Hold My Hand (5 page)

“This sounds very domestic,”
I answered as I puzzled out the new definitions he’d thrown out now
which seemed so different from what I’d found on-line.

“You like it though, do you
not? You believe you will thrive in this relationship.”

“I d – don’t know.” I
shivered as William’s hand came under my arms, one hand placed
firmly to my breastbone, the other across my abdomen. He must’ve
been able to feel the thundering of my heart.

“I believe you do. You yearn
to please. Do you not?” William’s hand was warm against my skin as
his fingers found their way below my collar. The thumping of my
heart was audible.

“Yes sir.”

“You yearn to be guided. Do
you not?” William’s other hand found its way under the hem of my
shirt, lightly applying pressure to my tummy.

“Yes sir.”

“You yearn for praise. Do
you not?” William’s fingers brushed against the waistband of my
jeans. My eyes fluttered closed. I could no longer keep them open
under the assault of touches.

“Yes sir.”

“You need submission, sweet
Aubrey, as if it were the air you breathe.” His breath warm against
my neck, I was surrounded by William and could feel him everywhere.
It should’ve been overwhelming. I should’ve been running but I
melted instead. I melted into the hold he had on me. It was the
safest I’d felt in all my life.

“I’m going to give this to
you. I’m going to give you this and so, so much more.” His words
spoken like a creed, a sacred promise from his lips to my ears and
I believed him. He hadn’t yet lied to me, has spoken the truth even
when uncomfortable. Was it too much to hope he’d stay true to
me?

“I want that.”

“So you’ll accept my offer?
You’ll allow me to train you?”

“Yes sir.” I shivered with
anticipation. I told myself it wasn’t fear. He’s not my father, I
reminded myself. I said it repeatedly in my mind so that I would
remember. I wanted this moment to be about William. I believed him
and all that he promised. I knew I’d said it before but I’m
determined. I truly wanted to move on.

“You will be mine.” It was a
simple statement of fact. It didn’t require a reply.

“Yes sir.” I whispered, more
to myself than for William to hear, as he placed a kiss on the top
of my head and I melted further into the warmth of his body against
my own.

I cling to the
possibility.

The text came as I was
taking my morning break at the coffee shop the next day.

Glory Day
Spa. 3541 South Bay Street. 2pm appointment. See Shea.

William had told me he
wanted me to relax at a spa before our weekend – two days and two
nights, I’d agreed to spend with William as the beginning of my
training. Still I hadn’t actually expected he’d make me an
appointment and send me a confirmation. Perhaps I should’ve
expected it. This was, after all, William Joseph the man I have yet
to figure out.

Thankfully, I got off work
from the coffee shop at 1pm, which gave me exactly enough time to
get to the spa for my appointment if I took a cab. I bustled out of
the shop and immediately noticed Baylor standing beside William’s
car.

I drew up short, my hand to
my chest, “Baylor?”

“William sent me to get you
to your appointment.” Baylor opened the door and I slid inside.

“You didn’t need to come for
me. I was going to get a cab.”

“It was his order, Aubrey. I
do as instructed.” I silently wondered if everyone did what William
told him or her to do. I supposed so.

I chatted with Baylor as he
drove, asking many questions and receiving few answers. Absolutely
no clues about William either. I wondered if I’d ever know more
about this elusive man.

There’s already a string
connecting us. I felt it all day while I was away from him. Last
night, sleeping in his arms was the closest I’d felt to another
person. Yet the experience came at the end of an internal struggle
for me; at first, I’d felt rejected. Confused by William’s lack of
interest in sex, I thought to leave and return to my apartment but
he assured me he just wanted to hold me this first night. Shocked,
uncertainty raged its way through me.

“
I want you to become
accustomed to my touch.” William guided me down a hallway to the
large master suite. It had a wall of windows overlooking the
gardens similar to the one in the den. In the late hour, I could
see only the sky lit with flaming stars. I made my wish and it was
already coming true.

