Grin and Bear It: How to Be Happy No Matter What Reality Throws Your Way (20 page)

I found someone that I love and with whom I wanted to share the rest of my life—and, if we were lucky and blessed, start a family. I don’t know that Jonathan and I would have clicked if I’d met him right after the demise of my first marriage because I wasn’t ready to welcome a man like him into my life. I had to be ready to give and accept the kind of love I feel everyone deserves.

I’d been given a lot of second chances over the years, especially in my career, and now, I was being given a second chance at love. I was finally in a place where I could embrace what was in front of me and be okay with whatever life brought my way.

I’d finally become comfortable with who I am—flaws and all. When you are a better version of yourself, you become a more positive influence for the people around you. I had a career, good health, and most of all a man who really loves me. As I sat at dinner with Jonathan the night we were engaged, my life felt …
perfect.

To completely cheapen the moment, I formally announced our engagement that night, on Twitter.

“Today is a beautiful day. The man I love has asked me to be his wife!”

Later that night, Jonathan presented two more rings for my dogs, Lulu’s and Janet’s, collars because he wasn’t just marrying me … he was marrying them, too. Now
there’s
a man who knows the way to his woman’s heart!

Two girls waiting for their rings—Janet and Lulu.

13

OPA!
It’s Chic to Marry a Greek

Jonathan and I were
married on May 27, 2012. Our wedding was what many people have described to me as “a dream.” I know that sounds Velveeta, but I really felt like that. Jeff used to tease me about it all the time, even joking that “someday, you’ll find a nice Greek doctor…” sarcastically, as if it would never happen. Well, as they say, dreams really do come true! Thanks for putting it out there in the universe for me, Jeff!

To be totally fair, planning the wedding was extremely stressful. When I married the first time, not only was I just a kid, my mom and sister took the reins and planned the whole shebang. It felt as if I just kind of showed up in my gown ready to take that walk down the aisle. It could have been someone else’s wedding—but it wasn’t. It was mine.

As if planning my own big fat Greek wedding wasn’t enough pressure, choosing to do it on
Flipping Out
simply added a little extra fuel to the already fanning flames. In a way, it was a wonderful decision to share my bliss with our faithful viewers. On the other hand, it heightened the need to get everything right. Everyone involved would be exposed, putting more stress on our families and friends.

There were several moments along the way where I wavered on wanting Bravo to film my wedding. Maybe it would be better to start off this marriage out of the public eye? You see, the fallout from that public dirty laundry debacle was horrible. Week after week, everyone saw me coming apart at the seams. But as time passed, they also got to see me put my life back together again. If anything, I wanted to share that my pain and suffering had led me to a place that I had never dared to imagine. There are plenty of people in the world who go through a terrible breakup—but if the collapse of my first marriage helped just one person out there believe they would get through their own frightening journey, then I am grateful things happened the way they did.

Jonathan and I discussed the ups and downs of allowing Bravo access to this very intimate setting. I wasn’t completely secure with exposing my relationship, my beliefs, or even my parents to the public without a safety net. After talking it through, Jonathan and I both agreed that the wedding was bigger than us and if publicly sharing it with others was a means of inspiration, then it was the right thing to do. I told Jonathan that once we agreed to it, there could be no second-guessing our decision. As we gave it more and more thought, we began to feel as if I had an obligation to share the good things happening in my life every bit as much if not more than the bad stuff. So whenever those waves of doubt washed over me, I’d remind myself to be okay with my decision to share my wedding on camera.

Before I finally agreed to allow the wedding to be filmed, I went to the executives at Bravo and made them promise that Jonathan and I would be protected. I didn’t want cameras looking for dysfunctional drama. To be totally honest, I was a beast about this concern because deep down, I was actually terrified that anything could happen. That was the nontrusting, scared little girl in me who still felt a little burned by the events that led to my divorce. There I was telling Jonathan to trust the decision when inside, I wasn’t trusting it at all.

I wasn’t being a hypocrite.

Worrying is in my DNA.

Thankfully, Jonathan understands that about me. I have often thought that one of the reasons Jonathan and I work so well together as a couple is because we understand truths about our family dysfunction, especially worrying too much. We often remind each other that “there is no
there,
there” when we spend too much time worrying about things that are out of our control. Even so, we both still struggle with it all the time.

As we created out guest list, the number kept growing and growing until it got so big, even I started questioning all of the names on it. I have always been the kind of girl who loves to invite everyone I know to my parties. I realize everyone isn’t like that, but I am, which meant we were staring down the barrel of 450 invitations being sent out.

I feared the weekend wouldn’t feel intimate with so many people, but I knew in my heart that everyone coming would have a great time. One thing I know for sure is that Deb should have stepped in and made sure less people were invited to the wedding! She hated the idea of having so many guests!

We decided to have the wedding in Chicago, where Jonathan and most of his family live. Jonathan would be making the ultimate sacrifice after our wedding, by giving up his burgeoning medical practice and moving to Los Angeles to be with me. He’d have to start all over again, which was the scary and daunting reality he was facing. Even though Jonathan offered to have the wedding in L.A., it didn’t feel right. I wanted to throw the biggest, best good-bye wedding for his family and friends so they could celebrate our new beginning instead of being sad that Jonathan was leaving them.

