Heart of the Outback (13 page)

“Mummy! Mummy!” Andy piped breathlessly.

She bent down, holding out her arms to him, and Andy hurled himself into them with uninhibited happiness. She swept him up, barely stopping herself from squeezing him too hard as she hugged him to her and swept her mouth over his silky fair hair in a feverish trail of kisses.

“Who’s this, Mummy?”

His bright curiosity wrenched at her heart. This is the last moment that Andy is completely mine, Alida thought, then slowly turned to face the inevitability of what was to come.

Gareth was staring at his son, his face softened by a look of half-incredulous wonder that wrenched Alida’s heart even more. The words had to be said, and somehow she made herself say them.

“This is your father, Andy.”

“My father?” he repeated, not understanding but eager to learn what it meant.

“Your father,” Gareth affirmed, a husky note in his voice.

He reached out for his son, and Alida passed over her child to the father he had never known, knowing that their lives were forever changed, knowing that Gareth was not about to give up his plan for the future, knowing that the die was cast beyond recall. A sense of resignation washed over her doubts and fears as she watched what happened between them.

With the simplicity of very young children, Andy readily accepted the man who was claiming him. A few guileless questions, smoothly answered by Gareth, and the matter was unequivocally settled.

Their matching blue eyes gazed upon each other with shining delight, and when Gareth hoisted the excited little boy up to his shoulder in a fatherly hug of possession, Andy reached out and wonderingly touched the cleft in his chin. Gareth placed a finger on the same genetic feature that marked his son, and they laughed together about their likeness, revelling in it, loving it.

So easy, Alida thought with a dark stab of jealousy. Love can be born in a moment. When she had first looked upon Gareth it had been the same, but she had never seen the pure unshadowed light of love he was beaming at his son. With her… But there was no point of thinking about that. The decision was made. She could not, would not, deprive Andy of having the relationship that was rightfully his. Only marriage made that possible. And there was no denying that she wanted all she could have of Gareth no matter how much inner anguish came with it.

There were, of course, some reservations from the rest of her family to be overcome, yet Gareth took the meeting with her father and brothers in his stride, as though his presence now was answer enough for all the questions that had never been answered about Andy’s father.

He casually announced that he would be marrying Alida as soon as possible. This statement of intention was apparently meant to right any wrong done. Her father and brothers measured him with their eyes as they listened to who he was and where he came from. Alida could see them recognising and approving his likeness to themselves, an Outback man, with all the qualities of character that entailed.

Their decision was written in the respect they subsequently accorded him. Gareth Morgan would do fine for Alida and Andy. They were glad that she at last had a man at her side. It was even better that he was Andy’s natural father. As it should be.

Satisfaction all around, Alida thought in dry irony. For men whose life and work revolved around the rules of nature, decisions were shaped by circumstance. She briefly wondered if Gareth would do his best to make their marriage work out right, then decided he would. Whatever he considered best. Which Alida was yet to find out.

They left her father and brothers to pack up and follow them. Work could be left for such a family occasion as this. The trip to the homestead gave Alida no opportunity to probe Gareth’s thoughts about the future. Andy wanted to know everything about his father and peppered him with constant questions.

It was “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,” all the way, and Gareth clearly adored every minute of it, drinking in the reality of the child who was so like himself except for the fair hair he had inherited from Alida. The father and the boy were fascinated and enthralled by each other. Which was understandable, Alida told herself, but she didn’t think Gareth’s daughter was going to like it.

Stacey was waiting on the veranda for them, standing at the railing beside the front steps. In her jeans and T-shirt, the thin gangliness of early adolescence was only too evident, yet the girl held herself tall and stiff and straight, as though determined to acquit herself well no matter what she felt inside.

She’s strong, Alida thought. Her father expected her to accept the situation, and Stacey was not about to let him down. Resolution was stamped on her small expressive face. She might have inherited her mother’s features, but it was suddenly clear to Alida that this girl was Gareth’s daughter through and through.

