Grin and Bear It: How to Be Happy No Matter What Reality Throws Your Way (19 page)

There were a few lame attempts to set up a casual meeting with Jonathan that never seemed to pan out. Thankfully, my sister got involved and convinced our friends that we were all adults and if it didn’t work out, it would be fine. But if it did, well, they would have given me the best gift I could have ever asked for. She may have bullied them a little, but they finally gave in and passed along my number.

Jonathan called a few days later and asked me out. It was your typical blind date, except this time it was awesome. Five hours later, we found ourselves closing down the restaurant. I didn’t go into the evening expecting anything. I suspected he would be a nice guy, but I had no idea I would find my soul mate that night. Our first date was the best night of my life. It was effortless, calm yet exciting. It was the most peaceful and safe I had ever felt—and I’ve held on to those feelings ever since.

My next “official” date with Jonathan was attending a Halloween party. I dressed as a “hot dog on a stick” girl. It was by far one of my favorite Halloween costumes ever because they’re very hard to come by. You have to work at Hot Dog on a Stick to get one. Jonathan showed up dressed as Richard Simmons. He didn’t know a soul in the room—and didn’t care what anyone thought. He was fearless and full of fun.

Our second date—Jonathan and I on Halloween—2009.

This guy’s alright!
I thought.

We got serious pretty fast after that date. Maybe it was his striped dolphin short shorts and rhinestone-studded tank top that did it for me, but I was hooked.

I wanted someone who cared about his family, was responsible, present, and kind, and someone who accepted me for who I am. Jonathan was all of that and more. He loves his work and I could relate to that. I have a great respect for what he has chosen to do. Talk about someone who had to do the work! He’s been in the library studying for twenty years! Over time, I got to witness how great Jonathan is with his patients. He goes the extra mile in everything he does, which has kept him moving forward in his career, following in the footsteps of his amazing father, who was also a gifted physician.

From the moment we met, Jonathan and I complemented each other in a way I had never experienced. I am who I am in my relationship with Jonathan because of what I learned when my first marriage failed. Experience gave me the opportunity to have a new and healthy relationship. Suddenly, I wanted to put Jonathan first and if he put me first, we were definitely headed into something long lasting. I am sure if I hadn’t opened myself up to the possibilities of being alone, I would never have been able to invite someone as wonderful as Jonathan into my life.

Jonathan and I dated for about a year, throughout his fellowship in L.A. Things were going great for both of us. He was fine-tuning his skills as a surgeon and my career was growing. As his fellowship came to an end, we were faced with a decision neither of us wanted to talk about. It was time for Jonathan to go back to his hometown of Chicago, where he was set to resume his medical practice.

Chicago!

I needed to be in Los Angeles for my work.

Chicago!

Jonathan needed to be in Chicago for his work.

It’s a good thing I keep my therapist’s number on my speed-dial. I wasn’t sure how to handle this dilemma. I’d come into the relationship with a boatload of issues, especially my fear of abandonment. If I’d had it my way, I wouldn’t let Jonathan leave. My therapist helped me understand that just because he was going back to Chicago, it didn’t mean the relationship had to end. She encouraged me to allow him the freedom to go back to Chicago and told me that if I didn’t, I’d surely lose him down the road. He’d have to come back on his terms for our relationship to work long term.

This was going to be a really hard exercise in patience, understanding, love, and trust. I wasn’t sure I was up to the challenge. I was still in a place where negative comments were validated and positive ones often dismissed.

My therapist yelled at me a few times. (Yes, I paid someone to yell at me.)

My mother was greatly relieved when I found Jonathan. I don’t think a parent truly rests until their child is settled in his or her own life. I think my mom is secretly proud of what I’ve accomplished in my career these days. She still won’t give me the satisfaction of saying it to me, but I’ve been told by sources that she goes to the hair salon and brags about her daughter, the actress. She is thrilled that I found someone like Jonathan to love and with whom I planned to share my life.

When my mom got into a car accident in the fall of 2011, at first no one thought it was serious, but then her brain began to bleed, making it a touch-and-go situation for a few days. When Jonathan and I went to visit her in the hospital, she was very out of it when we arrived, but not so much so that she couldn’t manage to hand her hoop earring to Jonathan and say, “Jonathan, take this ring and marry her now before I die.” Jonathan didn’t seem fazed by her request, but from where I stood, marriage wasn’t in our immediate plans. It’s funny that even at death’s door, my mom found a way to push as only a Greek (or Jewish, Catholic, etc.) mother can. When Mom was well on her way to recovery, I jokingly said, “You probably staged this whole hospital thing!”

She had bought so many ten-dollar candles to light at church, the Narthex (front of the Greek church) was aglow. These expensive candles are for Easter, death, and weddings, and my mother was doing everything in her power to make God aware that she wanted this doctor for her daughter.

My relationship with Jonathan grew slowly. I wasn’t in a hurry to get remarried and this new patience was trickling over into all areas of my life. And guess what? It was having a positive impact!

And even as dysfunctional as Jeff and I are, we have built something meaningful together with our shows and the work we do. This was exactly what I needed to do with Jonathan. I needed to take a step back and assess what I wanted to change, in order to be strong and supportive of him—to put his needs over my own. For the first time in my life, that meant walking a positive and honest road and having the courage to stay on it.

Jonathan and I spent long days and nights talking through the logistics and decided that we’d commute between Los Angeles and Chicago as often as possible. Neither of us wanted to let go of what we had. If things progressed, we’d have to make some choices. But time was on our side. We could test the water and see how a long-distance relationship felt.

