Hopeless For You (18 page)

I was freezing so I launched myself on him again. He shoved me back a little to admire me in the dim light. He cupped a hand over my mound and grinned. "Natural blonde."

I smacked his arm lightly in retaliation, while at the same time grinding against his hand.

"Have a thing for blondes, do you?" I said breathlessly.

He shook his head. "No, just for you. I don't care what color your hair is."

He buried his free hand in the hair on my head, drawing me down for a kiss. My body trapped his other hand between my legs and he dipped his fingers inside me. He explored the folds of my labia with delicate care, stroking and circling as I squirmed and moaned. I rested my head against his shoulder, giving myself over to the pleasure, letting my body rock back and forth. Slowly, he nudged his fingertip all the way inside me, making my breath catch.

"Are you okay?" he whispered into my ear.

I moaned in answer, pressing myself down against his hand.

He got the hint and brushed his lips against my forehead. I felt him do something then, something my fiancé had never done. It was hard to describe but it felt like a pleasant, electrical feeling inside me. I had the strange urge to pee. I was getting more and more worked up until finally my whole body tensed and I shuddered against him, moaning his name loudly.

"Fuuuuck," I breathed against his neck. "Do that again. Please."

He complied. My back arched this time and I whimpered. I hardly noticed when he slipped a second finger in alongside the first, or that his thumb was circling the hard nub of my clitoris, because the whole area exploded with pleasure. Finally, I couldn't take it and I cried out, the muscles of my vagina convulsing around his fingers. My whole chest felt hot from arousal. I shuddered and trembled against him as he continued to stroke and rub, but I was done, and I collapsed onto him, panting. "Stop."

He pulled his fingers slowly free and brought them to his lips. He sucked my desire off his hand, savoring the flavor, then he kissed me and I tasted my own juices. I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

Gradually, I caught my breath and straightened above him, though I still felt a little shaky. I slid back down onto his hips and he rested his hands lightly on my thighs. I could feel his erection straining against the fabric of his briefs and sweatpants, pressing between the crack of my butt.

"Wow," I said. "I've never felt anything like that." I was well aware of the double meaning in my words.

He just looked at me like he was going to swallow me up.

I shifted off him, feeling the chill once more, and slid my hands to the drawstring of his sweatpants. He caught my fingers.

"You're not obligated to do anything for me, Ash," he said. "I don't deserve you. You're perfect, and I'm—"

Before he could finish, I bent forward and slammed my lips against his in a heated and passionate kiss. His grip slackened on my hands and I pulled the drawstring open. Then I peeled his sweatpants and underwear down slightly, just enough to free his
erection. Proud and ready, it snapped into my hands. Kade groaned, his hands becoming fists as I stroked his shaft, tracing the veins and ridges.

I squatted down on top of him, setting my knees down on either side of his hips. Then I grabbed his erection with one hand and guided it into my moist slit, mounting him.

"Stop." His hands found my hips and he pushed me right off him.

I stared down at him, stunned. Had I done something wrong? Had I hurt him? "Kade, what
—"

"No condom," Kade said. "After what I've been through, I'm sure you understand. I don't want to get anyone pregnant again. Not for a long time." Kade pulled me forward so that I could sit on his belly.

I felt his erection pulsing against my butt. His body couldn't lie. He wanted me, and I wanted him. More than ever. "Kade, I'm on the pill."

His mouth dropped open. "Oh. I didn't think
—"

"Yeah. Let's just say menstruation isn't one of my favorite pastimes. Now would you please hush?"

I wasn't sure he'd trust me but when I grabbed his shaft, he let me guide it again. He slid inside and I pressed down hard, wanting to remind him who was in control, hoping I'd prevent him from bucking into me and hurting his knee. When my butt touched his thighs, I immediately lifted and pressed down again. A moan trickled from my lips, mingling with his own deeper, longing groans. He was unexpectedly big and filled me right to the womb. I wasn't sure whether it was pain or pleasure I was feeling at the deepest point. I decided on pleasure.

I thrust and ground against him, angling my hips at an angle that worked for us, driving myself crazy. His hands kneaded the skin above my hips as he held on to me and my moans grew to cries. He moaned, too, just as loud. We were lost in the feel of our bodies, the lust.

My arms began to tire and I changed the angle of motion, leaning against his chest as I came close to climaxing again. My motions were becoming erratic and I felt his hands strengthening their hold on me.

I leaned further forward and he found my lips as if he'd been waiting for me, drawing me into a hard kiss. His teeth abraded my lips. I hardly noticed. When he tried to draw back, I caught his lower lip with my own teeth and resumed the kiss, our lips and tongues tangling with all the force of our passion.

My body abruptly seized and we both groaned. I shut my eyes, losing control, and spots flashed behind my eyelids in the most incredible light show. Sweating and panting, I collapsed against his heaving chest, my fingers clutching weakly at his shoulders. My knees were burning so I extended my legs, careful not to touch his thighs.

Kade curled his arms around my waist and stroked my back lazily. The cold was a distant memory, driven away by the heat between us.

"Kade," I said.

I was smiling like a madwoman but I couldn't help it.

I'd found someone else at last.

Pleasant exhaustion followed quickly on the heels of the climax.

