“I’m going to run and get Doc Berg.”
Jake grasped her wrist. He shook his head and held up his hand. “No. Don’t,” he said through gasping breaths. “I don’t need a doctor.”
Fear shrouded her face and darkened her eyes. “Jake, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong? Why are you clutching your chest? And why are you breathing so strangely?”
“Give me. A minute.” He leaned over, placed his hands on his knees and coached himself like he had so many times before when this happened.
Breathe, Jake. Slowly. Relax. Breathe. You’re okay. No one’s going to trample you out here.
“Can I do something?”
He shook his head and continued to pull air into his lungs. Moments later, his lungs were finally satisfied, his chest quit hurting and his arms returned to normal. “That’s better.” He stood, feeling more like himself. “Whew.”
“What happened? Why did you leave?”
Before he answered her question, he needed to know something. “Did anyone else see me?”
“No. I don’t think so. I just happened to notice you leaving from the corner of my eye. I wondered why, so I followed you. What happened back there, Jake? Why did you leave?” She tilted her head, and worry and confusion streamed through her eyes.
Did he dare tell her? Would she laugh at him? And could he bear the one person whom he admired most in the world thinking less of him?
“Jake.” Her face hardened. “Remember when you said that if I ever needed to talk that you were here? Well, that goes both ways. I’m here for you, too. Talk to me.”
Hearing those words, he wanted to pour out the whole sordid story, to bear his soul to her. But it was Phoebe’s wedding, and Leah was missing it. “You’re missing Phoebe’s wedding.”
“This is more important.
You’re
more important, Jake.”
His heart warmed at her words. He gave a quick nod and looked for a place for them to sit. An old bench by the church’s woodshed would have to do. “Let’s go sit over there, and I’ll tell you.”
Dust layered the bench. Not wanting Leah’s fancy dress to get dirty, he removed his handkerchief and brushed it over it. Not clean enough, he removed his Sunday jacket, the only nice one he had, and moved to lay it across the top of the bench.
“Oh, Jake. Don’t do that.” She snatched it from him. “You’ll ruin it.” Before he could protest, she handed it to him and sat down on the smudged bench.
Seeing no way to argue, Jake slipped his jacket back on and sat on the wooden slab, leaving at least a foot of space between them, then faced her.
Leah rested her hands in her lap. Curious eyes roamed over his face, but he felt no pressure from her to rush. He appreciated that.
Drawing in a long breath of courage, he plunged forward. “I used to live in Atlantic City until the fire in 1864 broke out. When it started, everyone ran in different directions, screaming. No one paid attention to anyone else. They were all fleeing for their lives. Mama and I got caught in the middle of the confusion and were separated. Mama said she tried to get to me but couldn’t break free from the crowd.” The memory crammed in on him, and the air around him dissipated again. The scene played before his eyes as if it were happening all over again, right then and there. Unable to sit still, he stood and began pacing. Sweat broke out on his forehead and hands. His lungs burned as he tried to pull air into them.
“Jake.”
When he said nothing, Leah grabbed his hands. “Oh, Jake.” She must have seen the anguish he felt written all over his face and her arms came around him in pools of gentleness. She ran her hand over his back in a circular motion, cooing words of comfort. He drew strength from her soothing gesture.
His lungs filled again and the tormenting fear lifted. He backed up, grateful for her, and gazed into her eyes. “Thank you, Leah.”
She nodded and let her arms fall back to her side. He wanted to snatch them back and put them around him, but he didn’t. Instead, he put some distance between them, and Leah sat back down on the bench. “What happened next?”
“All I saw were legs and boots. I tried to roll into a ball, but people trampled over me anyway. Pert near killed me. If it hadn’t been for Mama, I’d probably be dead. Somehow she broke free of the mob and found me. Took the bones in my arm and leg a long time to heal, though.”
He heard her sharp intake of breath. “Oh, Jake. How awful.”
Seeing her compassion and not repulsion gave him the courage to go on. “The bones healed. My mind didn’t.” He was ashamed to admit it. “Ever since then, anytime I feel crowded in, my hands sweat and tingle. My chest hurts. My arms feel heavy. It’s hard to catch a breath. All I feel is fear. I have to run, get away, or I feel like I might lose my mind.”
“I know exactly how you feel.”