It was hard but not impossible.

We spent the next year flying to see each other whenever our schedules allowed. I spent as much time in Chicago as I could, especially when I was in between shooting
Flipping Out
. When I couldn’t get to Chicago, Jonathan and I would take a long weekend away, like the time we met in Scottsdale. But the most unforgettable trip we took came as a total surprise. Jonathan wouldn’t tell me anything about where we were going except that I needed to pack a bag with something nice to wear for dinner and a bathing suit.

Jonathan is a romantic man, so when he told me we were going on an adventure one Sunday, I knew something exciting was in store. We hopped into the car and drove north of Los Angeles to Santa Barbara, where we attended services at a local Greek church. The church was set back on a hill in the mountains with the most spectacular view of the sea.

At the church coffee hour after the service, we met an eighty-six-year-old Greek woman and her friend. Just like my relatives, they force-fed us.

“Your husband needs to eat…” she said, looking at Jonathan.

“He is my boyfriend,” I said, trying to politely correct her.

“Why isn’t he your husband?” she asked.

Hmmm. Good question.

“We are dating, you know, taking it slow,” I said, barely believing myself as the words fell from my lips.

“Life is too short. If you are in love, get married!” the woman responded before turning away.

She had a point.

Jonathan seemed slightly uncomfortable with the exchange, so I didn’t turn it into a topic of conversation beyond saying how cute and sweet these two women were.

After leaving the church, I didn’t know where we were going until I saw the signs pointing us toward the San Ysidro Ranch. If you don’t know about this fabulous place, it is where Jacqueline and John F. Kennedy honeymooned. It’s one of the most romantic spots on the planet. Jonathan had reserved a beautiful cottage with a private patio and its own Jacuzzi.

As soon as we got settled, Jonathan turned to me and said, “Get dressed and be ready by four-thirty.” I thought that 4:30 seemed too early for dinner, but I wanted to go with the flow so I did exactly what I was told.

Jonathan took my hand and led me upstairs to a gate that opened to the upper lawn of this beautiful ranch nestled into the foothills of the mountain range. In one direction, there was nothing but luscious green lawn; in the other, an endless horizon of ocean. It was one of the most perfect spots I had ever set foot on.

Jonathan timed our arrival perfect to the setting sun. What he didn’t count on was a man sitting by himself on the only park bench on the lawn. I could tell that Jonathan was getting nervous—which made me nervous, too.

Is he going to do it here?
I thought.

Jonathan asked the man if he’d mind taking a picture of us. The man explained that he was at the ranch with his wife celebrating their thirtieth wedding anniversary. Something told me it was no accident that this man was at the remote area of the resort at the same time we were. He was a lovely image of hope and happiness for the future.

Jonathan began to recite a verse from the Bible that spoke about love. Every word was directly from his heart. He said I inspired him and made him want to be a better person. He told me he’d been waiting his whole life for this day to come—to stand before me, his best friend. Just before he knelt down, he looked at me and said, “I am going to get down on my knee now …

“Jennifer Michelle Pulos, will you marry me?”

“
YES! YES! YES!
” I couldn’t help myself. I never really expected this would happen to me. Though I wanted to be married, I never thought the fairy tale would be my story.

He slipped the most beautiful diamond ring on my finger.

We called his parents first and shared our news. His mom was lovely, saying that everyone in his family was so happy for us. His father told Jonathan to “take care of that fine young lady for the rest of your life.” Jonathan assured his dad that he would.

When we called my mom, she screamed for a solid minute! Hallelujah! After all, she finally got what she always hoped for—another doctor for a son-in-law! Next, I sent Jeff a text message with a picture of my ring and sent Andy Cohen a text breaking the news. Andy was so sweet, asking if he could mention my engagement on his show,
Watch What Happens Live,
that night. Of course I said yes.…“Breaking news everyone. My girl Jenni Pulos just got engaged! I love a happy ending!”

I knew that everyone at Bravo would be happy for me. No one wanted my first marriage to end the way that it did, but I was certain they’d be delighted at the way things turned out.

Jeff texted back and said, “I couldn’t be more excited for you! I’m now so glad I broke up your first marriage.”

“So am I, and I love you for temporarily ruining my life,” I wrote.

“You’re welcome for temporarily ruining your life on national television. Your mom needs to call and thank me ASAP,” he responded.

“She will be calling you—she will be screaming.” I knew she would be.

“All of the praying has finally paid off…” he texted.

“It has!” I was so happy to share this exchange.

When the initial shock wore off, Jonathan took me to dinner in a private old adobe room in the main building of the hotel that had a fireplace and lots of history. There were beautiful flowers everywhere.

It was perfect.

Jonathan kept taking out his iPhone throughout dinner and using his flashlight app to shine it on my ring.

“Watch it sparkle!” he said, beaming from ear to ear.

As the evening went on, I looked at Jonathan and realized that we can never be certain about what life will bring our way at any given moment—but now I knew—without a doubt, what real love is.

When someone unconditionally cares for you and you for them, it is overwhelming. I’m so grateful and appreciative of every moment that brought me to this realization. It’s a reminder that no matter what we go through, whether it’s a bad breakup, a divorce, or even an illness, we should never give up hope. Your situation may look dark from the inside—it did for me! We all go through bad times and our hearts get broken. If it hadn’t been for Jeff installing the cameras in his office, my life would have never taken the unexpected twists and turns it did to bring me here—now.

Week after week, people watched my marriage unravel. But now, they would have the chance to watch the next chapter of my life begin.