Hollow (Perfect Little Pieces) (12 page)

She reached over the table and squeezed my hand. “I’m here for you now, Lucy. I want to help you, but you have to let me in.”

I opened my eyes and stared at Mia. She was right, of course. I could see by the way her eyes watered and her mascara ran that she was hurting too. I was a fool to think that I was the only one who suffered from Kyle and Bethany’s deaths. Mia suffered, too, and I was a fool for not letting her in.

I squeezed her fingers. “Thank you.” I glanced over her shoulder and saw Jayden staring at us. He was standing in a corner, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets. He watched us with concern in his features.

Mia wasn’t the enemy, she was my best friend, and it was time for her to know what was going on in my life.

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and stood. “Come on, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

Mia stood and glanced over her shoulder at Jayden. “Oh, he’s cute.”

I smirked as I disposed of my coffee cup. “He’s damaged.”

“Aren’t we all.”

I smiled and looped my arm with hers.

“Hey,” he said as we approached.

“Hey.” I nodded toward my friend. “This is Mia.”

He nodded at her, and then refocused on me. “Are you okay?”

“Better,” I said as I glanced at Mia. “Much better.” I squeezed Mia’s arm. “Mia’s a friend from college. She just got an internship here. Isn’t that great?”

“Nice to meet you.” Mia held out her hand.

Jayden hesitated then shook it. “Any friend of Lucy’s is a friend of mine.”

Mia unlooped her arm from mine. “I have to run.” She gave me a hug. “Don’t be a stranger, okay?”

“I won’t.” I hugged her back. For real this time. It felt good.

“Bye.” Mia wiped the last of her mascara from her cheek. I watched her walk away, a smile hinting on the edge of my lips.

“Martinez took a turn for the worse,” Jayden said when she got out of earshot.

I turned back to face him. “What happened?”

“The drugs they gave him weren’t working. It’s like he’s had Sedation Therapy so much that his body is building up a resistance to the drugs. He attacked some staff members and in the process of trying to get him under control…he hit his head.”

“How bad?”

Jayden ran his hand over his face. “Between his head and the extra meds…he slipped into a coma.”

“Shit. That’s bad.”

“If only I was there. I know I could’ve calmed him down. If he could only stop being so damn aggressive…” Jayden pressed his lips together for a moment in thought. “They took him out of Confinement and put him in with the rest of the sick patients.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Is he going to make it?”

Jayden’s expression looked hollow and haunted as he stared at Mia’s retreating form. “I don’t know,” he whispered.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I’ve been trying to tell you but…” His voice choked on emotion.

But I had been avoiding him.
He couldn’t say it, but he didn’t need to. Just like my mother, I had been too self-absorbed to realize what was going on around me. Damn it, couldn’t I do anything right?

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked.

“No, not anymore.” He shook off my hands and took in a deep breath. “I want to show you something.” He grabbed my hand and led me from the coffee shop.

“But Nesto—”

“I don’t want to talk about Nesto, or Flynn or anything else in this damn place right now. I want you to come with me.”

“I-okay. Where?”

He ignored my question. “Come on.”

He took the stairwell, so I was a little out of breath when we got to reception.

“Lucy,” the receptionist said.

I tugged on Jayden’s hand and made him stop.

The receptionist nodded down the hall. “Your mother called. She wants you to call her back.”

“But I don’t have any points.”

“She sounded worried. Since she is immediate family, we can make an exception.”

I glanced at Jayden. Normally I’d have blown her off, but she did get rid of the dogs for me. Perhaps she was trying to reconcile.

“Go on,” Jayden sighed and let go of my hand. “I’ll wait.”

I hugged him. He was so understanding. My guilt returned over taking his volunteer work away. Sure, Dr. Polanski said she’d find something else, and he didn’t seem too upset by it, but I felt guilty nonetheless. Jayden was a good guy and deserved better than me. I’d have to make it up to him. Somehow.

As I backed away, the arm of his T-shirt slipped up and I caught a good glimpse of his tattoo. It was a Celtic design, and the intricate pattern wove around a single name.
Jess.

