Hard to Hold (12 page)

The front door slammed, and she heard Logan call out.

“Hey, Bella! I hope you're in the mood for Chinese. I picked up some takeout and a bottle of wine…” As he appeared in the nursery, he saw his mother and sister, and his mouth dropped in stunned surprise. “What the hell—?”

“Hello to you, too!” Jessica said while her mother sent her an admonishing look.

“Do you want Isabella to think you have no manners?” She turned to her son. “Hello, Logan. Sorry to barge in on you, but I heard about the baby and I had to come see her.”

“Ah. Dad told you.” Logan's brow cleared as he began to understand what happened.

“Yes.” His mother looked puzzled. “Why, didn't you want him to?”

“Not really,” he admitted, taking a breath. He should have fucking known. “Although I didn't ask him not to say anything. I just thought he'd figure out that it wasn't a good idea.”

“Why not?” She handed the empty bottle to Isabella, and then cooed as she put Cinnamon on her shoulder and patted her back for a burp.

“Because of this.” He gestured to the baby, his jaw tight. “Look, I don't know if Dad shared all of the details, but Desiree could return at any time and take the baby back. Child Services could put her into foster care. I haven't taken a DNA test, and don't even know for sure she's mine.”

“Of course she is!” His mother smiled fondly as Cinnamon let out a soft belch, and then snuggled into her shoulder. “She looks just like Jessica when she was a baby.”

Logan's gaze shot to his sister. She shrugged, as if to say,
I tried to stop her, but fuggetaboutit
.

He knew that look all too well.

But he wasn't prepared for his mother showing up, all ready to take Cinnamon into her heart. It bothered him to see her expression as she gazed down at the little girl, and he hated the thought of her getting hurt. His eyes met Isabella's and he saw understanding there, even as she moved to the door.

“I'll take care of this,”—she indicated the bottle—“and put the food in the oven to keep it warm.”

She left the room, deliberately closing the door to allow the family privacy. Logan groaned as he glanced at his mother quietly rocking and singing to Cinnamon. She already appeared to be in love with the baby, and would only get more attached as time went by.

Grabbing Jess by the elbow, he steered her out of the nursery and into his room. “You couldn't talk her out of this?”

“Are you kidding?” One copper brow shot up and Jessica looked at him as if he were insane. “She thinks that baby is her first grandchild! You know how long she's been waiting for one of us to get married and reproduce.”

Logan's shoulders slumped in resignation. “Yeah, I know. Just concerned the shit will hit the fan, and then what? I can't believe the old man told her.”

“They are joined at the hip.” Jessica sighed. “And they tell each other everything. You had to know this would happen once you confided in him.”

“I had to.” Logan paced the floor in agitation. “I can't find a trace of Desiree, and decided I needed help tracking her down. Dad had a contact, which I kind of figured since he belongs to all of the organizations in town. I just didn't think it through that he would tell Mom.”

Jessica shrugged. “Well, she knows. She would have discovered it anyway; you're all over social media.”

“I guess. It's just another complication I don't need. At this point, I just want to make sure that Cinnamon is okay. That's what's important.”

Jessica gave her brother a look of begrudging admiration. “You know, it's pretty cool of you to step up like this, even without knowing the truth.”

“Isabella is a big help,” Logan said. “She knows everything, never gets rattled, is so organized and dedicated…What?” he asked when he saw the glint of amusement in his sister's eyes.

“So how long have you been sleeping with her?” She couldn't seem to hold back a smirk.

“What are you talking about?”

“C'mon, Logan, this is me. You are waxing poetic about this woman. And she happens to be friggin' gorgeous. You would be an utter idiot not to try and make her yours, and you aren't an idiot. So spill.”

Logan's brow grew thunderous. “Listen, baby girl,” he growled, “you don't have the first idea of what you are saying…”

“For the last time, I'm not your baby girl. And it's crystal clear to me that your relationship with the nanny is more than just about the baby. I'm not judging; I think it's great. I'm hoping you can be as happy as I am with Gavin.”

