His Wounded Light (29 page)

Ten minutes later, we’re seated at a sandwich place on the ground floor. The mood is light and refreshing and easy. I order a salad and he orders a steak sandwich. I find out that he’s only two years younger than me at 32 and running a startup digital media company. He’s never been married but has been in a few high profile relationships. He seems genuinely interested in getting to know me.

“So you had Maddy ten years after Eddie? You still look like you’re in your twenties. You must have married pretty young.”

“I did. No regrets, though, they’re wonderful children.”

“I’m sure they are; I can already tell you’re an awesome mom.”

I raise one eyebrow at him. “Really? How so? I don’t think those attributes come out after one night at a bar.”

“The way you just talk about them. Your eyes just light up so naturally. You have beautiful eyes, by the way. I can tell a lot about a person’s substance by looking into their eyes.”

Now I’m feeling a little bit vulnerable. “How come you never married, Lucas?” I don’t really have an appetite at the moment, so I’m mixing my greens around and around my plate.

“I guess I’m still looking for the one for me. Every time I think this is it, something always happens to make me rethink my decisions. I think I’m just still having a lot of fun being single.”

“Welcome to my world,” I say, afraid that I just let him on to my bitterness. Thankfully, he doesn’t seem to pick up on it.

“Besides, I think love is overrated.”

This poor guy, he’s not giving himself a chance. That’s just for people like me.

“No, Lucas, it isn’t. One day, you’ll find the right girl for you and it’s going to be as great as everyone says it is.” As I say it, I find that, surprisingly, I mean it.

He laughs. “Then let’s toast to finding love.”

“To Finding Love,” I respond as we both click our glasses of water together.

A few hours after lunch, there’s a message on my voicemail from him. “Hi, Isabel. It’s Lucas. I just wanted to thank you for having lunch with me. I was wondering whether I could see you again sometime. I would really love to get to know you. Here’s my cell phone number…”

I smile and reply with a text message:

TEXT FROM ISABEL: Hi Lucas, thank you for your message. I enjoyed our lunch. Yes, let’s keep in touch.

Evie comes over for dinner that night. Eddie and Maddy have long since gone to bed and we’re sitting in the kitchen having a glass of wine. My phone rings in the middle of our conversation and it’s Jesse. I signal to her that I’m going to take it.

“Hello?”

“Hi. How’ve you been?”

“Good, and you?” I glance at Evie, who’s making faces at me. I have to look away or else I’m going to laugh.

“Good. Was worried since you haven’t returned my calls.”

“Sorry, it’s been crazy. Eddie’s in a tournament; there were games every day this week.”

“Was Alex there?”

“Yes, he was.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes.” We pause for a few seconds. Evie has gotten up to get us more wine.

“So I was wondering if I could pick you up this weekend to watch a baseball game with me.”

A flashback of the first time he asked me to watch him play makes my lips curve up in a smile. It feels just like yesterday when I first spotted him on the pitcher’s mound.

“There’s a home game this weekend?”

“Yes, there’s a game this weekend. Come with me; it’ll be fun.”

“Okay.”

“Pick you up at nine?”

“I’ll be ready. Thank you, Jesse.”

“Can’t wait to see you.”

I hang up the phone and look for Evie, who has moved from the kitchen to the living room.

“So? What does Mr. Obsession want?”

“He’s taking me to a baseball game on Saturday,” I respond, taking a seat next to her as she hands me my glass of wine.

“Huh. There’s a game this weekend?” Evidently, she’s confused too.

I shrug my shoulders; the wine is relaxing me enough not to question the city’s baseball game schedule. “Apparently. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve watched a game?” I know exactly how long it’s been since I’ve watched a game. Especially with Jesse Cain. I’m so glad my sister is here to keep me company. Otherwise I think I’d go mad thinking about going on a
date
with Jesse after all this time.

“Okay. Now what’s your plan?” she asks excitedly. I know she’s welcoming the prospect of my rekindling something with him.

“What plan?”

“There are currently three men vying for your attention.”

“And once again, the only one I want doesn’t want me.” My chest tightens and I literally gag on my words.

“Oh, Isa, no. I have to admit, I’m still so angry at him for what he did, for what went down between the two of you, but he loved you. You didn’t deserve to be treated the way he treated you after the accident. In a way, I’m glad that you didn’t stay. That situation wasn’t sustainable unless he made a serious effort to accept what happened. And he just wouldn’t or couldn’t, whatever the case might have been. Your marriage was getting toxic. It was toxic for you, for the kids, for the...for the baby. The stress was too much for your condition.”

“It still hurts, Evie.”

“It’s only been three months. We have to give it more time.” She picks up the empty wine glasses and carts them off to the kitchen. “I’m going to have to leave soon, but I’m not walking out of here until you tell me more about that hot young guy we met at the bar!”

So I tell her.

***

“Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.”

—Rumi

It’s the Saturday of the game and I’m dressed and ready to go. Eddie and Maddy will be going to their cousins’ house for a swim party during the day. They have asked to sleep over at Ali’s and I told them that we would play it by ear. It’s their weekend with Alex but I’m willing to trade it for next week if that will make their time with their cousins more enjoyable. Evie’s children are visiting from Canada and Eddie is very excited to be hanging out with the older kids. I do tell Eddie that I’ll be going to a game with Jesse. He’ll be here in fifteen minutes to pick me up, so I want to check in with Eddie to make sure he’s fine with everything. My son and I have always been open and honest with each other. I have always thought of him as an old soul who’s been around for many more years than he actually has. His maturity has always allowed him to trust in the recent decisions I’ve made for our family and he has assured me that he understands why things are the way that they are.

