Hammer (17 page)

He is too big. He is too strong. I can’t break away.

I can still see the headstone.

I cry out “Suzie” as my clothes are cut away.

The blade traces my collarbone, slicing my skin open. It burns as the warmth of blood travels down my chest. He flicks the knife against my nipple, and I try to retreat, which causes the bark of the tree to dig and cut open the skin down my back.

Fear consumes me. I’m going to die the same way she did. They have found me, and this is it.

The knife trails down my stomach. He traces my hip bone down to my juncture.

“No!” I scream.

Two hands grip me as Hammer yells, “Baby, breathe. It’s just a dream.”

Catapulting myself into a sitting position, I find a cold sweat covers my body, my clothes are twisted, and all of the pillows and blankets have been thrown onto the floor.

I look into the eyes of the man standing next to the bed. I see his pain, his helplessness. Then I realize he isn’t in his wheelchair. Sure, he has been able to move more freely, but with the hard workouts, rushing to me is not good for his injuries.

“Hammer, sit down. Don’t overdo it!”

“Ethan,” he responds, seeming to ignore my concern.

“What?” I ask him, thoroughly confused. Did he fall down and hit his head? Because he’s making no sense right now.

“You called me Hammer. I want you to call me Ethan.”

I’m suddenly shocked to the bone. I know from being around Tank and the Hellions that the men in motorcycle clubs generally insist everyone call them by their road names. It helps protect their identities in sticky situations.

“Are you okay?” he asks, moving to sit beside me.

No
, I want to answer, still in shock from Hammer—no, Ethan’s—unusual order and overall presence and trembling from the nightmare.

Leaning down, he tosses my pillows and blankets back up onto the bed.

Breathlessly, I answer, “No—yes … I don’t know.”

“Why aren’t you on the couch?”

Well, that takes my mind off my bad dream.

“I thought we could use some space.”

He gives me a half-grin. “Des, space is the last thing I plan to put between us.”

I gasp at his bold declaration. “This is probably a bad idea.”

“We won’t know if we don’t try.”

“I’m too tired to think about anything.”

He scoots up and over, putting himself on the pillow beside mine. Lying on his back, he pulls me back against his side. “Get some rest. I’m here to chase the bad dreams away.”

Inhaling, I smell him: musk and man. There is a true comfort he gives me that I can’t explain.

Rather than fight with him, I close my eyes and try to get the thoughts of knives, trees, and blood out of my mind.

What the hell am I doing?

Chapter

13

~Hammer~

When she finally relaxes against me, I breathe a sigh of relief.

The burn in my hips shoots down my legs, tingling into my feet. I am thankful to have feeling, but rushing across the condo took its toll. When she cried out, I felt helpless being so far away. Nothing was going to stop me from getting to her. Having her scared stirred up things inside me I have never felt before.

Helplessness. Protectiveness. Fear.

She lies silently against me. I’m not sure if she’s asleep or not.

It doesn’t matter. Whispering to the empty room around us, I confess exactly what I feel tonight. There is no holding back anymore.

“Des, you wanna heal my broken body. I wanna heal your damaged soul.”

She doesn’t move, doesn’t speak. I can only assume she’s drifted back to the land of dreams. I can now only hope, in my arms, she is safe from all pain, including in her nightmares.

At some point, I fall asleep and wake when I feel her move beside me. It takes me a moment to remember I’m in my guest room with her.

Reaching out, I grab her hips before she can slide completely away, and she turns to look over her shoulder at me, her curls flying.

“Ethan,” she whispers, and my dick comes to life. “I’ve gotta pee.”

I release her, laughing. Then I close my eyes as she leaves the room and somehow manage to fall back asleep.

When I open my eyes again, I want to scream as I see the wheelchair pulled up beside her bed and hear Desirae in the kitchen.

I’m frustrated as hell. I don’t want to rely on this chair. I don’t want to be confined anymore. I don’t care how hard I push and what it does; I’m not using that thing, not today. If I can manage, not ever again.

Rolling over, I slowly work my way out of bed, thankful no one is here to see me; my movements are far from pretty.

