A look of incredulity crossed his face. “What the hell are you talking about? You were never a disappointment or burden to me. And I never compared you to my other lovers. You’ve got it all twisted. Experienced or not, none of them could ever compare to
you
.”
“Oh, really?” she shot back. “So why did you just fade away if I was so fabulous?” She poked him in the chest. “You avoided me. You backed off, and it hurt like hell.”
Jared caught her hand between his and kissed her jabbing fingers. His dark eyes were filled with such regret tears threatened her vision.
“Don’t you dare deny it.”
He nodded. “I did back off. I won’t lie.” At her sharp intake of breath, he held up a hand. “But not for the reasons you think.”
“And those reasons were?” She couldn’t help the cutting edge in her voice.
He released her hands and scrubbed at his face. “Let’s sit,” he said.
When they were settled, he turned to her. “I backed off for several reasons. Seeing you so tense and nervous, I felt like an utter failure in the bedroom.”
He looked so devastated, Pam couldn’t help but snort. “I’m sure that was a first.”
“Damn straight,” Jared said, raising an arrogant brow. “Never had any complaints before.”
She drew back. “Who said I was complaining? You didn’t do anything wrong. I thought there was something wrong with
me
.”
“Seriously?” At her nod, Jared’s eyes clouded. “Talk about miscommunication.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “I also backed off because I was truly busy. Even so, that’s a lousy excuse. I could’ve gotten around that, at least some of the time.”
Pam stared at him. “So why didn’t you?”
He stared right back. “You’re not a woman to be trifled with. You’re a forever kind of girl, not easily dismissed. Once you gave yourself to me and our relationship gained another dimension, it scared the shit out of me.”
Her shoulders slumped. “So when it got to be too much, you ran away.”
Jared shook his head. “No. I buried myself in work while I processed the changes in our relationship. I was just taking a breather. I wasn’t going anywhere. Believe me.”
She felt her chin tremble and looked away. “I thought you were on your way out…that you might be trying to figure out a gentlemanly way to dump me, especially if I complained.”
He cupped her cheek and turned her face toward him. “Never. You mean too much to me. Now more than ever.”
A feeling of hope blossomed, but she squashed it. “I wish I could believe that. It’s been my experience that the minute things get complicated, men tend to vanish.”
His gaze bored through hers. “And ‘men are pieces of shit who take off as soon as they get what they want.’ Right?”
Pam flinched. Her hard words had come back to bite her in the ass. “I was mad. I didn’t mean that.”
But Jared wasn’t buying it. “Oh, you meant it, all right. I’ll admit to being surprised at those bitter words, but your honesty was much appreciated. It provided a great insight.”
“Insight?” she asked. She leveled him a frosty look. “To what?”
“Your perception of men. Your fears of abandonment. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you figured that once I fucked you, I’d leave.”
“Bullshit.”
He ignored her outburst. “At first, I thought those were your mother’s sentiments alone, but now I know you at least partially believe them.” He leaned back as if to assess her. “Your father did quite a number on you both, I think.”
“Conversation over.”
“See? I hit a nerve.” He shrugged. “Your reluctance to discuss it further only proves me right.”
Anger and panic bubbled, an acid to her insides. “I-I can’t talk about it now. Please.”
He nodded in agreement. “I’ll back down for now. But you must answer one question first. Then I’ll drop it for the time being. All right?”
“Yes.”
“Your father abandoned you and your mother and you’re still angry. Correct? That calls for a yes or no.”
Pam didn’t want to answer at all, but she knew if she resisted, he’d badger her until she caved. “Yes,” she replied.
His expression didn’t change. “Thank you.” He leaned toward her, his face intent. “Understand this. I am not your father. I would never abandon anyone who depended on me. I’ve made my share of mistakes, but I own up to them and try to do better the next time. I don’t form strong ties, then carelessly break them. That’s why I backed off from you.”
“I don’t understand.”
He gripped her shoulders. “I knew I was starting to bond with you, and a permanent break would gut me. Also, once I created a bond, well…” His voice trailed off. “That’s not easy for anyone to realize, especially a guy who likes control.”
“Oh.” She’d never thought of it that way.
He regarded her for a moment. “Forgive?” he asked.
