Hard to Hold (13 page)

They got home and she joined Logan in thanking Jessica, who rose yawning from the couch.

“No problem. Cinnamon only woke up once. I gave her a bottle, and then she went right out. It was fun.”

“I really do appreciate it,” Logan began, and Jessica grinned.

“Enough already. Good night.”

She left, and he turned to Isabella, who smiled thoughtfully. “She is pretty amazing. I can see why you two are so close.” Before she could finish the sentence, Logan took her hand and headed for his room.

“What are you doing?” Isabella laughed as he put her into his bed.

“Getting us a nightcap.” His eyes met hers and he saw the amusement there. He still had a few tricks up his sleeve and was determined to give her a night to remember.

“I thought you wanted a drink?” she asked, as he made no move to leave the bed.

“I do.” He gave her a wicked grin. “But I want you more. This way I get both.”

“How can I resist you?” she asked.

“Don't.” Logan kissed her hard, taking full advantage of what she was offering. And she was so damned beautiful, with that white shirt, that blond hair, and those full red lips. He had to force himself to go slowly, but she was eagerly responding to him, and when he cupped her breast, thumbing her nipple, he heard her gasp with pleasure.

“Logan, I need…”

“I know.” He'd been determined to truly drive her out of her mind this time, but she was testing his resolve.

To his surprise, she stepped out of his bed, and slowly began to unbutton her blouse. There was something about the visual, this stunningly beautiful woman removing a classic white shirt, revealing an incredible white lace see-through bra, that made the heat shoot straight to his cock.

He was rock hard when she let the top fall to the floor.

“Not done yet,” she insisted when he came to her, and it took every ounce of effort to let her continue to torture him. This time, she reached down for the shoes, a pair of black heels that made her legs seem a mile long. First one went, and then the other, in what had to be one of the sexiest moves a woman could pull. Barefoot, she stood erect, and then, with a quick movement behind her back, she let her skirt fall to the floor.

She was wearing a white lace thong that barely covered the essentials. “Christ,” Logan growled, his voice hoarse. “You keep teasing me like that, and you're gonna pay.”

“Looking forward to it,” she responded flirtatiously, and when she reached for the bra and unhooked it, letting it join the skirt on the floor, he was done.

“Damn.” This time he scooped her up into his arms and practically threw her on the bed. But his roughness only seemed to excite her more, and he tore off his own clothes, joining her and taking control.

“My turn.”

He took her mouth with his own, his hand going straight to the sexy lace thong. He heard her gasp and then moan as he teased her, touching the silk of her thighs, then gently brushing her pussy, where she was wet and slick for him.

“God, you are so fucking hot,” he whispered as she whimpered, rising up against him, then he finally gave her what she needed. Isabella melted against his hand, and her eyes closed as she fully enjoyed what was happening between them.

“Logan, please,” she begged as he applied the perfect amount of pressure, then teasingly, his fingers left her to caress the inside of her thigh. “Pleeaassee…”

“Patience.” He took down her panties, settling them at her knees. “Good things come to those who wait…”

She started to say something, but then he lifted her over him, took her with his mouth, and she was lost. Logan had the immense satisfaction of seeing her grab the headboard with her fingers, her entire body pleading for release.

And he gave it.

Expertly tonguing her, he heard her come, and she screamed out his name as she exploded and then collapsed onto the bed.

Gently he caressed her back, even as his cock throbbed to take his own pleasure. “You okay?”

“More than,” she whispered, and he heard a catlike sound of satisfaction. “But now I want—”

She didn't get to finish the sentence. Logan yanked off her panties and entered her hard, gratified to feel how wet she was, how ready for him. The satin of her thighs encased him, and her hips lifted against him, wanting everything he could give her.

And he complied. Logan thrust deep inside of her, over and over until she came again. That sound did him in and he found his own release, arching into her heat until he was spent.

