Wait a minute. Was that her?
I have to turn around. I have to find out.
But I’m not on with Charlie and Tommy. I’m working with Brickhouse Bonnie and Fat Ass Chuck. She’s a stickler when it comes to protocol, and he will tease me mercilessly if he finds out what I’m up to. What can I do? I’m trapped in a no-win situation.
I remember from the file that Katie lives around here somewhere, and we are pretty close to her neighborhood. But what’s my plan? Flash the lights and blare the siren? Yeah, like that won’t freak her out. I’ll have to bide my time, and try again another day.
But I saw her…
I start to smile involuntarily.
“Rookie, wipe that stupid grin off your face, would ya? For Christ’s sake, you’re driving an ambulance, not a freakin’ chick magnet,” Bonnie yells. She is in the back looking at me through the rear view mirror. “I saw you checking that girl out that drove by. Now put your dick in your pants, and get back to work.”
What a joy she is to be around.
“Yeah, rookie, put your dick…” Chuck starts.
“I heard her the first time, asshole,” I respond, cutting him off.
Chuck and I never get along. He is one of the perviest guys around, and working in a male dominated environment, that’s saying a lot. I hate when he’s the one working on the patients, especially when they are women. He takes every opportunity to feel them up when they are unconscious, and even sometimes when they’re not. When I have a shift with him, I try to intervene and have him drive instead. But being the low man on the totem pole, I don’t always get my choice of assignments. Chivalry may be dead, but I’m not going to stand by and let him get away with it.
I talked to Charlie about him a while back.
***
“Chuck’s related to the company’s owner. He’s his nephew. So don’t go shooting your mouth off about him, kid. It won’t do any good. Trust me,” Charlie warned.
“But he can’t go around molesting unsuspecting women, Charlie. C’mon…” I urged.
“He’s usually on with a more senior staff member, and we have an unwritten rule among us to keep an eye on him so he doesn’t get outta hand,” Charlie explained.
“Really?” I questioned. “Because I think you’re the only one who gives a shit.”
“In this job, kid, you’re gonna learn there’s only so much you can do. You can work your ass off trying to save someone, and they die anyway. You know how it is,” Charlie remarked. “Same rule applies to Chuck. We can try to keep him in line, but that’s about it.”
“Yeah, well he better not push me too far,” I replied. “That’s all I’m saying.”
“Sometimes you gotta let things slide,” Charlie advised. “You’re building a whole new future for yourself here. Don’t go and blow it on account of some prick, who’s still gonna be here no matter what kind of stand you try to make. Besides, I didn’t put all this training into you for you to go and get fired.”
***
Charlie’s words come back to me now. I take a deep breath and focus on the road ahead of me. I won’t give Chuck the satisfaction of goading me into a battle only he can win. I hold my tongue.
This time.
The ambulance swings around to the front door of the nursing home. Home sweet home. We’re here.
As I hop out of the cab, the tub-of-lard driver leers at me as he hoists Grandma’s stretcher onto the pavement. His female co-worker is talking to some official from the nursing home, and she doesn’t observe his unprofessional behavior. I glare back at him as he slowly glides his tongue over his top lip. Jeez, what is this freak’s problem? I want him away from me and away from Grandma…
pronto.
“Chuck, bring Mrs. Turner through this entrance, would you please? It’s pretty cold out and I don’t want her to catch a chill,” the lady ambulance worker yells over.
He smirks and says nothing as he wheels Grandma in. For the millionth time, I wish Adam and his crew picked us up instead. If only.
The smell of antiseptic and dirty linen assaults me as I follow them through the door. There is an elderly woman holding two dolls wrapped in a blanket moaning by the front desk. The communal television set on the wall is blaring, the volume obviously turned up all the way.
What kind of nut house is this?
The official-looking person still doesn’t approach either of us and continues to chat with the ambulance crew. It seems like they are here a lot to be on such friendly terms. Instead of focusing on Grandma’s arrival, we are virtually ignored.
But we don’t have far to go. Grandma’s room is right next to the door, which locks behind us as it shuts.
Comforting.
Grandma is going to be cold. The door is going to provide a constant draft.
Perfect.
This is getting better and better.
“Did you catch that game over the weekend? Boy, I…” the official drones on.
By now, I am at my breaking point. I clear my throat, loudly.