Yesterday’s confrontation took on another perspective in Alida’s mind. Stacey had ruthlessly cut through to what she had perceived as the heart of the matter. As Gareth continually did, but Stacey had not yet learnt adult finesse. Nor had she backed off one inch until Alida had brutally shattered the girl’s preconceptions. Even then she had not been quelled from demanding an explanation.

The insight played through Alida’s mind as she alighted from the Range Rover. Predictably, Andy chose to follow his father out of the vehicle. He laughed in delight as Gareth swung him to the ground and happily clasped the hand that led him towards his new sister.

Alida saw the shock hit Stacey’s face. The girl had not envisaged there being any likeness between her father and a son who had played no part in their lives. Her dark liquid eyes shot a look of vulnerable appeal at Gareth, needing reassurance. Whatever silent message passed between them, the effect on Stacey was instant. She pasted a smile over her shock.

“Is this my big sister, Daddy?” Andy asked, looking at the long-legged girl on the veranda with big-eyed curiosity.

“Yes,” said Stacey, and walked down the steps to meet him. She crouched down in front of him, smiling into his face. “Hi, there, Andy. I’m Stacey.”

“Stacey,” he repeated, giving her a delighted smile in return.

“I guess this is a big surprise for you,” she said with friendly appeal.

Andy laughed and looked at Alida, blue eyes shining with happiness. “It’s the best big surprise!” Then he turned to Stacey. “Mummy always brings me a surprise when I’ve been a good boy for Grandma and Grandpa. I was helping Grandpa with the fencing, but I never thought I’d get a father and a sister.”

“What did you think you’d get?” Stacey asked.

Andy shook his head. “I don’t know. You shouldn’t know what surprises are, Stacey,” he told her seriously. “It spoils them.”

“So it does,” she agreed, still smiling as she straightened up. “Your grandma said she was going to make us some drinks.” She held out her hand to him. “Shall we go and see if they’re ready?”

“Yes!” Andy cried, eagerly taking the offered hand and skipping up the steps without a backward glance at Gareth and Alida. “Grandma! Grandma! Guess what Mummy brought me?” he called out excitedly.

Alida watched Stacey take her son inside the house and felt ashamed of her earlier curt rejection of the girl. It had taken enormous character to do what Stacey had done just now. Far from being a spoiled brat, she deserved every consideration Alida could give her. And she would get it in future, Alida silently vowed.

She suddenly became aware that Gareth was watching her. He hadn’t moved to follow the children, either. She turned to him with an ironic smile. “You have a fine daughter, Gareth.”

“Yes. I’m proud of her,” he said quietly. “I also have a fine son, Alida. And I thank you for all you’ve done to make him so.”

“He’s mine, too,” she said with a hard edge of pride.

“I know.” His piercing blue eyes struck deep. “Do we work together or against one another, Alida?”

Straight at the heart, Alida thought. “Together.”

His face relaxed into a smile. His eyes caressed her with warm pleasure. It felt so good that Alida could not help smiling at him. And having got what he wanted, Gareth took her hand, threaded his fingers through hers in a clasp of togetherness and drew her with him up the steps to the veranda where the family would inevitably gather.

It was, on the surface of it, a happy family occasion, and it proceeded that way. For the next four hours, both Gareth and Stacey displayed social graces that could not be faulted. They were charming, outgoing, easy company, and not a word out of place was spoken. Alida’s family warmed to them as the evening progressed. Dinner turned into a celebratory meal with toasts being drunk to future happiness together.

Alida herself felt oddly detached from the whole scene. It wasn’t real, she thought. It was all pretence, hiding a multitude of emotions that Stacey and Gareth and she were studiously covering up. Nevertheless, Alida played her part to the hilt.

She invited Stacey to call her Alida. She assured her mother that all was well, that marriage to Gareth had always been what she wanted although it hadn’t been possible until now. She was conscious of her mother watching the interplay between herself and Gareth and Stacey with a much sharper eye than her father and brothers, but she seemed satisfied with the situation.

Andy was first to bed. Stacey excused herself soon afterwards. Alida gave the girl time to settle in her bedroom, then took the opportunity to say a private goodnight to her. She knocked on the door. There was no reply. She opened the door a fraction. The bedroom was in darkness.