Rolling to his side, Logan gathered her into his arms and held her close to his body. He let her know in no uncertain terms that she was more to him than just the physical aspect of their relationship. He wanted her, needed her in his life, and intended to give her a silent reassurance that she was special.

He heard her sigh and she settled against him trustingly and he gently stroked her hair. “You know, I forgot to ask you about birth control. I used a condom but meant to discuss it with you.”

To his surprise, she stiffened against him. “No. It's fine.”

He frowned, uncertain of her meaning and puzzled by her mood change. “Bella, if there is another method you prefer—”

“You don't have to worry about it,” she said, moving away from him and sitting up. “I've got it covered. I'd better see to the baby.”

Logan released her unwillingly. She immediately got to her feet and grabbed his robe as he rose up on his elbow. Something was wrong; but damned if he knew what it was.

Rising from the bed, he grabbed his pants and put them on, and then headed for the nursery.

Cinnamon slept peacefully, her little knees pulled up to her chest beneath the light blanket. He could see Isabella in the yellow glow of the night light as she smoothed the baby's quilt and gave her the pacifier. When she was finished, she left the room, closing the door softly behind her.

And ran right into him. “You are going to tell me what's going on,” he insisted. “Now.”

She looked at him in stunned surprise, but he didn't care. One thing he knew about females: if left to their own devices, fucking mountains came out of molehills.

“I don't know what you mean. I'm just tired—”

“Not buying it. Bella, you have to tell me what's going through your head. I can't be in this with you if you aren't honest with me. What is wrong?”

She seemed to falter for a moment, as if weighing her options, but then looked away, avoiding his direct gaze.

“Logan, you're right. But let it drop right now. I'm just…going through some difficulties with all of this.”

“With us?” He pushed her.

“Yes.” Her gaze returned to his. “It's complicated. Even you have to admit that. I never planned on us becoming…lovers. I guess it was just beginning to dawn on me when you were holding me what that meant. And having your sister and mother involved, and the exposure on social media, it's all becoming too much. When it was just us, I could deal with it. But now…”

He got it. He felt the same way sometimes. But there was more to it than that. He'd bet his fucking life on it. “I know. This has caught us both off guard. And maybe you don't feel safe enough with me yet, so I'll give you some space now. But not forever. I want you to trust me.”

It was an odd thing for him to demand, especially since he didn't trust anybody, except maybe Jess. But he knew she was holding out on him.

“Thanks. I'll think about it. But for tonight, I don't want to talk. I promise I'll tell you everything soon.”

“Okay.” He sensed if he pushed her anymore, it would be the wrong move. A sense of frustration that eluded him on the soccer field filled him. There, he could make things happen on his own terms. He was an aggressive player, focused, able to anticipate his teammates and do whatever it took to drive in a goal.

But seeing a woman he cared about upset was too much for him, especially when she wouldn't let him in. He had no choice but to trust she'd tell him in her own time. That's the best he could hope for.

He let her go.

Isabella retreated to her room, more than a little relieved that Logan didn't press her.

She knew it was silly to react so strongly to an innocent comment, and she felt bad after the wonderful evening he'd given her. Logan, she knew, didn't mean anything by it except that he cared for her and was concerned that she didn't get pregnant.

Of course he was worried about birth control; he already had one illegitimate child, and she was certain he wasn't looking for another. She'd told him the truth: for her, birth control wasn't an issue. She didn't have to see a doctor for contraceptives or scour the drugstores for sponges or creams. She wasn't the girl who carried condoms in her purse and had to endure the embarrassment of producing one when the man did not.

Because she couldn't conceive.

She didn't know why it hit her so hard when Logan was holding her, but it did. Maybe it was because she felt so deeply connected to him after their sexual encounter that she was vulnerable, and his casual question left her feeling less than.

Less than other women.

Less than Desiree.

Less than he deserved.

A sob caught in her throat and she swallowed hard. She had to tell him, she knew that, but felt too emotional to go there tonight. And she did feel overwhelmed by the course of their relationship and all the drama.

