The ambulance had arrived now and staff from the Hôpital de la Plage were now coming up the stairs to take Julia and her baby.
Holding her new baby close to her, Julia was the happiest woman in the world. She only had eyes for her husband and son as medical staff milled around the room, making preparations for their departure.
The nurse from Paris was standing beside Chantal, asking for her suitcase to carry down to the car. The chauffeur had also come upstairs and was waiting in the doorway. Chantal managed to find a way through to Michel.
‘Michel, this isn’t how I meant it to be. I was going to explain that I need—’
‘It’s not about what you need now, Chantal,’ he told her coldly. ‘It’s what the twins will require in the future. Make sure you employ a good lawyer to legalise our situation while you’re in Paris. That’s what you want, isn’t it?’
* * *
As she sat in the back of the car she knew she would never forget the expression on Michel’s face. He’d looked like a man who’d been totally betrayed. Well, in a way he had. She thought of all the times she’d needed him and he’d been there for her. She would never forget that hard expression in his eyes as she’d left him.
The clinic nurse was sitting in front with the driver, occasionally turning round to check that her patient was OK.
‘Try to get some rest on the journey,’ Chantal had been told.
Rest? Would she ever get rest again from the guilt she was feeling at turning down Michel’s well-meant and obviously sensible idea that she should be under his roof with their precious babies. He’d opened up to her and she’d turned him down flat.
And his parting words still rang in her ears. He’d told her she should be thinking about what was best for their babies.
After the birth she’d been caught up in the euphoria surrounding Bernard and Julia as their first baby together arrived safely. That was what a conventional partnership was all about. Would this unconventional plan really work?
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
‘
P
HYSICALLY
,
YOU
’
RE
IN
good shape again.’
Sebastian looked up from the notes on his desk, his eyes taking in Chantal’s desperately worried expression. She’d been like this, only more so, when she’d arrived yesterday evening. The nurse who’d accompanied her to the clinic last night had said her patient had appeared to sleep for most of the way until the chauffeur had slowed down to allow for the traffic congestion in Paris. At that point Chantal had woken to look out of the window.
Chantal breathed a sigh of relief at Sebastian’s words. ‘In that case, I could go back to my apartment, couldn’t I, Sebastian?’
‘Chantal, you’re free to come and go as you please. You and your mother live quite near, so I expect to see you frequently before the babies are born. Is your mother back from holiday yet?’
‘Yes, I’ll phone her shortly to say I’m coming back today. She knows I’ll be back some time this week but I wanted to be sure I checked with you first that all was well.’
‘Well, as I said before, you’re physically fine again.’ He hesitated. ‘I’m not sure about your emotional state. Are you sure you can cope with this unorthodox situation you and Michel have created for yourselves?’
Trust Sebastian to hit the nail on the head! He knew her too well.
‘I’m not at all sure,’ she admitted tentatively. ‘But I’m going to give it a good try.’
‘Yes, but is it what’s best for the babies? You and Michel seem like an ideal couple when you’re together. Nobody would know that there wasn’t a loving bond between you.’
‘Please, Sebastian! It’s not as simple as you think. We’ve both got emotional baggage from the past that prevents us from committing to each other.’
‘Chantal, I honestly think you should go and see your mother now. Brigitte’s the one who should be advising you, not me. Family is always best in discussions of this nature. I’ll give you just one piece of advice, if I may. If there’s any chance at all of you having a conventional loving partnership where you commit to each other for life, you must take it.’
* * *
Walking down the Rue de l’Assomption towards her apartment block, she could feel butterflies in her tummy. The thought of explaining to her mother everything that had happened to her while she’d been on holiday was making her feel very apprehensive.
Sebastian had reminded her when she’d been leaving the clinic that her mother was a strong, dependable lady. She would take it all in her stride, as she always has done.
She’d nodded in agreement before saying, ‘That was why I knew it was possible to give the babies a happy future. I saw how my mother coped by herself.’
‘Your mother always gave the impression it was easy,’ he’d replied. ‘But that was because she didn’t want to worry you.’
She stopped walking now to reach for the bleeping mobile in her bag.
‘Maman!’
‘Chantal, I’ve just got your message about coming home. That’s wonderful. Where are you now?’
‘Practically home. I stayed with a friend last night.’
‘You should have told me you were here in Paris. I would have...’
Her mother was still talking as Chantal entered the apartment building. The concierge came to meet her, taking control of her trolley case while giving her an effusive welcome. He came with her in the lift, taking her right to her own door before leaving.
Her mother was standing in her own open doorway. They hugged each other.
‘It’s so good to see you again, Maman. How was the holiday?’
