His Touch (12 page)

“I don’t know,” Kara repeated, still nibbling her nail.

Reid sighed and tugged her back down the corridor to the classroom door. “Look at her. She’s happy, Kara. She’s having fun. She hasn’t even noticed you’re gone.”

Kara’s eyes welled up. “I know!”

Reid laughed and tugged her into his arms. “Come on now, Mama. Time to cut the cord. You asked for my help. This is it.”

“Okay. Okay, let’s try it.” She took out her checkbook and returned to Carol Hart’s office to make arrangements. By the time the paperwork was signed and the ID cards generated, parents had started to pick up their children. A man in a shirt and tie nodded as he passed and entered Nadia’s classroom. A little boy’s excited shout of “Daddy!” had Kara’s eyes filling up all over again.

“Come on. Let’s get you both home before you lose all your electrolytes,” Reid teased. They stepped inside Nadia’s classroom. The man in the tie was holding his son with one arm and stuffing a blanket and stuffed animal into a bag with the other.

“Nadia, time to go home,” Kara called.

Nadia was climbing on a large sculpture of some sort. She leaped down and across the room. Kara crouched down and opened her arms but Nadia ran past her and into Reid’s arms.

“Daddy!”

*

He’d left Kara
and Nadia at the corner and headed to his night tour, that word echoing off the walls of his skull.

He hadn’t been called
Daddy
in two years. Two years, seven months to be exact.

After he’d figured out how to breathe again, he decided it was a bad idea, a very bad idea to be around Kara Larsen. She made him forget the promises he’d made himself. No, no, that wasn’t it. She made him
want
to forget everything he’d promised himself. But he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t let himself be that man again. He’d barely survived it the first time around.

“Hey, Bennett.” Gene held up a hand. “Shit, you okay? You look like you saw a ghost.”

Reid almost laughed. He opened his locker and started changing into his uniform. “Yeah, I’m fine. Kara’s kid called me
Daddy
today. Almost crapped my pants.”

Gene’s eyebrows shot up. “Uh oh. Let me guess. You breaking up, running for the hills?”

Reid shrugged. “It’s not like that. I’m just helping her out.”

Gene nodded and winked. “Riiiiiiiight.”

Stubbornly, Reid shook his head. “Okay, look. I’m not saying I have no interest in Kara. She’s smart. She’s gorgeous. If she didn’t have a kid, I’d be all over that. But she does. I can’t risk it.”

Gene sat on a bench in front of the lockers. “You can’t risk what, exactly? Having her kid call you Daddy?”

Reid slammed his locker door. “So what are you telling me? Because that ship sailed, I should say
What the hell
and just go for it, get Kara and her daughter all sucked up into my crap?”

Gene shook his head. “No, man. I’m pointing out the obvious. You’ve already tried staying away and yet, you’re in her life. So why don’t you just try to make it work this time instead of putting the brakes on? Come on, pal. Nut up.” Gene stood up, patted Reid’s back and headed for the break room.

Reid stared after him, cursing him silently. It was all so easy for people like Gene. He had a steady girlfriend. In fact, Gene was never
not
in a relationship and as far as Reid was concerned, that hardly qualified him to be giving out advice. At least he knew when hearts were at risk and took steps to prevent the inevitable pain. He was sparing all of them that—couldn’t Gene see that?

Sparing you, you mean.

His brother’s voice in his mind broke through his mental tirade.

Admit it, little bro. A relationship is exactly what you want.

And because he was obviously losing what few marbles he still had left, his former wife’s voice picked up where his brother’s left off.

Remember what I told you when we signed the divorce papers?

Yeah. He had. She’d told him it was obvious she couldn’t make him happy anymore and if he was ever lucky enough to find someone who could, he’d better hold onto her with both hands.

Damn it, that was the heart of it. He was happy around Kara and her daughter. He’d even laughed.

Out loud.

He wasn’t sure when he’d done that last because he always felt switched off. Powered down. Life happened around him, not to him. He wasn’t sure when it happened, but yeah…he felt
on
when he was with Kara and Nadia.

He sank to the bench in front of the lockers and absently buttoned his shirt. Could he do this? Could he open his cold dead heart a second time and not shred the pieces that were still intact? They’d both been hurt before, he reminded himself. Both had known loss and grief. Both were parents.

Because even though Erin was gone, he was still and always would be her father.

Could he do things right this time?

He waited a moment, then two, but all of the voices in his mind were silent. He couldn’t help but wonder if Kara would think that was a sign, too.

‡

I
t was raining
Friday evening when Reid rang Kara’s buzzer.

“Hello?”

“Kara, it’s Reid.”

She buzzed him in and had the apartment door open for him. He stepped into the living room, a plastic bag full of Chinese take-out cartons in his hand and found her holding Nadia on one hip. “Who’s hungry?”

Kara’s jaw dropped while he lined up the cartons on her counter. When the bag was empty, he balled it up, stuffed it under her sink. He shrugged out of the hoodie he’d put on to protect himself from the rain, tossed it over her sofa. He held out his arms and Nadia practically tumbled into them. “How is Nadia liking daycare?”

Kara’s eyes raked over him and the few drops of rain he could still feel on his skin evaporated. He swallowed hard, hoping he was doing the right thing, hoping he could be the kind of man a woman like Kara Larsen wanted.

“Oh,” Kara finally said. “Um, good. She couldn’t wait to start playing. The teacher said she was very vocal. Look. They gave me a report.” Kara showed him the form with the Rainbow Montessori logo.

Reid skimmed it and grinned. “Some issues with sharing, huh? Okay, she’ll learn.” He adjusted the baby in his arms. “And what about you, Miss Nadia? Did you have fun today?”