She would find the right time. Soon.

“We have some information.”

James Kierney, the detective Logan had hired, called his cell the next morning. He was on his way to the gym and in his car, so they connected immediately through Sync.

His pulse quickened at the man's words. “You know where Desiree is?”

“Not yet. I have located her mother. Serious drug and alcohol issues. She and Desiree were estranged, so no information there. And she can't take care of herself, let alone anyone else.”

“Father? Siblings?”

“Her father left the area shortly after Desiree was born. We did find a sister who is living the Midwest, but she hasn't spoken to her in years and doesn't want to know anything about any baby.”

At Logan's silence, the man continued. “I was able to locate a buddy of hers, Linda Boyd, from where she used to work. She hasn't heard from Desiree since right after she gave the baby to you, but she did know that she had hooked up with a guy, Tony Rocco. She thinks the two of them left the area. Seems he had a similar motivation. Two young kids, child support…You get the picture.”

“So they decided to bail and leave the responsibility to someone else. Nice.”

“Happens all the time. But at least we have another name and an angle.”

“Did this friend of hers have any other information, maybe about where they went?”

“She thinks they headed south. We'll get something eventually. As soon as one of them gets a real job, uses a credit card, or establishes a cellphone service, there will be a record.”

“It's amazing to me that that hasn't happened already,” Logan commented as he pulled into the parking lot of the gym and turned off the car.

“If someone's really determined, they can hide for a while. You pay cash for a car, work under the table. The guy did landscaping. Easy to find work, and some of these companies don't ask a lot of questions. Same with bartenders. But it's hard to do long-term unless you establish a new identity. And these two don't seem that bright. This looks like more of an impulse decision to me.”

“How often does it happen that someone disappears, becomes untraceable?”

He could almost see the older man shrug. “In the old days, a lot of these guys would leave because they didn't want to pay alimony or support. They would go to Florida or Texas to hide. And for the most part, they got away with it. But now the laws are a lot tougher.”

“But not impossible.”

“Right.” The phone was silent for a moment, and then the detective spoke once more. “I'll keep you posted. If these two are romantically involved, and it sounds like they are, it may fall apart on its own. She might come back if she gets desperate enough, and try to get something out of you.”

His blood froze. “Like?”

“Money. I'd guess that was her first plan with the paternity suit, to try and get you on the hook for support. But at some point, leaving the child with you and running looked better.”

“Gotta wonder why.”

“Maybe the baby isn't yours after all,” James speculated. “In that case, she knew you'd find out, and game over.”

“Right.” Logan's mind was spinning. His own upbringing suddenly seemed very stable. He was beginning to understand why someone like Desiree made the kind of decisions she did. She really was out there alone.

“Your dad and I were talking. I think it's time you got the test. This girl has made no effort to contact you, even to find out if the baby is okay. That doesn't give me a real warm and fuzzy. Things are going to get to the point where you're going to have to make some permanent decisions about the child, and everything is predicated on whether or not you are the biological parent. I can refer you to a couple of labs that will keep the results confidential.”

“Got it. Send me the information and I'll think about it.”

“I will. And Logan?”

“Yeah?”

“Don't take too long, for everyone's sake.”

“Oh, my God, what smells amazing?” Anna said as she entered the condo, carrying a bottle of wine and a bouquet of flowers. She kicked off her heels and shoved them next to the door.

“Cornish hens, wild rice, and sautéed green beans.” Logan was out of town for a few days, so Isabella had invited her pal for dinner.

In truth, she needed someone to talk to, somebody who wasn't directly involved. And Anna had been a godsend in the past when she found herself up the creek, without even a canoe let alone a paddle.

She turned on the oven light and checked on the birds. “I figured we might as well have something nice. We can do pizza anytime.”

“Amen to that. I live on pizza,” Anna admitted, putting the wine on the countertop as she searched inside the cabinet for a vase. She found one and put the flowers in water. “So where is the hot soccer player?”

