Authors: Cheryl Douglas
Derek cleared his
throat. Ashley was one of the few people who understood his relationship with
Dave, how much his brother impacted his life and career choice. “My life will
never be the same. I can’t imagine a day goin’ by when I don’t think about
him.”
She set the photo
back in its rightful place on the heavy oak end table at her side and nodded.
“I’m sure you’re right, but you have to hold on to the good memories you had
with him.”
He sat on the
leather ottoman across from her and hung his head. He didn’t trust himself to
get too close to her when he was feeling so vulnerable. “I have to hope that’ll
get easier. So far, it hurts too damn much to allow myself to go there, ya
know?”
Ashley got up and
sat on the ottoman beside him. She stroked his back as she leaned her head on
his shoulder. “You ever heard that Garth Brooks song, ‘The Dance?’”
He nodded. “Sure.
What about it?”
“It talks about a
lost love and questions whether you’d still invite that person into your life
if you knew they were only going to leave you in the end. Would you trade one
moment you spent with Dave if you knew losing him was going to cause you this
much pain?”
He couldn’t
imagine trading his time with Dave for anything. His relationship with his
older brother defined his life in a way nothing else had. Dave’s fearlessness
prompted Derek to choose a career in law enforcement, and that was a decision
he would never regret.
“No… never. I
don’t know where the hell I’d be or what I’d be doin’ without him. He helped me
find my way, sort out my life. He taught me to face my fears and get the job
done, no matter the cost.”
She smiled. “Most
people aren’t lucky enough to have a role model like that in their lives. I’m
grateful my boys had two men like that to look up to during their formative
years.”
Derek shook his
head, trying to deny her claim. He didn’t feel he was fit to be called a good
role model. In his mind, he wasn’t even in the same league as Dave. His brother
would never have walked away without a backward glance. He would’ve stayed and
fought for a relationship with Ashley and her kids. “Josh was a good role model
for your boys, no question about it.”
“Mike said he
became a cop because of you, not Josh.”
Derek reared back,
stunned by her claim. “What’re you talkin’ about?”
“He was about fourteen
at the time. It was before he found out about what happened between you and
me…”
“Go on.”
“By that time,
Josh had already left the force to join Trey’s team. We were sitting around one
Saturday night watching some action adventure movie on TV, and I asked the boys
what they wanted to be when they grew up.”
Derek held his
breath, waiting for her to continue.
“Jay had been
practicing martial arts since he was four, so that was a no-brainer. But what
Mike said surprised me.”
Derek cleared his
throat, trying to find his voice. “What did he say?”
“He said he wanted
to be the kind of cop you were.”
“Me?” Derek didn’t
feel he deserved Mike’s praise after the mistakes he’d made. “What about his
dad? Josh was a damn good cop.”
“He said you were so
passionate about it. You’d tell him stories about the calls you went on, and
you’d get this look in your eye, like you had the best job in the world.”
Derek allowed
himself to smile at the memory. He’d often take the boys out, just the three of
them, for ice cream, to the car races, batting cages, or just out for burgers,
and they’d talk for hours. Mike was always curious about his job, and Derek
looked forward to telling him the sanitized version of the week’s events. He
knew from the spark in Mike’s eye that he would one day share his passion for
law enforcement.
“From the stories
I hear, your son’s already one hell of a detective. To move through the ranks
as quickly as he has, that’s no small feat.”
She smiled. “I
know; I’m so proud of him. Of you, too. That new job you’ve been offered says a
lot about your ability, the way you’re perceived by your peers. Josh told me
the chief doesn’t even want to consider anyone else for the position. He only
wants you.”
Derek still hadn’t
told her he’d decided to stay in Nashville. “I’ve decided to accept the job
offer, Ash.”
She threw her arms
around his neck and squealed. “Oh my God, I’m so happy for you, for your
family. You’re moving back home. I can’t believe it.”
He was relieved
that she was as excited as he was about his decision to stay. “Nashville is my
home,” he said, holding her close. “Always has been; always will be.” After all
this time, he was finally ready to admit something he should have had the
courage to acknowledge years ago… His home was anywhere Ashley was.
She framed his
face with her hands. “I’ve dreamed of this for so long, you coming home. I
never really thought it would happen.” Her smile fell. “I kept waiting to hear
that you’d met someone out in Arkansas, that you were getting married, or
getting ready to be a daddy, or…”
He could see the
sadness in her eyes and he wanted to say or do anything to ignite that spark of
joy again. “I never even came close.”
“I can’t believe
that. Look at you… You’re the kind of husband any woman would want.”
“How ‘bout you? Am
I the kind of husband you’d want?” He knew it was too soon to be talking about
forever. They had to get to know each other all over again, figure out if they
were still compatible, and he still had to overcome a huge hurdle with her son.
“You know you
are,” she whispered. She closed her eyes. “I’ve imagined what it would be like
to be married to you a million times over the years.” She let her hands fall to
her lap. “I pictured our life together…”
He held her hands
in his as he shifted his body to face her. “Tell me about it. Tell me what you
envisioned for us.”
“I can’t.” She
shook her head. “It’s silly. I—”
He pressed his
fingertip to her lip to silence her protest. “It’s just you and me, sweetheart.
No fear. This is a judgement free zone. We can say whatever we want to each
other.”
Ashley smiled.
“There are so many things I’ve wanted to say to you for so long. I don’t even
know where to start.”
“Close your eyes,”
he whispered.
She did as he
asked, without hesitation.
“Just tell me
about that life you dreamed about for us. I want to know everything, every
detail.” He knew he couldn’t make her dreams come true unless he knew what they
were. He had a new mission in life, and it had nothing to do with taking
criminals off the streets. His mission was to finally make all of her dreams
come true.
