Holiday with a Stranger (13 page)

She knew it was a low blow, but if he was going to play dirty so was she.

Grabbing her case, she piled her stuff into it willy-nilly and forced it shut. Tears threatened to spill out, but she held them back. There was no way she was showing Connor how much this had hurt her.

He stood with his back to her, looking out of the window. He didn’t say a thing.

Humiliation crashed in on her. She meant nothing to him. Less than nothing.

Dragging the case out to the front of the house, she slammed the door behind her and flopped down on the front step, staring fiercely out across the gold and purple fields that surrounded her. Their association with Connor now marred what should have been a beautiful sight.

On autopilot, she called the hotel next to the airport and booked a room, then got herself onto the next flight out to London in the morning. She completed each step without emotion, refusing to let herself acknowledge the heavy drag of sadness in her limbs.

Ten minutes later the door to the farmhouse was still resolutely shut. He wasn’t coming out to stop her. He’d never change his mind.

It was time to go home.

* * *

After Josie drove away Connor sat brooding in the kitchen.

He was furious—angrier than he ever remembered being in his life. Who did she think she was, barging into his life and making judgements on him? They barely knew each other, yet she’d managed to pull him apart with just a few choice words.

He shouldn’t have asked her to stay.

He wasn’t sure why he had.

She’d got under his skin, that was why.

This realisation made him even more furious with her and, more crucially, with himself. He hated how out of control he felt, how panicky; it was something he tried to avoid at all costs. It was a slippery slope.

Once he gave himself to something he found it very difficult to give it up. Like his travelling. It had become part of him now, and the thought of being stationed somewhere for any length of time made him uncomfortable. This restlessness was in his blood. He couldn’t let Josie get the same hold on him. Once there, she would be there forever, haunting him.

To his utter frustration he could still smell her on him, taste her in his mouth, feel her under his fingertips. He hadn’t been ready to say goodbye to her so soon and he felt jarred and uneasy.

On reflection, it was probably a good thing she was gone. It was time he went too. He’d already extended his stay here far longer than he’d planned. He needed to get back to the project, back where life was simple and free from emotional complications, or he would regret it—and God knew he didn’t need any more regrets.

NINE

London was such
a crazy, intense whirl of noise and lights after the peace of the French countryside that Josie’s head throbbed when she finally made it home to Greenwich.

Walking into her apartment was like stepping back into the past. The air was stale and fusty from being sealed inside for the past couple of weeks and the atmosphere was cold and soulless compared to the warm comfort of the farmhouse.

She spent a while wandering around it in a spaced-out state, mentally changing the furniture and the decor so it would feel more homely. She needed to put some pictures on the walls and introduce a bit of colour to the place. Focusing on something simple like that helped distract her racing thoughts from what she’d left behind in France, at least in the short term.

It occurred to her that she spent so little time at home her surroundings had never really intruded on her consciousness before. They were just the background to her life. Now they seemed more important than that. She needed to be reflected in her own home. There was nothing there at the moment that was intrinsically ‘her.’ The place had no personality.

Was that what had happened to her? she wondered with a shock. Was she actually as bland as her apartment? The thought terrified her. Perhaps that was why Connor had seemed so comfortable with letting her go. She’d just been a warm body in the right place at the right time for him.

The muscles in her throat squeezed so hard as she tried to stop the tears that it actually hurt. Flopping down onto the sofa, she put her head in her hands and tried to will her locked jaw to relax.

At least that proved she’d been right to go. She couldn’t allow herself to care about someone who treated her with such easy indifference.

Pulling her knees up to her chin, she wrapped her arms around her legs, curling herself into a tight ball. She shouldn’t have let herself get sucked into the excitement of a crazy fling, she knew that now, but it had been like a dream. It was as if someone else had taken her over, making her do things she would never usually do.

Worst. Mistake. Ever.

But she was damned if she was going to regret it. It had happened and it was best to fold it away into the cupboard of her mind and move on.

The most frustrating thing was that she was in much better shape to make a relationship work now she’d made some life-changing decisions about how to fix what had gone wrong before. She’d been floundering before she’d met Connor, focusing on the wrong things entirely and missing out on the simple joys of life—like laughing and cooking and playing and having spectacular sex. He’d brought the happiness back into her life for a few tantalising days, then shut the door in her face.

Suddenly the thought of forgetting Connor was too much to deal with, so she got up and distracted herself by playing her piano, hammering away on the keys with her headphones plugged into the keyboard so as not to disturb the neighbours until all the passion and angst drained out of her.

* * *

The following morning Josie woke up groggy from too little sleep. Her head had spun with thoughts of Connor and what might have been until the early hours, making her twitchy and tense, until she’d finally dropped off into a troubled sleep just as the sun made an appearance through the chink in her curtains.