The word felt like a punch to the gut.

Tears filled my eyes. I turned and headed to the phone area before he could see them. Who the hell was Jess?

I wasn’t in the mood to talk to my mother, but there was no avoiding it. She’d just keep calling me or worse—she’d show up at the hospital uninvited. No, it was better to head this off at the pass.

I sat down, picked up the receiver and dialed with shaking fingers.

“Hello?”

I sat there for a moment, trying to speak. No sound came out.

“Hello?”

“Mom? It’s Lucy.”

“Oh Lucy, thank goodness. I’ve been trying to reach you.”

“I know.”

An uncomfortable silence followed. I glanced around the near-empty room, wishing that things didn’t go so horribly wrong with my parents. What I wouldn’t give to have a real mother right about now. Someone who understood me, someone who loved me.

“We removed Howlistic Healers from the hospital,” she said.

“Thanks.”

“I really had no idea that you’d dislike them so much.”

“I appreciate it.”

More silence. And then— “I just want to help you, but I don’t know how.”

Did she? I wasn’t so sure. I had a lifetime of manipulation that said otherwise.

“Our last visit really upset your father.”

“It did?”

“Yeah. It would mean a lot to him if we got along.”

It would mean a lot to my father…
but what about you, Mom? “I see.”

“I was wondering, perhaps I could come and visit tomorrow. We could, you know, have a girl talk or something.”

“I don’t have any points.”

“I’ll explain to Dr. Polanski. She’ll understand.”

What could I say? My gut was telling me that my mom was lying. There was some ulterior motive to her wanting to see me, I could feel it.

But what if I was wrong? What if she really did want to reconcile? What if she was truly sorry for hurting me? As her daughter, I had to give her that chance.

“Okay, how about tomorrow afternoon?”

“Oh, that’s wonderful.”

We set up a time and said our goodbyes. I was still unsure of this, but there was this little girl part of me that was hopeful that things might finally be looking up.

I left the communications room, my heart lighter. Jayden was waiting for me outside. He brushed his hair out of his face and I caught another glimpse of his scar. Once again I wondered where he had gotten it. Then there was that tattoo… There was still so much I didn’t know about him.

Without thinking, I slid my gaze down to his arm, to the sleeve I knew covered up the name ‘Jess’. I wanted to ask him who she was. Was she still important to him? Was she waiting for him outside of the hospital?

I wanted to ask him, but he flashed me his handsome grin. I decided not to ruin the moment. Besides, I was curious to see what he had planned.

“There’s my beautiful girl.” He grabbed my hand and led me down a side corridor.

“Where are we going?”

He glanced over and winked at me. “You’ll see.”

Chapter Ten

It seemed like we’d been climbing forever.

Jayden had me change into scrubs once more, then took me to a nearby stairwell. He kept dragging me up the stairs—first one floor, then two. By the time we reached the top, it felt like my heart was going to burst from my chest.

He stopped in front of a large metal door and turned to face me. I wanted to make some snarky comment, but I was still catching my breath. He put his finger to his lips in the universal sign of quiet and grinned. His eyes sparkled as he winked and turned back to the door. A few flicks of his wrist, and we were up on the roof.

“Isn’t it fantastic?” he asked, dropping my hand and walking a short distance away.

Fantastic? No. A death trap? Maybe.

We were high up, high enough so that I only had to look straight ahead to see the clouds. I crossed my arms and hung back by the door.

“We shouldn’t be here. It’s dangerous.”

He walked up to the railing along the edge of the roof and held his arms out to the sides, ignoring me.

I glanced back down the way we came. For the moment, we were alone, but for how long?

“This is too dangerous,” I repeated as I approached him. I guess Jayden was right—we were having one of those ‘Indian Summers’. It seemed unusually warm for mid-November. I could still feel the sun’s warmth on my skin, even though it dipped below the horizon.

Jayden stood in silence. Why he did this, I had no idea. His behavior was beginning to make me nervous.

“Jayden?”

“Shh…” He motioned me to stand like him and hold my arms out. I hesitated, then did as instructed.

“Doesn’t it feel wonderful?” he asked.

