Home to You (21 page)

I laughed and leaned forward. “What did she teach you?”
 

He raised his eyebrows suggestively. “I can show you if you want?”
 

The way he looked at me made me blush, and I shook my head. “But you were so young.”
 

He took a pull of his beer and shrugged. “I wasn’t
that
young.”
 

“Fourteen? You were a baby. How old was she?”
 

“Seventeen.”
 

“If she was just a year older she’d be in jail,” I teased, amazed by how easy he was to flirt with.
 

He chuckled. “Well, it’s a good thing no one ever found out then.”
 

I glanced up, and Em flashed a smile, taking a seat next to me.
 

“So how old were you?” John asked, resting forward on his knees.
 

“How old was I when what?” There was no doubt what he was asking, and I squirmed a little.
 

He seemed amused, and I knew I must have been blushing again. “Yes, Katie. How old were you? You know, when you lost it?”
 

I chewed on my lip, then downed the rest of my beer. “I’m not answering that.”
 

“Holy shit, this must be a good story.” His enthusiasm drew the attention of the others, and I had to resist the urge to crawl under the table and hide.
 

“Leave her alone, John, don’t you know a lady never talks about such things.” Em nodded to me, but John wasn’t put off.
 

“Wait…are you still?” His eyes went big, and he leaned even closer.
 

“John!” Em scolded, but I cut her off.
 

“It’s okay.” I shook my head. Sure I’d never been more embarrassed in my life. “I was twenty-three.”
There, I said it. Nothing to be ashamed of. It was what it was.
 

But the whole world went silent, like I just said I was pregnant. My eyes betrayed me by wandering over to Jake. He was resting against the stone next to the barbecue, and he didn’t hide the fact he was watching me.
 

Yes, Jake, I was a virgin that night, and I would have given myself to you body and soul. I still would, if only you wanted me.
 

I let out the breath and turned back to the table. “Geez, John, stop looking at me like I have two heads.”
 

“I just don’t know what to say. How is that possible?” He ran his eyes up and down my body. “If I’d known you then, I would’ve made it my mission to tempt you over to the dark side.”
 

I laughed and shook my head, wishing I could see Jake’s reaction but not daring to look.
 

“It’s true, Katie. I’m really good with a Lightsaber. I’d be happy to give you lessons any time. Just say the word.”
 

Heat rose to my cheeks, and I rolled my eyes at him. “I need a beer. Anyone else?”
 

John and Em nodded, and I headed back into the kitchen.
 

Knowing I’d need a few more before the night was over, I retrieved the red tub from a low cupboard and began filling it with ice. The back door opened, and my body stiffened. I knew it was Jake even before I turned around.
 

“I need cheese for the burgers,” he muttered, then opened the fridge beside me and pulled a package from the deli drawer.
 

I stepped aside, careful not to touch as I continued filling the bucket with ice. He closed the door but didn’t move away. “What are you doing?”
 

My heart constricted, but I pretended I wasn’t affected by him. “I’m filling this bucket with ice,” I said snarkily. My hands were frozen, and I tried to focus on their numb tips, instead of the flutters in my stomach or the crazy beat of my heart.
 

 
“That’s not what I’m talking about.”
 

I closed the freezer, then placed the heavy bucket on the center island. “Oh?”
 

“John’s a player. He’s with a new girl every month.”
 

“So?” I brushed him aside, opened the fridge, and began transferring beer into the bucket of ice.
 

“I really don’t think it’s a good idea. He’s not what you need right now.”
 

“How do you know? Maybe he’s exactly what I need.” I couldn’t look at him. He’d know. He’d see the hurt under my icy surface.
 

“You’re not that kind of girl.”
 

My blood turned hot, and I grabbed beers two at a time, shoving them into the ice. “What kind of girl am I, Jake?” Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t hide my anger any longer.
 

“You’re the type that wears your heart on your sleeve, and keeps your virginity until twenty-three.” His voice softened, and I felt something solid in my throat, making it difficult to swallow.
 

 
“I’m not that girl anymore.”
 

“I think you are.”
 

“Well, you’re wrong.” I closed the fridge and turned around. “Thanks for the warning.” Grabbing the bucket with both arms, I made it to the back door before realizing I had no hands to open it with.
 

“Can you help me?” I asked, squeezing my eyes shut.
 

He came from behind me, one hand resting on the wall, the other on the knob, caging me in. “I don’t want to see you hurt.”
 

The only one who can hurt me is you.
“I’m a big girl, I’ll be fine.”
 

 
Seconds went by, and my heart slammed in my chest. “Okay, Katie,” he said, breaking the silence. Then pushed the door open, setting me free. “If that’s what you want.”

BY THE TIME DINNER WAS ready, the sun was completely gone, and my mood had changed from bad to worse. I knew I needed to shake it off, to stop thinking so much, but Jake’s words kept playing in my head. Was that what I wanted? To bury my feelings in another man? To pretend, like I had with Kevin?
 

Em’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. “What are you going to do while Jake’s out of town?”

“What was that?” I’d heard her, just needed a few more minutes to comprehend.
 

“When Jake’s gone. Do you have any plans?” she repeated.
 

Confused, I glanced over to Jake, noticing for the first time how tired he seemed. Like he hadn’t slept in days.
 

“Sorry, I forgot to mention it. I’ll be gone next week. Leave Saturday night.”
 

My stomach twisted, and I looked over at Grace.  

“I have a conference. Renewable energy,” he explained.
 