Dragging herself out of bed, she had a speedy shower and dressed in one of her work suits.

Shrugging on her jacket, she took one last fleeting look in the mirror.

Not good.

Her eyes were puffy, as if she hadn’t slept for a week, and her skin looked sallow beneath her tan.

So this is what unhappiness looks like.

* * *

There was a subdued atmosphere hanging amongst the smattering of colleagues who were already diligently working away at their desks when she arrived at work.

A few people glanced up as she passed them, the expressions on their faces ranging from wary to downright hostile. Jeez, she had a lot of making up to do here.

Abigail was already sitting at her desk, madly typing away on her computer. Josie couldn’t help but marvel at how different she was from her brother. Abi only came up to her chin when standing, making her just over five foot tall, and her dark hair and eyes were in total contrast to Connor’s blond, blue-eyed appeal. There was a trace of family resemblance around their eyes, though, and as Abigail looked up and smiled at her Josie felt a pang of horror as she recognised Connor’s grin.

She hadn’t bargained on feeling like this around Abi. She’d been so focused on getting back to work it hadn’t occurred to her how she’d deal with being around Connor’s sister. She would have a daily reminder of him now.

Her discomfort must have shown in her face, because Abigail frowned.

‘God, Josie, you look terrible. I thought a holiday would have done you some good, not made you more tired.’

‘I just didn’t sleep well last night, that’s all.’ She brushed off Abi’s concern, desperate to focus on what needed to be said here and to forget all about the reason for her restless night.

Abi continued to look at her for a moment, before gesturing for her to sit down on the leather sofa in the corner with her. ‘You want some coffee? You look like you could do with some.’

‘No, I’m okay, thanks.’

‘Did you actually manage to get some rest while you were away?’

Judging by Abi’s expression, she clearly thought Josie had been working and angsting about the business the whole time she was in France. Going by her rough appearance that morning, it was a reasonable assessment.

‘I did. After the first couple of days I didn’t do any work at all.’

At least she didn’t have to lie about that. Unfortunately the memories of what she
had
done threatened to trounce her composure before she’d had a chance to apologise for her crazy behaviour.

Abi raised her eyebrows but didn’t say anything.

Sitting up straighter, Josie folded her hands in her lap, her heart thumping in her chest. Apologising to Abi was going to be more nerve-racking than she’d anticipated. Her palms were sweaty as she primed herself to say the words she needed to get out, pushing any qualms out of her mind.

‘I’m so sorry for all the problems I’ve caused recently. I’ve been selfish, expecting everyone to fall in line with what I want and losing my temper when they didn’t. So childish.’ She shook her head and gave Abi a sheepish look.

The relief on Abi’s face provided the first shot of happiness she’d experienced since leaving the farmhouse.

‘I’ve been working too much, and it’s affected my judgment,’ Josie said, leaning forward in her seat. ‘But my head’s on straight now and I’m ready to get back to it without losing my temper—or my mind—again.’

‘That’s great to hear.’

‘And I’m going to apologise to the rest of the staff in a minute. I want them to feel they can approach me with any problems and that I won’t bite off their heads and spit them out.’

Abi chuckled. ‘You
can
be a bit fierce sometimes.’

Josie sighed. ‘Yeah.’ She squirmed inside as she remembered how stern she’d been with Connor when he’d first shown up. And how little it had affected him.

‘Well, I’m glad a holiday helped.’

Before she could check herself Josie blurted, ‘I met Connor at the farmhouse.’

Abigail became very still.

‘He arrived a few days into my holiday and needed somewhere to stay.’

Abi turned to look at her, her dark eyes roving Josie’s face. ‘I’m sorry. His lawyers said he was in South America.’ Her voice wobbled a little and her eyes flicked down to her lap. ‘How is he?’

Josie regretted her insensitivity. The mention of Connor’s name clearly had Abi rattled.

‘He’s fine,’ she said, careful to keep any emotion out of her voice.

Stubborn and emotionally stunted, but physically fine
was what she really wanted to say. In fact he was more than fine. Her skin warmed at the memory of his strong body holding her close. A blush crept up her neck and she willed it not to reach her face and give her away.

‘What happened? Did he let you stay?’ Abi asked, obviously fighting to keep her cool in the face of the unexpected bombshell.

‘Yeah, after a bit of negotiation. He’s a tough cookie, your brother.’

‘Tell me about it.’ The pain in Abi’s eyes confirmed exactly how she felt about him. ‘Did he...say anything about me?’

‘Uh...’ she began tentatively.

