Authors: Ana Layne
Her reply floors me.
I lied. I wanted to get Garrett off my back. I’m sorry, please don’t hate me.
We’re ambushing her. Hilary has no idea, and it isn’t fair to her.
I could bash my head against the wall, I’m so upset. Raegan played me, and this could turn into a disaster.
Hilary might end up hating us both by the time this day is over. I lost hours of sleep wondering about what would happen today, and in the back of my mind I knew it could be bad. I never thought it was going to be catastrophic, though.
I hang my head in defeat as I stalk numbly to the front door. I may as well wait outside for Raegan, because if I sit in this house any longer, I may lock myself in my room and never come out.
Raegan pulls up wearing a bright smile. I’m not in a cheerful mood. I have every intention to tell her I’m not coming, but like a mindless zombie, I climb into her truck. I shift nervously in the seat as I attempt to get comfortable. She notices my uneasy behavior and reaches for my hand.
“It’s going to be okay, Lance. I should have never lied to you, but this could be a good thing for her to see you.”
“It could be good?” I stare out the window, annoyed. “
Could?
I
need
this to be good, Raegan. I’ve been waiting for this.”
“I know you have,” she says as she pulls out of my driveway. The crunch of the tires on the road is all I can hear. The sound reminds me of what I want to do to Travis, or what he may do to me if this goes south.
We ride in complete awkward silence. I notice her out of the corner of my eye. She keeps looking as if she’s going to speak but she stops herself every time. When the truck stops at a small diner, I want to jump out and hide. This is a terrible mistake.
“She’s inside and has a table already,” Raegan whispers.
Fuck, this is definitely a mistake.
“I don’t know about this, Raegan. I don’t want to go in.”
“Suck it up and get inside. I’m going to be there, so it shouldn’t be that awkward.”
“Yeah, okay, we’ll see. You owe me big time for this lie, by the way.”
She heads toward the front door with me close on her heels. The cool air of the diner hits my skin and instantly I get goose bumps. I stare at the off-white tiles on the floor in an attempt to calm my nerves. So far, I have not noticed a speck of dirt on the floor. I bump into Raegan because I’m not looking where I’m going.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” I mutter, slowly raising my head.
My gaze lands immediately on Hilary, and her eyes widen at the sight of me. Her expression betrays her shock. She reaches for her glass of water, almost downing it in one sip. Raegan slides into the booth and clears her throat. I sit beside her, not saying a word. Hilary looks just as beautiful as the last time I saw her. Instant regret fills me as I recall letting her go. If I ever had that chance again, I’d never screw it up.
“So, Hilary…I am sorry I didn’t tell you about Lance coming. Truth is, I lied to him and told him you knew he was coming.” When Hilary said nothing, Raegan added, “I am here for you, and if you ever need a girls’ night out, and want to stay in and watch movies or something, I’m around. But when it comes to Lance, you two need to figure this out together. You two have history, and he really wants to help you again. This is the only way I knew to get you two together to talk without World War
Ten
breaking out. I’m going to run up the road to my dad’s for a few minutes. You two need to talk.”
I look at her like she just sprouted two heads. What a fucking set up. She’s a damn genius, but I’ll tell her that later. Right now, I kinda want to ask her what the hell she’s doing, lying to both of us like this.
“Well played, Raegan.” I chuckle.
Hilary looks at the two of us like we’re insane. The truth is, I feel like I should drive myself to the loony bin.
She laughs as she dangles the keys in front of my face. “Move and let me out of this booth.”
I groan as I get out of her way. Hilary looks like she might run for it, but as soon as I sit back down, she tenses for a moment before relaxing. I wasn’t prepared for this. One minute, I’m made to believe she wants me here, then I’m told she has no clue, and now we’ve been hit with having to sit here alone and talk. Nervously, Hilary brushes a strand of hair from her face. She reaches again for the cup of water and when she drinks it dry, she purses her lips together and then reaches for her phone.
“Who are you calling?” I ask, breaking the silence.