Ash, my girl, what have you done?

It had been so long since I'd felt this way. So long since I'd trusted my heart to someone else. Would she rip it out and tear it to pieces like the last girl I'd given it to? No, Ash was different. Better. I knew that now. She complemented me in every way.

I nuzzled her hair. She sighed, groaning softly as she slid free of me and sank against my side, leaning against the hip opposite my injured knee. She reached over and groped through the pack for the sleeping bag. When she found it, I helped her spread it over us like a comforter. I hoped it trapped the warmth of our lovemaking because already I found myself growing cold without her on top. The side she snuggled against was pleasantly warm, though.

I lay quietly for a time. My thoughts kept going over how I felt and I knew I had to tell her something or I'd explode. Eventually I said, "I really think you should stay when we get back. At the center, I mean. When your internship is done." God, that sounded needy. But it was the truth about how I felt. "We—"

"Hush." Ash laid a finger on my lips. "We have plenty of time to discuss our future."

Our
future. I liked the way she said that. Her words were so soothing. I focused on the pleasant press of her body against mine and I closed my eyes.
Our
future.

She was my Ash, after all, then.

I started to slowly drift off to sleep. I had the biggest damn grin on my face.

The urgent jab of fingers into my arm woke me up. I glanced at Ash's silhouette in the dark, wondering what was wrong.

Then I heard it. A snuffling and snorting sound came from the perimeter of the tent. It was followed by the soft pad of paws across the leaf litter.

I sat up on my elbows.

I thought Ash was going to scream like she had when she'd been startled by the raccoon, but she kept quiet.

"Just an animal," I whispered, trying to make my voice sound reassuring.

When I spoke, the snorting sounds abruptly ceased and I heard the soft pads retreat from the tent.

"See, it's gone now." I wrapped an arm around her and kissed her cheek.

"What was it?"

"Maybe a fox."

In the distance, a wolf's song drifted into the night.

An answering howl arose nearby. Then another, not far outside. The hair on the back of my neck stood right up.

"Kade!" Ash said. Her voice was hushed, tense. She hid her face in my chest, her fingers closing in an iron grip around my arm. She squeezed a little too hard for comfort but I didn't protest. I just stroked her hair comfortingly.

Despite my injury, I wasn't actually afraid in that moment. A part of me even wanted the wolves to attack. I wanted to fight for her. I wanted to show her I'd die for
her.

I started mentally preparing myself, imagining how I'd use one of the tent rods as a weapon. I still had my pocketknife
—that would come in handy, too.

But then the howls faded and the forest outside grew quiet. A few moments later the distant wolf song resumed, but the answering howls were farther away. They were moving off.

My shoulders slumped in relief. I didn't have to die tonight, after all.

"They're going." I kissed the top of her head.

"Why did they come so close?" she said, whispering. "I thought you said wolves avoided people who traveled together."

"They do." For the most part. There were the rare exceptions, but I thought it best not to mention that. Ash shivered in my arms, despite our shared body heat. "They were just curious, I think."

"Will they come back?"

I considered my answer for a minute. "I doubt it. As I said, they were just curious. Wolves are really just big dogs. They thought we might be something they could handle. They were wrong. They're not stupid enough to attack
adult human beings. Anyway, tomorrow at first light, I want you to follow the river alone. You'll make far better progress. I'll hold out here by myself until you bring back help."

"Absolutely not."

I pressed my hand over her mouth to stop her protest, smiling when she nipped my palm.

She pushed the hand away. "Kade, I'm not joking about this. I'm not going to
leave you, not with those wolves prowling around. Besides, what if the pine-tree bridge is washed out? What if there's no patrol out looking for us? I can't do this without you. If something happened to you while I was gone, I'd—" She started to tremble beside me. "I'd die."

I hugged her tightly, tilting her chin up and pressing my lips briefly against hers. Was that a tear streaming down her cheek onto mine? "Nothing will happen to me. But listen. Forget about me. It's more important that you get back safely. You're the valuable one here. The world won't be any worse off if I become wolf food." I tried to make it sound like a joke, tried to keep my voice light, but I felt her tense beside me.

Then her palm unexpectedly smacked my cheek. The blow lacked any real force but it was still enough to sting. "Don't you dare say something like that ever again. Don't you dare. Do I mean so little to you? I just told you I'd die if something happened to you. How can you be so selfish?" She said the last words at almost a whisper, her voice breaking as if she were close to tears.

I felt a sudden panic. I was sure I'd ruined everything between us. I cupped her face between my hands, resting my forehead against hers. She let me, thankfully. "Ash, you have no idea how much you mean to me. You're right, I
was
being selfish. You're completely right, because there's no way in hell I'd leave you if our places were swapped."

I felt her shudder slightly, and I thought she sobbed. I would've given anything just then to see her sky-blue eyes, but the light was too dim.

"Darn right I'm right." She almost choked on the words but then she hugged me close.

I listened to the quiet forest and when I was satisfied that the wolves had gone, I let my head fall back.

Keeping my arms wrapped around her, I forced myself to stay awake. I truly wanted to protect her from the dangers of the world. I wasn't really sure how I'd do it in my current state but I promised myself I'd find a way.

She was
my
Ash now, after all. And always would be, if I could help it.