“Kansas City. He'll be home day after tomorrow.”

“He really travels a lot, doesn't he?”

“All the time. But I guess that's the same for most professional athletes, right? They spend half their life on the road.”

“I suppose. Good thing he has you to help with the baby.”

“Want to see her? I just put her down, but she's probably not asleep yet if you want to go say hello.”

“Absolutely!” She disappeared into the nursery as Isabella put the flowers on the table. They added a pop of bright color, and she turned to open the wine, letting it breathe as she finished basting the poultry.

“She looks great!” Anna said when she returned. “She's put on weight and is just the picture of health.”

“Yes, she's doing really well. And she's laughing, babbling, all of the normal baby things right on schedule. She may have had a rough start, but she's sure making up for it now.”

“How is Logan with her? Somehow I can't picture him as a hands-on kind of dad.”

“You're wrong there,” Isabella said, putting the hens onto a platter, and retrieving some bowls for the rice and beans. “It took some time in the beginning for him to get used to everything, but he has a lot more confidence now. He even gave her a bath before he left…What?”

She put the meal on the table even as Anna grinned, pouring out the wine. “I knew you were sleeping with him!”

She felt the heat stain her cheeks and shook her head. “It's not what you think.”

Anna's grin became even more pronounced as she took a seat. “Come on, this is me you are talking to. I want to hear every hot detail. I haven't had a date in months, so I intend to live vicariously through you.”

Isabella joined her at the table, fighting a smile. “Well, okay. We've gotten together a few times. Even went on a real date on Sunday.”

“Well, that's great! Where did you guys go? And by the way, this meal looks incredible. I sort of remember you could cook, but seeing this, I'm coming over more often. Just so you know.”

“Help yourself.” Isabella passed the platter, and then used the tongs to put one of the hens on her own plate. “We went to a restaurant in Princeton, the Blue Point Grill, and had a really romantic dinner. Logan's sister stayed with the baby.”

“So his family knows?” Anna observed, taking a bite of the Cornish hen and closing her eyes in ecstasy.

“Yes.”

“So what's the problem?” Anna asked quizzically. “Wasn't the sex any good?”

“When it comes to Logan, there are no words.” Isabella sighed, her own eyes closing at the thought.

“Oral?”

“I'm not telling you that!” Her eyes snapped open.

Anna actually clapped, and then tapped Isabella's wineglass with her own. “I knew it! I am so glad for you!” When Isabella didn't respond, her friend frowned and put the glass down on the table thoughtfully.

“All right, now tell me what's really going on. I get the sense that in spite of everything, the hot guy, the great sex, the baby…there is a big fat ‘but' hanging out there.”

“There is,” Isabella admitted, pushing the food around on her plate. “He doesn't know I can't have children.”

Anna's brows lifted. “Why haven't you told him? Logan isn't an asshole like Josh. And not every guy wants a boatload of kids.”

“I know. I care about him; it's hard not to. He's so good with the baby, and to me. He's good to his family, and his sister adores him. It took me awhile to see it, but he really is a stand-up guy.”

“And it doesn't hurt that he looks like that.” Anna glanced at a soccer poster gracing the walls.

“Yes, and there's that, too.” She didn't object when her friend refilled her glass. “I don't know how he feels about any of this, how he feels about
me
.”

“Ah. So he hasn't told you he loves you?”

“No. He has shown it every way you can think of but hasn't said it. I don't feel confident telling him without that, even though it would be better to do it sooner than later. Does that sound crazy?”

“Not at all. I understand completely. Maybe you should let him know how you feel; sometimes guys don't understand how important it is for a woman to hear those words. But if you are confident in how he feels, then yes, tell him.”

“I think you're right.” Isabella exhaled the breath she didn't know she was holding. “I'll talk to him when he gets back.”

“Good plan. He sounds like a keeper.” When Isabella lifted her brows, she grinned. “Gorgeous and likes oral sex? Seems like a small piece of heaven to me.”