‘Come in, come in and let’s catch up.’
She followed her mother into her kitchen and sat down at the table.
They drank coffee together, her mother still recounting how wonderful her holiday had been. Chantal was more than happy to simply hear about the sun, the sea, the wonderful restaurants.
‘I’ve eaten far too much during my holiday. I’ve put on two kilos so I’m going to be careful of my diet until I’m back to normal or none of my clothes will fit me. I had to buy this new blouse. Do you think it—?’
Her mother stopped in mid-flow as she looked across the table.
‘You look well,’ she said carefully. ‘You seem to have put on a bit of weight yourself since I last saw you.’
She waited for her daughter to say something.
Chantal took a deep breath. ‘I’m pregnant, Maman.’
‘Congratulations,
chérie
! Well, you have been busy while I was away. Are you in a relationship, then?’
‘It’s rather unconventional, actually.’
‘Don’t worry. I’m totally unshockable. How unconventional is it.?’
‘Well, the father of my babies is...’
‘So it’s a multiple birth?’
‘Just twins, Maman.’
‘Fine.’ Brigitte reached for the coffee pot and refilled their cups while waiting for her daughter to continue with her unexpected news. She told herself to stay calm. All would be revealed sooner or later and while she was delighted at the thought of being a grandmother she wasn’t so sure about the ‘unconventional’ side of things. But whatever it was, Chantal would have her full support.
‘Do you know the sex of your babies?’ Brigitte took a sip of her coffee.
‘No. My obstetrician asked if I wanted to know but I told him I thought I should allow the babies’ father to accompany me to the obstetrician’s when their sex is revealed. You see, Maman, I have to be very careful to involve him at important stages of my prenatal and postnatal treatment. We haven’t drawn up a legal document yet...’
‘So you’re going to draw up a legal document?’ Whatever next!
Chantal paused, cleared her throat, looked down at her hands and still it was difficult to actually find the right words.
‘You see, Michel and I are colleagues—well, actually he’s Director of Emergency, which, as you know, is the department I’m working in, so technically he’s my boss. We became friends and went out for a meal together. We sort of found ourselves discussing how we’d always wanted to be parents but that it wasn’t possible now.’
Brigitte nodded. She was beginning to guess what was coming.
‘It turned out that Michel’s wife had died and, well, you know what happened with Jacques. So we agreed to try for a baby together. The idea of a committed relationship didn’t come into it. We agreed we would go to a clinic for artificial insemination where Michel would provide the sperm and I would carry the baby but...’
She paused for breath.
‘Can you slow down a bit, dear? I think I’m with you so far. Just give me a moment to digest this bit. Don’t worry, I’ve read about AID. So you actually went ahead with this, did you?’
Chantal knew she mustn’t show weakness at this point. She must stay firm, she told herself as she searched her handbag for a tissue and blew her nose.
‘Well, in the intervening weeks, as we slowly got to know one another better, the dynamic between us changed slightly. Michel decided we should have a meeting at his house to discuss the unconventional partnership we were going to enter into.’
‘And...?’
At this point Brigitte had a good idea what might have happened. The way that her daughter was speaking about this doctor called Michel indicated that she had the highest regard for him. Human nature being what it was...
‘Well, when we went to his house that evening we were just good friends, discussing an unconventional situation that could work out for both of us.’ She paused.
Brigitte couldn’t wait to hear what happened. ‘So, you both got together that night did you?’
‘Mum! How did you know?’
‘Chantal, I wasn’t born yesterday. It was bound to happen. Two friends wanting a baby. Much better to do it the natural way.’
‘But we didn’t mean it to happen. We just sort of got carried away and then...well, in the course of one night together...’
She had to stop again. She found herself blushing as the memories of their lovemaking flooded back.
Brigitte smiled. ‘I gather you and Michel enjoyed yourselves on the night your babies were conceived?’
‘Yes, we did. But we were both intent on keeping to the plan we’d initially made that we should have an uncommitted relationship. Good parents but keeping our own independence.’
‘Just a moment, Chantal. You didn’t think you could honestly do that, did you? Not after you’d made love?’
‘Yes, we did think the plan would still work. And at first it did. But as soon as my pregnancy was confirmed I found myself in the middle of a maelstrom of emotional changes that I found difficult to deal with. Then a few weeks ago I had some bleeding, which seemed to signify that I was miscarrying. Thank heavens my babies are still safe!’
‘Exactly! Thank goodness the babies are still safe. That’s the main thing. I have to say you hit the nail on the head when you said you’ve been in the middle of a maelstrom of emotional changes. You’ve had to deal with hormonal changes and from a personal point of view you’ve had to come to terms with the reaction of your babies’ father. How did Michel react when it seemed as if you might lose the babies?’