She looks up and glances back down to the phone, hurriedly typing something before shoving it back in her purse. “N-no one.”
“Look, Hilary, I know how you must feel about me now. I wish like hell I could get you to understand just how sorry I am for everything. Not a moment goes by that I don’t regret how I acted that evening. We had the perfect first date, and I ruined it. I just, I don’t always understand a lot of things, but I’m not here to bring any of that up.”
“Lance, I’m sure Raegan meant well setting this up, but I-I can’t be here. It was just supposed to be her. He could be watching and…” Tears well in her eyes, and my heart shatters. He’s completely broken her. She doesn’t have to say it, because it’s written all over her face.
“Hey,” I say softly as I pull her hand into mine. “What happened to the Hilary who was so strong in high school? The girl who I stuck up for no matter what anyone else said? What happened to the free-spirited Hilary I met in the bar?”
“She’s not here anymore,” she chokes out. Tears stream down her face, and I reach across the table, using my thumb to dry those tears. A waitress comes over and sets two glasses of water in front of us. I smile politely and wave her off. “I want to get away from him, Lance. I want my old self back, but I don’t know how to get it. I’ve been wondering what it would be like to see you again. I didn’t know what I would do if I saw you but here I am crying. What is wrong with me?”
“Nothing is wrong with you, Hilary. What has he done to you?” I whisper. I didn’t mean to ask that out loud, but it slipped a little too easily from my lips.
I move to the other side of the table to be closer to her, and wrap my arm instinctively around her shoulder to pull her to me. She whimpers in pain as her body slides closer. My eyes widen in bewilderment, then in anger as I realize what the hell is going on. Her upper arm is covered in bruises. She doesn’t have to show them to me. I don’t want to see them, but I know they’re there.
“Let’s go talk outside. There’s a picnic area around the corner.” I place a twenty dollar bill on the table, and lead her out of the booth. When we get outside, I pull her into a tight hug. She doesn’t flinch or move away. I lead her to the secluded picnic area. I’ve never been more relieved to see it empty.
“I don’t know what to do, Lance. I don’t know what I did to him. I stopped talking to you like he asked. I’ve done everything he’s asked me.” She weeps against me, her tears staining my shirt.
Dammit, where is Raegan when I need her for all this mess?
I don’t know how to handle this. Raegan knows a little more, even though it was her dad who abused her and not a boyfriend. The only way I know to handle this is to beat the living shit out of Travis.
“You’re hiding this from your dad?”
“Yes,” she whispers.
“You have to tell him, Hil. You have to let him help you.”
“He’ll never forgive me, Lance. If he knew, he’d kick me out of the house. I’d have nowhere to go.”
“He’s your father. It’s just a bad relationship, you can’t help that it happened to you. Sometimes bad things happen to good people, but you’ve got a group of friends and family who would do anything to help you. I’m not just saying this because I like you, Hil, I’m saying this because it’s true.”
“It’s not that easy. There’re things going on that you have no idea about. Travis doesn’t even know. I’m willing to get out now while I have the chance. That’s why I’ve been talking to Raegan. She’s been helping me cope with some of this, and know I deserve better. There’s just one little problem.”
“You deserve so much better. What is the problem? Whatever it is, I’ll do whatever I can to help you.”
She closes her eyes and her breath quickens as she struggles to find the words. Why do I seem to ask the stupidest questions? Why can’t I just keep my mouth shut? She pulls her hand away from mine and covers her face as ugly sobs take over her body. I pull her closer and let her cry it out. My heart continues to break for her. This is turning to be more than I bargained for, but I’m up for a challenge. I’ve fought for her since the beginning, and even though times have changed and I haven’t seen her until recently, I won’t stop now.
“Hilary. You can tell me anything, I want you to know that.”
Slowly, her hands move from her face and I use my thumb to wipe away some of the mascara running down her porcelain cheeks.
“Lance, I’m pregnant with his baby.”