I think of the exercises and stretches. She always wants me to be aware of my movements and how my weight shifts so I can maintain the best balance and posture for healing. I let my mind drift and think of how far I have come in healing, as well as how far I have come with Desirae. We have this connection, and I don’t want to think of her not being here. She found a way to fit into my life, which is something I honestly never thought would happen for me.

I hear voices in the other room and realize Evan is here. My baby brother, the little boy who once thought I was his hero.

For a moment, I let my mind go to a dark place. I’m no one’s hero anymore. Hell, I can’t help wondering if I will ever be whole again.

Then I think of Desirae. I think of the information Screech sent me within hours of my request. I think of her life before and what she has lost: her sister, her best friend, and she can never get her back.

On shaking legs, I make my way to the living room, and when Evan sees the room I exit, he raises an eyebrow in silent question. Quickly, I shake my head.

Would I like to be balls deep in Des? Damn straight. However, there is so much more between us than my carnal desires. She pushes me and pulls me at the same time.

As I watch them interact, I want to punch Evan in the face. Brother or not, I can’t help my need to make him choke on his teeth, especially as he hugs her, all while eying me for a reaction. I will give him one, too.
One wrong move, baby brother, and I’m going to have you eating through a straw.

With my energy depleted, I settle on one couch as Evan sits on the other.

Desirae walks in and glares at me in challenge. “You have to slowly rebuild, Ethan. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was your hip.”

I smirk. “Technically, they rebuilt my hip in a matter of hours, all while I was sound asleep.”

She leans over, putting a hand on either side of my head and caging me in. Her breathing deepens as her eyes darken. She licks her lips, and I feel like I’m going to blow a load in my pants.

“Well, smartass, after last night’s exertion and your stubbornness this morning, I’m gonna have to adjust your therapy to accommodate for muscle rest so we don’t strain or pull anything.” She leans in closer, her breath hot on my neck. “You know we don’t want you to hurt anything you might wanna use later.”

Before I can adjust from the heat coursing through my body, before I can react or give her some sort of come back, she shoves off and goes back to the kitchen.

Evan sits back, laughing, while I can only think to myself,
She’s gonna bust my balls all right, but not in the way she’s thinking.

“I’m going for a short walk to get some fresh air,” Desirae calls out as she puts on shoes and grabs the burner phone off the counter.

Ricca’s men shouldn’t know she is down here, so a stroll around the complex’s lake won’t hurt her.

“Twenty minutes,” I bark as she hits the door.

“Who’s the drill sergeant now?” She laughs as she walks out the door without looking back.

My brother immediately leans forward, eyeing me suspiciously. “Tell me … Tell me you did not fuck her!”

I laugh. “No, but I damn sure would be happy to.”

“All the barflies and biker bunnies available to you and you have to go after your physical therapist? What are you up to, big brother? Are you trying to scare the woman away? You think Ice won’t saddle you with someone else if you make her run out of here?”

I scowl at Ethan. “Hell no, I’m not trying to scare Desirae away. It’s the other way around, dipshit. I’m trying to get a woman to stay for once.”

My little brother blinks, as if he doesn’t understand a word I just said, and then he blinks again. Then I realize the words that just came out of my mouth.

I don’t try to take them back. For the first time in my life, I am trying to get someone to stay. For the first time since our father died, I’m not trying to run away from my life.

I left for the Army to provide but also to avoid. Not being home meant I didn’t have to face everything we had lost. Staying busy from one mission to the next allowed my mind to avoid dwelling on anything back home. I only had to worry about work.

For the first time, I don’t want to drown my problems with another mission. I want to make shit work. I’m just as surprised at myself as he is, but I damn sure don’t want it to change.

Finally, he asks, “You? Ethan? The guy who’s always hammering broads till they can’t walk anymore and then kicking them out before they wanna cuddle? Mr. McCoy is telling me he is actually trying to get a woman to stay with him? As in, she doesn’t want anything to do with you, and you’re trying, anyway?”

