Heartbreak's Reward (Double Dutch Ranch Series: Love at First Sight Book 2) (13 page)

“Are you afraid?” She took a drink to wet her parched throat, and then faced him. “You don’t have to be afraid.”

“Don’t I? I said I’d never give a woman another change to hurt me like I’ve already been hurt. I can’t take that again.” His voice quaked, shoulders drooped, and his brows were furrowed. He was a broken man. She wanted to hug, comfort him. He walked to the fridge and grabbed another beer.

Before he popped the top, she said, “If you keep drinking I’ll have to drive myself home.”

Stopping, he peered at her and surveyed the can in his hand. Hesitating, he took a look up again, his teeth against his bottom lip. “You have a point there.” He sat it back in the fridge. “Sometimes I forget how much I’ve had to drink.”

Well, that didn’t sound good.
“Can I tell you something?” She looked to the ceiling. Nice lights, but her answer wasn’t there. Why’d she want to tell him her story anyway?

Jase grabbed her hand and led her outside to the back part of the patio. “Have a seat here, it’s great for watching that mountain glow. Might not be able to stay out long.” He waited until she sat before he did. “You best be careful who you condemn this mountain to in this town, darlin’. People around here appreciate Superstition. It has a history and tourists come from all over. Remember your homework.”

What’s up with this man?
“I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you for telling me. I probably wouldn’t have met you without that distraction.” Watching him pour beer after beer got her to thinking that maybe there was something not to like about him.

Jase slid his arm around her shoulder. “Watch. We have the best seat there is.” He took his right hand and turned her face toward him. He spoke in a near whisper. “What did you want to tell me?”

She didn’t like the idea of him drinking and driving her home. It sent a chill straight through to her bones. “Do you wonder why I’ll have my sister with me? Why I’m raising her now?”

“It’s none of my business.” He removed his arm from behind her. “Look if it’s about the drinking, it’s not something I make a habit out of. That’s a lie.” He tilted his head and sighed. “I lied to you. Don’t waste your time with a liar. Sometimes the nights are hard to get through, Brenna.” He brushed his knuckles against the side of her face. “I don’t have distractions. If I pass out, I don’t have to worry about what haunts me.” His jaw clenched. “My kids have been stolen from me by their mother. I miss them every minute—day and night.”

“I’m so sorry, Jase.” Not like anyone had to tell her about finding distractions to get to sleep. “Sometimes we cope the best way we know how. You look like a man who takes care of himself. Maybe you should think of another way.” She had to look away. Definitely not the right thing to say and not her place. Brenna decided this wasn’t the time to mention why Chloe lived with her. She placed her hand over his.

“I have sole custody of my kids and I have no idea how to find them. This is constantly on my mind.” Bringing her fingers to his lips, he kissed them, his mouth lingering against her knuckles.

Brenna watched his lips touch her hand. The act sent chills. She brought his hand to her lips. Did her kiss do the same to him? The way he closed his eyes and the peaceful look on his face said yes, but he was so torn.

He slowly opened them. “You need to understand my goal right now is to get those kids back here where they belong. That’s where my time is spent. I work to keep this ranch going for them. I played for the last couple of days, but there is no time for a woman in my life.”

His words said something different than his eyes, actions, and kisses. He attempted to hide a longing. If she looked real hard, it was easy to find. “I’m not asking for anything. We barely know each other.” Still, she had a longing for him, barely knowing each other or not. “Everybody needs a friend.” Jase brought her hand to his lips again, but this time he stuck his tongue against her fingers. He licked his lips as if tasting her.

He moved closer, his lips inches from hers. “You wanna be friends with me?”

Why is he doing this?
“Yes, if it means spending time with you. I think you’re worth getting to know. You’ve been broken and maybe forgot what it was like to…have another woman care for you—” He didn’t let her continue because he grasped her behind the neck with both hands and pulled her forward. He kissed her roughly, his lips devouring, his tongue parting her lips, and she gave it all right back.

Reaching around to his neck, she grasped the long hair at the back. Brenna moved her hand over his shoulder and down to his arm, wrapping her fingers as much around his bicep as she could. Jase pulled away as fast as he had kissed her, leaving her breathless and wanting more.