She grinned.
“Okay. Well, I imagined we’d be living here in Nashville…”
“In your house?” He
hoped that wasn’t the case. He’d thought about it a lot over the last few days.
He wanted to make new memories with Ashley, and he knew living in the home
she’d shared with her family would be a constant reminder of the past. He
wanted her to imagine a future with him. They could be so much more than the
past they shared, if only she was willing to take that leap of faith with him.
“No.” She sighed.
“I haven’t been able to think about selling the house because of all the
memories. The thought of starting over somewhere new, by myself, was too scary
to contemplate, so I just stayed. But I feel like I might be ready to make a
change now.”
Their eyes were
still closed, but he leaned in to kiss her. He was so grateful she shared his
desire to move on to a home of their own, a place where they could start over.
“I’m glad to hear that. Go on, tell me more.”
“I love what I do,
and I know you do, too. I could imagine us both working for another ten years
or so. But it would be nice if we could have the summers off to spend
together.”
Derek knew his new
position offered eight weeks paid vacation. He would just have to ensure he
would be able to take those weeks consecutively. “What would we do during those
long, lazy days of summer?” He opened his eyes to see a pretty pink blush creep
up her neck, staining her cheeks.
“I was thinking we
could buy a little cabin on one of the big lakes. We could go swimming, fishing,
waterskiing, or just lounge on the beach.” She shrugged. “Maybe we could have
the boys up sometimes or invite our friends?”
He knew it would
be a long time before he was comfortable sharing her with the world, but he
would do anything to make her happy. If she wanted a parade of people in and
out of their home at all hours, he’d be willing to go along for the ride. It
didn’t matter; none of it mattered, as long as he had her in his life again. “I
love the sound of that.”
She opened her
eyes to look at him, seemingly surprised by his easy acceptance of her vision
for their future. “You do?”
He set his hands
on either side of her head, pulling her closer. “I do.”
She smiled a smile
big enough and bright enough to light up his world, a world that had been
shrouded in darkness too long. “I was thinking when we retire we could do some
traveling. Remember, we used to talk about that when we were kids?”
He allowed himself
the luxury of slipping back in time. “I remember everything, Ash.”
She braced her
hands on his shoulders as she looked into his eyes. “How is it even possible
that I still love you as much now as I did back then? We should feel like
strangers, but it’s like no time has passed since we fell in love.”
He couldn’t speak,
couldn’t concur, though his heart was expanding to fill his chest. She’d caught
him so off-guard when she told him she still loved him. He’d been hoping,
praying he would hear her say those words to him again someday, but he never
expected today to be that day.
She drew her
bottom lip between her teeth before she said, “I’m sorry. Am I getting ahead of
myself?”
“No,” he whispered.
He pulled her into his arms as he buried his face in her hair. “God, no. I love
you, honey. I’ve never stopped loving you.”
She pulled back to
look at him, her eyes traveling over his face as though she was searching for a
hint of doubt. “Really? Are you sure?”
He grinned. “Of
course I’m sure. How can you even ask me that?”
Twin tears left
trails on her cheeks. “This is just so much more than I ever expected, ever
dared to hope for. The only thing that would make it perfect is if Mike
supported us.”
“He will,
sweetheart. It’ll just take some time. Whatever it takes to win him over, I’m
willing to do it. Not just because I want you to be happy, but because I want
him in my life again. I missed him, and whether he’s willing to admit it or
not, I think he missed me, too.”
Ashley didn’t want
to think like a mother anymore. She wanted to think like a woman, a woman
intent on pleasuring her man.
She climbed into
Derek’s lap, straddling him.
He grabbed her
waist. “Uh… darlin’… I…”
She pressed her
lips to his mouth, taking advantage of the fact his guard was down to slide her
tongue between the seam of his lips so she could once again taste the unique
flavor that had been taunting her all night.
He couldn’t expect
her to be satisfied with the one kiss he’d given her on Josh’s deck earlier. That
didn’t even scratch the surface. They had long, lonely years to make up for,
starting now.
Ashley pressed her
hand against his chest, forcing him back on the oversized chair. “I want you,”
she whispered as she kissed the light stubble covering his jaw. “I’ve wanted
you for so long, but I thought I had to deny myself, deny us. I don’t want to
do that anymore. Let’s take what we want. Here, now… tonight.”
He groaned and
closed his eyes when she pressed her softness into the ridge of his jeans.
“Honey, you don’t know how much I want to, but…”
Her hands quickly
worked the buttons on his shirt. She didn’t want him to talk her out of this.
She’d played it safe for too long. Tonight was about taking risks and
obliterating boundaries. “I can feel how much you want me.” She drew his
earlobe into her mouth, grazing it with her teeth. “Now I want you to show me.
Make love to me, Derek.”
She was a second
away from pleading with him to take her when he scooped her up and carried her
down the hall to the bedroom. His lips never left the smooth column of her neck
as he licked and nibbled a trail up and down the sensitive skin, eliciting a
series of moans and gasps from her.
“God, you don’t
know how many times I’ve thought about doing this.” His voice sounded coarse,
as though he’d inhaled a lungful of smoke and was waiting to exhale. “To have
you back in my bed instead of taking you against some cheap metal desk like an
animal.”
He was talking
about the night they were trapped in his office. She’d stopped by the police
station after she got a flat tire to ask Josh for a ride home, but Josh had
already left for the day. Derek was still there, working, in spite of the
threat of the storm looming. The police station was nearly deserted, as most of
the officers who didn’t have to be there had already gone. Those who were
required to be there were out on calls, and the dispatcher was at her post—