“Ah, yes, and who do we have here? Is it Lacy Turner?” the official asks.
“
Lucy
Turner,” I snap back.
“And you are?” he asks.
“Katie Turner, her granddaughter,” I say.
“We really need someone here who is of age. How old are you?” he asks.
“I’m of age. I’m eighteen.”
“Really? You look about twelve.”
That’s it. I am going to lose it. Right here, right now.
“Well we better hit the road. Gary, I’m sure we’ll be seeing you soon. C’mon, Chuck,” the lady ambulance worker breaks in. “You wanna go hit the button up at the desk and let us out?”
Chuck rolls his eyes and walks as slow as he possibly can up the hallway. When he reaches the nurses’ station, he pushes a large black button fastened to the wall. The light next to the door turns from red to green and his female co-worker opens the door.
“Bye, Bonnie. Chuck, please be sure to tell your uncle I said hello, okay?” Gary asks, as Chuck marches out the door without a response.
“Well, getting back to business, Miss Turner, are you your grandmother’s legal guardian?” Gary presses.
“No, I’m not. My dad is,” I respond. This line of questioning is getting on my nerves. Is he even going to address Grandma directly? I hate the way he’s treating her like she’s an imbecile or a little kid.
“Then he’s going to have to sign the paperwork I have prepared in my office. When is he expected to arrive?” Gary asks.
“He works until three. He should be here soon,” I say.
“Then I guess I’ll have to wait then, won’t I?” And without so much as a backward glance at Grandma, he leaves the room.
“Asshole,” I mutter.
“Now, now dear. We weren’t expecting this to be some grand hotel,” Grandma says.
“No, but I thought they’d treat you like a living, breathing human being.”
“I’m an old, senile woman who can’t take care of herself.”
“And that’s what scares me,” I say. “If you’re not even given a voice, how are you gonna defend yourself around here? They’re gonna walk all over you.”
“Honey, I’ve been stepped on my whole life,” she says. “Why would it stop now that I’m in the care of strangers?”
That remark slices through my heart. Not because it is tinged with self-pity, but because it’s true.
It is a Brian weekend. And I so need one. It’ll be good to get out of my head for a while and kick back with my brother.
“You know you don’t have to ring the doorbell. About two vehicles a day go down this road—me and the mailman—I spotted you coming about a mile away,” I tease.
“Adam, I like to observe the formalities. I mean, how am I supposed to know if you’re shacked up in here with some girl or not? I wouldn’t wanna interrupt anything,” Brian shoots back.
“You’re the one tied down with a ball and chain, bro,” I say. “Not me, remember?”
“Well the shackles are off and I say we head out for a night on the town instead of being cooped up in this log cabin all night.”
“And where the hell do you wanna go?”
“I don’t know,” he replies. “Somewhere downtown? I’m sure we can find some bar to hang out in.”
“Brian, you do know it’s parade day. Are you crazy? You really feel like fighting our way through that crowd?” I challenge.
“That’s the brother I love! Not even worried about having to use his fake ID, just concerned about the throngs of people,” he jokes.
“Hey man, I’m not drinking,” I assert. “Everyone and their mother goes out on parade night. That’s all I need is for someone to see me. And it’ll be bye-bye, ambulance.”
“Well, who says you have to drink?” he demands. “We can still scope out the babe situation. Adam, you desperately need to get laid, bro. I mean, seriously, how long has it been? I know you like living out in nature and all, but what are you now, like a Buddhist monk or something?”
I don’t give him time to finish before slamming him in a headlock.
“All right, all right…I won’t pressure you. I just think it’d take your mind off of things, ya know?” Brian says, his face bright red from my stranglehold.
“Bri, if you came up here to hash out this whole April thing, it ain’t gonna happen, you understand? If that’s your game plan, you can get right back in your car…”
“Whoa, hold up, man. I get it. I’ll drop it,” he asserts. “But I’m here now, and if you actually want to talk to a human being face to face about the painful situation you’ve had to endure—I’m here for you, okay?”
“Yeah, man. I know,” I sigh. “But I don’t.”
I turn away and look out the window at the mountain fully illuminated by the setting sun. Will the past continue to haunt me? I want to shut the door on it for good, and now is the time to start.
“I met somebody else,” I declare.
