Heart of the Outback (12 page)

Her reply gave him satisfaction, too. His mouth slowly curved into a teasing smile, which revelled in the power he had to please her. “Can you say you’ve had enough of it, Alida?”

“No,” she admitted. Right at this moment, she didn’t care if it was shameless. Apart from which, there was one part of her mind—or heart—that wanted to know the extent of her power over him. “How often is enough for you?”

A glint of ruthless purpose came into his eyes. “I’ll tell you when we’re married.”

There were no more words as he swiftly took her with him on a rollercoaster of overwhelming sensation. It was only when they were relaxing afterwards that Alida’s mind gradually started groping around the possibility of a marriage with Gareth, wanting to believe it could work somehow.

“You really are serious about marrying me?” she asked.

“Yes.” Firm and unequivocal. Apparently there were no doubts in his mind about the course of action he had set himself.

“There are a few problems,” Alida reminded him.

“Such as?”

She hesitated, frowning at his careless dismissal of every other consideration. She levered herself up to look at his face. “Stacey,” she said, watching for some sign of concern.

The arrogant confidence in his blue eyes did not waver in the slightest. “Basically she’s a good kid.”

Her lips curled in soft irony. “Even good kids can be disturbed by changes. Do you honestly expect her to accept me because of Andy?”

“I’ve explained the situation to her.” He paused, then added, “I told her that I intend to marry you. She agrees that I should.”

“What she agrees to in her mind is not necessarily what she agrees to in her heart,” Alida pointed out.

The blue eyes flashed with immutable purpose. “Stacey will have to learn to live with it, and she will, Alida. I know my daughter. Yesterday she had been upset by stupid girls teasing her. I told you she was still unsettled by being away from home. And by missing her mother. The way she acted wasn’t like her at all. As I said, she’s basically a good kid. Apart from which, I don’t intend to allow anything to stand in the way of our getting married.”

“And when did you decide that, Gareth?” she asked with some asperity.

His mouth twitched in an amused smile. “About the time I asked you to dance with me at the designer awards presentation.”

She stared at him, her thoughts splintering into chaos. He couldn’t have had his mind made up then. She remembered his telling her he didn’t know where it would lead. Unless… Could he have meant he didn’t know if she would accept marriage with him?

“You didn’t know about Andy then,” she said, wanting to know more.

“No.”

“Does that make a difference?”

“It made me more determined.”

It also gave him more leverage to get her to marry him, Alida realised. “And you see no difficulties?” she queried.

“A lot.”

But he didn’t care, Alida thought. The words she had hurled at him yesterday suddenly took on a different meaning. You only live once. He had obviously decided that he was not going to die without knowing her as much as he wanted to know her. It was also clear, from what had transpired this afternoon, he felt completely satisfied with that decision.

“Do I simply come with the child?” she inquired.

He gave a mocking little laugh. “There is nothing simple about any of it, Alida. This is hardly the ideal marriage situation with us living apart half the time. But maybe we can improve on that as time goes on. At least we have more in common than I thought we had, and that’s all to the good.”

“You mean I know about life in the slow lane,” she said drily. There was nothing slower than the pace of life on an Outback station. Time was almost meaningless, and patience an art form.

Gareth’s eyes probed hers with sharp intensity. “There never was a fast lane for you, was there, Alida?”

“No. Except in so far as I applied myself to the necessary pace of my business.”

“What we had five years ago was out of the ordinary for you,” he stated more than asked.

“Very much out of the ordinary.”

“It didn’t occur to me to ask about precautions. I am sorry about that, Alida,” he said quietly.

“You didn’t ask today, either.”

A twinkle enlivened the blue of his eyes. “You have this effect on me. Besides, since we’re getting married, I don’t mind if we have another child.”

Alida had the sudden and forceful impression that Gareth would have tried anything and everything to get his way with her, including making her pregnant. “What if I mind?” she asked.

He cocked a quizzical eyebrow at her. “Is it a problem?”

“No. Not this time. And I haven’t said I’ll marry you.”

“But you’re going to,” he insisted.

