Heartless (24 page)

He frowned. “Okay…
What did you learn?”

“I found out that
you wanted to get married and start a family with her.”

“That’s what she
told you, huh?” He chuckled as he lowered his head. “Honey, nothin’ could be
further from the truth. I got involved with her because she didn’t want those
things, and neither did I… at the time. I’ve always been married to my career,
and that’s the way I wanted it. I didn’t want to sacrifice time at the station
for time at home.”

She pressed her
palms against his chest. It would be so easy to accept everything he said at
face value because her heart desperately wanted to believe it was finally their
time, but she couldn’t let it go until he addressed all of her fears. “How do
you feel now, about marriage and kids?”

He tipped his head
to one side. “We already talked about this. You know I want to spend the rest
of my life with you, Ash.”

She forced herself
to step out of his arms. She couldn’t bear to look him in the eye and deliver a
blow that may change everything. “What about kids?”

He laughed. “What
about them? I love kids; you know that.”

Ashley’s heart
felt a little heavier when she asked, “Does that mean you still want to have
children of your own?”

“I don’t know. Do
you?”

This was so
frustrating. She knew he was trying to read her, gauge her reaction so he could
tell her what she wanted to hear, but she couldn’t start a life with him
knowing she wasn’t able to give him everything he needed to be happy. It
wouldn’t be fair to either of them. “Derek, please. I just need to know how you
feel about this.”

“Fine.” He stuck
his hands in the pockets of his jeans and started crossing back and forth over
the Persian rug laid out in front of the stone fireplace. “Kids are a huge
commitment. Jesus, we’re forty-seven years old. That means I’d be sixty by the
time the kid was ready to start high school, a senior citizen when he or she
graduated.”

Ashley allowed his
words to begin to permeate the wall she’d built around her heart to protect it.
“Does that mean you don’t want any children?”

He looked at her
for a long time before responding. “I want you to be happy; that’s the only
thing that matters to me. If you’re set on havin’ another kid, I’m good with
that.”

It sounded like he
was willing to make the sacrifice because he thought it was something she
wanted. She released the breath she was holding. “I can’t have any more
children.”

Derek took a step
forward, grabbing her hands in his as he looked into her eyes. “What happened,
baby?”

The concern in his
eyes shook her to the core. It had been so long since a man had looked at her
that way, like she was the only thing that mattered, the only thing he needed
to make his life complete.

“I had to have a
hysterectomy about four years ago. It was a blow at first, but I came to terms
with it. My kids were already grown, so I just accepted that part of my life
was over. I was so afraid that you would want a baby, and I wouldn’t be able to
give it to you.”

He framed her face
with his hands as he leaned in to kiss her. “The only thing that matters to me
is that you’re healthy.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “I may be a
selfish bastard, but we’ve lost so many years together. I want you all to
myself for the rest of our lives.”

She smiled. It
seemed like it was the first time in years she’d allowed herself to believe
that all of her dreams may really come true. “I’m so glad you feel that way. I
was so scared…”

He gripped the
back of her neck with his hand before kissing her gently. “You have nothin’ to
be afraid of, not anymore.”

She didn’t want to
say or do anything to spoil this magical moment, but they couldn’t avoid the
issue forever. “We still have to figure out what we’re gonna do about Mike.”

Just then the
Blackberry fixed to his waist buzzed, indicating he had a call. “Damn, I think
that’s the call I’ve been waitin’ on. You wanna check out the backyard? I’ll be
out to join you in just a minute, okay?”

She reached up on
her toes to brush a kiss over his lips. “Sure, but don’t be too long. We still
have to see the rest of the house.” She smiled. “And I can’t wait.”

Derek could have
just told Ashley he and Mike had agreed to a truce, but he knew it would mean
more coming from her sons. Besides, he wanted them to see the house he and
their mother would be calling home from now on.

Mike and Jay were
going to be his stepsons just as soon as they granted him permission to marry
their mother. He wanted them to feel that their opinion mattered, because it
did, not only to Ashley, but to him, too.

Ashley’s sons were
great kids back when they stole his heart, and they’d grown into two of the
finest men he ever met, no thanks to him. He may not have been there for them
when he should’ve been, but he wanted them to know he would be from now on.
He’d never try to take Josh’s place in their lives, but he wanted both of them
to know that if they ever needed anyone to have their back, he was the guy.

Within minutes,
they’d both agreed to meet them at the house, and Derek couldn’t imagine a
better surprise to welcome Ashley to their new home. He hadn’t had the time to
buy a big diamond ring, but he knew this would be more symbolic than a band of
gold. Family meant everything to Ashley, and knowing that she wouldn’t have to
choose between the men she loved would give her more happiness than any
material possession ever could.

Derek wandered out
to the backyard and found Ashley crouched over, admiring a budding rose bush.
The picture of her here, in the home that should have been theirs years ago,
brought it full circle for him. He was finally, after twenty-five years of
waiting, getting everything he ever wanted.

“Hey, beautiful.”
He stood behind her, stroking her hair, relishing the fact that he was finally
free to touch her without worrying about the repercussions.

She looked up at
him and smiled, a smile bright enough to rival the sun hanging low in the sky.
“It looks like someone had a green thumb.”

Derek knew
gardening had always been one of Ashley’s passions, which made impressive
gardens one of the first things on his list of must-haves when he started house
hunting. He was finally able to give her everything she ever wanted, and he
didn’t intend to let a single thing on her list go unchecked.

“Think you’re up
to the challenge of maintainin’ all this?” he asked, grinning.

“Are you kidding?
I can’t wait to get my hands dirty.”