He narrowed his eyes. “You wanna be friends with that? I can’t resist kissing you. That’s not how a friend kisses a friend.” Jase moved his hands to her face and inched closer. “Don’t you get it? I’m not looking for a partner, but you
had
to do this. You had to get
lost
.”

“You didn’t have to stop to help.” Brenna took hold of his wrists, pulled his hands from her face and moved back. “It’s time I go home.” She stood and took her glass into the kitchen. He remained sitting on the patio. This whole evening had fizzled. His persona almost became unlikeable and he probably did it on purpose so she’d walk away. She needed to get home, yet he didn’t move from his spot to take her there.

Pacing in the kitchen she thought about what he said. His kisses burned, not only her lips but deep in the pit of her belly, too. He brought out yearnings in her body that she never had before. Something about him sucked her in, but plainly he wasn’t ready. She sighed.
Dammit.
It was time to get back to business. She went outside. “Will you drive me home now?”

He stood but remained by the chaise. “Come here. You’re missing the sunset.” He pointed over his shoulder. “Look.”

Brenna peered past him. The mountain burned red from the sun’s reflection. A spectacle for sure. He held his hand out. She went toward him and when she got close he embraced her, his posture softened. This man lived in agony for sure.

“I don’t mean to hurt you.” He dropped his forehead to her shoulder. “My resistance isn’t very strong right now, a surprise to me. I struggle with my brain fighting with my emotions, and that’s not all. I don’t know which will win.”

Brenna ran her fingers through his hair and left her hand against the side of his face. “I’m so sorry you long for your wife, and for the ache from what she did to you.”

He jerked his head from her shoulder and gripped her arms. “I don’t long for
her
. She means nothing to me anymore. I don’t even hate her now. Because of her my life is on hold. My children. They’re what I long for.”

She thought it through before saying it, not even knowing why she meant to bother. Clearly the man didn’t want a relationship, but she said it anyway. “I’d like to help you get your life back.”

Again Jase laid one hand against the side of her face while his other smoothed her hair behind an ear. His touch was so gentle when he wanted it to be. He tilted his head, his eyes showing more than he wanted for sure.

“Brenna, sweet woman as you are, I fear I’ll do nothing but hurt you. You can see how up and down I am right now.”

“Jase Carlson, your eyes and your kisses say something else whether you want to listen or not. We’ve had fun together.”

“And therein lies the problem. I don’t even know you, but I have to admit I’m drawn to you in some uncanny way. What shall I do about it is the question.” He hung his head in despair. “Honestly, I don’t know if I can move forward while I’m still in the process of searching for my children.” His chest rose with a sigh. “You still want to go home, I’ll take you…but I don’t mind if you stay a little longer. I’ll keep my bad locked up.”

No, let it loose.
Brenna wanted to laugh about that, but afraid he’d take it the wrong way, she didn’t. “I’m not in hurry and the sunset is as spectacular as I’ve heard. The blood orange sky is eerie, yet has its own magic.”

“Let’s walk.” He headed off the patio and into the desert a little ways. “Listen. Coyotes are out there. You might hear a gray wolf.”

“For real?”

“Yeah, darlin’, they’re as real as you and me. They mean you not much harm. I hear them every night. Kind of like it, too.”

He clenched her hand tighter. No doubt being beside him was pleasant. Here she was, walking through the desert in small-town-Arizona where cowboys, coyotes, and pain were real. She gave his hand a squeeze and went along by his side. At this point, she had no idea what direction they were headed.
Literally.

Jase stopped after he turned into the hotel parking lot and lifted the console. He removed his seatbelt, grasped her arm and kissed her good night, making it last longer, deeper, sexier than he had intended, but he couldn’t pull away like he should have. “You have a great night. Thanks for having dinner with me.” He hated to let her go.
Shit
. He didn’t know what to do. The feel of her in his arms made him wish she lay under him.

He moved back behind the wheel, and drove under the canopy where he dropped Brenna off at the door, waiting till she got inside. “Well, I didn’t see that comin’.” This was not going to be an easy one. Pulling out of the parking lot, he headed home. Best he got that horse trailer hooked up and hit the highway for the next auction. Put some distance between them… Now. Before it was too late.

