Hidden Barriers (25 page)

After my brother picked me up from the jailhouse, the first place I wanted to go to was the nearest bar to get hammered or high. Beer. Shots. Some under the counter crack. I just don’t give a fuck. It’s been three years. It will be a bonus if some tight little slut saddles up and makes herself at home on my cock.

Fuck it.

I’d even settle for getting my dick sucked after three years of handies. For three fucking years, I haven’t been able to feel what it is like to have control over a woman. Not since that bitch.

Three fingers of whiskey later, and I’m more than ready to go. A blonde wearing nothing more than a tube top for a skirt and knee-high come-fuck-me boots is already unzipping my pants, taunting my cock while I sit at the dive bar in downtown Boston during the early afternoon. It is less than busy, exactly how I like it. No witnesses.

She is clearly a bar slut and unaware of exactly what she is getting herself into when she begins shoving her hands down my pants. I don’t give a flying fuck what she is. She wants it rough; I can see it in her eyes. Grabbing her wrist forcefully, she eyes my arm full of tattoos down to my hand that is wrapped tightly around her wrist.

I pull her behind me into a dark corner and possessively push her up against the back wall away from earshot. My go-to place when I need to release my urges with women. They never suspect how fucked they are until it’s too late. I wrap my hand around her jaw as she questions my intentions. I squeeze tighter until I know I’ve left my mark.

My mark. A branding of sorts to tell the next guy she goes near that I’m the one who had her last.

I fling her around so her palms rest against the wall, and her eyes can’t watch what I’m going to do. I kick her legs wide and yank her pathetic attempt at a skirt above her ass, ripping her thong off her body in the process. I unzip my pants, pulling out my dry, hard cock and shoving right into her. She cries out in pain, and it only fuels my desire.

I pound into her over and over until I have my way with her. I watch as her legs shake below her, and her red fingernails claw at the wall. She doesn’t come. I don’t let her. I release myself inside her with so much intensity that the blood trickling down her thighs from her folds confirms I left my mark the only way I know how.

I pull myself from her, stuffing my dick back into my pants as she sobs and adjusts her clothes. Her mascara-stained cheeks and watered eyes look back at me, and I snap. I slap her face right back around with the back of my hand. Nobody looks at me that way.

Not since that bitch, who tossed my ass in jail over three years ago, have I seen that look. It’s a look of lies, deceit, and guilt. Sam thought she could go against me and win. Nobody gets away with that in my world. She never fought me to prove her innocence as I watched her that night in the bar. I saw the way she was acting around all those guys. She was mine and fell for my phony act for months. She thought I was one of the good guys. The stupid bitch was so wrong.

But, what’s mine is mine. I claimed her, and she flaunted her goods to guys in front of me, and for that, she has to be punished. I choked her in that back room that night, and it felt so good. Her eyes never denied her lies, and I was already in the mindset to leave her for dead in a river somewhere with the others who deceived me. Then, her pansy ass brother walked in as she took what I thought would be her last breath. The fucker ruined the last three years of my life. While I rotted in jail all this time, she was out there living her life.

You would think it’s my lucky day. I get granted parole, thanks to a very eager parole officer who couldn’t refuse my charm. Good behavior and a smile go a long way in the court system these days.

As I’m taking a piss after cleaning off the slut’s juices from my cock, I glance to one of the walls where posters litter every corner. That’s when I see her eyes staring back at me.

Well. Well. If it isn’t mother fucking Samantha. Oh, Sam, you really are a dumb bitch. Sliding my dick back into my pants, I zip up and head toward the door, pulling the poster from the wall and stuffing it into my pocket.

She always did make it easy for me. Looks like I’m going to pay a little visit to the roller derby.

Today is the first day people have left me alone. I am mentally exhausted and really just want to not have everyone breathing down my neck, wondering how I am doing or what they can do to help me. Nobody here understands what I’ve gone through, not one single person. So, forgive me if for the last two weeks I have wallowed in my shell of a body and tried to figure out how the hell to live my life, knowing the man that once tried to kill me is back on the streets.

I’m not sure how I managed to do it, but I’ve pushed Josh away in the process. That’s what hurts the most right now. I gave him every part of my soul, and he helped me move forward and loved me through it all. But, right now, I’m sure he’s wondering why he ever bothered falling in love with someone with as much baggage as I have.

It doesn’t matter. With the look on his face yesterday after I all but kicked him out of my room and told him to just go to work and leave me alone, I knew I broke his heart. He fought me tooth and nail, but he wouldn’t leave my side for two weeks straight.

I’m not a fragile piece of glass that needs to be coddled. I need to be able to stand on my own and figure out my shit, except this time I need to figure it out, knowing Stone isn’t behind bars.

A knock on my bedroom door breaks my thinking. I mute the
Supernatural
episode I’m watching and look up to see Drew standing in my doorway in his digi-cammies and carrying his military bag over his shoulder.

He steps forward with purpose and drops his heavy bag onto the floor with a loud thump. His stern eyes and presence here tell me all I need to know. I glance back at the television, turning the volume back up as I sarcastically blurt out, “When did Josh call you to come try to
fix
me?”

“Damn it, Sam!” Drew marches over, his boots loud against the wooden floor. “You listen to me. I get it, okay. He’s out. Be scared if you want. Be a bitch. I don’t care. But,
do not
push away the guy you love because he’s trying to help you.”

