Authors: Angel Rose
I came back up for air and as I opened my eyes, Michael was standing in front of me, his jewels dangling in my face.
“Hey.” he said softly. “Can I join you?”
“I’m getting out,” I said firmly.
“Jenesis, I’m sorry.” he wrapped a towel around his waist and sat on the floor near the tub.
“No…I’m sorry. I pushed you to hurt me and you went a little too far.” I said without giving him eye contact. “Everything hurts me, but it’s not your fault.” I pushed out a smile. My eyes watered a little, but I didn’t cry. I got up and stepped out of the tub. Michael stood gaping at me as I wrapped myself in a towel and walked out. I started to gather my clothing. I had an appointment with Dr. Logan and I didn’t want to miss it.
“Jenesis?”
“Michael, I have to go. I’ll meet you tonight for dinner.” The sex was always good with Michael, more than good, mind-blowing good. For some reason, I almost violated this time. My fucking father was in the back of my head, of course, making me feel all kinds of dirty and there was nothing I could do about it. Then suddenly, a memory hit me.
I remembered my father taking his whores to the back of the bar and having me sit on a crate while he slobbered them down, licking every part of their face and neck, pulling on their hair. I could hear him unzip his pants. I would cover my ears. I’d turn my head to see him lift up their skirt and slam his drunken body against them relentlessly. I felt dirty, unclean, and when he was finished he would grab my hand, yanking me up from the crate so we could leave. I could smell those women on me, on my hand, but I couldn’t say a word. I knew if I did my mother would get the worse beating of her life.
I felt so guilty, it wasn’t Michael’s fault. It was mine. My memories, my dirty thoughts. I knew Michael probably felt worse than I did, but didn’t seem tounderstand the word
s
“you’re hurting m
e
?”
“Baby, I’m sorry.” He raised his hand to my face and slid his fingers along the side of my cheek.
“Michael, stop apologizing. You did nothing wrong. I just have to meet Dr. Logan,” I still didn’t want to look at him. I started to walk away. N
o
means n
o
, even if it’s your husband, I thought to myself.
“I’m still sorry. I should have stopped.” he walked towards me and grabbed me gently by the waist.
“No…I’m fine. I’ll see you later. I love you.” I tippy toed and kissed his lips tenderly.
“I love you, too.” He kissed my nose then walked into the bathroom. I grabbed my purse, coat and keys and headed downstairs. I hailed a cab, got in, and headed over to Dr. Logan’s office.
CHAPTER 3
“Jenesis Heart,” I said. I didn’t see the red-lipped hussy. She was nowhere to be found and I was content. I wasn’t in the mood for fake coughs hidden by cackling behind my back.
“Jenesis, hi.” Dr. Logan met me and walked me into her office.
“Dr. Logan, how are you?” I smiled.
“I’m much better. I had the flu, but I’m feeling better.” she said smiling and looking as beautiful as ever. She wore a red tight fitted blazer and a black pencil skirt with a kick ass pair of red shoes. Her whole outfit must’ve cost five thousand dollars.
“And you?”
“I’m getting married,” I said happily.
“Oh, Jenesis! How wonderful! I’m so happy for you!” she shouted. She was so overjoyed as if I told her she won the lottery. She held my hand in hers and smiled, then she hugged me.
“Thank you.” I hugged her back.
“How are things going? Your nightmares?” She started to write on her clipboard.
“Far and few.” I smirked.
“Really? That’s wonderful.” She continued writing on that damn clipboard.
“I wanted to tell you that this will be my last session. I’m better and I haven’t had a nightmare for over a month. By the way, what do you write on that damn clipboard?” I asked laughing.
“Well, little notes here and there, nothing that you would understand right now. Just notes for my understanding.” She smiled and cocked her head to the side
“Since it’s your last session, what do you want to talk about?”
“I just wanted to thank you for everything. I’m glad that I didn’t switch therapists and I’m happy to know that you’re also my friend. Can I keep in touch with you…on a personal level?” I was hoping she would say yes. I really respected her as a professional, but the information she shared with me during the session about her husband, made me feel a different connection with her. I stood staring at her as she wrote on her clipboard waiting for her answer.
“You know Jenesis, I’ve taken a liking to you and I’m flattered that you feel the same way. I would love nothing more than to be your friend, but you have to promise me that you will never ask me anything related to helping you in a therapeutic way again because, I can’t do both. And just so you know, I don’t agree with you not seeing a therapist. You should continue to see someone even if you feel you don’t need one. Do you understand?”
“I’m surprised you’re not convincing me to continue to see you.” I knew she was right, but I was tired of feeling helpless and always having to run to someone to try to fix me. I didn’t want to start my marriage having to be so dependent on someone else.
“I just feel that I have everything under control right now. I do understand, and this will be a new beginning for me. Thank you Dr. Logan.”
“It’s Annmarie. Here’s my home and cell phone number.” She wrote on her clipboard and motioned for my cell phone. “Maybe we can double date?” she laughed as she placed her name and numbers into my contacts.
“Sounds good,
Annmarie
. I’ll send you an invitation to my wedding. ” I got up realizing deep down inside I was making a big mistake, but it was too late to take it back. No matter how much I thought I had it together. “Well, I guess this is it.” I hugged her, and she patted me on the back.
“See you soon, Jenesis and Good Luck.” She walked me to the door and I passed the reception area. I waved to the receptionist and walked out of the door.
I let out a sigh of relief and continued to walk out of the building. I inhaled the fresh air and the feeling of being in love with life again emanated through my body. It felt like a new beginning where I can close the door to the past and open a new chapter in my life.