“What?” Brian exclaims.
The look on my brother’s face is priceless. Maybe I really am turning into a Buddhist monk.
“Who is she?” he demands.
“She’s a girl I met on one of my ambulance calls a couple of weeks ago.”
“Is this the damsel in distress you texted me about?”
“Yeah.”
“How many times have you gone out with her?”
“None.”
“You’re kidding me, right?”
“No, it wasn’t the right time to ask her out,” I explain. “When I first met her, we were taking her grandmother to the hospital after a car accident.”
“Bro, that would’ve been the perfect time to ask her out when she was all vulnerable and shit.”
“I don’t know what Kelly sees in you. I really don’t.”
“Hey, I’m not the one growing old and alone here.”
“I tried calling her after that, but…”
“But?”
“Her father answered and basically hung up on me.”
“Wait, she still lives at home?”
“Yeah, so?”
“You really wanna go there?”
“Just because you’re seeing someone old enough to be your mother…”
“Ha, ha, very funny.”
“It is, if you think about it.”
“No, I think your head totally isn’t in the game right now.”
“What do you mean?”
“This girl sounds like she’d be more trouble than it’s worth,” he proclaims. “Last thing you need is to be drawn into some family drama. Take your wise older brother’s advice and stay away from this one.”
“Because she has an overprotective father and an injured grandmother? Brian, I think you’re the one who’s losing it.”
“Well, I think something about her put you off or you would’ve asked her out right then and there.”
“My confidence is a little shattered, if you haven’t noticed.”
“Nah, I don’t think that’s it,” he remarks. “You always go after what you want outta life. Some kind of sixth sense kept you from making a move on this girl. And I think you better listen to your subconscious, man. It’s never wrong.”
I am in serious daydream mode. Another Saturday night at home. Even Dad is out with his friends on parade night. It’s after eight o’clock, and I decided to leave the nursing home early when Grandma fell asleep. I zone out watching the frozen macaroni and cheese tray spin through the microwave door.
I should call Jennifer on her cell phone and tell her I’ll meet up with them after all. Why not? It’s still early, and I can pull myself together in fifteen minutes. I don’t have anything green to wear, but I don’t think St. Patrick would mind. Nothing is holding me back…except my self-doubt.
These long, anxious days with Grandma have taken a toll on my appearance. I’m not exactly looking my best. I have big, dark circles under my eyes on a mid-March, sun-deprived complexion. There are a few breakouts around my nose. My red hair hangs limply in a ponytail. Check that, it will take me more like fifteen hours to look halfway decent.
I’m tired, and the thought of curling up with a book, a cup of decaffeinated tea, and Shelby at my feet sounds more appealing than a half hour drive in the dark to a noisy, crowded bar downtown. I’m more of a homebody anyway, and it’s a rare treat to have the house all to myself.
But I’m going to stay in this isolated predicament for the rest of my life if I don’t push myself out of it. Either I make the effort to have some sort of social life or I’ll end up like a senior citizen at the age of eighteen. I can’t give up so easily, so soon.
With my luck, I’ll run into Patrick again—the one person I don’t want to see, not ever. Everyone is out tonight. Even people who have moved away come back into town to celebrate at the bars. It’s often referred to as an ‘Irish Mardi Gras,’ and the debauchery isn’t too far from the New Orleans version. It’s not my scene, not any more.
I prefer to think about Adam. Nothing is more enticing than my fantasy life. Living in my mind always plays out exactly how I imagine. No surprises, no disappointments. Reality is a cheap alternative.
I walk into the living room and sit down on the sunken cushions of the couch. I roll onto my side, clasping my arms together.
I picture Adam on the couch, snuggling me from behind.
His arms are wrapped around my body. His hands are interlocked with mine. His breath tickles the hair on my neck.
Gently releasing my hands, he tilts my face back to his as his lips brush mine. I give in to him as I turn and bring the full weight of my body to rest on top of him. He moans as my hands make their way up his chest to caress the stubble on his face.
With a sudden motion, he is on top of me as he grabs my thigh, bringing it behind his back. I run my fingers through his hair, as he…
BEEP!
Ugh, the microwave. My heart is racing, and I try to catch my breath. The temporary feeling of exhilaration quickly turns to frustration. I get up with a sigh. Why can’t real life come anywhere close to that?