I might be able to walk a bit now, but I’m not sure if I could jump off the couch and punch my little brother before he could get away. And if I managed to hurt myself trying, that would only set me back in my plans for Des. That doesn’t mean I can’t shoot my little brother a killer glare, warning him he is in danger of getting an ass whooping. Then it occurs to me that I can beat Ethan at his own game.

“Watch it, fuck-head. If you’re not nice to me, I’ll call Mom and tell her you’re trying to scare off my woman. She’s so desperate for grandchildren she would drive here to bitch-slap you or torture you by moving into your place for a while, ruining your chances of bringing home pussy. Either way, I win.”

“Holy shit! You must be serious about this girl! You’ve never used Mom against me.”

“Damn skippy I’m serious about Des. So don’t fuck this up for me by being an ass. I can fuck it up enough all on my own, Evan.”

A devious smile spreads across his face, and I know I’m really in for it now.

“Should I start shopping for rings for you two? Maybe book a little white chapel? Better yet, maybe I should call Mom and tell her you’re thinking about finally settling down.”

Pointing my finger at Evan, I warn, “You call Mom about Des, and I’m gonna tell Ice I caught you staring at his ol’ lady’s ass the last time we were in After Midnight.”

Evan pales. “You wouldn’t.”

It is hard as hell, but I manage not to laugh at his expression and keep a considering look on my face, as if I’m really contemplating it.

“Don’t worry too much. I don’t think Ice would fuck you up too badly since you make him so much money flashing that pretty, little face of yours to horny women. But I’ve seen firsthand that he can be supremely creative when it comes to punishment.” Given Evan knows Ice was on my Army Special Forces team, I need not elaborate beyond the word creative.

Ethan sticks out his bottom lip and gives me the same puppy dog eyes he always uses on Mom. “You would really do that to me? Isn’t it supposed to be bros before hoes?”

I let my stern expression slide away into an easy grin as I fold my hands behind my head. “That’s where you’ve got it all wrong, little brother. Des isn’t a ho. She’s something different, something special, I think. The kind of woman who could put up with an asshole like me: tough, smart, beautiful—the whole package. After spending all this time with her bossing me around and getting me back on my feet, I’ve decided to test the waters and see if she’s got what it takes to be an ol’ lady.”

“You sound like a man on a mission.”

I give him a nod. “It’s the most important mission I’ve ever committed to: protect and win over Drill Sergeant Bust My Balls.” I smile. “I plan to give it my all.”

~Desirae~

I run the trail around the complex, enjoying the view of the lake, the fresh Florida air, the sun shining down, and time to myself. I focus on the sound of my feet slapping against the asphalt beneath me. The steady
thump, thump, thump
of my pace is almost hypnotic. I know I should be hyper aware of my surroundings, but I need a moment to myself, a break from my reality. Just a few scarce moments to lose myself in something.

It is so different here than in North Carolina. I feel out of my element, like an out of body experience, but it doesn’t keep me from appreciating the gorgeous scenery. There are palm trees everywhere, along with bushes and flowers in a variety of colors, maintained by the groundskeepers.

The grass almost seems greener here, too, but the idea alone sounds ridiculous. Maybe it’s not the grass but my perspective of life here. Or could it be Ethan, the man I have been trying to keep at arm’s length who closed the distance between us last night in a metaphorical and literal way that I would have never expected him to?

Slowing for my cool down, I feel like I’m on fire from the heat and the burn I have on the inside for my patient. Waking up in his arms is something I could get used to a little too easily. Once he climbed in bed and I could smell him beside me, something calmed and I slept. For the first time since Suzie, I actually had a dreamless sleep and woke up rested.

Since losing my sister, I keep falling into a never ending abyss of darkness. Why am I here? By my own choices, I left behind the only people I trust to live with and work for strangers. They have been good to me, and I understand now that they would stick their necks out to protect me. But coming here originally, all I had was the word of Tank and his club. I know their word is solid, but everything is slipping around me, and I can’t hold on. I miss the familiarity of what I left behind.

Gripping the burner phone, I dial home for the first time since I came to Miami. Tank answers on the second ring.

“Drill Sergeant,” he quips. “You calling to bust my balls? I’m pretty sure we lined you up with someone else to torture.”