Hollow (Perfect Little Pieces) (9 page)

“Are you sure?” he asked. “Because if someone is spying on you in a mental institution, that’s seriously fucked up.”

His comment made us both chuckle, and it felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
He had nothing to do with my parents.
What a relief.

“Yeah, my whole family is pretty fucked up,” I admitted.

“At least you still have a family.”

I reached up and brushed his hair from his face, revealing the scar along his temple. I traced my fingers over the long indentation and watched him close his eyes.

“I’m sorry you didn’t find what you were looking for,” I said. “But it doesn’t matter. Just being with you again, helped.”

He took my wrist and pulled it away from his scar. “Don’t,” he whispered as he opened his eyes. His voice sounded choked and full of emotion. “Lucy, you don’t know me. I’ve done things—”

“I don’t care about your past, Jayden. It can’t possibly be more messed up than mine.” I framed his face with my palms. “All I care about is the here and now, and how I feel when I’m with you.” I stood on my tiptoes and covered his lips with my own.

Chapter Seven

At first he stiffened in surprised, but then quickly recovered. With a groan, he slid his arms around my waist and tilted his head, deepening the kiss. His lips felt warm and inviting. I moaned against his mouth as he pulled me closer. My body heated as his sweet scent filled my nose. Suddenly I wanted more of him, so much more.

I wiggled and felt his erection press up against my lower abdomen. Knowing he was as turned on as me fueled my desire. I slipped my hands up around his neck and held onto him like a lifeline, just kissing, tasting...

He pulled his lips away with a gasp. "Lucy. Jesus." He slid his fingers up under my shirt and spread them out over my ribcage.

God, I loved it when he said my name. Not beautiful, not honey, but…
Lucy
. I groaned and leaned my head back as he explored my jaw and neck with his lips. This was what I needed, what we both needed. For a few, blissful moments, I wanted to pretend the past didn’t exist and that our future didn’t look so bleak. I wanted to exist in the moment, to feel something besides despair and emptiness…

My whole body heated under his lips and fingers. I had been alone for so long--too damn long. I wanted to feel close to someone again. I wanted to feel alive.

He slid his hands down my back and grabbed my backside. Need flooded my veins as he pulled me close. I groaned and hooked my leg around his waist, eager to feel him between my legs.

"Lucy," Jayden whispered again as he dragged his lips away. "We can't do this, not here."

I could hear the groan in his voice. Despite his words, he wanted this as much as I did, perhaps more. I tugged him closer.

He reached up and unlocked my hands from around his neck. “You’re so tempting, but this wasn’t what I had in mind.”

It wasn’t?
Surprise sliced through me, and perhaps a little disappointment. "Why did you bring me here, then?"

He hesitated, then began searching the shelves once more. It was then I noticed the piles and piles of scrubs the staff used not only in the mental ward, but in the adjoining operation wing.

“
There
they are.”

“There
what
are?”

Jayden grinned. "I promised you ice cream." He handed me a pair of scrubs. "Here, put these on over your clothes."

I stared at him as his words sunk into my thick skull. "You're going to just walk out of here?"

"Well, not out of the building, but out of this Ward. We both need this, don't you think?"

"But you can't do that. We'll get caught."

"Trust me." He winked and then began to dress.

I watched him put on the scrubs over his clothes. Embarrassment wove its way through my body. He had brought me here to change into staff clothes and I threw myself at him like some two-dollar whore. What did he think of me now? Was he embarrassed to be with me?

I had never done that before--thrown myself at someone sexually. Even when I was with Kyle, he was the one to make all of the advances. I didn’t enjoy being with Kyle half as much as I enjoyed being with Jayden. Perhaps I had a controlling streak to my personality. No, that wasn’t it. There was something about Jayden that made me feel alive.

And I just threw it all away.

Even now, as we dressed, I could sense him pulling away, withdrawing into himself. It frightened me. Something had changed between us. Now there was this awkwardness and tension. I wasn't sure how to fix it.