He opened his mouth to protest that she really couldn’t and to ask her what she meant but didn’t get to because Abby called her name from somewhere nearby. “Leah!”
“Here!” Leah called back and stood.
“There you are.” Abby looked at her sister then over at Jake. “Hi, Jake. Boy, don’t you look nice.” She whistled.
Heat rushed up the back of his neck. “Thank you. So do you.”
“I do, don’t I?” She whirled. “It’s my new dress. You like it? There’s something about a new dress that just makes a gal feel better and prettier. Not that I’m saying I’m pretty or anything. I’m just saying...” Jake listened as she babbled on, smiling and laughing at her antics. The girl was such a character. “And now... I really hate to steal Leah away from you, Jake, but Mother sent me to find her. They’re getting ready to head to Markus’s father’s house for the reception and dinner. Come on, Leah. Mother’s waiting.”
Leah looked up at Jake. Her silent question if he was okay showed through her concerned expression.
A short nod and a quick jerk of his head toward the direction of the church told her he was. “You two go ahead. I’ll be there in a minute.”
“You sure?” Leah asked.
“I’m sure.”
* * *
Leah hated leaving him alone, especially after what she’d witnessed. She thought what she went through with the nightmares was bad, but now they seemed mild compared to Jake’s experience. Torn between leaving him and going with Abby—and knowing there was no way she could tell Abby without betraying Jake’s trust—she finally conceded. “Okay. See you later.”
“Count on it.” Jake smiled, and she returned his.
Leah and Abby headed to the white clapboard building where Mother and Mr. Barker were waiting in his carriage. Mr. Barker hopped down and helped her and Abby into the wagon. They headed down Main Street. Dust rolled from the parade of buggies and wagons in front of them.
In minutes they arrived at the estate of the richest man in town. Mr. Barker pulled his landau alongside the rest of the carriages and buggies and helped everyone out.
“Can you believe the size of this place?” Abby asked, linking her arm through Leah’s. Then she leaned in so only her sister could hear. “I bet Mr. Darcy’s is bigger than this, though.”
“Mr. Darcy?” Leah looked at her sister as they headed up the wide staircase of the three-story mansion filled with windows and verandas. Wrought-iron benches, chairs and tables were situated precisely down the long, covered porch. “What made you think of him?”
“Well, last night I was reading
Pride and Prejudice
for the umpteenth time and thought about Mr. Darcy’s wealth. Ours is probably nothing compared to his. I’m sure glad we don’t have to live stuffy lives like that and that we can marry for love and not the size of someone’s pocketbook like they did back then in England. Wouldn’t that be awful?” Abby chattered on with her usual dramatic embellishment, using her arms to help aid with what she was saying. “I can’t imagine having to consider my future husband’s financial status or his connections or his station in life before even thinking about marrying him. Who cares about those things? Not me. But even worse than that would be having to be someone I’m not. Having to act all properlike. Ick. Can you imagine how boring that would be?”
“I don’t think it sounds boring at all. We weren’t bored in New York, and our lives were similar to Mr. Darcy’s.”
“I guess I was too little to remember. But Mother said Father told her that he wanted us girls to marry for love, not money, not for what the man did for a living or who he knew. And Father would have made sure the man loved us. That’s the way it should be, Lee-Lee. Marrying for love. Not all that other stuff.”
Abby’s words struck a chord in Leah. She was right. Father would not have allowed his girls to marry without knowing they were in love and loved in return. If the man they loved didn’t have money, Father would have made sure his daughters had a nice home and plenty of money to live on. He did make sure by seeing to it that she and Abby had sizable dowries. Still, was she settling for less by marrying just to move away from this place? If her father were alive, how would he feel about that?
She gave a silent snort. If he were still alive, she wouldn’t even be thinking about marrying a stranger and moving away from those she loved.
Just when she and Abby had walked up the steps to the front door, Leah didn’t know. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she hadn’t realized the butler was waiting to take her wrap. “Oh. Um. Thank you, sir.”
“You’re welcome, miss.” The slightly balding man held his chin up high. His white, pristine, high-collared shirt, white bow tie, black tailcoat and trousers were as stiff and starchy as he appeared to be. His black shoes sparkled, and when he went to receive her coat, she noticed his white gloves didn’t have a speck of dirt on them. He draped their wraps over his arm, stepped back and stood stiff as a wooden plank until they passed. Only one word came to mind. Abby’s word—stuffy.