Alida took a deep breath. Her thoughts were running wild. Perhaps Gareth felt more for her than she had ever given him credit for. After all, she had been the only woman who had overridden the strong loyalty he felt to his wife. She tried to control the fluttering hope in her heart as she asked the question that begged to be asked.

“Do you love me, Gareth?”

“Does it matter?”

“I’d like to know.”

He hesitated fractionally, shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t really know what I feel,” he said, dismissing the subject.

“Why not?” she persisted.

He looked her directly in the eyes. “You confuse me. Always have. You’re different. Nothing like I’d ever thought or expected. But I have only to look at you to feel intensely alive, Alida. And having lived with a slow, crawling death sentence for so long with Kate, I want what you give me. I find the thought of not having it intolerable.”

The fluttering hope closed its wings and took a dive. A rueful smile played on Alida’s lips as she regarded the man who was claiming his stake in her future. “So you’re hell-bent on having me, no matter what,” she said flatly.

“Yes.” Totally unequivocal. “I’m thirty-eight years old. You’re thirty. Why not make what we can of a life together?”

“It’s not much of a basis for marriage.”

His hand stroked the curve of her hip. His eyes glinted possessively. “I think it’s a hell of a good basis. Better than most.”

“God almighty,” she breathed, realising that as far as he was concerned, everything hinged on the vital satisfaction she gave him.

Sheer bloody-minded ruthlessness gleamed at her. “You know the consequences, Alida, either way. Take it or leave it.”

Choice was a fine thing, but Alida knew in her heart there was only one road to take. She wanted Gareth at her side, not fighting her. “It’s not exactly what I’ve dreamed about,” she said with a sigh of resignation.

“Nor I,” he acknowledged. “But you’ll marry me anyway.”

Green eyes mocked his supreme self-assurance. “I might,” she said, pride demanding that she never let him know the depth of her feelings for him.

“Why?” he asked. The hand on her hip ceased moving. Again came that intense stillness, the blue eyes probing hers, watching -for any response that might give him a further advantage.

Alida let him wait for her answer. She reached out and stroked his cheek. “Because, my dear Gareth, I no longer give a damn,” she said softly.

He flinched, then swiftly rolled her onto her back and brushed his lips over hers. “I’ll wipe out some of the loneliness in your life, Alida,” he murmured. “And I’ll be a good father to Andy.”

He sealed that pair of promises with a kiss that almost made her forget everything but him and what he could make her feel. Where the road ahead would lead she didn’t know, and quite suddenly she didn’t care.

Gareth would inevitably give her both pain and pleasure. Where the balance would lie, it was impossible to tell. The future would be what they made of it. That was, of course, if anything could be made of it at all.

“Say yes,” he demanded thickly.

“Yes to what?”

His eyes burned into hers. “This is best settled now, Alida. Before I meet Andy.”

He was probably right. It didn’t matter anyway. “Yes,” she said.

“You’ll marry me?” Nailing her down.

“Yes.”

He kissed her again to take away the pain and make it feel right.

For the moment.

“We’ll make arrangements about a wedding with your family this evening,” he said, his eyes lit with triumph as he rattled out his plans. “Tomorrow afternoon I have to fly Stacey to Perth for school. I want you and Andy to come with me, Alida. We’ll have dinner with my sister and her husband on Sunday night, invite them to the wedding—”

“Aren’t you jumping ahead of yourself, Gareth?” Alida cut in with some exasperation at the way he was forging ahead as though he foresaw no difficulties at all. Or meant to override them no matter what. “You haven’t even met Andy yet. What if he doesn’t take to you?”

“Why shouldn’t he? I’m his father,” he replied with arrogant simplicity. “It’s not as if you’ve ever said anything to turn him against me.”

“Can’t you wait and see how he reacts first?”

“Alida, it won’t be a problem,” he decided. “It’s not as if I’m ignorant of how children respond. I like kids. There’s nothing for you to worry about there. Flying to Riordan River with us will be a new, exciting adventure to him.”

“To… to Riordan River?”

“On Monday. I have to get back.”

“And you expect us to come with you?”