Pamela crawled onto his lap. “Yes. Forgive me too?”
Jared smiled. “Of course.” He pulled back. “From now on, we must make every attempt to communicate like this. Promise?”
“Promise.” She placed her head on Jared’s chest and melted into him. It wasn’t long before a raging hard-on poked her in the hip. She wiggled a bit and smiled inwardly when his erection twitched in response.
“Take off your clothes.” His voice was deep, commanding.
This time, she didn’t hesitate. She stood in front of him, running her hands up and down her arms, feeling utterly exposed.
“Stop fidgeting. Hands at your sides.”
She obeyed, eyes on her scarlet toenails.
“Look at me, Pam.”
She looked into his dark, fathomless depths. When he reached out and lifted her chin, her heart fluttered at his touch. “Don’t break eye contact with me while we play tonight. I want to see your every emotion, be it good, bad, or indifferent. No hiding your thoughts or your responses. Understood?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Good. Now move to the middle of the room and kneel.”
Despite her unsteady legs, Pam managed the task albeit with little grace. She looked up expectantly, striving to remain composed and focused on him.
His heated gaze slid over her body and a warm glow coursed through her. “Spread your legs wider. I want to see my pretty pussy.”
Eager to please, she spread her thighs farther apart.
Jared walked around and crouched to adjust her position. “Good posture is essential,” he instructed, the tips of his fingers stroking her back and neck.
Pam kept her spine straight and her gaze lowered until he stepped in front of her. “Sir…” she began.
“Hush,” he admonished. “Don’t speak until I give you permission or ask a question. Place your hands on your thighs, palms up.”
She hastened to comply and his features softened a fraction.
“Excellent. This is the position that I prefer when you kneel. Will you remember this for me?”
“I’ll remember,” she promised.
“Now hurry to my bedroom. Find a pillow or two. Place them at the foot of the bed and kneel on them. Face the windows, with your back to the doorway.”
Pamela rose and rushed toward the bedroom. Before turning the corner to his room, she looked behind her. His burning gaze was fixed on her retreating ass, and she couldn’t resist a mischievous smile at catching him.
He raised a questioning brow and scowled, but she could detect the tiniest hint of amusement in his eyes.
She was in position when he entered several minutes later. When his shoes materialized in front of her, she lifted her head and immediately noticed the enormous bulge at the front of his pants. Her first impulse was to reach out and touch that hard flesh, but she kept her hands in her lap, waiting for direction.
Jared looked thoughtful when he spoke. “You said you’ve never performed oral sex before. Correct?”
Well, that was to the point. Pam shook her head. “No.” She hesitated, then bit her lip.
Apparently, he caught her reluctance and was on her in an instant. “Out with it, Pamela.”
She sighed, hating to dredge up old memories. “I almost did in my freshman year of college. I was dating a junior named Jason.”
He nodded. “Go on.”
She continued. “We dated for a few months and got along just fine. He seemed to really like me until one night, when he asked for a blowjob.”
Jared shrugged. “Normal enough scenario. College boy, looking to get laid. What happened?”
The ugly memory lanced through her. “I thought about it but wasn’t ready and refused. Among other things, he called me a cock-tease so I told him he could go blow himself. It was quite a scene.”
Jared huffed out a laugh. “I bet. I’m just surprised the asshole waited so long to make a move.”
“Well, it’s not like I’m frigid. We did some heavy petting and such. I guess that held him off for a while. He knew I was a virgin and seemed to accept that I wasn’t an easy lay.”
Jared was persistent. “And the ending of the story is…?”
“He dumped me after that night. No text, no phone call. Nothing.”
“Ouch.”
She nodded. “Yup. I was crushed because he seemed like such a nice guy. But he proved to be the kind of bastard my mother always warned me about.” She hesitated. “Well, he did call a couple of months later. I think he wanted to apologize, but I was still too angry and ignored him.”
“You refused to talk to him because he abandoned you.” Jared gave her an appraising look. “He acted like an asshole, make no mistake. But when he called, you missed the perfect opportunity to tell him off. And if he called to ask your forgiveness, he never got a chance to redeem himself. No closure. Looks like everyone lost there. Sometimes you’re hard as a hickory nut, little one.”
