Hidden Barriers (20 page)

Blinking my eyes in disbelief as to why Tarryn couldn’t understand the words
we are done
, I gaze up at Sam who stands with her hands on her stomach, shaking her head. “Is this some kind of sick joke?” she scolds as her arms fold over her chest, clearly angry at the idea of what could be going on behind her back.
This is why you should have told her days ago, you ass.

“Sam, please let me explain,” I beg her as I rise from my seat. Both Courtney and Cara watch as the scene unfolds. Sam is faster on her feet and is already through the back door before I even round my seat. Shit.

I storm through the back door, knowing this is not going to go well at all. Had I just told her firsthand my history with women, let alone what I did with Tarryn, maybe this could have been avoided.

As I open Sam’s office door, I see her pacing with clenched hands by her side. “Sam, if you just let me explain,” I say as I try to stop her by reaching for her arm. She jerks away from my touch, her body radiating with anger.

“What’s there to explain, Josh? Huh? Obviously, you have been sleeping with someone else while you swore you wouldn’t hurt me, that I was something special to you. Well, tell me something. If I’m so damn fucking special, when was the last time you screwed her?”

“It’s not like that, Sam.”
“Really? So, the half naked picture of a woman on your phone asking if you want…” She pauses. Scratching my forehead, I try to think of the right words to make this situation better. I know the next words out of her mouth are going to be the death of me as she remembers exactly what the text said. “Josh, her text said ‘what you had the other night
’. What
night might that have been? And so help me, you better be completely honest with me, because you owe me
that much.”

“Sam.”

“What night?!”

Just hand her your ass on the platter. She’s going to chew you a new one anyway.
“The night I came over to your house.”

All the life leaves her eyes as she sinks back against the wall in shock, openly staring at me as though I just stabbed her right through the heart. “You’re telling me the night I bared my soul to you and gave you every inch of my body, you had just come from her house?” Sam shakily asks, no longer looking me in the eyes.

“Yes, but I promise you, that was the last time. I swear on my life, Sam.”
She openly laughs at my statement. “You must think I’m the biggest idiot out there if I’m falling for that story.”

“Seriously, Sam, I have the text to her to prove it, but she won’t listen. Do you want the honest to God truth? This was who I was. I had sex with random women ever since I joined the police force. I’m not proud of it, but it took my mind off my ex. Then, I met you, and things changed. I wasn’t sure the other night where we stood as a couple. You told me not to call you. I didn’t know. I left her place and called you. I never planned on what happened between you and me, but it did. I couldn’t tell you that night what I did with her after you told me what happened to you. I couldn’t. Please, believe me. I never intended to hurt you. If I could change everything leading up to that night, I would. I fucked up, and I’m sorry. You should know you
are
the best thing that’s happened in my life in so long.”

Sam continues to stand there, silently playing with the hem of her shirt before turning her head back up in my direction. Her face void now of anything that allows me to see where we stand. “I think it would be best if you just left right now,” she mutters in a hushed tone.

“Sam, please—”

“Josh! Just go. I need time to think about this, and I can’t have you here to do that.”

I stalk toward her, trying to make her see I’m not the bad guy. “No, I’m not letting…” Sam immediately backs away, throwing up her hands and stopping me from getting any closer. “No, Josh! Just go,” she snaps.

Shaking my head, I contemplate what I should do next— stay and fight for the woman who is quickly becoming my lifeline or turn and walk out the front door while hoping to hell she comes back to me. “This isn’t over, Sam,” I sternly say, making her understand my intent. “You mean too much to me, and I’m going to do everything to make sure this gets fixed,” I vow as I turn from her and walk out the door and back into the bar.

Courtney’s head spins from her conversation with Cara as she watches me stalk over to the bar. “What’s going on?” she asks in a demanding tone as she crosses her arms over her chest, knowing the situation isn’t good just from my body language. Her stare clearly tells me she’s not budging until I give her the details.

I grab my phone from the bar top and shove it into my coat pocket before slipping my arms in and adjusting the hooded sweatshirt underneath. I stare at Courtney before I explain, “Oh, you know, Court, just the usual. Fucking up my life and possibly losing the best thing to ever walk into it. I gotta go try to make some things right.” I move in to kiss her on the cheek. “Tell Mom and Dad I’m sorry for missing another dinner, but I’ll be over soon,” I continue as I make my way to the front door before turning and walking out onto the street. After pulling the hood over my head as the March air hits with a bite, I push forward and head to the house. I’m determined to do whatever I can to fix this with Sam, and that involves taking care of a nagging situation.