The world around me stops. The birds aren’t chirping anymore, and the wind isn’t blowing in the trees. The worst thing I could have ever heard just continues to play over and over again in my head. Jealousy hits me like an evil monster, but I can’t let her see that. I told her she could tell me anything, so I opened myself up to this. But what the hell am I supposed to say? First he took her virginity, and now she’s pregnant and a piece of shit like him doesn’t even deserve to be a father.
“Does he know?” I ask. “How far along are you?”
“No, he doesn’t know. I just found out yesterday. I’m only four weeks along.”
“You can find out that early?”
“Apparently so. I don’t know what to do. How did I get myself into this?”
I’m searching for any answers I could give her. What would Raegan say if she were here? Trying to think like a woman is hard. In my gut, I know what I have to do. I close my eyes and try to imagine talking to my mom. She raised me to be a good man, to make the right choices no matter what the situation. I’ve always strived to make my momma proud, and even though she’s no longer here, I still want her proud as she smiles from heaven.
“Leave him and be with me. Say it’s my baby, Hilary. I’ll take care of it as if it were my own.”
Her eyes widen. Even I can’t believe I just said those words, but to get her away from him, I’d do it. I don’t know the first thing about babies, but that’s where Raegan comes in.
“You would do that for me?”
“You know I would. I would do anything for you. I did it for you then and I’ll do it now. You’re early in the pregnancy, so no one would know. If he gets stupid with you, I’ll handle him. You won’t do this alone.”
“I have been terrible to you, Lance. I don’t deserve you.”
“I don’t deserve you either, but here we are.”
My phone buzzes. I text Raegan to let her know where we are.
“Raegan is on her way back. What do you want to do? I told you what I’ll do for you, but I need to know what
you
really want to do.”
“I want to change my phone number first, so he’ll leave me alone. And I want out now. I won’t ask or expect you to take care of this baby, Lance. Let’s take this day by day, please.”
I pull her close and kiss her forehead. “Anything you want. Does Raegan know about the baby?”
“No, she doesn’t. You’re the first person I’ve told.”
“I can text her back and tell her not to come here. I can take you to do whatever you need to do, and we can go talk to your dad.”
Before she can answer, I’ve already begun texting Raegan. She immediately replies, wanting to know what’s going on, and I tell her to mind her business. I laugh at her bitchy response, and stick my phone back in my pocket.
“Can you drive? I’m feeling shaky.” Hilary rises to her feet. She hands me her keys as we approach her car.
I open the door for her and she slides in and buckles up. I walk over to the driver’s side and let out a sigh. I wasn’t lying to her a few minutes ago. I’ll do anything for her, and if it means taking on the role of father to this baby, then I will do it. Before I open the car door, the reality hits me that I’m supposed to be at Lou’s shortly. That’s not happening now. Fuck. I grab my phone and call Garrett. He’s bound to be more understanding than Howard.
“You on your way, man? Tell me Raegan is out of your drama.”
“Well, hello to you, too. Yes, Raegan is out of the drama. I heard things today that not even she knows.” It’s not my place to say, so before he can ask, I continue, “I’m calling to tell you I won’t be there today. I’ve got some personal things to attend to.”
“By
personal
, do you mean Hilary? As long as Raegan isn’t involved, I’ll forgive you.”
“Can you do me a favor and let Howard know? I’ve got to go.”
“Yeah, sure thing,” Garrett assures me as he ends the call.
I open the door and climb in. Hilary stares blankly out the window. I start the engine and the car comes to life. The speakers are blaring Taylor Swift. The song ‘Shake It Off’ is something I enjoy listening to, but I won’t admit that to just anyone. Garrett and Raegan know, and they won’t let me live it down.
In an attempt to lighten the mood, I keep the volume high and begin to sing along as I pull the car away from the diner. Hilary glances at me, raising her eyebrow before bursting into a fit of laughter as I continue to belt the song out at the top of my lungs. As that song ends, “Hold On We’re Going Home” by Drake begins and it couldn’t be more fitting. I reach for her hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. I know everything will be okay.