Gothic Charm School (25 page)

So what is the fashionable Goth to do? Give up attractive footwear and scurry around in hiking boots and Gore-Tex? Of course not! Perish the thought.

First, find a good winter coat. Notice that the Lady of the Manners said
coat
, not
cloak
. While the Lady of the Manners is as fond of sumptuous velvet cloaks as the next Goth, cloaks are not really practical for most winter weather. They blow open in the wind (in a lovely and dramatic manner, true); they can get caught in car, train, or bus doors; and carrying any sort of bag other than a tiny handbag while wearing a cloak looks…silly. (The Lady of the Manners trusts that she does not need to point out the ridiculousness of wearing a backpack
and
a cloak at the same time.)

Look for a coat that can be closed securely (be it by buttons, zippers, or buckles), that is warm (be sure to take your usual local weather into account), and that will survive rainstorms (or sleet, snow, howling winds) without damage to the fabric. An attractive coat can indeed be found for just about every budget, but always remember to check thrift stores, consignment shops, and discount stores. If you're very clever and organized, you could remember to look for a good winter coat at yard sales during the summer. It's amazing what sort of bargains can be found on winter clothing during summer sales.

Winter is the time of year for boots, and not the ones with the four-inch spike heels. This is where those who are of the more industrial persuasion have it easier than the NeoVictorian and Romantic Goths; stompy boots are probably a skosh more practical than velvet granny boots. However, the Lady of the Manners hasn't given up all of her Victorian-style boots for ones with giant foam soles; instead the Lady of the Manners took her boots to the local shoe repair place and had thin rubber traction soles applied to them. The cost of having that done is far less expensive than buying new boots and helps your boots last longer. Now the Lady of the Manners scoffs at steep and possibly icy hills, instead of sliding precariously down them.

Layers. Layers, layers, layers. All sorts of thin thermal clothing items come in black, and some even have lace trim. Thin silk gloves not only look elegant, but they can be used as glove liners when the weather becomes truly icy. You can add and remove layers as weather and circumstances dictate. Also, one does not need to expose vast expanses of skin to dress in a Gothic manner, even when going to a nightclub. It's difficult to look mysterious and alluring if one's teeth are chattering from the cold.

If you're a pedestrian out and about after night falls, you should carry a small flashlight or blinky light with you so that you can make your presence known on the roads in any weather. An almost entirely black wardrobe is indeed one of the signs of being a Goth, but it isn't worth getting hit by a car for. The Lady of the Manners isn't suggesting that everyone sew light-reflective patches onto their clothing (the Lady of the Manners will leave that to the cybergoths), but the Lady of the Manners does think it's very important to make sure you are visible when walking after dark.

Keep in mind that some fabrics are not suitable for winter
weather. The Lady of the Manners realizes it's probably a bit harsh to hold that a person who exposes silk velvet to rain probably shouldn't be allowed to own anything made from that fabric ever again, but the Lady of the Manners still can't shake that (cranky) conviction. Weather can change unexpectedly, and once velvet becomes water-spotted, there are very few ways to fix it. One, of course, involves a needle board, steam, and trying to fluff the velvet back into a non-crumpled state. The Lady of the Manners, living in a somewhat damp climate, has instead resorted to turning the water-spotted fabric into lovely crushed velvet, which can be done by spending an afternoon scrunching up the item in question, spraying it with water, and then deliberately creating masses of wrinkles with a steam iron.

Winter weather can do unpleasant things to your skin and carefully applied cosmetics. Make sure to gently wash your face and apply moisturizer (and lotion, lip balm, or whatever skin care products you feel you can't live without). If you wear makeup, be sure to carry a mirror and any items you might need to repair things if your makeup runs due to rain or snow, or start wearing waterproof or long-wearing eyeliner and mascara.

Dress codes (both spoken and unspoken)

So how do you dress in a way that proclaims your dark aesthetic when you're shackled by a dress code? More and more schools are enforcing dress codes in the hopes of stopping bullying and violence, and in the hopes of quashing the trend toward skimpier and skimpier clothes for kids, tweens, and teens. (The Lady of the Manners likes to consider herself open-minded and not
a fuddy-duddy, but
really
, Snarklings. The Lady of the Manners has, at times, been horrified to discover herself muttering, “Do your parents know you're dressed like that?!” in a scandalized tone.) Anyway, dress codes are becoming a common fact of life; what's a poor Goth to do?

Striped or spookily patterned socks or tights; a handful of pins or brooches on the lapel of a jacket or the collar of a sweater; clip-in hair streaks that allow you to dabble in eccentric and exciting hair colors without breaking the rules; these are some strategies for letting flashes of your true self peek out from the strictures of a dress code.

