Authors: Ivy Sinclair
“He’s here, Millie. And he’s oblivious.”
“And he had his lips all over his co-star,” Millie reminded him. “He’s moved on.”
“Have you?”
Millie shrugged. “It wasn’t anything serious if that’s what you’re asking. We hung out for a while before he started filming. We didn’t make any promises or declarations of love. I don’t even know if what we had qualified as a relationship. If anything, it was probably a friends with benefits kind of thing.”
Josh groaned and rubbed his hands over his face. “Oh, this just gets better and better. Dad is going to love this, and Mother is going to be the embarrassment of the Upper East Side.”
Millie put her hands on her hips again. “Do you think this is the 1950s? That a woman can’t take care of herself and her child without a man? Wow, I really don’t like this side of you. Plus, if you think I care one iota about what Mother’s friends think about me, you’d be wrong. Clare will have the benefit of being able to say a movie star knocked up her daughter. That should suffice.”
Josh gave her a long look. “You done?”
Millie crossed her arms, feeling her heart racing in her chest. “I’m done.”
He stepped forward and wrapped her in a huge bear hug. “You’re amazing. I don’t know how you’re holding it together.”
That’s when Millie felt the tears in her eyes. Her hormones were driving her crazy. She gently pushed her brother away. “You’re going to make me mess up my make-up.”
Offering her his arm, he winked at her. “Let’s get this show on the road.”
As they descended the staircase, Millie felt the magic of the Willoughby settle over her. Through the massive window just past the chandelier, she could see the pathway that led down to the lake. There were lanterns that lit the pathway and the white tent set up in the corner of the lawn was similarly lit up. She saw the shadows of movement of the people inside. As soon as they stepped out into the night air, she could hear the soft trills of music coming from the tent.
“It is pretty here,” Josh said, looking out at the lake. “I’ve never read that stupid book, but I guess I get it.”
“It’s a place that makes you feel like anything could happen,” Millie said softly. Everywhere she looked, she saw the ghosts of memories of the summer before, when life had been so much simpler. At that time, she had been just avoiding her father’s latest matchmaking attempt and helping Kate get her life back in order. Things were so different now.
They skirted the lawn and made their way to the tent’s entrance. Kate’s aunt Patrice stood just inside and when she saw Millie her face broke out in a knowing smile.
“My little party planner! Where have you been hiding?”
Millie couldn’t help but smile back and let herself be scooped up into Patrice’s hug. That was another transformation that she watched happen last summer. Kate’s relationship with her own parents was now non-existent, but her aunt seemed to have stepped into that role for her friend. Patrice was prickly and set in her ways, but Millie had more than her share of experience dealing with people like that. While she coordinated events at the Willoughby, she and Patrice developed a mutual respect for each other.
As they stepped into the tent, Millie thought about how the small group of people that she spent that last summer with had changed, and how they changed her too. For better or worse, they were the reason that she found the courage to take the unbeaten path when she went back to school. Now, she felt as if she had disappointed her former self. What was supposed to be an exciting journey into the unknown turned into a quagmire of despair that was going to change her life forever.
“Chin up,” Josh whispered in her ear. “You’re surrounded by friends. Give your brain a rest for the night.”
“Thanks,” she said, gratefully squeezing his arm. “I’m glad you came with me.”
“What are big brothers for?” Josh replied. “I’ll go get you a drink.”
“Just a tonic water is fine,” Millie said quickly.
Josh nodded with a knowing look in his eyes.
Millie took a deep breath and then channeled her mother. For the next few hours, she worked the room. Many of the local business owners and other friends of Patrice’s from Bleckerville were in attendance. Millie caught herself several times watching Kate and Reed when they thought no one was looking.
Reed’s arm wrapped around Kate for the entire evening as if he was afraid to let her go. Kate couldn’t stop smiling, and while Millie was happy for her friend, it also reminded her of her own loneliness. It was a position that she never expected to be in, and those thoughts galvanized her to keep moving and talking so she didn’t have to dwell on it. Josh was a natural social butterfly, and she noticed with a bit of chagrin that it didn’t take long for several of the younger women in the crowd to be drawn to him. Her brother was used to it though, and she could tell that he was having enjoying himself.
The day was starting to wear on her, and she felt tired. She excused herself to step outside for a few moments. She just needed a bit of fresh air to reinvigorate herself.
She pulled her shawl around her shoulders and gazed out at the lake. She wanted to make a wish and turn back the clock to the day she moved back to the city. She thought she’d turn down Josh’s dinner invitation and just stayed home. Of course, Sam had come seeking her out, and he still would have found her.
When she felt the presence behind her, and a familiar scent of cologne wafted to her nostrils, she closed her eyes and wondered if somehow she had willed him into being just by thinking about him.
“Hello, Millie.” His voice sounded strained.
She was silent. Maybe if she didn’t speak, his ghost would disappear, and she could find some way to keep moving on without him.
Sam turned in the performance of his life that night on set. He heard the murmurs of the crew after each take. Lee seemed to be more intent on making each one better, and Sam obliged. By the end, Delaney whispered to him that if she didn’t know him, she would have been in love with him by the end of the scene. He thought she was serious until she winked at him. That was one complication he didn’t need to add to the pile.
He left as soon as Lee called it a wrap. Having been in the lake for the better part of three hours, he had to go back to the hotel to shower and change, which meant that it was late before he finally was on his way back to the Willoughby. He had no idea what to expect when he arrived.
Sam didn’t have a script prepared for him, and he wondered if he would be able to say the right thing. He wanted so badly for her to understand, but he didn’t know how to explain how he screwed everything up without sounding like a complete ass.