The police station
and Jay’s karate studio were only a few minutes from the house, so Derek wasn’t
surprised when he heard Mike calling out to them through the open door.

Ashley frowned.
“Is that…?”

He pulled her to
her feet, a secret smile on his lips. “Why don’t we go and find out?”

Jay smiled when he
saw them walk in from the backyard. “Hey, there you are. I thought you were
sendin’ us on a wild goose chase, Derek.”

Derek stepped
forward to shake Jay’s hand, then Mike’s, as Ashley looked on, appearing
stunned.

Mike surprised Derek
too by pulling him into a half hug and slapping him on the back.

“Thanks for comin’,
guys.” Derek said, as he settled his arm around Ashley’s waist. “I really
appreciate it.”

Jay looked up at
the high ceilings and natural light streaming in through the wall-to-wall
windows framing the west wall of the kitchen. “This house is great, but what
the hell are we doin’ here?”

Derek squeezed
Ashley tighter. He was suddenly nervous. It was one thing to call a truce with
Ashley’s boys, but another thing to ask them to accept him into their family.
What if they told him it was too soon or they may never be ready to support
their marriage? “Um, I asked you guys to come here because I wanted to ask you
somethin’.”

Mike and his
brother exchanged a glance before he asked, “What’d you wanna ask us?”

He cleared his
throat, trying to find the words to express a love that defied logic and
reason. “Guys, I’ve loved your mother for more than half of my life.” Derek
took a deep breath when neither of the men standing before him seemed ready to
utter a word in response to his declaration. “I know that may not be what you
want to hear—”

Mike held up his
hand to silence Derek. “It’s okay. We get it. Jay and I have talked about this,
and we understand how you two feel about each other, how you’ve always felt
about each other.”

Jay nodded. “We’ve
talked to Dad about it, too. And he’s totally on board with you guys tryin’ to
make this work, so who the hell are we to judge you? What happened when we were
kids… happened. We may not have been old enough to understand it back then, but
we are now.”

“Yeah, and we get
why you had to leave, Derek.” Mike smiled. “You were doin’ what you always did,
tryin’ to protect us.”

Derek was so
relieved to hear Mike say those words. It was almost as sweet as hearing Ashley
say she still loved him after all these years. He didn’t realize how much he
needed their forgiveness before he could finally feel free to forgive himself.
“Leaving you two was almost as difficult as leaving your mother behind. You
need to know that.”

Ashley sniffled
and brushed away the tears sliding down her cheeks.

“We do know that
now,” Mike said. “Hell, I think we’ve always known you weren’t a bad guy. But
it was just easier to be mad at you ‘cause we so damn hurt that you left
without a word to us.”

“I know. I’m
sorry.”

Jay grinned. “It’s
forgiven and forgotten.” He clapped his hands together once. “Okay, you gonna
tell us why we’re here, or you gonna keep us in suspense a while longer?”

Derek looked down
at Ashley, who was beaming up at him. “You wanna do the honors?”

She shook her head
as she gestured toward her sons with one hand. “This is your show.”

“Okay, I wanna buy
this house.”

Jay and Mike
turned in a slow circle to admire the open concept main floor.

“Sweet,” Mike
said, finally.

“I’m hopin’ you
guys will wanna spend a lot of time here.”

Jay glanced out
into the backyard. “It looks like you got a big-ass barbeque and a pool. I’m
in.”

Mike chuckled. “Me
too, but I know you didn’t call us over here ‘cause you need our approval
before you buy a house.”

“Actually, that’s part
of the reason. But I need your approval about somethin’ bigger, somethin’ way
more important.” He stepped forward, looking both men in the eye. “I love your
mother more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. Her happiness means more
to me than my own. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.”

Mike and Jay
smiled at each other.

“Go on,” Mike
said.

Derek knew they
were enjoying this, seeing him sweat, and he knew they’d earned the right. “I’m
asking for your permission to marry your mother.”

Jay was the first
to extend his hand. “On behalf of my hard-headed brother, permission granted.”

Mike shoved him.
“If anyone has the hard head around here, it’s you. Hell, I’ve seen you break a
board with that rock sittin’ on top of your shoulders.”

Derek couldn’t
help but laugh out loud. It was the first time in years he’d been privy to
their taunting, and it felt so damn good to be back in the fold again.

“Welcome to the
family, Derek,” Mike said, clasping his hand as he grinned.

“Thanks, buddy.”
Derek cleared his throat. “That means everything to me.”

Ashley stepped
forward and tapped Derek on the shoulder. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

He’d imagined this
moment a hundred times over the years, what he would say, how he would say it,
but now that he finally had his chance, he couldn’t find the eloquent words
Ashley deserved to hear.

Jay nudged his
brother. “Maybe we should leave, give them some privacy, huh?”

“Good idea.”

Derek held his hand
up as he looked at the two men preparing to leave. “Wait, please.”

His mind flashed
back to the little boys who’d loved joyriding in his convertible or squealed
with delight when he took them to the race track. Those memories raced through
his mind like a movie, highlighting some of the best years of his life.

Derek turned to
face them as he raked his hands through his hair. He suddenly knew that he
couldn’t say what he needed to say to Ashley until he bared his soul to her
sons. “I was miserable for so many years. My career and my relationship with
you guys seemed like the only bright spots in my life. Sure, I had my family
and plenty of friends, but the only time I laughed, really laughed, was when I
was with you two.”

Mike smiled. “We
sure had a lot of fun together, didn’t we?”

“You taught us to play
baseball and let us drive your car down those dirt roads.” Jay laughed. “Hey,
remember that time one of your cop buddies pulled us over to give you grief?”