We were interested in several reception venues. I wanted a room with a breathtaking view of the Chicago skyline. I imagined lots of windows overlooking the cityscape with beautiful twinkling lights as far as the eye could see. One of the last places we looked at was the Radisson Blu Hotel. Jonathan’s mom had read an article in a Chicago paper about the massive renovation the hotel had just undergone. We decided to go check it out. The second we walked into the ballroom, I knew we had found our location.

“This is it…” I whispered to Jonathan.

The room was spectacularly modern, large enough to accommodate our crowd and was floor to ceiling windows. Even though it wasn’t on a high floor, the view was awesome. There was even an outdoor balcony that wrapped all the way around the room, so our guests could take in the magnificence of the city at night. This was the day I met Chad Jackson, the director of catering for the hotel, who was also a wedding planner. Chad and I clicked right away. He seemed to understand what it was I was looking for and how to take my dream wedding and turn it into a reality. Don’t forget, I didn’t have anything to do with planning my first wedding and even though I was ignorant as to what it takes to pull off a wedding of this magnitude, this time I wanted to be an integral part of the process. I didn’t realize what I was getting myself into, but Chad sure did. (Thank you, Chad.)

The first meeting Chad set up was with a company called HMR Designs, an amazing Chicago-based design company. I also asked Jeff to come to Chicago and give me his insights. I thought it might be nice to involve him in the planning. I wanted Jeff’s support and deep down, believed he’d get excited by being a part of the process.

When we walked into the giant HMR warehouse, I thought I had stumbled into Santa’s workshop for brides. There were so many people running around, making flower arrangements, moving furniture, and packing up lights. The whole room smelled like the most delicious bouquet of fresh flowers. I think there must have been something intoxicating in that scent because I felt like Dorothy must have in the poppy fields. I was standing in the Land of Oz for brides to be and feeling like I could spend, spend, spend.

Weeeeee!

I said yes to everything I saw!

The team at HMR set up a room especially designed for our wedding that was staged behind a set of double doors. I felt like a contestant on
Let’s Make a Deal.
“I’ll take door number one, please!” When they swung the large wooden doors open, look out! I instantly felt prettier, sexier, and freer than ever! It was magical.

I walked into the perfectly set room and was immediately greeted by a custom-designed pattern for our dance floor. Next, they showed me the water wall, then the table settings, and finally, the centerpieces.

“I want one of everything!” I squealed with happiness.

That’s pretty much about the time that Jeff jumped in and said, “Hold on. Slow down.”

Reality check time, courtesy of Mr. Jeff Lewis.

Chad and I walked out of the room to talk price. I nearly choked on the first figure he gave me.

“Thanks for showing me everything I can’t have…” I said like a heartbroken child on Christmas day who didn’t get any of the toys on her list. Chad could see the disappointment in my eyes. Okay, I probably poured the puppy dog look on a little strong to see if there was any wiggle room. And guess what? It worked! I reluctantly gave up the water wall and some other compromises so I could have two chocolate fountains. Oh yeah, one for milk and the other for dark. That is how this girl rolls. Jeff ribbed me for weeks about how tacky the fountains were, but I didn’t care. (Thought you might like to know that on the night of the reception, despite his nagging, I caught Jeff loading up on goodies from the fountain when he thought no one else was looking!)

Sure, I ended up paying for more than I anticipated, but it was so worth it! I also completely understand why people elope. Thankfully, every time I began to panic, like all great wedding planners, Chad talked me off the ledge.

Chad became like family to Jonathan and me. As for Jeff? Well, he and Chad didn’t really see eye to eye. Maybe Jeff was worried that I suddenly had a new gay bestie. I would have enjoyed Jeff getting to know Jonathan’s family and helping with the seating chart and other details. I understand that he has a really full life, but this was my wedding and in my mind, I had really hoped that he’d want to do those things with me. But the reality remains, it’s not really who Jeff is. My expectation was unfair to place on him because he couldn’t live up to it. I couldn’t get upset over it.

What’s the point?

It got me thinking, though. It might be fun to renew my vows every year just to annoy Jeff.

Once I had picked out the design it was time to figure out the music—and I had wanted both a DJ and a band for our wedding. While Jeff was with me in Chicago, he and I were scheduled to appear on the last episode of the
Rosie O’Donnell Show
in March 2012. While we were backstage, one of her producers introduced me to Parker Williams, the DJ for her show, suggesting that he might be a great DJ for my wedding.

We got to talking and just connected about old-school hip-hop, which he had grown up with and loved as much as I do. I told him about the kids’ rap album I was working on, thinking he might be perfect to help with some beats. And, coincidentally, Parker also happened to live five floors above Jonathan in the same building, so I guess it was meant to be. Parker said he’d love to DJ the wedding. After going through several producers and beat artists while recording my album, I knew Parker was the answer to my prayers to get my project done. To test the collaborative process together, I suggested that we work on a rap song as a thank-you gift to all of our friends and family attending the wedding, as well as a rap for Jonathan that I could surprise him with at the reception. Parker rolled with all of my ideas and became my go-to guy for everything music.

Once we got all of the details of the reception in order, I tortured Jonathan with the tedious process of registering for wedding gifts. It was St. Patrick’s Day in Chicago, a near religious experience for the great people of that city, and where were Jonathan and I?

Bloomingdales’!

I took a picture of Jonathan staring out the window of the store, looking like he was in detention at school while all of his friends were outside playing in the yard.

“Jon, do you want these salt and pepper shakers or those?

“How about this platter?

“How many glasses should we get?”