The minute Josh turns to walk away I almost tell him not to. Both of us handle the pain of our pasts in our own ways. Josh’s decision was to use women as a way to cope with the thought of throwing away the love of his life. Am I in any position to judge? Maybe not, which is why I almost ask him to stay. But, then another part of me questions whether I truly am special in his eyes, or am I just another one of the many he uses in order to forget? Is he still in love with his ex-girlfriend after all these years? That’s when I watch him walk out the front door as I stand at the back of the bar. In all honesty, I don’t expect to see him again despite his fighting words.

After I know he’s gone, I walk into the bar and see Cara still talking to Josh’s sister. Shit. Courtney moves to hop off the bar stool and heads in my direction. I really have no idea what she wants right now. I thought perhaps she had left with Josh, but no such luck. She stands at arm’s length from me as we both stare at each other, trying to see into the other’s mind. Courtney breaks the silence first when she moves toward one of the sofas. “Come here. We need to talk.”
“Courtney, I don’t know what Josh has told you, but I’m not so sure whatever we had is going to work.”

“Sam, sit.” She pats the sofa cushion as I lower myself to sit beside her. Courtney leans back, relaxing as she continues. “I love my brother, and yes, I agree, he’s screwed up enough over the years. Maybe there are some things about him you should know before you make that decision.”

“I’m listening,” I urge her to continue to plead her case for her brother.

“Josh may be a bunch of things, but a liar and a cheat aren’t on the list. With the look in his eyes just then, I know his feelings for you are deep. I haven’t seen that look since—”

“The girl he let go all those years ago. Sue, right?”

“Yeah, so if he’s told you about her, then I know he’s got it bad for you.”

“Well, if that’s the case, why would he have slept with another girl hours before he slept with me?” The words leave my mouth before I have a chance to think them through. Shit. Looking at the expression on Courtney’s face, I know she wasn’t expecting to know that about her own brother. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you that, but I just don’t see how he could say one thing and do another.”

Courtney looks around the bar, probably thinking of the fastest escape route. She rises to her feet and heads to the bar saying something to Cara, who nods in agreement. I turn my attention back to the woman singing her heart out to the bar with her guitar. Her voice is captivating and emotional as she belts out the lyrics about people being made for each other.

The moment she’s done singing the last word, everyone claps, and I immediately think of Josh. A hand on my shoulder breaks my train of thought as I pull away slightly, looking up to see Courtney standing there assessing me with a bottle of wine and glasses in her hand. Drawing her hand back as she returns to sit beside me, she pulls the cork from the already opened wine bottle and pours two glasses. “I figured we’re going to need this, since I’m not about to let my brother screw up. Oh, what were his words? Right! The best thing to ever walk into his life.”

My breath hitches as my head whips up to observe her expression as she sips on her glass of wine. “What did you just say?” I ask, suddenly wondering if Josh was really telling the truth about his feelings toward me. Why would he have any reason to lie to his sister?

Courtney gently places her wine glass onto the table just as I grab mine and take a pretty heavy sip. “Sam, listen. Josh doesn’t
ever
date, but if you open yourself up to him despite his faults, I promise he will be worth it. I’ll be on his case if he doesn’t. Please, don’t give up just yet. Now, enough about Josh. I’m dying to know all about you. Something tells me we could be really good friends. I’ve been dying to have another girls’ night out, and this place is just perfect!”

Sipping back on more of my wine, I wonder how it is I think one thing about Josh, and the next moment, his sister has me rethinking my entire outlook on him. Josh is a great guy, and I know my feelings are growing fast for him. Despite this little hiccup today, talking to Courtney has made me realize Josh’s feelings are true. Although I can’t just completely forgive him for sleeping with this other chick before me, what I can do is work toward making sure it never happens again.

As I step into the C-Naughtie house after a long afternoon at Vines with Courtney, I recall how close we got in such a short period of time. What is it with these Pages that just exude friendly and caring personalities? We talked about everything from her love of cooking and photography to my brother Drew and my roller derby team. We laughed over stories she told me about Josh growing up. I never mentioned my history with Stone, but I did brush upon my college experience and how much I missed seeing my parents. Once Courtney saw the time, she had to get going—something about her mother would kill her for not helping with dinner. According to her, it was a weekly thing they all did. I was a little surprised, especially since Josh never mentioned leaving for his parents’ house today.

I hang my coat on the hook by the front door as I hear all the girls in the kitchen. Rounding the corner, they all look up as they see me approaching. “Hey, bitches! What’s up?” I exclaim while observing them slicing and dicing food on the counter.

Rose looks up as she finishes sautéing vegetables on the stove. “You’re just in time. We’re making stir-fry. Should we set a plate for you, or perhaps we might expect to see a hot
police officer tonight as well?”

Dropping my gaze, I begin twirling my hair while thinking that I still have yet to talk to Josh about everything. After talking with Courtney, though, I’m feeling better about where we might stand after a little time apart to think things through. “I doubt he’ll be over tonight,” I utter. “But, let me know what I can do to help out here.”