"There," he said as he slipped the surgical mask over his face. "Ready, beautiful?"

I slid my mask on and nodded. He took my hand and opened the door a crack.

"Stay close, and look professional." He grabbed my hand and we slipped out into the hallway.

I tried to hold my head high as we walked past the administrative desk. It was difficult. I was nervous that we were going to get caught and given Sedation Therapy like Martinez.

Jayden, however, seemed unaffected by what had happened back in the supply closet. Perhaps he was used to women throwing themselves at him. Perhaps he was one of those popular kids who was used to getting all of the attention. Somehow, that didn't make me feel better.

Jayden dropped my hand and stuck it in his pocket as we neared the reception desk. He nodded to the woman sitting there and walked up to her with confidence. He dropped something on the counter and the receptionist almost immediately picked it up. The exchange happened so fast that I couldn’t tell what Jayden had given her. In the end, it didn't matter. She waved both of us onward with a nod. Jayden winked at me, then strode from the reception area and into the operation wing, his head held high.

I marveled at how Jayden looked like a real doctor, as if he belonged in this place.

I tried to copy his movements, but they felt forced and unsure. The receptionist gave me an odd look but didn't stop me. I let out a long breath after I passed the desk.

"In here," Jayden said as he took my hand.

I followed him through a side door and into a stairwell. He removed his mask and grinned. "Almost there."

"What did you give the receptionist?" I asked as we started to descend the stairs.

He shrugged. "Klonopin, Zoloft and a little Oxycontin."

"Antidepressants? But why?"

He reached the landing and turned to face me. "Money has no meaning in a place like this. Medicine is the true currency." He shrugged. "If you skip your meds a couple of times, you can go anywhere." He squeezed my hand and led me through a doorway before I could think too much on the subject.

We emerged into a section of the hospital that was much busier than the mental ward. Patients, doctors and families walked through the halls and stood around the coffee stations.

"How much farther?" I whispered to Jayden as he dropped my hand.

"Just around the corner is the cafeteria. Come on."

He led me through the sea of people. It felt so odd to be wandering around outside the Ward, as though I was an escaped convict trying to mingle with the crowd to get away from the cops. Adrenaline pumped through my veins and I felt as if I could take on the world. It was exhilarating.

Jayden stopped in front a double door and held it open for me. "After you."

I walked through the open door and pulled off my mask. The place was huge and reminded me of a college cafeteria.

"This hospital’s a teaching hospital," Jayden explained. "Not only do they have patients, families and doctors, but med students as well."

That explained the internship program Mia talked about earlier. The hospital must have had some sort of connection with her graduate school which allowed her to apply for an internship here.

Jayden walked up to the ice cream dispenser and grabbed a cone. "Chocolate or vanilla?"

"How are we going to pay for this?"

He flashed me that ‘Trust Me’ look again. "Chocolate or vanilla?"

"Vanilla." I watched him pull the level and fill the cone. When it was finished, he handed it to me and made himself a chocolate cone.

"Jayden, I don't have any money."

"Don't worry about it." He moved toward the registers. "All of the students are on a meal plan."

"But we're not students."

He frowned and pulled out a small card. "Don't be ridiculous." He flashed the card at the cafeteria worker. She ran it through the register and waved us through.

I followed Jayden to a pair of seats over by the window, questions filling my head. How did he know about this place? How did he get the card? If Jayden could leave whenever he wanted, why didn't he just run away and never come back?

He took the chair closest to the window and motioned me to sit next to him. I did.

"How did you get the card?”

“Flynn likes to collect things. Try the ice cream. It's excellent."

I took a lick from my cone. It was just as he described—delicious. I took two more licks before asking him what was on my mind.

"How did you find out about this place?"

"I stumbled upon it with Flynn when we first arrived. He was the one who taught me how to be resourceful."

I thought back to how distracted Flynn looked in the common room, and how Jayden had seemed to conceal his worry back in my room. "How did your visit with Martinez go?"