With that evening sky
as the only light in the room, I watched William remove his shirt
and sit on the edge of his bed. Through my lowered lashes, I looked
at his masterfully sculpted chest with its light sprinkle of dark
curls and the planes of smooth muscle.

“Take off your clothes.”
William reached for me, tugging me between his outstretched legs. I
could lean forward and stroke him if I wanted to, but I didn’t
move, not a single inch from where he arranged me to stand before
him.

“All of them?” I swallowed
down my nerves and prayed my voice didn’t sound as shaky as I
felt.

“Yes.”

“But…”

William raised an eyebrow.
“Aubrey, I thought we established our rules in the den earlier.
Unless you wish to use your safe word, remove your clothes.”

I stood still, hesitating
and knowing this was the decisive moment. I needed to take this
step – I was capable of taking this step – I wanted to take this
step.

“
What is your safe
word?”

“Caterpillar,” I whispered
the word because I didn’t intend to say it with meaning and lose my
chance with William.

“
Right. Would you like
to use your safe word and go home? Perhaps you aren’t as ready as
we’d hoped?” He didn’t attempt to touch me. He simply watched me as
I began unbuttoning my jeans.

The voices in my head
were battling over the question of right and wrong, my need for
William, the church’s teachings, and my father’s angry words. They
waged war against my desire to embrace this new and unexpected
opportunity but I’d already come to terms with my beliefs in the
church’s teaching. I stood confident that I was doing no wrong. I
was an adult woman. I shook myself out of my thoughts to see
William simply watching.

Looking down, I slowly
lowered my unbuttoned jeans to my feet, kicked my legs out, folded
them and laid them gingerly on the bed. All this I did without
looking up at William. My shirt hung below my panties and I managed
to stay fairly well hidden.

“Very good, my sweet girl,
now your shirt,” William encouraged me. I was certain he had no
idea how much those words meant to a girl who’d never heard
praise.

I reached for the hem
of my shirt and pulled it up, exposing first my panties, then my
tummy and finally my breasts. Only my bra and panties remained. I
shifted my weight uncomfortably as I folded my shirt and laid it
with my jeans.

“You’re as beautiful as I
imagined.” William reached for me and tugged me closer. “Stand
still.” He stroked my cheek, his strong fingers gentle as they
comforted me. I shivered as his touch dropped to my collarbone.
William continued stroking me –the curves on the sides of my
breasts, my tummy and hips– until his hands rested on my bottom and
his head leaned into my stomach.

“
I believe it’s best
if we leave these on tonight.” William ran his finger along the
inside of my panties along my back. “I want you to become
accustomed to me and I won’t be able to resist without at least a
small barrier.”

Then I felt the snap closure
on my bra release and I let out a startled gasp. William looked up
at me and smiled. “This we can do without.” I stood with my arms by
my side, feeling vulnerable and exposed. Yet I was more afraid to
disobey. I closed my eyes and waited for his next command.

William stood up, his
body burning against my naked flesh. His hands ran along my arms as
if to warm me. I could assure him the shivers weren’t from the cool
air.

“Go use the bathroom. The
sink on the left will have everything you need.”

When I came out, he
stood near his dresser in just black boxer briefs. They were a
striking contrast to his skin. William looked devilishly handsome
in black. I still found it impossible to comprehend that I was with
a man like him. Me, just Aubrey Greene, a nobody.
You are nobody, a completely
worthless nothing.

“Into bed,” he said as he
pulled down the comforter and other bedding so I could slide
between the sheets. Then he spent hours holding me, stroking me,
touching everywhere but where I wanted most. I never asked for
anything, only accepted what he gave me.

“Aubrey, ma’am, we’ve
arrived.” Baylor pulled me from my memories. He must’ve been trying
to get my attention for some time because he’d raised his
voice.

“I’m sorry, Baylor. I was
daydreaming,” I apologized.

“No apology necessary. I
just don’t want for you to be late.”

“Thank you for driving me.
Should I expect to see you when I come out?”

“Yes,” he smiled and offered
me his hand as I stepped out, “William will be with me. I believe
he has plans for dinner out before returning home.”

