step of Method B and restrict meals to
once
a night. Feed your child quickly, and avoid other interactions that will encourage her to stay up and play or cling to you.
once
a night. Feed your child quickly, and avoid other interactions that will encourage her to stay up and play or cling to you.
Noah, age 10 months
CHAPTER SIX
Putting an End to Co-Sleeping
Many families who co-sleep are doing it
because
their child is unable to put himself to sleep without a parent lying next to him, holding him, or nursing him to sleep—not because it’s part of their parenting style. (Even if you want to co-sleep, you should still teach your child to soothe himself to sleep.)
because
their child is unable to put himself to sleep without a parent lying next to him, holding him, or nursing him to sleep—not because it’s part of their parenting style. (Even if you want to co-sleep, you should still teach your child to soothe himself to sleep.)
After a baby has been in your bed for months (or years!), I suggest making changes in several stages, described in detail
below
, over several weeks (though not every family needs to go through every step). If your child is old enough, prepare him by talking through the imminent change. Even a 1-year-old can comprehend more than you realize, and certainly from 18 months or so kids can understand a good deal. Let your tot know what’s coming and make it sound enticing and exciting. For an older child, sticker charts and rewards are great incentives.
below
, over several weeks (though not every family needs to go through every step). If your child is old enough, prepare him by talking through the imminent change. Even a 1-year-old can comprehend more than you realize, and certainly from 18 months or so kids can understand a good deal. Let your tot know what’s coming and make it sound enticing and exciting. For an older child, sticker charts and rewards are great incentives.
Get your child used to his room when he is awake and in daylight. In fact, he shouldn’t just be used to it, he should
like
it. Play with him there, change him there, hug him and kiss him there. If he needs some incentives to venture into an unfamiliar room, buy him some fun new toys or check some books and tapes out of the library.
(You can skip this stage if your child is already playing in his room and/or napping there.)
like
it. Play with him there, change him there, hug him and kiss him there. If he needs some incentives to venture into an unfamiliar room, buy him some fun new toys or check some books and tapes out of the library.
(You can skip this stage if your child is already playing in his room and/or napping there.)
If your child is not already napping in his bedroom, start now. Spend a week or two getting him accustomed to napping in his own crib or bed during the day, before you make the nighttime transition. Lie down
with him
in his room for two or three days if your intuition tells you he needs that extra assistance. If he has trouble falling asleep in his room and you don’t want to lie down with him, sit with him for the next few days but try to be a fairly neutral presence. Calm and soothe him but don’t let him constantly engage you, or all the interaction will be an excuse for him not to sleep. After a few days, try the Sleep Lady® Shuffle for nap training. If you do, note that it’s up to you whether you want to address the napping first, or napping and nighttime sleep simultaneously—it doesn’t matter if you are sitting in exactly the same position day and night at this point.
with him
in his room for two or three days if your intuition tells you he needs that extra assistance. If he has trouble falling asleep in his room and you don’t want to lie down with him, sit with him for the next few days but try to be a fairly neutral presence. Calm and soothe him but don’t let him constantly engage you, or all the interaction will be an excuse for him not to sleep. After a few days, try the Sleep Lady® Shuffle for nap training. If you do, note that it’s up to you whether you want to address the napping first, or napping and nighttime sleep simultaneously—it doesn’t matter if you are sitting in exactly the same position day and night at this point.
Instead of the Shuffle, you have the option of trying to settle your child for a nap with his lovey and then leaving the room and checking on him every five minutes if he’s crying. If that feels too abrupt to you, remember that either approach is fine, and that you should choose the one that feels best for you and suits your child. Read the chapter for your child’s age for details on the Shuffle and nap coaching.
When you or your child is ready for night-training—and it will be clear; we’re talking days or weeks, not months—you should start the Sleep Lady® Shuffle, with one extra preliminary phase:
Spend up to three nights sleeping in his room with him to create a bridge between the family bed and independent sleep.
Throw a mattress on the floor, drag in the guest bed, pile up some sleeping bags, whatever is safe and comfortable for both of you to sleep on.
Spend up to three nights sleeping in his room with him to create a bridge between the family bed and independent sleep.
Throw a mattress on the floor, drag in the guest bed, pile up some sleeping bags, whatever is safe and comfortable for both of you to sleep on.
Depending on whether you are transitioning your child to a crib or bed, read either Chapter 8 or 9 on “Implementing Your Plan” for more details.
Once you’ve gone through your usual bedtime routine, put your child in his bed or crib. Sit next to the crib or bed to soothe him. Pat him or rub his back intermittently, but don’t relent and bring him into your bed or the makeshift bed on the floor. Stay next to his crib or bed until he is completely asleep.
You can sleep in his room on the makeshift bed if that will make you more comfortable and consistent, but only for two or three nights. Any longer, and he’ll have an even harder time adjusting when you leave. If your child is in a bed, and he gets out and tries to join you on the floor, simply put him back immediately without a word. If he does this repeatedly or if you wake up at night and find he’s in bed with you, skip ahead to the Shuffle step where you sit in a chair and stop sleeping in his room.
Each time your child wakes during the night, return to his bedside to offer physical and verbal reassurance until he goes back to sleep. Sit next to your child’s crib or bed for three nights to soothe him. Every three nights move a little farther away so that he can gradually fall asleep more independently. Move across the room, then to the doorway, then out the door into the hall, until finally you’re able to leave him alone while still checking on him frequently. (Take a look at the Shuffle overview on pages 30-32 for more details.)
Owen, age 15 months
CHAPTER SEVEN
Creating Your
Plan
Plan
Now it’s time to devise your own sleep-coaching plan! I always encourage parents to
create their plan together and during the waking hours.
Think it through, talk it through, and
write it down
. Putting your plan on paper will ensure that you’re both on the same page (literally and figuratively!) and will help you avoid miscommunication. Most important, it will help you be consistent with your child.
create their plan together and during the waking hours.
Think it through, talk it through, and
write it down
. Putting your plan on paper will ensure that you’re both on the same page (literally and figuratively!) and will help you avoid miscommunication. Most important, it will help you be consistent with your child.
Following are sample plans for a 7-month-old in a crib and a 3-year-old in a bed, and after that, there is a blank plan for you to fill in and tear out.
Below is a sample plan for Bridget who is 7 months old and sleeps in a crib.
We have met with our pediatrician and have discussed our child’s eating, growth, and general health. We have ruled out any potential underlying medical conditions that may be interfering with our child’s sleep. Our pediatrician has given us the green light to begin sleep coaching.
After reviewing the sleep averages, we have found that our child requires on average the following amount of sleep:
| Total amount of nighttime sleep: | 11 hours |
| Total amount of daytime sleep: | 3.25 hours |
| Number of naps: | 2 to 3 |
After reviewing my child’s eating and sleep logs over the last few days, we believe his/her natural bedtime window is: around 7:00 p.m.
We will be working toward an approximate eating and sleeping schedule as outlined below:
6:00 a.m.-7:30 a.m. Wake-up range Breakfast or feeding 8:30 a.m.-9:00 a.m. Nap (or within 2 hours of waking but not before 8:00 a.m.), 1½ hours max Lunch or feeding Around 1:00 p.m. Nap (or within 2-3 hours of waking from her first nap but asleep within 3 hours) Snack 5:00 p.m.-5:30 p.m. Dinner or feeding 6:00 p.m.-6:30 p.m. Start bath/bedtime routine (depends on whether it is a bath night) 6:45 p.m. Feeding 7:00 p.m. Lights out and in bed
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