But what if all of those things are forbidden by the dress code you must follow? What if your place of employment, school, or parents
have made it quite clear that you cannot indulge in the dark and quirky tendencies of your inner self? Sadly, there isn't much you can do in those instances. The Lady of the Manners is well-aware of how bitter that news is, but sometimes there aren't any clever ways around rules or restrictions. You will have to grit your teeth, put on the bland uniform, and make plans for those times when you
are
able to dress in the manner you prefer.

The Lady of the Manners is about to let you in on one of the secrets of the Goth world, a secret that has thwarted people exploring the Goth subculture for years and years. Are you ready?

The secret is this: When attempting the Goth look, it isn't enough to throw on some black clothes and smudgy black eyeliner. There is indeed an unspoken dress code in the Goth world—a dress code that is subtler than just “wear black and look spooky.” If that were the case, then those “Gothic Cheerleader,” “Vampire Lord,” and other Goth-themed costumes available every Halloween wouldn't be quite so cheesy, would they?

So just what does this unspoken dress code of Goth entail? Well, there was a hint in the preceding paragraph: the word
costume
. When someone compliments you on your “costume,” it's a bit galling because, while the compliment is probably sincerely meant, “costume” implies you're indulging in a bit of fantasy, wearing an outfit from a play or another work of fiction. Your Goth wardrobe should not look like a costume, and it especially should not look like a costume you can buy in a plastic bag at a Halloween superstore.

Allow the Lady of the Manners to veer off on a brief tangent, Snarklings. The Lady of the Manners is both bemused and horri
fied by the proliferation of “Goth”-branded Halloween costumes and accessories.

One the one hand, these costumes look suspiciously similar to outfits she sees on Goths all the time. The only real difference is that the Halloween shop costumes are made from materials of somewhat dubious quality. Please, please, please consider the quality of materials and workmanship in the clothes you choose to wear day to day.

On the other hand, not only is the Lady of the Manners just a smidge tired of people asking where she bought her costume, but the Lady of the Manners also feels that “Goth” Halloween costumes just add to the perception problem under which the subculture already labors. None of the costumes really exemplify the dark romance, elegance, and whimsy that are vital aspects of the Goth subculture. Instead, they focus more on the “possibly dangerous freaks who think they're vampires, devil-worshippers, or sexual deviants” theme. But does this keep the Lady of the Manners from checking out the Halloween superstores to see what sort of batfestooned goodies may be awaiting her there? No, it does not. The Lady of the Manners is a big fan of taking bits and pieces from many sources and reassembling them into something interesting. If some of those bits and pieces started life as costume accessories, well, that just gives things a post-modern flair, doesn't it?

What to do when people ask you why you're dressed like that

The Lady of the Manners has mentioned this in previous chapters but is just going to be blunt about it now. If you have decided to dress in a manner different from the norm, you
must
accept that people are going to stare at you and ask questions. Not only is that part of human nature, but ranting and railing about people looking at you funny when you are stalking about dressed as a creature of the night is ridiculous. You chose to dress that way, which means you don't get to complain about the attention your appearance garners.

Now, with that somewhat harsh opening out of the way, the Lady of the Manners does understand how important it is to be able to dress the way you want to, and that the majority of us Goths dress up because that's the way we want to look, not because we're seeking attention. The Lady of the Manners's daily wardrobe includes petticoats and a top hat, so she completely understands how annoying it is to be asked continually, “Who are you supposed to be?” or, “Are you in a play?” and other well-meaning yet clueless questions. However (and you knew there was going to be a “however,” don't fib), even though the Lady of the Manners and all of you have been assailed by those sorts of questions over and over and over, the people asking don't know that. They're curious enough to ask you about it, so you should make the effort to respond politely. You don't have to act as if you've never been asked about your appearance before, but try to hide any exasperation or weariness you may be feeling about the questions.

Don't feel you must spend ages talking to the questioner or give a complete explanation of the Goth subculture. The Lady of the
Manners usually answers questions about her darkly whimsical wardrobe with a cheery, “Oh, I always look like this.” If pressed for further explanations, a few comments about Tim Burton and Neo-Victorian fashion seem to do the trick. (Or the questioner kindly decides not to pursue any more information and wanders off, shaking his head in amusement.)

Mind you, if someone obviously is asking about your appearance just to harass you, feel free to be snarky right back. When the Lady of the Manners encounters people who feel the need to tell her that it isn't Halloween, she usually smiles widely at them, says “Reeeeaaally? Are you sure about that?” and continues on her way. (The people who usually feel the need to make comments like, “Nice costume, Morticia!” tend to be very, er, suburban teens who travel in packs. The last time the Lady of the Manners had an encounter with such a group, she took a step toward the pack of catcalling teen boys while she answered them. Oh, how she
laughed
when the boys, obviously unnerved, all took a step back from her.)