“Stacey?” she called softly, wondering if the girl had fallen instantly asleep. It had been a long exhausting day with a lot of emotional strain.

Silence for several moments, then a half muffled, “Yes?”

Close to sleep, Alida thought, and decided not to put the light on. “I want to thank you for being so nice to Andy. And to me,” she said softly.

A slight gulping sound. “That’s okay.” The words came out fast, slurred together.

Alida had meant to say more, but the realisation hit her that Stacey was crying. Silently, deeply, forlornly. Her heart twisted with compassion. Yet how could she comfort the girl when she was the person who had ripped Stacey’s world apart? Best to leave quickly and get Gareth.

“Goodnight, Stacey.”

“‘Night.”

Alida closed the door and returned to the dining room where all the adults were still sitting around the table. Her family rarely kept late hours, so she felt no compunction about breaking up the party. “I think I’ll call it a night, too,” she announced, walking over to Gareth’s chair and resting a hand on his shoulder. She stroked it in explicit invitation. Sex was what he wanted from her. If anything would draw Gareth to his feet and come after her, the promise of a repetition of this afternoon’s intimacy would surely do it.

He smiled at her, making Alida’s stomach curl with the memory of how they had been together. “I’ll have to agree with that,” he said, clearly thinking of sharing her bed. “It’s been a long day.”

“That it has,” her father chimed in, then bestowed a benevolent smile on both of them. “But a good one.”

There was a chorus of goodnights around the table. Alida kissed her mother and father as she always did, then led Gareth into the hallway that took them to the bedroom wing.

The moment they were out of earshot, she said, “Stacey needs you, Gareth.”

He stopped her, his eyes sharp and wary. “What do you mean?”

“I mean she needs you to hold her. To tell her you love her. And no matter what else changes, that won’t.”

Concern creased his brow. “What did she say to you, Alida?”

“Nothing. She was crying when I went to say goodnight. Please go to her, Gareth. Give her the reassurance that she needs. She’s held up all day, as you wanted her to, but it wasn’t easy for her, Gareth. She’s only thirteen, and that’s a very uncertain age.”

“I know.” His mouth twisted an apology. “Thank you for telling me.”

He strode off down the hallway without another word, decisive, purposeful, his desire for her instantly put aside for the sake of his daughter whom he loved. He did not so much as glance back as he entered Stacey’s bedroom and quietly closed the door behind him.

Alida told herself she was glad he had responded as he had. It showed he had heart. Which she had never really doubted. His love for his wife, his daughter and now his son…

Sex wasn’t as important as love. It never would be. And that was what she had committed herself to live with. The lonely emptiness inside her pricked her eyes with tears. Why did it have to be like this, she cried inwardly? But the decision was made, and it was too late to go back on it. She didn’t want to anyway. She blinked the tears away, heaved a deep sigh and walked to Andy’s bedroom.

There is nothing more beautiful than an innocent little child sleeping peacefully, she thought, gazing lovingly at her son. She gently brushed his silky fair hair off his forehead, then pressed a soft kiss on it, breathing in the clean sweet childish smell of him. Whatever happened with Gareth and Stacey, she would always have Andy to love, and his love in return. At least she had that. And maybe more would come of this marriage. The hope in her heart refused to die.

She washed and went to bed. If Gareth came to her room some time later, Alida knew nothing of it. Sheer fatigue dragged her quickly into sleep, and when she woke she was still alone. She had forgotten to draw the curtains, and a thin predawn light was coming through her window, but Alida was vaguely conscious that she had been woken by a noise, not the light. She lay still, listening for more sound. Only the familiar bird calls of home broke the silence of early morning. She smiled as she identified them: zebra finches, galahs, honeyeaters.

She pushed the bedclothes aside and padded over to the window in time to see a pair of brilliant green and yellow budgerigars swoop towards the water trough. The air was fresh and the land looked beautiful and mysterious in the soft light, unutterably remote from city life with its traffic noise and business schedules and social pages. Alida felt a singular sense of relaxation as she watched a spotted bowerbird hopping along the ground, pecking for insects. Real needs were very simple far from the centres of civilisation.