His mouth dropped, and he forcibly closed it. Pulling her into his arms, he gave her a bear hug. “Thanks. I needed to hear that. I tried to avoid a personal relationship with her because of the baby, but I just can't help it.”

“Paid-up member of that club,” Jessica said, disengaging from his embrace. “When I met Gavin I was his physical therapist. There were a million good reasons why we shouldn't have gotten involved, and only one as to why we should. But it's a big one.”

Logan nodded thoughtfully. “She's a hell of a woman. I've never met anyone like her, and Cinnamon aside, I care about her. Unfortunately, because of the circumstances, I haven't been able to take her out, romance her, and do all of the things you do for a woman like her.”

“You are serious about her!”

“Damn straight.” He could admit that much to his sister, and even himself. But he'd had enough.

“Now that we've gotten the heavy shit out of the way, do you think your boy Gavin King is going over .300 this year?” He pulled his cell out of his pocket to check the stats. “I've got some serious money riding on him.”

Isabella looked up from stacking baby bottles in the dishwasher as Jessica entered the kitchen. “Can I help you with that?”

“No, I'm almost done. Cinnamon is probably asleep by now.” She gave Logan's sister a smile. “That's kind of how it works with the baby at this age. You either nap or catch up on the housework in between feedings.”

“That's pretty intense,” Jessica commented with a frown. “You get much time off?”

“In other circumstances when there are two parents involved, I would. But right now I'm trying to help Logan learn the ropes, so when I do take some time, he knows how to take care of the baby, and what to do if she gets sick or something goes wrong. I have to admit, he's doing a great job with her.”

“Yes, I'm surprised, too. Not that he isn't a good guy; he is and then some. He's just sort of that alpha type, but he has a heart of gold.”

Isabella gave her a smile. “Why do I get the feeling that you might be trying to sell me?”

Jessica laughed. “So you're smart, too. Completely unfair to be gorgeous as well. Listen, I've been thinking. I really appreciate everything that you are doing for my brother and Cinnamon. Why don't you and Logan take the night off and go to a movie or something? It sounds like the two of you could use a break.”

She looked at Jessica in stunned surprise. “Did Logan tell you about us?”

“He didn't have to. The way you two look at each other…It's pretty apparent. But maybe that's only because I know him so well.”

Isabella busied herself with the dishes. She wasn't prepared for all of this, for Logan's family to know that they were romantically involved. She must have betrayed her thoughts with her expression, for Jessica rushed to reassure her.

“Don't worry. I don't intend to tell anyone. I think it's up to you two to decide when you want to go public.”

“Thanks.” Isabella exhaled, able to breathe again. She closed the dishwasher and stood erect. “There is already enough speculation on social media. With so many unanswered questions about the future, I think the less gossip, the better.”

“Agreed.” Jessica nodded. “But I would like you guys to have a chance to enjoy each other's company without all the pressure of the baby and everything. What do you think?”

“About what?” Logan said, interrupting them as he entered the kitchen to grab a beer from the fridge.

“I'm offering to stay with the baby tonight. Thought you and Isabella could use a real date. You know, like dinner and a movie or something?”

Logan grinned, and then ruffled Jessica's hair even as she stepped away in annoyance. His gaze returned to Isabella, and he gave her a questioning smile.

“Sounds good to me. I can put the takeout in the fridge. How about you?”

“Me too,” Isabella said, giving Jessica a warm look. “Thank you. That's very generous.”

“No problem. I'll just run Mom home, and be back shortly. That is, if I can pry her away from Cinnamon.” She gave her brother a smirk. “You owe me, pal.”

“You won't get an argument out of me, baby girl.”

A date with Logan.

Isabella fished through her closet, looking for something to wear. She hadn't brought many dressy clothes with her, and wished she'd had time to run back to her apartment for an evening dress. But Jessica's offer had been impromptu, and she wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

She found a black pencil skirt and a simple white blouse. Fortunately, she'd thrown some jewelry in her bag and decided to layer a few pearl necklaces to give the outfit a more elegant look.

As she heated a curling iron, she thought about how long it had been since she'd dated anyone, let alone someone like Logan. Her last boyfriend, Josh Renfield, had broken up with her after a year, explaining that he had to marry someone who could give him children. While she got that, it still hurt like hell and made her feel like less than a woman.