Pam lifted her nose in the air. “I’m not some doormat gushing forgiveness to someone who does me wrong.”
“Can’t refute that,” he acknowledged with a touch of his easy humor.
She barely managed to bite back a saucy rejoinder.
Jared waited with an expectant air, arms folded across his chest. Even so, she kept her expression neutral.
Looking satisfied at her hard-won control, Jared reached for his belt. Pamela tensed as he unbuckled it and slid it off. When he tossed it aside, she audibly exhaled.
A slight smile curved his lips. “Don’t fret. It’s much too soon to stripe your backside again.” Her relief must have been evident, because he added, “That doesn’t mean I can’t have a little fun with my bare hand.”
Fun? Not discipline? Intrigued, she waited for his next move.
Jared helped her to her feet, then bent down to scoop up the pillows. After crossing the room, he tossed the pillows aside and settled into a cushioned, armless chair. His unwavering gaze held hers. “Tell me your safe word.”
“Sugar,” she murmured.
He patted his thigh. Pam stretched across his lap, touched the floor with her fingertips, and squeezed her eyes shut. He administered twenty swats. Jared took his time, rubbing her ass with his hardened palms between strokes. To her surprise, her pussy clenched in response to each scorching clout, while her arousal ramped up with each burning caress. This time, it was as if he were stroking her needy clit, not just raining punishment on her ass.
As soon as it was over, Jared gave Pam’s tush a fond pat and set her on his lap. For some reason, a sense of peace had drifted over her like a cozy blanket.
He caressed her thigh with one hand while the other held her by the waist. “I need to clarify something. Like today’s scene, yesterday’s included spanking. You were naughty as usual last night, and I had a great time ‘punishing’ you.” With this, he used air quotes. “But both spankings were really about fun and weren’t discipline in the true sense. They certainly can’t be compared to domestic discipline, which is a lifestyle choice with its own strict set of rules. Do you see the difference?”
Pam nodded. “I think I get it. Both spankings, even yesterday’s supposed punishment, were BDSM scenes. They are in essence a bit like playacting, whereas domestic discipline is the real thing.”
“Well, it’s certainly real enough to those who believe in a head of household and his right to administer discipline anytime he deems fit.” His fixed a curious gaze on her. “I have a question. If not for discipline, what might be my real reason for spanking you?”
She pondered this for a moment. “My best guess would be you wanted to establish your dominance in the bedroom but in a fun, sexy way.”
“Perceptive as always,” he replied in an approving tone. “Remember, though…that kind of dominance will not encroach on our relationship outside the bedroom.” He paused. “How do you feel now?”
“Okay.” Realizing the noncommittal answer would never pass muster, she elaborated. “I feel centered but a bit edgy at the same time.”
Jared looked thoroughly confused. “Edgy? In what way? Explain.”
Knowing she couldn’t squirm out of this vague response either, Pam sighed and admitted, “This spanking was different from yesterday’s. I didn’t feel overwhelmed at all this time. Don’t get me wrong,” she rushed to add, “I liked it both times.” She chewed her lip.
“Go on,” he urged.
“Today’s was even more intense because I wasn’t in subspace. I knew what was going on and was aware of my desires.”
At this, Jared’s head tilted questioningly. Pam gathered her courage. “More than anything, I wanted you to dominate me. And I just felt…incredibly aroused when you did. I still do, and it’s uncomfortable.”
His dark brows shot up.
She had surprised him. But that glint in his eyes…was it smug satisfaction? Yes, it was. Cocky bastard. She rubbed her naked ass on his impressive bulge—a reminder that the horniness went both ways.
Holding her stationary, he slipped questioning fingers between her thighs. She leaned back, parting her legs to better accommodate him. The slick glide of his digits confirmed her words. Heat crept up her neck and face, but she refused to tear her gaze away from his, even when his pupils dilated and his eyes darkened to midnight.
Chapter Six
Finally, Jared spoke. “Well, then,” he drawled, rising out of the chair and setting Pam on her feet.
She shivered as his warm hands cupped her breasts, then plucked her nipples to harder points. He brought her closer, and she placed her hands on his chest, enjoying the play of muscles under her fingers.