“You better get rest while you’re gone,” Grace cooed. “I want you to have plenty of energy for your party when you get home.”  
 

His party. Jake’s birthday, I’d almost forgotten.  

She leaned into his lap, speaking in that comfortable, flirtatious way of lovers, and bile rose in the back of my throat. She spoke of champagne, appetizers, and all the guests who would be in attendance.
 

My brows creased. Is that what he wanted? Champagne and big parties? Parties like his parents had, that drove him to knock on our door, looking for an escape?
 

John leaned over my shoulder and whispered in my ear, “Don’t worry, Katie. I’ll keep you busy while he’s gone.”  

The alcohol was making him exceptionally flirty, and I knew he wasn’t serious, but I secretly hoped Jake saw, or even better heard what he’d said.
 

“I have a shoot Thursday,” I answered Em, my mind reeling and lonely. “Someone actually found me from my website.”

She looked confused, and I realized it had been a while since she asked the question. “When Jake’s gone, I mean.”
 

Her face lit up and she leaned forward. “That’s amazing, Katie.”
 

“It’s just an engagement session, but I’m hoping to turn it into more.”  

“What time is the wedding tomorrow?” Jake asked, his voice hollow as he took in the empty beer bottles in front of me.
 

“Afternoon.” I didn’t mention that I had to leave by nine in the morning, or the fact that I was nervous as hell. It would have only prompted more questions, and I didn’t want to talk to him.
 

The truth was the wedding would be a lot of work, and the responsible thing would be to stop drinking and go to bed. But I’d already had too many to care.
 

I fished another bottle from the tub and sat back in my seat.
 

“You should eat something,” Jake suggested, and I looked up to see him watching me.

“I’m sure Katie can take care of herself, Jake,” Grace replied.
 

She climbed up into his lap, and I twisted off the cap and drank a good portion, ignoring them both.
 

The food was good, but my stomach was twisted in knots. The alcohol began to slowly work its magic, and if I closed my eyes, I could almost pretend everything was fine.
 

By the time dinner was over, I was on my eighth beer and hadn’t been this drunk since college. Em put on some music, then pulled me to the middle of the patio and started to dance. I knew what she was trying to do. Get me out of the funk I’d been in all through dinner. Grace sat on Jake’s lap, but I periodically caught him glancing at me. I knew he disapproved of how drunk I was, but in that moment, I didn’t care.  
 

“So, do you like John?” Em asked me, her hands in the air as she moved her hips to the beat. “You guys have been pretty flirty.”
 

“Maybe,” I said, but my eyes flashed to Jake to see if he still watched me, and I didn’t sound very convincing. He wasn’t. He was talking to John, and I wondered if he was giving him the same warning he’d given me in the kitchen.  

“Hey, John!” I yelled, beckoning him to me with my finger. “Come dance with us.” If Jake thought he was going to butt into my life, he was wrong.
 

A slow grin spread across John’s face as he sauntered across the deck toward us. I draped my arms around his neck and danced a little closer than I normally would, but I had a point to prove. Even with him pressed so close, there was no flutter. Maybe I was just too drunk to notice, but deep down I knew it was something else. I wanted to look up. To see Jake’s reaction, but that would be pointless. He made it clear he disapproved, and trying to make more out of his words would lead to heartache. He was only being protective.
 

When the second song ended, I headed inside, needing to pee. I swayed entering my room but caught myself with the wall. I checked my email on my laptop, replied to a message from Rick about directions, and read it over three times before pressing send.
 

On my way back through the kitchen, I grabbed another beer from the fridge, and when I closed the door, Jake leaned against the counter.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”  

“No.” I cleared my throat, then tried to brush past him, but he blocked me.
 

“How many have you had?”

“I don’t remember.”
 

“By my count, you’ve had at least eight.”
 

By my count, it was nine, or maybe even eleven. “You’ve been counting?” I slammed the bottle on the counter then stepped toward him. The tension and frustration I held inside was too big to control any longer. “I don’t need you, Jake.”

He stepped closer, and we were so close we almost touched. “Don’t do this because you’re mad at me.”
 

It was hard to breathe, and my throat constricted. “I’m not mad at you.” But the words came on a whisper.

“You could have fooled me.” His breathing was just as ragged as mine, and my gaze traveled from his intense eyes to his beautiful mouth.
 

“I’ll go find her!” Em’s voice called from the backyard, just a second before she barged into the kitchen.  

I grabbed my beer off the counter and moved around him, but I could tell by Em’s expression I wasn’t fast enough. She saw.
 

“Sorry, I just needed another beer.” I held up my bottle and smiled, but when I got outside, Em didn’t immediately follow. Part of me was glad about that. I didn’t want to have to explain what just happened. I didn’t understand it myself.
 

 
John sat at the table with Grace, while a whirl of feelings stirred inside me for a man whose girlfriend sat only ten yards away.  

 
I decided trying to like John might be the best thing for everyone. I opened my beer, slowly walked toward him, and sat on his lap.
 

“How’d I get so lucky?” John asked, wrapping his arms around my waist.
 

“You look comfortable, and I’m cold.” It was a total lie, but what was I supposed to say? I’m using you to help me forget? To help everyone forget. To move on from something I knew would only hurt me.

“Well, in that case, let me warm you up.” He pulled me closer at the same time Em appeared beside me. She eyed me up and down, then arched a brow to ask if I was okay. I gave her a quick nod and took a pull of my beer.