Her voice shook with the enormity of that step. She simply wasn’t mentally or emotionally prepared to take up residence in the home that Gareth had shared with the wife he had loved. It had been different five years ago. She hadn’t known about Kate then, not until afterwards. To return to Riordan River, knowing all that she knew now…

“Why not?” Gareth asked, frowning at her. “We’ll be married as soon as we can fix a suitable date for everyone. You’ll be able to do your designs just as well there as you have here, won’t you?”

Alida had no doubt about that. The rugged beauty of Gareth’s huge property would be a mine of inspiration. And being with Gareth all the time, living on his cattle station… Surely he would come to see that she could share much more of his life than his bed. Yet she could not control the little shiver of apprehension that ran down her spine at the thought of the homestead being haunted by memories of Kate.

“Alida?” Gareth’s frown was deeper, his eyes looking into hers.

The step had to be taken some time if she was marrying Gareth, she argued to herself. “Yes. All right,” she answered, and forced a smile. “If everything else goes as you believe it will.”

His face relaxed into a confident smile. “Trust me.”

At least she would have time to settle in at Riordan River before she had to deal with Kate’s daughter there. It was fortunate that Stacey would be at boarding school during the first critical period of this new relationship with Gareth. How the girl would feel, actually seeing Alida in her mother’s place… But there was no point in thinking about that problem until she had to meet it. A mad sense of recklessness swept through her mind and brought a gurgle of silly laughter with it.

“There’s something amusing about trusting me?” Gareth demanded archly.

“No,” she spluttered, looking at the branches where the birds were fluttering to and fro, twittering to each other. “I was wishing it was all much simpler, and I realised how simple you’ve made it. Like the birds.”

“How like the birds?” he queried.

She returned her gaze to his, lightly mocking. “All so basic, Gareth. Mating and seasonal nesting.”

The thought sparked amusement and a warm appreciation. “I like your directness.”

She breathed a heavy sigh, knowing only too well she had never been completely direct with him. He wasn’t the least bit concerned about having her love, but she wanted his. Nevertheless, I can live with compromise, she told herself, as long as I have him.

“Well, we might as well start on this plan of yours,” she said drily. “And see if you can deliver what you think you can.”

He laughed and then kissed her again. “I do what has to be done, Alida.”

“And accept what cannot be changed,” she added.

Their eyes met in a flash of mutual understanding, and Alida felt her heart contract. Perhaps… perhaps there was a chance that he would come to love her. Given enough time.

It wasn’t until Gareth’s hands were on the steering wheel of the Range Rover and his gaze focused on the track ahead of them that Alida began to reconsider her position. The rough ride to the eastern run jolted second, third and fourth thoughts through her mind.

She had let Gareth seduce her—physically, mentally and emotionally—into accepting his plan for the future. Such a decision was hopelessly premature. The least she could have done was make him wait until she was sure a marriage between them was workable. This was a repeat performance of what had happened five years ago. Gareth simply grabbed what he wanted and took it with ruthless disregard for her feelings.

Her eyes shot bitter resentment at him, but the angry feeling got churned into a sick yearning simply by looking at Gareth. There was never going to be any other man for her, she thought with bleak fatalism. But to put her life in his hands, and Andy’s as well, those hands on the steering wheel, so sure and strong and resolute, yet capable of such erotic tenderness… She shook her head in despair at her desire for him. What about love? she cried inwardly.

“That must be them ahead,” Gareth remarked, a lilt of anticipation in his voice.

Alida wrenched her gaze to the windscreen, her heart fluttering in wild agitation as she saw the truck with all the fencing gear. Andy was next to her father at the fence line, pointing toward the Range Rover, alerting his grandpa to its approach.

My son, Alida thought with a fiercely primitive mother love. If Andy didn’t take to Gareth, she would change her mind about the marriage. Maybe she would anyhow. It was madness to have allowed him to persuade her into compliance just because of what he could make her feel.

As Gareth slowed the Range Rover to a halt, Andy began running towards them, excitement radiating from his beautiful little face. Alida opened the passenger door and jumped out even before Gareth had turned the ignition off.