The baby nodded once.

Reid turned shocked eyes to Kara’s. “She nodded! That’s new.”

Kara smiled proudly. “That’s nothing. Watch this.” She pointed to the baby. “What’s your name? Hmm? Tell us your name.”

Nadia laughed and shouted, “Nah da.”

Reid’s eyes widened even more. “Wow.”

“And who’s this? What’s his name?” She pointed to Reid.

Nadia laughed and said “Eed.”

Reid’s lips curved in a delighted grin. “I’m Eed.

Kara clapped. “Yay! Good girl. High five.” But her smile quickly faded. He watched her hurry to the kitchen, find some plates and utensils, and set them out on the counter next to the cartons.

“And how was
your
week?” He asked her with a probing look.

“Fine.” Kara looked away and shrugged and he knew she was lying.

Okay, maybe not lying. But he could tell something was wrong. He knew her
tells
now. She was biting her lip and avoiding eye contact. And, she didn’t have purple circles under her eyes so she was sleeping well, which meant Nadia was sleeping well. So what was bothering her? She scooped lo mein onto a plate, still avoiding his gaze. He slid a hand under her chin and lifted her face. “Kara. What’s wrong?”

She put the plate down and squeezed her eyes shut. “You were right, Reid. You were right. Daycare is exactly what she needed. She’s making friends and soaking up knowledge like a little sponge.” Kara turned, looked at Nadia. The little girl was sitting on the floor, cuddling her bear. “Look at how calm and quiet she is.”

He crossed his arms and angled his head. “I’m confused. I was right. Daycare was what she needed. And you’re miserable. Why?”

She put the food carton down and gripped the counter for a moment. “Forget it.”

“No.” He took her by her arms, turned her to face him. “Out with it.”

“Fine.” She blew the hair from her eyes. “You’ve heard of Saxony House?” When he nodded, she gave him a tiny shrug. “Well, Ronald Saxon is my new client.”

Right. The Dos Equis guy. He knew that. Her eyes lifted to his and he waited for the big reveal. “And?” He prodded.

“I’ve been helping him set up a charitable foundation, and one thing led to another and I may get the opportunity to manage his personal portfolio, too and well—” she waved a hand toward her daughter. “With Nadia in daycare, it’s been, I don’t know. Better. Easier. The hours fly by and suddenly, it’s time to pick her up.” She pulled away from him, the words falling out of her mouth. “I should feel guilty. I should miss her more. I should—”

Ah. That explained everything. “You got any wine?”

She blinked. “What?”

“Wine. Got any?”

“Oh. Um. Yeah.” She found a bottle of white in her refrigerator, slid it over to him. He rooted around in a drawer, found a corkscrew, and opened the bottle. He poured her a glass.

“Take a sip.”

When she did, he took the glass, put it on the counter and covered her hand with his. “Now tell me why you’re doing this to yourself.”

“Why I—what?”

The expression of outrage and confusion on her face had him biting back a grin. “Come on, Kara. You’ve obviously decided you have to feel guilty because you don’t feel guilty. Why?”

“I’m her mother, Reid—”

“Yes. I know. You’re also a financial advisor who holds two graduate degrees,” he said, mimicking the way she’d given him that information weeks earlier. “You enjoy your work. You’re good at it. This Saxon guy is a big deal. So I repeat, why are you forcing yourself into a guilt trip?”

“Because I’m supposed to want to be with my daughter.” She flung up her arms and spun around, strode to the sofa and collapsed on it.

“Who told you that?”

Her eyes snapped to his, and then away. “Nobody. It’s just—”

“It’s just bull-”

“Reid!” Kara looked pointedly at her daughter.

He joined her on the sofa. “Kara, didn’t you tell me your mother worked outside the home?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, so where is this 1950’s sitcom ideal of yours coming from?” When she didn’t reply, he added, “You worked hard to finish college, pass whatever tests you needed for certification, and you love the work. All of that is part of who you are.”

She looked at him sideways. “A few weeks ago, you were yelling at me for not putting my kid first. Now you’re telling me it’s who I am?”

He nodded. “I was wrong, Kara. Wrong to yell at you the way I did and wrong to judge. You’re doing what’s right for you and what’s right for your daughter. That’s all that matters and that’s all you should care about. Now finish the wine. I got this.” He waved a hand toward the food.

“I can’t. I have to get Nadia ready for bed. But this looks good. Thanks for bringing it over.” She forked up a bite of the sautéed vegetables, swallowed it and groaned, the sound sending blood gleefully out of his head.

Reid grabbed Nadia’s pink plate, spooned some vegetables and a dumpling and piece of chicken onto it. He carefully cut up everything into chunks. “Nadia, hungry?”

She nodded once and he laughed. It really was adorable. Reid took two plates to the coffee table and Kara took one. They sat on the floor and ate in silence. Nadia popped a green bean chunk into her mouth and made a face.

“Hmm. Okay, not a green bean fan. Try this one, Nadia.” Reid pointed to the chicken.

“Yum!” Nadia said.

“Another new word? Wow.”

Kara smiled tightly. “Yeah. Wow.”

Reid’s brow furrowed. Apparently, there was still more guilt. “Okay, Kara.” He put his fork down. “One thing you need to know about having a kid? They don’t stay little.”

She speared him with a look that would have killed a lesser man, he was sure.

“I know you hate it, but your job as her mom is to prepare her to separate from you when she’s old enough. Look at her progress in just one week!” He waved a hand. “She’s more verbal and not as wild. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t adore her mommy, and it doesn’t mean she’s forgotten who you are.”