I was about to hail a cab, then all of the sudden that feeling of relief turned into a sour punch in the gut. Tilly was standing outside waiting for me.
“Jenesis,” she said, her beautiful blue eyes glowing in the sunlight.
“Hi, are you okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, I just wanted to spend some quality time with you.” she smiled. That lie was written all over her face.
“Well, that’s nice, thank you.” I smiled back nervously. I didn’t know what this was all about so I simply asked.
“What’s going on? Tell me the truth.” I said sternly.
“Okay…I need to see Dave, and he refuses to see me.” she said softly.
“What about Eddie?” I demanded.
“What about him? This isn’t about Eddie, it’s about Dave.” she said annoyed.
“Look, stay away from Dave. He’s off limits. You’re with Eddie. Don’t hurt Dave any more than you already have.” I barked.
“I love Dave. I always have.” she said sincerely.
“Oh, now you tell me. Why are you playing these games? You told me Dave was after you, and then fucked you and walked away. What’s your story?” I said annoyed.
“Okay…I lied. I didn’t want to tell you.” She glanced away.
“Why?” I stepped a little closer to her.
“I…really didn’t know you.” she said as tears flooded her eyes.
“Okay, now you sound like me.” I rolled my eyes at her.
“Jenesis, please, you don’t know the whole story.” she pleaded.
“You’re wrong. I
do
know the whole story.” I said confidently.
“What?” her facial expression changed in a flash.
“Look, if you want to talk to Dave, find him yourself. I’m not getting involved in this bullshit. I’m getting married, and I have to worry whether or not my husband-to-be is going to make it to the altar in one piece.” I said crossing my arms against my chest.
“Jenesis, please, I’m sorry. I know what you’re going through.” She brushed my arm gently with her hand.
“No, you don’t. The only man I’ve ever loved in this entire world has a price on his head just for doing his job. I’m sick to death not being able to be by his side twenty four hours a day because he has to work, so don’t tell me you understand, because you don’t!” I roared. She was pissing me off. This was not the conversation I intended to have with her. I wanted nothing more to do with this situation.
“I do because that’s the way I love Dave. I love him Jenesis, I loved him since the day I met him and I need your help to get him away from Margaret.” she tried to say convincingly.
“Have you lost your mind? Margaret is like my mother. I would never hurt Margaret, she loves him.” I said angrily.
“No…she doesn’t.” she said adamantly.
“What?” I whispered looking at the pedestrians passing us by
“She doesn’t… trust me. Please, help me.” she begged.
“I can’t and I won’t. I’m sorry.” I walked away from Tilly leaving her standing in the middle of the sidewalk. I hailed a cab and went straight to work.
I didn’t tell Dave. I didn’t tell anyone
. I cleaned up the office and filed and filed until I had nothing left to file. I noticed I never found a copy of the Hunter files Dave asked me to shred. He said he had a copy, but when I looked in the file cabinet, it wasn’t there. It didn’t make sense. I just hoped that he wasn’t as drunk as he said he was that day. He probably shredded them himself, copies and all.
I still thought about Michael’s mother and that file.
It’s purely coincidental. It has to be.
There are plenty of people with the same name and birthdays, right?
I couldn’t wait until two to get out of that office
,
yet I didn’t want to go home either
.
I didn’t want to see Michael and I didn’t know if I made the right decision with Dr. Logan. These were the times I had wished I had someone to talk to. These were the times that I missed my mother the most.
CHAPTER 4
It was Saturday, December twenty-sixth, and I awoke with sweaty palms and butterflies in my stomach. The lump in my throat was thick and tight, and I didn’t think I would cry as soon as I woke up.
I was getting married! Oh my God!
I hadn’t had that feeling in a while and most of the time, the feeling was associated with a nightmare I had with my father. This time it was different; it was a feeling of joy, excitement and anxiety all wrapped up in one. I was marrying my knight in shining armor.
I had stayed over Margaret’s house while Michael stood at the loft with Dave.
“Margaret, I’m so nervous.” I walked over to the kitchen and made my favorite hazelnut coffee in the Keurig as my hands shook.
“You should be… and I think you’re going to have more people at your wedding than the royal family and you won’t even know half of them.” She laughed and waived her hand like the queen of England playfully.
“He even chose the music. He said I would be
pleasantly surprised
. He’s such a character. Besides, with Dave, I could only imagine what
your
wedding is going to look like.” I stirred some Splenda into my coffee then threw a packet at her.
“I only use real sugar. That stuff will kill you. Plus…you know that day will never come.” She lowered her head. “Jen, I’ll be honest with you. Our relationship is hitting rock bottom really fast, as a matter of fact, it’s spiraling out of control.” her eyes began to tear up.
“What? What do you mean? I’ve never seen you guys fight or argue, well except at my wedding and that day in the office.” I was stunned and even though I knew in my heart Dave didn’t want this, I really truly thought he would at least try.
“Look, I don’t want to talk about this today, but I do need to talk you. It’s your day and I don’t want to ruin it.” she wiped her tears with a napkin from the table.
“Oh Margaret, I’m so sorry. Promise me we’ll talk when I get back from my honeymoon. We’ll have a girl’s night out again. We’ll paint each other’s toenails and drink wine all night long.” I stood up and hugged her from behind. “We’ll call Tilly.” She gave me a dirty look. “I’m sorry. I just love it when we’re all together. I hate to see you so miserable. Look, we have time, are you sure you don’t want to talk now?” I held her hands gently in mine.