So she'd taken a sabbatical from romance, intending to let a few weeks go by to get over the loss. But weeks became months, and before she knew it, it had been over a year since she'd been with Josh.

Not that men weren't interested. Unfortunately, they were usually the husbands of women who hired her as a nanny, or guys who, for one reason or another, weren't really available. And she was being more careful this time, trying to qualify them in advance. She wasn't looking for another broken heart.

But with Logan, she hadn't stood a chance. She'd fallen for him hard, and while she wasn't ready to use the L word, she felt herself like Alice, spiraling helplessly down the rabbit hole.

She should be more scared. And to a degree, she was. But something about Logan made her feel safe. At some point she'd have to tell him the truth, that she couldn't bear children, and he could very well react the way Josh had, if having a family was important to him.

Yet he has Cinnamon
. That thought made her pause as she applied a red lipstick.
Could that be enough for him? Maybe this could work for everyone involved?

She didn't know. All she was certain of were her own feelings for Logan, which were growing by the day. She knew she should pull back, protect her heart, but she couldn't stop anything at this point.

Moreover, she didn't want to. She couldn't be here now, around Logan, without wanting his arms around her, and his hard-muscled body cradling her as she slept. Even now she shivered as she thought of going out with him, sharing a meal like a real couple, and when they got home…

Excitement pulsed through her. Logan might be hard to hold, but impossible things happened every day. And if everything crashed and burned, she would have a memory that would last a lifetime.

She only hoped it would be enough.

“Wow. You look incredible!”

Isabella felt a warm flood of emotion as Logan looked at her in sincere appreciation. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Jessica disappear, leaving them alone as he extended his hand to take hers.

“Thanks. You look great, too.” She was used to seeing him in his Hurricanes yellow jersey and shorts, or sweats. But he had changed into a pair of dress slacks and a light blue button-down shirt that only emphasized his blond good looks, buff body, and those incredible eyes.

Glancing down at her simple outfit, she smoothed the skirt. “I didn't have a whole lot to work with, since most of my dressy clothes are home.”

He gave her that slow, lazy grin. “If you looked any better, I think we'd have to forgo dinner.”

His meaning became clear as his gaze took in every inch of her, as if already mentally undressing her. His crystal blue eyes had become dark and smoky, and she marveled at the thought that with little more than a glance, he could make her pulse run hotter. Her breasts throbbed, as if he had actually touched them, and the heat pooled in her belly, and lower.

“I think we'd better get going before I wind up agreeing to that,” she said, swallowing hard, surprised at her own response.

“It's a good thing we have company,” Logan growled as he pulled her into his arms. “Otherwise, there's no way in hell you'd talk me out of it.”

Isabella's lips parted to comment, but then he slid his hand into her hair, holding her head as his mouth took possession of hers.

It was a kiss meant to seduce, and it succeeded on all fronts. Isabella melted under a sexual onslaught, no more able to resist him than a bee could an open flower. Encouraged, he brushed her breast with the back of his knuckles. Her nipple, already aroused, hardened against his hand, and the abrasive lace of her bra scraped pleasantly against her hot flesh, making her want more.

She moaned as his mouth eased from hers. Her knees were shaking, and she was grateful for the strength in his embrace. He looked into her eyes, and then swore beneath his breath.

“Damn. Let's go.”

He grabbed a bottle of wine on the way out, his arm still encircling her waist as he called over his shoulder.

“We're out, Jess. See you shortly.”

“She has my cell if anything happens, right?”

“She's got mine,” Logan reminded her. “Everything will be fine.”

They made their way down the elevator into the garage, and Logan opened the door of the red Corvette. “I guess I'm going to have to go car shopping pretty soon,” he said as she settled into the leather seat.

“What do you mean?” she asked as she buckled the seatbelt.

“This isn't exactly a family-friendly ride. I think I need to look at, God forbid, an SUV or something.”

Her heart expanded at his words. Was Logan thinking in terms of them as a family? Her earlier thoughts came back to her. Could he be happy with her and Cinnamon if that was all there was?