I felt more awkward than anything else. “I don’t know.”

He cracked open his eye and frowned at me. “You’re too tense.” He closed his eyes and lifted his head to the clouds. “Relax. Let go and live in the moment.”

I tried to do what he said. It was difficult at first. I was just too edgy from the run up the stairs and the phone call to my mother. Besides, his behavior was downright weird. I didn’t know what he was going to do next.

After a few moments of quiet, I began to relax. The early evening breeze brushed against my heated cheeks. Car engines echoed from the street beneath us. There was such a flurry of activity from down below, and yet up on the roof, everything felt serene, peaceful.

“Do you feel it now?” he asked.

As my heartbeat began to calm, I realized I
did
feel it—the soothing peace. I told him so.

He lowered his arms and turned to me. “Sometimes I come up here when things get too intense.”

I lowered my arms and stared at him. “Too intense?”

“Yeah, when I feel a surge of emotion I can’t control.” He turned his back to me and walked a few paces away. “Being up here calms me. It centers me.”

“Like Tai Chi?”

“Sort of. Better, though. Less people.”

“What are you doing?” I watched, horrified, as Jayden climbed up on the railing. “Get down from there. You’ll kill yourself.” I glanced over the side of the building and felt ill. We were really high up.

He looked up and winked. “Nah, I do this all the time.”

I held my breath and watched as he walked a short distance. He held out his arms for balance, and not once did he waver from his stance. “The mind is a powerful thing,” he said. “If you believe in something strong enough, it will happen.” He jumped off. I gaped as he gave a theatrical bow and leaned against the railing.

I closed the distance between us and poked him in the ribs. “Don’t do that again. You scared me half to death.”

Silence descended around us as my nerves unraveled and my breathing returned to normal. He stood close, close enough to feel his body heat, smell his intoxicating scent. He didn’t touch me, just stared at my face, but then again, didn’t have to touch me to make me feel warm all over.

Suddenly he straightened away from the railing. “Want to play a game?”

“A what?’

“A game.”

“I—” I glanced back at the stairs. “I don’t know. Maybe we should go back.”

“No, no.” He grabbed my hands. “We’ve been avoiding this for far too long. Play a game with me.”

I stared at him for a moment, considering. What was he up to? “All right.”

He grinned and pulled me away from the railing. We walked the length of the roof. I took two steps to his one.

“It’s the question game,” he explained.

I stared at him a moment before responding. What was he up to? “How do you play?”

He smiled. “We have a conversation, but always answer with a question. Ready?”

“I suppose.”

“You didn’t end with a question.”

I glanced up at him. “I suppose—did you learn this game at the hospital?”

He nodded. “Flynn taught it to me when we first met. It was how he brought me out of my shell. If I’d thought of it sooner, I would have used it on you.” He grinned. “Why didn’t you talk hen you first arrived?”

I shrugged. “It’s safer that way. How did you learn about the roof?”

“I used to sneak up here with Nesto. Why is not talking safer? What are you afraid of?”

I smirked. “That’s two questions.”

He pressed his lips together for a moment in thought. “Why do you feel that silence is safe?”

“I don’t talk because no one really listens to me anyway. What’s the point?”

“I listen to you.” He stopped walking and turned to face me. “Why were you avoiding me earlier?”

I ignored the question. “What was your appointment this morning?”

“You didn’t answer the question.”

“Neither did you.”

He took a deep breath and looked out over the horizon. “Can I ask you something personal?” He walked over and leaned on the railing.

“Sure, I guess. We aren’t playing anymore, are we?”

“Sorry.” He chuckled and bowed his head for a moment. When he met my gaze, I was taken back by the intensity in his eyes. “Why are you here?”

I cleared my throat and tried to think of how to answer. “Depression. Suicide. You?”

“Bipolar disorder. Major mood swings.” He slid down the rail, closer to me. “But you have family and friends who call and visit. What’s there to be depressed about?”

I didn’t like where this conversation was going. “I have plenty to be depressed about. Have you always been sick?”

“Not always, have you?”

“Not always. When did you learn you were bipolar?”