He was almost to the tent when he saw the shimmer of silver in the darkness down by the lake. He knew the shawl well, having wrapped Millie inside of it many times during their quiet afternoons in her apartment. He approached her quietly still unsure of what he was going to say.
In the end, he went with the simplest introduction.
“Hello, Millie.”
She didn’t answer, and she didn’t turn toward him. He wondered if she was going to ignore him, which he knew he deserved. He studied her for a few moments. Her hair flowed down her shoulders in wild curls, and he caught a peek of a navy blue dress beneath her shawl.
He stepped around her to face her. “Can we talk for a minute?”
She finally looked at him. There was no light in her eyes. “I was pretty sure we said enough the last time we talked.”
Sam tried to put his hands on her shoulders, but she deftly moved away from his grasp. “I need to tell you some things. It’s hard for me to explain.”
Millie laughed. The sound was harsh and brittle. “Your actions speak louder than words. I understand, Sam. You don’t owe me anything”
“You don’t understand,” he said.
“We had a good time. You’ve gone your way, and I’ve gone mine. There’s nothing else to talk about,” Millie said.
Sam felt her slipping through his fingers. “It was more than a good time to me.”
Millie turned, refusing to meet his eyes. “This is embarrassing, Sam. You and I both knew how this was going to end. Let’s leave it at that before you embarrass yourself anymore. Besides, I saw this afternoon that you’ve more than moved on, so I’m not sure what you’re hoping to gain here.”
Sam walked after her and grabbed her arm. “That wasn’t real. It meant nothing to me. I need you to understand. Please, Millie, I’m not finished.”
“The hell you are.” Sam didn’t even see Josh emerge from the darkness, but then his fist came out of nowhere and connected with Sam’s jaw. Before he went down, he saw Millie’s shocked face.
“Josh!” she yelled, stepping in front of her brother. “Stop it.”
Sam’s first inclination was to get up and swing back, but that wouldn’t help the situation. He slowly got to his feet, feeling the pain in his jaw. “I’m just trying to talk to Millie,” he said, holding up his hands with his palms facing Josh in surrender.
“You’ve done enough, jackass,” Josh said. Anger flashed hot in his eyes. “Consider that a warning. You come near my sister again, and I’ll have a restraining order on your ass so fast your head will spin.”
Finally, Sam saw emotion on Millie’s face. Confusion and sadness and anger seemed rolled all into one and she bit her lower lip as if trying to decide what to do. He focused all of his attention on her. When she walked away, he knew that she’d be out of his reach, perhaps forever. But he had one more thing to tell her.
“Millie, I can explain everything. But if you won’t listen to that, then at least listen to this. I need you to know this one thing above all other. I love you,” he said. “I mean it. I love you. Please, don’t go.” He didn’t care that he was declaring his feelings in front of her brother and others who emerged after hearing the scuffle outside. He just focused on her reaction.
She gasped at his words.
Josh pulled her arm. “Nice try. You expect her to believe that you care about her when we all saw you lip locked with your co-star this afternoon? Do you think my sister is that stupid? I mean it. Stay away from her. C’mon, Millie.”
By that time, a small crowd had gathered outside the tent, and Sam saw Kate’s face in the crowd. Millie didn’t put up a fight as her brother pulled her back toward the entrance to the tent.
Kate shook her head at him sadly. Sam had no choice but to leave. He didn’t want to interrupt Kate and Reed’s evening anymore than he already had. He walked back to his car and got inside. He had told her that he loved her, and she left him anyway. Maybe she had never had feelings for him after all. Maybe what she said to him was true.
It was over.
After Sam’s confession, Millie’s emotions were in turmoil. Josh refused to leave her side, which was more annoying than comforting. Kate tried to talk to her, but Millie wasn’t ready to talk to anyone. She excused herself and went up to her room. Nobody seemed surprised.
She sat on the edge of her bed and forced herself to be calm. She didn’t understand the game that Sam was playing. All of his signals after that day that he left her apartment right before his departure for North Carolina had been a mess. Their tryst in her parents’ apartment had felt real, but seemed a complete contradiction with the fight that happened right afterwards. It was as if he started it to ensure they would break up.
Millie began to wonder if there was something that she was missing. He couldn’t love her and be in a relationship with Delaney. She spent an entire summer with Sam, and it was just counterintuitive with everything she knew about him for one simple reason.
He told her once that he had never told a woman that he loved her. She remembered the conversation clearly. They had just finished a particularly brutal catering event, and in the middle of it, one of the guests had gotten down on one knee and proposed to his girlfriend. Millie thought it was totally cheesy, but Sam insisted that it was romantic.
“To feel that way about someone, that you can’t help but ask them to be yours forever. No matter what the circumstances, it will always be the most romantic moment in the relationship.”
“Okay, Casanova. So how’d it go down the first time that you told a girl that you loved her?”
Sam looked uncomfortable then. He squirmed in his seat. “I haven’t ever told a girl that.”
Millie was incredulous. “What are you, a monk?”
Sam chuckled. “Hardly. The thing is that love, real, forever love, isn’t something that you find every day. Certainly not with every girl I date. I’ve been fond of several women I’ve gone out with in the past, but I don’t know. I can’t explain it. None of them were the one for me. I’m not going to say those words to a woman until I’m absolutely sure that I mean them. And that woman, she’ll know it’s real because she’ll know the truth that I’ve never said them to anyone else.”
“I’m sure that woman will know she’s very lucky,” Millie said with an eye roll.
She hadn’t believed Sam at the time, but that was before she got to know him better. She met his parents and saw how he interacted with his younger sister and his friends. He was a warm, caring person, but he ruthlessly guarded his heart. He knew what he wanted, and he was unwilling to settle for anything less.