After she asked for Nora’s number, maybe he wouldn’t have a choice about seeing her again. Her way of saying good-bye before it started? She could call Nora herself to make the arrangements for the townhouse. “Fuck!” Why was he upset? Because he wouldn’t see her again? He slammed the heel of his hand against the steering wheel. He wanted that girl. He didn’t have
time
for that girl. But maybe, just maybe he could fit her in. He
should
fit her in.

Struggling with himself, he had to admit it was his fault. He
told
the woman he didn’t have time. The next thing he knew, his phone was in his hand, ready to dial. “No, dammit!” He tossed it to the seat. What he needed to do was find his ex-wife. Get that shit out of the way. Bring his kids home.

Jase pulled into a parking lot before he wrecked his truck. Focus was one-sided at the moment. On the blonde. “What the hell am I going to do about her? About me?” Hose
myself
down? Laughing at himself, he shifted into gear and headed home. He didn’t get very far before his phone was in his hand again.

When she answered, he lost his reason for calling,
if
he even had one.

“Jase, is everything okay?”

He put his phone on speaker. His hands sweat and he wiped one palm across the steering wheel, removed his hat and threw it to the seat beside him. “Yeah, hey, I forgot to give you the directions to the dealership to get your GPS checked. Got something to write this down?” How was it he allowed this woman to weaken him?

“It’s not necessary, but thank you.”

She tapped her nail against the phone and must’ve questioned his call. “It’s not a problem, don’t be stubborn now.” Calling a woman stubborn was never a good idea. “You know what I mean. Am I ever going to see you again?”
What the hell’s the matter with me?
The sound of her voice was a good place to start, he supposed.

Brenna lowered her voice. “I meant I don’t need to go there. Nothing is wrong with my GPS.”

“You didn’t use it the other night because you wanted to get lost?” Now he was a smartass as well as a lunatic? “I’m sorry.”
Idiot
.
He almost ran the red light, still not able to wrap his brain around why he went through with the call.

“Yeah, Jase, I knew I’d run into you and I’d walk away days later more confused than I was when I was lost.”

He deserved it. “Sorry.” When the light changed to green, he pulled into the next parking lot, turned around and pointed his truck east. He pulled back into the hotel lot, got out and hit the doorway, straight to the elevator. “Hey, I might lose a cell signal a minute.”

“Jase, what do you want?”

He looked at his phone as the elevator rose. No bars. After it stopped, he hurried down the hallway, knocked, and slipped his phone into his pocket along with his hands. When she opened it he was speechless. She was too, as she stared into his eyes.

Trying to focus on her eyes, his gaze still did a quick scan over the front of her. She was stunning, looking all relaxed. In the short time since he dropped her off, she had changed into pajamas—cute blue, shorty pajamas matching her eyes, and one of those sexy tops a woman calls a cami. She pulled the robe together.

She huffed out, “What is it, Jase? Did you forgot something? You made it plain you don’t have time to start anything. I get that, so why are you here?”

So she had forgotten the good night kiss out there fifteen minutes ago? Didn’t that tell her he didn’t want to say good-bye? “I don’t suppose I can come in.”

“Umm…” She glanced over her shoulder and pulled the door open.

Jase removed his hat and entered. “Thanks.” He turned in the middle of the sitting area housing a full size sofa with a small coffee table and a chair. He raised his hands in front of him. “I don’t know why the hell I’m here. Afraid I won’t see you again, I suppose.” He cast his gaze to the floor. Seemed his
man
left, replaced by a teenage boy again.

“Have a seat since you’re here. Can I get you a cup of hot or cold tea or coffee?” She sat in the chair beside the sofa and pulled the robe closer around her legs.

He took a seat on the sofa. “I’m good.” The front of her robe fell open. He gulped and he couldn’t help but look, her full breasts right there beneath the thin material until she clenched the top. She stood and everything seemed to move in slow motion. Unable to control where his gaze went, it looked like a scar on the outside of her calf, but she shifted her robe, preventing him from getting a better look.