“Ed, call me if you need me today, okay? You know I’ll be watching a baseball game with Mr. Cain. And you’re fine with that, right?”

“Of course I’m cool with it, Mother (his new thing). You stay home alone way too much. How long has it been since you’ve watched one? Do you even know how a baseball game is played?”

Some things are genetic, I see—his father loved to tease me about my lack of involvement in sports.

“About fifteen years! And unless they’ve changed the rules since then, I think I can manage to figure things out. Don’t worry, I’ll text you if I have any questions.” I wink at him and reach over to pull him close to me. “I love you. Take care of Maddy baby and don’t forget to thank your aunts for having you over.”

He kisses me on the cheek as I hear the doorbell ring. Emmy opens it and lets Jesse in.

“Hi!” I say brightly. “I’ll be right there.” I run into Maddy’s room to give her a kiss goodbye. I can hear Jesse and Eddie making small talk in the living room.

“What’s new, Eddie? How’s basketball?”

“Nothing much, Mr. Cain. We won the intramurals last week. Now we have to work on the championship.”

“Congrats, Eddie. Nick’s dad is a friend of mine and he said that you played really well.”

“I did all right, thank you.”

“What are you and your sister up to today?”

“Going over to my cousin’s party.”

Jesse strides over to take my bag as soon as I come back into the room. I interrupt the conversation and squeeze Eddie tight, before giving him another kiss on the cheek. “Bye, Monk. I love you. Have fun. I’ll call you later.”

“Love you too, Mother.”

Jesse gives me an amused look as we walk out the door. “Mother?” he mimics as we walk over to his car.

“It’s a phase. Don’t sweat it.”

We get into the backseat of his limo and the driver just starts driving without awaiting any instructions from him.

Two seconds later, he blurts out, “I moved out of our place and into an apartment close to my office.”

I try to read his face. Somehow his eyes don’t seem too sad. “Oh no. Jesse. Why? Did you tell her?”

He’s looking out the window a bit dazedly. “I need to sort some things out.”

I’m just about to start arguing with him when I realize that the car has stopped and we’re right in the middle of an airfield. “Where are we going? This doesn’t look like a baseball field. Jess?”

“The Dodgers are playing an exhibition game in Hong Kong. We’ll be there in two hours.”

“I thought you said there was a home game today.”

“Okay, Isa,” he says with a mocking grin, “which team are you referring to, because we don’t have a local team? And I just said there was a game, not necessarily a home game.”

I’m slightly embarrassed by my lack of knowledge about our national team even though I know my ignorance about sports doesn’t surprise him. I look at the large jet in front of us as I sigh and shake my head. This has been Jesse’s life for the past few years—airplanes, boats, jets—he’s always traveling from one place to the other. He runs out to open my door and takes my hand to lead me out of the car. The whole scene—the limo, the airplane, a beautiful man whisking me away for a few hours just feels so Fifty Shadesish to me. I have to laugh out loud.

“As long as you don’t turn go all Christian Grey and handcuff me to the cockpit, I’m good,” I comment with a smirk. “Pardon the pun.”

This elicits a hearty laugh from him and my curiosity gets the better of me.

“Wait. You read the book?” I ask, amused.

“No way. Rose did. Like millions of men around the world, we thank E.L. James for enhancing our sex lives.”

“Gosh. You sound just like Alex.” I catch myself as I utter his name.

Jesse notices my reaction and so he pulls me close to him as he leads me up the folding stairs and into the airplane. “Do you still have your fear of flying?” he asks softly as we fasten our seatbelts for departure.

“Yes, I do. But I think I can take two hours of this.” I look around at the five rows of leather seats, a flat screen television, and a lounge area with a bar. The built in couch by the bar is tastefully upholstered and designed. I’ve almost exclusively flown first class, but never in a private jet.

He takes my hand in his and keeps it there. We sit in silence during takeoff and he knows it’s because I’m saying my prayers. Before every flight. Before Alex’s every polo match. Before his every race. Most of the time it worked.

He seems to be able to read my mind because he tips my chin upwards with his fingers and says, “It will all be okay.”

I wait until we’re airborne and at cruising altitude before broaching the subject with him again.

“Jesse, tell me. What happened with Rose? Why did you move out?”

The stewardess is starting to serve us drinks and... Jesse smiles as I grab his arm in extreme delight.

“Ketchup chips! From Vancouver!”

“Old Dutch brand! Just for you.” He leans into me and softly grazes my face with his lips. We’re in a flashback to a time that was over twelve years ago.

I restart the conversation, but I make sure to do it without interfering too much into his private thoughts. “Jess? Talk to me, please.”

“I told you, I need to sort things out. She’s always known about this cloud hanging over my head. She used to challenge me about it, about what I would do if you reappeared in my life one day. Would I go running back to you? Would I stay my course? She was always sure that I would choose you and that constantly affected her decisions about our future.”