Should she really be telling Abi this?
No
was the honest answer, but she wanted to hear Abigail’s side of it. To make sense of it all. She had to know the other side of the story or it would eat away at her forever.

‘He did tell me a bit about the rift between you both.’

Abigail looked at her sharply. ‘What did he say?’

‘Well, he was cagey about it, but he insinuated that you went back on your word to you grandma and gave your inheritance to your parents, then threatened that if he didn’t do the same he’d never be welcome in the family again.’ She kept her voice light, as if suggesting she didn’t believe a word of it.

She so wanted to know that it hadn’t happened like that. She needed to hear something negative about Connor to give her a reason to believe he wasn’t as perfect as he seemed. A way to ease the torment of missing him.

Abigail sighed and dropped her head into her hands, rubbing them across her face. Finally lifting her head, she looked Josie full in the face, her eyes filled with pain. ‘All totally true, I’m afraid.’

Josie was floored. She’d never expected Abigail just to own up to it in such a straightforward manner. Surely there had to be more to it than that? She waited for her friend to continue, her fingers tapping nervously on her legs.

Abi took a deep breath before answering. ‘I was really jealous of his relationship with our grandmother. They got on so well and I always felt left out.’

She looked away, her gaze skirting around the room, finally returning to a spot on the floor in front of her.

‘I was really unhappy as a child. Our parents didn’t give us much attention and I took out my anger on the people closest to me—Connor and my grandma.’ She rubbed a hand across her forehead. ‘I used to try to get Connor into trouble all the time—just for some attention, I guess—and he hated me for it. Anyway, when our grandma died she left us her inheritance—gave most of it to Connor and a small amount to me. It nearly destroyed me at the time. It was proof that she loved Connor more than me and I didn’t know how to handle that feeling.’

Her voice broke on the last word and she paused for a few seconds to regain her poise.

Josie put a reassuring hand on her arm, her heart sinking with wretchedness for her friend.

‘Then the opportunity to help our parents came up,’ Abigail continued when she’d steadied herself. ‘They needed a huge cash injection to keep their business alive and suddenly I was of interest to them. I felt wanted—needed—for the first time in my life. I’m ashamed to say I gave in straight away and promised them the money. I was still furious with Connor and I tried blackmailing him into giving up his share too. He refused, and I helped my parents kick him out of the family.’

Her eyes filled with tears.

‘I’m not proud of what I did. I wish I could take it back and make everything right with us again. But he’s not interested in talking to me any more. I’ve tried so many times over the years to get him to speak to me I’ve lost count. But I can’t really blame him for not wanting anything to do with me.’ She brushed a tear angrily away from her face. ‘Connor always handled things so much better than me. I was a mess. Still am, really.’ She smiled sadly through her tears.

He
was
a handler, Josie realised. Clearly he’d been doing it all his life, and the thought of allowing someone else to dictate how he felt or reacted or suffered was too much for him. It was safer and easier to be alone, with only himself to manage. She could comprehend that. Not that it meant losing him hurt any less, but it helped her to be able to understand
why
she couldn’t have him. It wasn’t a failure in her; it was an inability to trust in him.

At least that was what she was choosing to believe.

Poor Abi. She knew exactly what it was like to be on the receiving end of Connor’s disdain and it wasn’t fun.

Putting out a hand, she rubbed her friend’s arm gently, hoping in some way to show her she still loved her and she understood. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘What for?’

‘For bringing it up.’

Abi gave her head a small shake and seemed to pull herself together. She let out a long sigh and smoothed her hands down her skirt, composing herself.

‘It’s okay. Just something I have to live with.’

Josie’s frustration levels slammed into the red. It was absolutely gutting to see the two of them divided over something that had happened so long ago.

‘So, Josie, what exactly are you going to do to get the staff back on your side?’ Abi asked, breaking into her thoughts and lightening the sombre atmosphere with a hopeful smile.

‘I’m going to start by grovelling,’ Josie said, standing up and taking a breath, determined to make
something
right. The only thing within her control.

Striding to the other end of the room, where she’d left her bag and a box that she’d brought from the bakers that morning, she pulled out a chair and stepped up onto it, turning to face the now full room.

Clearing her throat loudly, she waited until she had the full attention of the staff before beginning her apology, her hands sweaty and shaking at her sides.

‘I just wanted you all to know how sorry I am for being such a bitch recently.’ There was a low murmur of whispers, but she chose to ignore them and plough on before she lost her nerve. ‘I’m going to try really hard from now on to be more patient and hopefully more approachable. If not, you have permission to kick my butt. Hard.’

There were a few giggles at this and she took heart at the friendly response.

‘I know it’s not much, but I’ve brought in a cake for you all to share as a token of my appreciation for all the hard work you’ve put in recently.’