She shrugged. “I’ve come to accept that
Jason and I just weren’t cut out to be parents. It’s not that we didn’t love
you girls. We did. But we were selfish too.” She shook her head. “We were too
busy worrying about paying the bills to think about much else.”
Tina had never alluded to loving her
before.
“I understand,” Elle said quietly. Looking
around, she saw the rundown house with fresh eyes. As a child, she hadn’t
realized how poor they were, but now she fully appreciated how hard it must
have been for them to take in a stranger’s child when they could barely afford
to feed themselves. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure,” Tina said, reaching for a sugar cube.
Her hand shook as she struggled to drop it into her cup.
“Why did you adopt me?”
Tina closed her eyes, looking like a woman
who’d wearied of life years ago. “I made a promise.”
“A promise?” Elle asked, anticipating and
fearing what might come next. “To whom?”
“Your mama.” Her mouth quivered, and she
bit her bottom lip.
“You knew my mother?” Elle couldn’t believe
Tina hadn’t told her that. She would have given anything to know where she came
from. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Tina let her breath seep between her teeth
as she wrapped her hands around her cup. “I promised my parents I wouldn’t. We
didn’t want you to go looking for her.”
That hurt Elle more than anything else
could have. “Wow.”
“I’m sorry,” Tina said, looking sad. “That
didn’t come out right. It’s not that she wouldn’t have loved you. She would
have. It’s just… Your mama wasn’t…”
“What? She wasn’t what?” Elle’s gut twisted
as she thought about all of the things that may have plagued the woman who gave
birth to her. “Please, just tell me. What was wrong with her?”
“She was…” Tina seemed to search for the
right words. “A little slow. As sweet and gentle as anyone I’d ever known
though.”
“I see.” Now that she was finally getting
answers, she wondered if she was really ready to face the truth about her past.
Tina looked despondent, as though taking a
trip through her painful past was the last thing she wanted to do. “Mama and
Daddy didn’t have insurance, so it was difficult to get her the help she
needed.”
“My mother was...”
“My sister.” Tina closed her eyes briefly.
“My baby sister. It was my job to protect her, to take care of her, but I never
thought she would be at risk in her own home. I thought that was the one place
she would always be safe.”
“I don’t understand.” Elle wondered if it
was too late to get up and walk out, to forget she’d ever come looking for
answers about her past.
“The man next door barged in when Mama and
Daddy were working. Dot had forgotten to lock the door.”
A chill raced over Elle’s skin, and she
rubbed her arms to get rid of the tell-tale goose bumps.
Tina scowled. “He was a horrible man.
Always trying to take advantage of anyone who would let him. He refused to
work, lived off his poor old mama, always drunk and stinking of cigarettes.”
Elle prayed Tina wasn’t about to tell her
that man was her father, but she already knew he was. His blood ran through her
veins. What did that say about her?
“Dot was so naïve. She trusted everyone,
and he knew that.” Tina shivered. “I think she knew it wasn’t right, but she
didn’t know how to stop him. She was afraid to tell anyone what had happened,
so she kept quiet. By the time we learned she was pregnant, poor Dot was as
sick as a dog every day and had no idea why.”
“So what happened?” The question left
Elle’s lips of its own volition while her brain struggled to process how she’d
been conceived.
“My parents thought it would be too hard
for Dot to have you around. She wouldn’t have understood what it took to care
for a baby. They had to work, and they had their hands full taking care of Dot.
There was no one else.”
“That’s why you took me in.” Elle covered
her face with her hands. “Because I was your sister’s baby.”
Tina reached for her hand. “Even though I
know we weren’t the best parents, we’d always wanted a baby of our own. We
wanted to try.”
“Was it because of him?” Elle asked,
searching Tina’s eyes for the answer. “Did you see some of him in me? Is that
why you distanced yourself from me?”
“Oh God,” Tina said, a sob escaping. “No, I
never want you to think that. That man was a coward, a low-life who took
advantage of a poor innocent girl who didn’t know any better. You’re nothing
like him. You’re a fighter. You’ve worked hard for everything you’ve got, and
I’m so proud of you. Your birth mother and grandparents would have been too.”
“They’re all gone then?” Sadness washed
over her as she realized Tina may be the only family she had left.
“They are.” She smiled. “Your grandparents
lived to their eighties, but Dot wasn’t as lucky. She outlived the doctor’s
predictions though. She was a fighter, just like you.”
“Did she ever ask about me?”
Tina rubbed Elle’s hand. “She didn’t really
understand what was happening to her, honey. My parents thought it was best
that way. So did her doctors. It would have been more than she could have
handled.”
“How was I born?”
“By C-section. The doctor’s sedated her.”
“So she didn’t even know she was pregnant?”
Elle asked, wondering how that was even possible.
“No. My parents told her she was going to
the hospital for minor surgery—to have her tonsils out, I think.”
“This is all so unbelievable,” Elle said.
“I know it must seem that way,” Tina said,
sighing. “If you’d known Dot, you would have understood.”
“I wish I could have known her.” Elle tried
to imagine the face of the woman who brought her into the world.
“She brought so much joy to those around
her,” Tina said. “She was always smiling and laughing, never said an unkind
thing to anyone.”
“Do you have a picture of her?” Elle knew
it would be painful for both of them, but she wanted to put a face to the name.
“I sure do.” Tina went to a cabinet in the
adjoining dining room. She returned with a tattered red photo album clutched to
her chest. “I’ve wanted to show you these so many times.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I was afraid you’d demand to meet her,
maybe even run off and try to find her. I couldn’t risk that. It would have
been too difficult for her and for you. Besides, I promised my parents. I
couldn’t break that promise. I just couldn’t.”