I search his face for some kind of hint as to how he knows my feelings are that strong for Josh. Drew has always known my thoughts long before I speak them, as is the case at the moment.

“I know, Sam. For years you’ve protected yourself, and now the minute you feel threatened, you push everyone away. Josh loves you. He called me because he doesn’t know what else to do. You can’t live your life in fear. Pushing Josh away because you think he’s trying to help, it’s wrong, and you know it’s wrong. Do you love him, Sam?”

“Yes, of course, I do, but it’s not fair to him for me to drag him into this nightmare I live. It’s not!” I shout at Drew with everything I can muster as tears stream continuously down my face. He is quick to my side to wrap me in his arms. “I can’t be the one to ruin Josh’s life, Drew. I can’t. He deserves so much more than me.”

“Maybe you ought to let him decide what he wants, because honestly, I’m almost positive
that guy loves you more than anything,” he says, brushing away the wet tears on my face.

“I doubt he loves me. Not after what I’ve done to him the last couple of weeks,” I respond, more to myself than him.

An unfamiliar voice sounds from my door. “He will never stop loving you,” the voice says. Drew and I look up to see Courtney standing there with a small bag in her hand. Drew’s eyes are transfixed on her, not blinking. She takes a step further into my room. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to barge in. Ummm, Lucy, I think, said it was all right for me to come up.”

I wipe the wet, ugly snot from my nose on the back of my sleeve. “It’s fine, Courtney. Come on in,” I say as I look at Drew who still hasn’t moved an eyelid. “Drew.” His focus snaps at my stern voice. He looks over as I point to Courtney. “Drew, this is Courtney, Josh’s sister. Courtney, this is my brother Drew.”

The two shake hands as Drew says he’s going to take a shower since he came straight from base. Courtney moves to sit next to me on the bed. “May I?” she asks as she points to the bed. I nod and shove my feet to the side to make room for her. She reaches out and hands me the bag she has in her hands. I curiously look inside to see a clear bag of mixed gummy snacks from the candy shop downtown.

“You didn’t have to do this, Court, but thank you,” I say as I put the bag onto the nightstand.

“I didn’t. Josh did.”

“Oh,” I mutter, not really sure what to say or what she knows is going on between her brother and me.

“Listen, Sam. I just spent the last two hours with him. I know something is going on, but he loves you. He’s got a huge heart; that much I know. If this is how he shows his love for you, then don’t push him away for putting you first. What’s it going to be, Sam? Allow him to help
you get through whatever is causing you pain, or push him out of your life?”

“Courtney, I need him. I love him, but I’ve been such a bitch for weeks that I don’t think he could ever forgive me.”

“Well, what are you waiting for? Get your ass downstairs.”

“Huh?”

“Get your ass downstairs and ask him yourself.” She smirks.

“He’s here?”

“Of course, he’s here. You’re the most important thing in his life, and he doesn’t want to be anywhere else.”

Within seconds, I’m running from the bed and down the stairs as I see his back to me while he talks to Kim and Rose. Hearing me approach, he turns and I run into his arms hard, nearly knocking him over. I hug him with everything I have in me. “I’m so sorry,” I whimper into his chest.

“I know, sugar. I’m sorry, too,” he says as he runs his hands through my ponytail. “Can we go talk in your room?”

Nodding back at him, we walk hand in hand up the stairs. The sight before us stops us dead in our tracks. Just outside my bedroom door, Drew stands, wearing only a bath towel around his waist and leaning against the wall with one hand stretched out. That’s not what’s the shocking part. Courtney is the one who has garnered all his attention, as she appears to be making doe eyes at my brother.

Josh and I stare at each other in silence and then back at our siblings before deciding to interrupt. We walk toward my room as Drew notices us first and quickly pushes off the wall. I give him my best stern stare I can muster. I raise one eyebrow and tap my foot as he rushes back into the bathroom, afraid of what I might do. He pushes his head through the doorway before
shutting it completely. “Hey, Courtney, call me sometime,” he requests.

“Drew! Don’t make me call Mom,” I scold.

The bathroom door shuts. “What are we, fifteen?” I hear him yell behind the closed door.

Josh starts laughing as the scene continues to play. I turn and raise my eyes at him. “What is so damn funny?” Courtney must sense the bad karma in the air or something because she pushes off the wall and heads over to the bathroom door and knocks. Drew opens the door as Courtney walks into the room, shutting the door behind her.

Josh continues to laugh until I smack him across the arm. “We have to stop this!” I command while pointing to the door they are behind.

He shakes his head as he pulls my arm toward my bedroom. “I gave up on that girl years ago. The way I see it, she’s brought us back together twice now, so I’m going to let her do whatever she wants to do.”

“But, that’s my brother,” I whine.

“What’s really bugging you, Sam? I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with Drew possibly making out with Courtney,” Josh insinuates as he pulls me onto the bed with him.

I release a long, drawn out sigh before answering him. “If Drew moves on and finds a girl, he’ll no longer be here to help protect me…like he did in the past,” I say as I stare at the empty door.

“Sam, I don’t think Drew making out with my sister is going to make him forget all about you. It’s no longer his responsibly to protect you anyway. That job falls on my lap, and I promise to be there if you are ever in trouble, okay?”

My gaze returns to Josh’s face. “How did I ever manage to find you?”