“C’mon, Lee-Lee.” Abby grabbed her hand and tugged her forward.
They strolled through the foyer. At the end of the vestibule, two men stood statue-still, one on each side of the doorway, wearing somber expressions on their faces and dressed the same way the butler was, only their ties were black.
Inside the massive main room, Abby told Leah she’d see her later and strode toward Phoebe, who squealed with delight at seeing her friend. Leah suddenly felt alone in the sea of strangers. Women who hadn’t attended the wedding ceremony at the church stood talking and fanning themselves. Their bustle gowns were made of fine silk, brocaded tulle, crepe de chine and velvet materials. There were other styles and materials Leah didn’t recognize, also. Leah glanced down at her new gown. It was nowhere near as fashionable as these ladies’ dresses were. Suddenly she felt like an ugly caterpillar amid a swarm of beautiful butterflies.
She tugged on the collar of her dress. Spotting the open glass doors, she strode in that direction and stepped outside into a beautiful garden with tall, sculptured hedges. Bouquets of various flowers greeted her nostrils, mostly wild pink roses, white and lavender syringa bushes and a hint of the powdery, carroty scent of irises.
Trickling water lulled her toward the center of the garden, where a massive greenish-gray marble statue of a woman with one hand held above her head and the other next to her side holding a bowl stood on a pedestal in the center of what looked to be a large clamshell. Underneath the shell were large carved leaves that ran down the length of the fountain and touched the ground.
Leah’s eyes drifted shut as she ran her fingers over the smooth marble, relishing the cool wetness of the slick stone.
“Sure is something, ain’t it?”
“Sweet twinkling stars above!” Her hand flew to her neck as a gasp snapped through her. Jake’s voice, along with his breath so very near her ear, nearly caused her to go toppling into the statue.
She spun toward him, but Jake stood so close to her that she couldn’t, so she turned her neck and glanced up at him.
“‘Sure is something’ is an understatement. It’s breathtaking,” she whispered.
“This whole place is...it’s...” He moved to her side.
“It’s lavish. And so beautiful. Like something out of a fairy tale.”
“Fairy tale, huh? Still believe in those, do you?”
“I sure do.” She smirked at him. “I think every young woman wants to see her very own Prince Charming ride up on his white horse and swoop up and rescue his fair maiden.”
“White horse, huh?” He chuckled.
Leah planted her hands on her hips. “You go ahead and laugh, but you’ll see. I’ll have my happily-ever-after. Mr. Darcy, I mean, Mr. Barrington, will come and take me away from all of this.”
Jake’s smile dropped and sadness took its place. “What you doing out here anyway? Why aren’t you inside with everyone else?” He changed the subject, and she felt the relief of it. She didn’t like him laughing at her dream of a fairy-tale ending.
Leah tilted her head and looked up at him. “Why aren’t you?”
“Too crowded in there for me.” He shrugged, but she saw how embarrassed he really was about his phobia.
She hated seeing him like that and wanted to make him feel better. She rested her hand on his arm. “It’s okay, Jake. If you can’t go in there, you can’t go in there. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. We all have something in our lives that we can’t do. Besides, you have a good reason why you can’t.”
He nodded, but he didn’t look convinced. “You never answered why you came out here.”
Her hand fell from his arm and her gaze fell with it. “Well, if you must know, I came out here to think.”
“About what?”
She’d gone that far, what sense did it make to stop now? “About Mr. Barrington.”
“What about him?”
“I just wondered if this is the type of lifestyle he lives.”
“How do you feel about that?”
Good question. How
did
she feel about that? Moments ago she felt underdressed and out of place. Did she still? A little. But she would overcome her insecurity. She’d learn to dress as fine as all the ladies in New York if need be. After all, she had before, when she was younger and living in New York. She could do it again. Of that she was certain. “I love the idea.”
“You do?”
“Yes. Seeing all those beautiful gowns reminds me of when I was a young girl.” She gazed out into nothingness as memories of her childhood wove through her mind. “I remember attending many elegant balls and wearing dresses as fine as, if not finer than, those ladies in there.” And feeling every bit the princess, but she kept that thought to herself, especially after he’d laughed at her earlier.