He stopped eating and turned toward the window. "I don't know if he's going to make it, Lucy. There's just so much shit he has to deal with, you know?"

"We all have shit to deal with," I said, thinking about my parents.

"Yeah, not like Nesto, though." Jayden sighed and put down his ice cream. "I wish that there was more that I could do for him."

That was so like Jayden. I thought back to how he talked to each patient individually as he introduced me. To feel so personally invested in everyone's welfare must be quite a burden.

"Nesto's sickness isn't your fault, you know," I whispered.

"I know. I'm just very protective of him. I can't help it." He turned his head and met my gaze. "I'm protective of everyone I care about."

Heat slid up my spine as I realized that he included me in that group. It made me feel special, loved. After decades of living with my parents, Jayden was the first person who made me feel I was worth caring about.

"What happened with your parents?" he asked.

I didn’t ask how Jayden knew I had a visit with them scheduled for today. Like he said himself, he was resourceful. I cleared my throat and looked away. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Their sickness isn't your fault, you know."

I glanced up at him. "They're not sick. I am."

"I see. So planting people in a mental hospital to spy on your sick daughter is normal?"

Anger bubbled up inside my chest. "My mother is healthy. She's a lobbyist for one of the largest charities in the United States." What the hell was wrong with me? Hours ago I was telling her to go to hell and now I was defending her? Maybe it was because, despite everything that had happened between us, I was still her little girl. I still loved her.

I just wished she didn't keep pissing that love away.

"So you say." I could tell by Jayden's expression that he didn't believe my words any more than I did. To his credit, he didn't press.

We finished our ice creams and talked about less weighty topics—the ward’s weekly movie night, the round-robin structure of the ping-pong tournament, and the frequency of the Tai Chi classes.

"You should give them a try again," Jayden said as he wiped his fingers on a napkin. "They offer classes in the morning and at night. I think they might help you to relax more."

"You think I need relaxing?" I joked. When he was silent, I cleared my throat. "Maybe."

"It took me a long time to learn that not everything was in my control." He put his arm around me as we headed back to the ward. "Tai Chi helped me to accept the things I couldn't change, to go with the flow."

Like he was accepting Nesto’s illness? Still, he probably had a point, and I needed something to fill me free time on the ward. "I'll think about it."

"That's all I ask."

We joked as we made our way to our floor, tickling and laughing like a couple of teenagers. By the time we made it back to reception and disposed of our scrubs, my stomach was full and my heart felt lighter.

"Thanks," I said as we stopped in front of my door. "I needed that."

He grinned. "Any time you need another break like that, you know who to call."

"Yeah." I slid my lower lip between my teeth. "I do."

An awkward silence settled between us. We both knew he had to go—they’d be calling lights-out soon—but neither of us was quite ready to part ways.

"I'll see you at breakfast?" I finally asked, desperate to fill the silence.

"Lucy." He took a step forward and hesitated. Tension filled the air as my whole body heated.

"Yes?"

He looked as though he was going to say something important, but then changed his mind. Instead, he reached out and cupped my cheek with his hand. "Take care of yourself."

"You, too."

He leaned down and brushed his lips against mine. "I won't be at breakfast, but I'll see you at Rec Therapy."

"Okay." I wanted to ask why he wouldn’t be at breakfast but held my tongue. Our connection was still fragile, and I didn’t want to risk it by prying.

"Night." He pressed his lips against mine once more, as if he was memorizing the feel of them. I closed my eyes and inhaled his scent, not quite willing to let him go.

He broke the kiss and ran his thumb along my cheek. The gesture was so intimate and possessive. I felt his heat all the way down to my toes.

It was then that I heard footsteps. “Someone’s coming.”

He nodded and lowered his arm. “Night,” he said again.

I watched him as he walked back to the boys’ section of the Ward, focusing on the ripple of muscle in his shoulders and how they tapered down into his firm ass.

"Night," I whispered to his retreating form. Perhaps this stay at the hospital won't be so horrendous after all.