‘He was desperately worried. He’d become very concerned about the babies’ welfare as soon as he saw them on screen at the first scan. It was almost as if he’d fallen in love with them. And he transferred that concern to me because I was carrying them. He became possessive, always suggesting I should take care when I was working, stop for a proper break at lunchtime...’
‘Well, of course he did. And quite right too. I like the sound of this young man.’
‘Well, yes, he did care about us a lot, the babies and me. Then he asked me several times to move in with him so he could take care of us. He has this magnificent house on the top of the hill overlooking the bay of St Martin. You know where I mean, Maman? Right at the top before the road goes down the other side.’
‘Yes, yes, I know where you mean. I was driving over there last year on my way to Montreuil. I think it was built a couple of years ago. It’s a beautiful house and what a view! So when are you moving in?’
‘Well, I said I’d think about it. He asked me again yesterday.’
‘Yesterday? And you...?’
‘It was just before Julia gave birth and we became involved in delivering her baby. She’s had a little boy, Maman.’
‘But that’s wonderful! She must be over the moon. I must phone my sister to congratulate her on becoming a grandmother.’
Brigitte couldn’t help wishing Chantal was settled like her niece with a good man by her side. This man Michel could well be the one for her even though she didn’t seem to have realised it yet.
‘Now, to get back to your unconventional situation, Chantal. After Michel had asked you about moving in and you’d helped to deliver Julia’s baby, what was your answer?’
‘I said no again and this time I made it clear it was final. I need to keep my independence. After Jacques deceived me and caused me to miscarry I vowed I would never trust another man.’
‘I know you said that then, my love, but circumstances change. I was away on holiday when it all happened and you coped all by yourself. Didn’t tell me a thing till weeks afterwards. You try to be too independent. Always have done. Just like your father.’
Brigitte was watching her daughter carefully as she spoke again.
‘Chantal, tell me exactly why you can’t marry the father of your babies?’
Chantal glared at her mother. ‘Because he hasn’t asked me, for a start, and if he did? Well, he just won’t. He’s still in love with his dead wife. I can’t compete with a ghost, can I?’
‘Ah, so you have thought about it, then?’
‘Well, of course I’ve thought about it but that’s as far as it got.’
‘If he did ask you to marry him rather than just move in with him would you?’
‘Mum, I need to be independent. As I told you, Jacques’s deceit triggered my miscarriage. Not only did I lose my baby but I lost the ability to love. As I lay on my bathroom floor in the throes of my miscarriage I remember feeling a change come over me. It felt liberating at the time as I vowed never to commit myself to another man. I knew that would ensure I would never be vulnerable again.’
‘But Michel sounds totally different from Jacques. Surely you can see that?’
Chantal could feel tears threatening to roll down her cheeks and remove the hard exterior of herself that she had just tried to portray.
‘Yes, I can see that,’ she said quietly. ‘And that’s the problem. The more I fight the feelings I have for Michel, the more I want him, not just because he’s the father of my babies but because...because I think...well, I’m sure now that...I love him.’
She choked on her words, desperately reaching again for a tissue.
Brigitte took a box of tissues from a nearby shelf and handed it to her before sitting down again and waiting silently. She felt she’d said enough to bring Chantal to her senses. She mustn’t be seen as a nagging mother. She longed to cradle her daughter in her arms as she used to do when Chantal had cried as a child. But she was a big girl now and had to make her own decisions.
She knew she’d needed to break down that icy exterior her daughter had built around herself since she’d been so badly hurt last year by that scoundrel. It had taken a good, thoughtful man like Michel to thaw her out. And it had taken her own tried and tested method of getting through to her daughter’s inner self. Chantal had trusted her with the secret she hadn’t even admitted to herself.
Her eyes were dry now. ‘Mum, I know you think that marriage and a loving, lifelong commitment to a partner are best for a family but you managed alone brilliantly.’
‘Chantal, I had no choice! I
had
to make a success of my parenting when your father died. I hadn’t
chosen
to be by myself, bringing up a child on my own. Many a night I cried myself to sleep, wishing my wonderful husband was still with me. But I had to keep strong for both of us.’
Chantal reached across the table and squeezed her mother’s hand. ‘I never knew,’ she breathed. ‘You always appeared to have everything under control.’
Brigitte wiped a tissue over her own eyes now. ‘My advice is go back and find out if Michel would still like you to move in with him. If he does, tell him you will. When you’re both under one roof and have babies to care for, love will blossom. I’m sure of it. And when he asks you to marry him...’