Stop it,
she scolded herself.
He's only thinking out loud that if he winds up with the baby, he will need a different car. Nothing more
. Yet his words had generated a warmth inside her, a hope that maybe this might be something real and lasting.

“I hope you like this place,” he said as he pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant. “It's a little BYOB, but the food is always fresh.”

“I'm sure it will be great.”

The restaurant was called the Blue Point Grill. Located on Nassau Street, it had a rustic charm that was very appealing. As she entered the building and saw the wooden tables, the romantic lighting, she felt the warm vibe.

The place was packed, yet the hostess found his name and seated them immediately. Isabella looked at him, surprised and impressed.

“When did you make a reservation?”

“As soon as my sister offered to watch the baby,” he said with a grin. “Thank God for Open Table. Somebody must've canceled.”

“This menu looks amazing,” she said, glancing at the seafood dishes.

“They are known for their oysters,” Logan pointed out, his grin deepening. “But I don't think we need any help in the aphrodisiac area.”

She choked on the sip of water she had taken, remembering that kiss he had given her. Something about his tone made her skin flush and her breath quicken.
What the heck is wrong with me?
she chided herself.
Are you really that desperate, that you are ready to jump this man's bones?

She refused to answer her own mental question and, instead, studied the menu as if it were something she was trying to memorize.

Thankfully, the waitress appeared and immediately put the wine on ice. “We have a few specials tonight.” Isabella noticed that Logan got her full attention. “The whole fish is a bronzino. It's from Greece, and it is delicious. Our menu is seasonal and changes regularly depending on what we get fresh that day. Some inclusions are Cape May Salts, oysters that came in this morning, plus bluefish. Besides the wine, would you like anything else?”

The server actually batted her eyes, but Logan was oblivious. He turned to Isabella. “Water okay?”

“Yes,” she replied, hiding her amusement. It was clear he wasn't responding at all to the woman's efforts, and that he only focused on her.

“Everything here is good,” he said as the waitress departed to give them a few minutes to decide. “Is there anything special you'd like to try?”

“I'm thinking the one she mentioned, the fish from Greece.”

“Good choice. I'll get the scallops so we can try both.”

He placed their order when the woman returned, and then tipped his wine glass to hers. “Here's to our first real date,” he said, giving her a sexy grin. “Or maybe I should say our first real date away from home…”

She smiled, and then took a sip of the wine. It was cold, fruity, crisp, and wonderful. “Wow. This is delicious.”

“It's a Pinot Gris,” he said, lifting the bottle to show her the label. “This one's from Oregon. I like it, too; it's not as heavy as some of the California Chardonnays.”

He replaced the bottle and his gaze shifted back to her. “I know we're sort of starting things backwards,” he said, his eyes twinkling. “Not that I regret that, but there is so much I want to know about you. So tell me,” he continued. “Where did you grow up? What you were like as a little girl? And how did you become a nanny?”

She froze, the wine at her lips. The thoughts she'd had earlier came forcibly rushing back to her. Should she tell him about her condition? It seemed she had an opening, but she didn't want to go there and bring up something depressing.

And he wasn't looking for that. His questions were innocent enough, the kind of things a nice guy would ask. He had no idea he had stumbled on something that might be painful. He had tried to get to know her when they were on the road, but she'd shut him down, and she couldn't continue to do that if she wanted a real relationship with him.

She sucked in a breath. “I grew up in Maplewood, a small town in North Jersey. How about you?”

“My family lives in Cherry Hill. Exit four on the turnpike,” he said with a grin. “It was the heart of suburbia. You know, the whole deal. Charcoal grills burning on Saturday. Folks reading the Sunday paper, and meeting at the diner for pancakes after church.”

“Sounds nice.”

“It was. My siblings are all athletes, although I was the only one who got involved in soccer. Liam plays hockey, Rory baseball, and the twins, Coulter and Colin, are in the NFL. Drove my mother crazy with worry, but our father loved it.”

“Why was your mother concerned?”

“Injuries. Especially with the twins playing football. And I was away from home a lot, staying with host families. She wasn't crazy about that.”