Elle wished things could have been
different. She would have given anything to be able to hug her mother, even if
Dot had no idea who she was. “I understand why you waited so long to tell me,
but I’m glad you finally did.”
Tina smiled and set the book on the table.
“I’m grateful you came back so I could tell you. This has been weighing heavily
on me for a long time, and it’s not the kind of thing I could say over the
phone or in a letter.”
“No, I guess it isn’t.”
“Why did you come now?” Tina asked, running
her fingers over the faded embossed lettering on the album.
“I needed to get away for a bit. I’m going
back out on tour soon, but some things were going on at home. I didn’t want to
be there anymore.”
“Can I ask you a question, Elle?”
“Of course.” Elle suspected they both had a
lot of questions.
“You haven’t married. Why is that?”
Elle laughed, trying to ignore the pain in
her chest. “It’s not too late. I’m not exactly over the hill, you know.”
“I know that.” Tina lowered her head. “I
just wondered if it had anything to do with us. We weren’t the best example of
a healthy marriage. I mean, we loved each other, but we were kind of like two
strangers living under one roof. We were never very good at communicating, I’m
afraid.”
Elle considered what Tina had said. “Well,
it may have a little something to do with the way I grew up, but that’s not the
only reason I’m still single.”
“I read somewhere that you were seeing
someone.” She squinted, as though trying to recall a pertinent fact. “What was
his name again?”
“Caleb Wright,” Elle said.
“Is that why you had to leave town?” Tina
asked. “Because y’all had a fight?”
“Something like that.” Elle reached for the
family album. She didn’t want to talk about Caleb or their relationship. She
wanted to learn more about her birth mother. Elle pointed at an old family
photo on the first page. Tina was about thirteen in the photo. She had her arm
around a younger girl while their parents looked on, smiling. It was obviously
a candid shot, taken at the beach. “Is this her?”
“Yes, that was Dot.” Tina ran a finger over
the picture. “My parents loved this picture because they said it captured our
relationship best. I was the big sister, the caretaker, and Dot was always so
happy when we were together.”
“I’m glad she had you,” Elle said. “A big
sister she could count on.”
Tina heaved a sigh. “But I wasn’t there
when she needed me most, and I didn’t treat her little girl the way I should
have. You weren’t a bad kid, Elle. I just had so much resentment about what
that monster did to my baby sister, and I took it out on you.” She touched
Elle’s forearm, drawing her attention away from the photo album. “I’m sorry.”
“I understand.” And Elle was surprised to
realize she did understand. She finally knew why her adoptive parents had
treated her the way they had. It wasn’t her fault, and she could let go of the
belief that she’d disappointed them, that she wasn’t good enough to deserve
their love.
“Now that you know the truth,” Tina said.
“We’re family. We have the same blood running through our veins…” She glanced
at an Easter photo of Elle in a hand-me-down flowered dress, carrying an old stuffed
bunny. “Maybe we can start over?”
Elle didn’t want to disappoint her, but it
would take time to process everything she’d learned. “Maybe I can call you when
I get back from the tour? I’ll be out on the road a few months.”
“I’d like that a lot,” Tina said, smiling.
***
Caleb had been home for several days, and
he knew the reunion tour had moved on to Virginia. The reviews from the opening
night were in, and they unanimously declared that Elle had what it took to hold
court with the heavyweights, just like he knew she would. He was so proud of
her, yet he couldn’t tell her. She still wasn’t speaking to him.
“Can I come in?” Vana asked, poking her
head in the door to the conference room.
Their weekly staff meeting had just ended,
and Caleb was sitting there staring into space—as he had for much of the
meeting. Thankfully his V.P. had stepped in to fill his shoes.
“Yeah, come on in.” He closed his laptop.
He hadn’t been working anyway. He’d been staring at the screen so long the
computer had actually shut down.
“We haven’t had a chance to talk since we
got back,” Vana said. “I thought things went well, didn’t you?”
Vana was an integral part of his team. He
owed a great deal of his success to her and her innovative ideas. If she wasn’t
indispensable, he would have gladly paid out her contract just to put Elle’s
mind at ease. As it was, there was no point letting Vana go. The odds of Elle
taking him back seemed to diminish by the day.
“Yeah, you did a great job.” Caleb wished
he could say the same for himself. He stayed for the meetings, knowing there
was no point rushing home, but he had just been going through the motions.
“Thanks.” Vana sat next to him at the long
oval table. “Are you okay?” She laid her hand over his.
“No, not really.” He closed his eyes and
tipped his head back. He used to be able to talk to Vana as a friend, but that
was before they’d gotten involved.
“You can still talk to me, you know,” she
said, as if reading his mind. “We used to be friends, and you really look like
you could use one right about now.”
“It’s about Elle.”
“I figured as much.” She sat back, resting
her hands on the arms of her chair. “Are you two having problems?”
Caleb raised an eyebrow, wondering if she’d
come on a fishing expedition.
She laughed at his expression. “I know what
you’re thinking, but it’s not like that. I came in here to apologize for making
trouble for you and Elle. That conversation she and I had on the phone…” She
shuddered. “Not one of my finer moments. Obviously, I was still trying to hold
on to you, and that was a mistake. I know that now.”
He was relieved but curious. “What happened
to change your mind?”
“My ex-boyfriend called me.”
Caleb knew she’d dated a military man for
several years before they met. “I thought he was serving?”
“He was.” She smiled. “Turns out he’s not
anymore. He was injured in the line of duty.” Her smile fell. “That was always
my worst fear. As much as I loved him, I just couldn’t get past that.” She
gripped the armrests, her knuckles turning white. “I’m not strong enough to be
a military wife. I knew it would destroy me every time he was deployed, and I
couldn’t do that to myself or him.”