“Thank you for telling
me.”

“I suspect you would’ve
figured it out for yourself. He’s left a bag for you with clothing
for tonight.” Nodding towards the small brick building with a
bright red door, he offered another smile, “Enjoy your
afternoon.”

I returned his smile
just as a thought nudged itself into my consciousness. Baylor was
so unflustered by these errands –taking me to the spa, leaving me
clothes- that I wondered how many times he’d done this before.
Honestly, jealousy was ridiculous but I couldn’t stop myself from
wondering. It was obvious William had done this before. He’d even
referred to his previous submissives at our first dinner. To
Baylor, I was likely just one of many women. Maybe even to William,
I was just another in a long line of women. I shook my head, trying
to let go of those thoughts. Then I flushed as another thought
sprung to mind. I wondered exactly how much Baylor knew about the
nature of my relationship with William.

Thankfully, I immediately
found myself distracted as I turned in the direction of the spa and
headed for the bright red door as if it was a beacon.

*****

The Glory Day Spa was
located in an upper class business area of downtown Boston. A woman
with bright yellow hair greeted me at the door and I felt comforted
by her genuine warmth. As the friendly staff bustled about, I
waited perched on a magenta sofa feeling much like Alice in
Wonderland, so out of my element there was no use denying my
discomfort. The beautiful and quite bright décor lent vibrancy
unexpected at a spa but I simply took it all in.

“You must be Aubrey.” A
woman with deep mahogany hair, plaited in braids and rich brown
skin walked directly towards me. She seemed pleasant with a large
smile that split her rounded cheeks and caused her eyes to squint
unintentionally. Short and slightly round, her body hidden by a
white lab coat, I felt a kinship to this less-than-perfect
woman.

Standing, I held out my
hand, “You must be Shea. I’m glad to meet you.”

“
William said I should
assume this is your first visit to a spa. Is that true?”

“Yes,” embarrassed, I looked
everywhere but at Shea as I answered.

“
No worries, Aubrey,
before the afternoon is out, we’ll be great friends, you and I.”
Her reassurance bolstered me and I smiled with relief. “We’re going
to start simple. Follow me.”

Shea turned and went back
through the white door. I followed obediently and noticed the
deliciously warm scent of cloves. There were candles everywhere I
looked and the atmosphere back in this area was serene, quiet and
peaceful. I liked this better than the reception area’s bold color
palate.

“Let’s have a massage first
to get you relaxed. You carry yourself like a scared kitten ready
to skitter away at the first loud noise.”

“Not only loud noises,” I
answered partly to myself but I knew she heard me when I heard her
giggle. I returned the giggle, “I’m so sorry, I’m just so
nervous.”

“What has you nervous?”

“The waxing, if I’m being
honest.”

“
That’s exactly why we
aren’t starting there. We’re going to get you relaxed, your muscles
loosened and then we’ll begin the pruning. My recipe is pamper –
prune – pamper.” Shea handed me a robe, “Take this in the bathroom.
It’ll be yours while you’re here so you can leave your things. Take
care of yourself if you need and then come out in just the
robe.”

I took the robe and found a
brief respite in the bathroom though I knew I had to come out at
some point. I began undressing; recognizing that I was fortunate
Shea was so normal and kind to me. I checked myself in the mirror
and was generally pleased. I couldn’t complain about my weight
anymore or my height. Honestly, everything about me was normal.
Just normal, nothing special.

An iced glass of juice was
waiting for me when I stepped back into the room. “I’ve poured you
some refreshing raspberry lemonade...” As I took a big gulp, Shea
gasped and I nearly spit out the liquid. My throat was on fire.

“
What’s in
this?”

“
Are you okay? I was
trying to tell you it’s a lemonade fruit concoction with some
alcohol meant to help our clients relax into the experience. Sip it
slowly.”

I was hugely embarrassed.
Despite not normally caring for alcohol, I took her advice and
sipped the drink. Much to my surprise, it was refreshing and I
could already feel myself warming, relaxing. I prayed it worked to
dull the pain in my near future.