Isabella noticed his reaction, the almost imperceptible tic in his jaw. She thought of what he'd confided in her about his host family. It was plain the memory for Logan was still painful. “That must have been hard. Were you homesick?”

“Yeah. I called when I could. I'm tight with Jess, so that helped.”

It was clear he was uncomfortable, and she let him off the hook. “I can see that. I like her.”

“Me too.” He relaxed. “She met a baseball player last year, Gavin King. She seems really happy with him. Rory vetted him out.” When Isabella gave him a questioning look, he grinned. “Asked him point-blank what his intentions were. Jess had a fit. But it turned out he was the real deal, so we all supported him.”

The food arrived and it was, as Logan had said, fresh and delicious. Between forkfuls of bronzino, she shared with him some details of her own background, the town she grew up in, and her bedroom full of Barbies.

“Not baby dolls?” Logan grinned. “Thought that might go with the territory.”

“Nah. I'm sure I had one when I was really little, but I really got into the Barbie scene. I think it was the clothes, the dream house, the car…She really did have everything.”

“What was your first nanny position like?”

“A learning experience.” She grinned at the memory. “I only stayed a few months, but it is funny all the things that can happen when dealing with a baby. At that time, I was unprepared. But I learned a lot. That's when I decided to get my newborn certifications.”

He offered a forkful of scallop, bringing it to her lips.

“So why did you leave?” he asked when she sighed in pure bliss, swallowing the bite of shellfish. It was incredibly sexy, having Logan feed her. Isabella found herself totally relaxing, between the food and the wine, and she closed her eyes, savoring the sweet salty taste.

It took her a minute to realize he had asked her a question. “I had a little problem with the man of the house.” She shrugged, as Logan's eyes darkened. “Worse, his wife blamed me. Patty totally had my back, though, and cut them off, refusing to send anyone else. I heard they were furious.”

“Asshole. I don't get that. If you want to fool around, be honest about it and be single. But when you make that kind of commitment to someone, a vow, it has to mean something. Otherwise, it's like your word is nothing.”

Her brows shot up in surprise. A guy like Logan drew women like flies. Even their server seemed gaga over him, and yet he was monogamous. Who'da thought?

“It must be tough being married and playing soccer,” she mused. “I guess most of the players stay single.”

“It is,” he admitted, refilling the glasses. “You are on the road a lot, traveling all the time. You get lonely, and a lot of the guys cheat. But there are a few who are committed to their families. Like Erik Blake, our goalie. He brings his wife with him whenever he can. It will be tougher once they have kids, but like you showed me with Cinnamon, there are ways to work things out.”

Her lips parted in surprise. She had thought Logan was still pissed about that on some level, seeing the problems that resulted, but apparently not.

As the food was cleared from the table, he picked up her hand, softly caressing her palm with his thumb. A sensual shiver coursed through her body at the simple gesture, and she forced her attention back to the conversation.

“So I have to ask.” He sat back, giving her an appraising stare. “You are utterly gorgeous. And funny, smart, and extremely talented. Why hasn't somebody snatched you up?”

Isabella swallowed hard.
Should she tell him? Would he understand? He had confided in her; felt safe to do so.
But she knew in her gut it wasn't the right time to talk about her health and her childless future. They hadn't had the opportunity to have fun together as a couple, and she didn't want to ruin that.

So she opted for flirtation instead. “Maybe I just haven't met the right guy?” She batted her eyes, which made him chuckle.

“Think he could be a soccer player who's a single dad?”

Her eyes flew to his, but his gaze was inscrutable. He sounded like he was joking, flirting back, but there was a surprising undertone. Was he just teasing, or worse, telling her what he thought she'd want to hear? She'd been fooled before, and yet Logan didn't strike her as insincere.

Unfortunately, the waitress took that moment to return, inserting herself between them. “Did you leave any room for dessert? We have quite a few selections tonight, including a cherry cheesecake.”

“Do you want anything else?”

“No thanks. I couldn't eat another bite.”

“I'll just take a check,” he remarked, giving Isabella the smile that made her melt. “I think we have dessert taken care of.”